I flopped onto my bed and stared up at the ceiling. Alistair Zhao, the Alistair Zhao was pansexual? It was honestly hard to believe. His entire personality was...odd. Most people who sit in a place of power were haughty and proud, but he had a softness to him.

I thought back on how Mark pointed out that we were only 14-15 years old, yet we, well, I was willing to risk anything to change my world. I thought back on how I wasted no time in replying on how I was ready to risk it all just for a chance at freedom.

Are you ready to die for freedom? A small voice asked in the back of my head.

Was I ready to die? I was young and had my whole life ahead of me. I could easily give up, find a way to force myself to be straight, and live a simple life. I know it's what Sara would've wanted. I sat up, lifted my phone up and dialed Sara's number. The phone rang for a bit until I finally heard her groggy voice. "I was sleeping Alex, so please tell me you have a good reason for calling me this late."

"I was talking with Alistair and the others tonight, and I know what I'm about to say might sound crazy, but please hear me out."

I could hear her heavy sigh and I imagined her rolling her eyes at me in annoyance. "Most of what you say is crazy, so I won't be surprised if this is too."

"Would you be fine with joining a rebellion against our government?"

She burst out in laughter."Oh, jeez, Alex, that was hilarious. But stop playing around, tell me what you really wanted to say, because I want to believe that you aren't that reckless."

"No, we were talking about it-"

"Really Alex?" Sara cut me off, her tone cold and hard. "Wake up and stop acting like a child. You're fourteen for fucks sake. You want to rebel and possibly change the world, but have you ever stopped to think about what could happen to you? No, you didn't. Because you never do."

"You don't know that," I snapped. "I have thought about it and if I had the chance to change our world and die for it just so another generation could live freely, I would take it."

There was silence before she finally replied to me. "You're being selfish. Did you even think about how I would feel if anything happened to you?" Her voice cracked as she continued. "Noah is gone and now you want to risk your life and possibly leave me alone? I don't want to be alone Alex. I don't want you to leave me."

I could feel my heart slowly cracking as she hung up leaving a tear to roll down my cheek. I hadn't even stopped to think how this would've affected Sara.

I pulled my knees up and laid my head on them. I wanted to fight. I wanted to make a difference, but did I really want to lose my best friend for it?

I sat next to Sara on the bus but she looked out the window, not acknowledging me. "Sara, I'm sorry for what I said last night. You're right-"

She turned to me sharply. "Don't Alex, just don't."

"Don't what?" I asked.

She stared at me with hazel eyes dulled by sadness. The redness that surrounded her iris made it clear that she had most likely been crying. I hadn't meant to hurt her that much.

"Don't give me false hope. Don't act like you aren't still thinking about joining without your parents figuring it out. Don't pretend like you've let it go, because I know you better than that Alex. You're bold and determined. When it comes to getting what you want, you will find a way to make it come true. So, I don't care anymore. Go ahead and join, but just don't get hurt."

She looked away from me and back at the window.

"Do you still want to meet up with the others tonight?"

She gave a shrug. "Maybe. I'm not sure." She tucked a lock of her brown hair behind her ear.

"Sara, you're right."

She leaned her head on the window and glanced at me. "I told you not to give me false hope."

I shook my head. "That's not what I'm doing. I'm going to be honest. You're right about me getting what I want. As much as I want this world changed, I'm not willing to lose you in the process. I want you to be by my side when it happens."

She stared at me silently as the bus came to a screeching halt. She stood up as I stood and moved out of the way causing multiple groans from people behind me. "We can talk about this later, but we need to get to class."

I nodded as she swung her bag over her shoulder and stepped off the bus. I followed her with a lump forming in my throat.

I texted my mom quickly telling her that I was going to come home late. I started to put my phone away as I spread my wings and quickly flew to the hideout that Sara and I shared. If I had stood in the road any longer, I would've been spotted.

Brrr...brrr

My phone vibrated in my back pocket as I sighed. "Hey, mom."

"Why are you coming home late?"

I restrained the urge to break down and tell her everything. I loved my mother with all my heart, but if I told her what I had been doing behind my back, she wouldn't hesitate to lock me in my room until she decided I was sane.

"...I'm hanging out with Sara."

She let out a heavy sigh. "Be honest with me Alex. Are you going to a party of some sort?"

It was hard to lie to my mother. Even though she had made mistakes along the way, I could tell she loved me. But, if she ever found out what I was really doing, she would be a mix of devastation and anger.

"Yes, I am."

"Alex! I thought you knew better!" The tone of her voice was clearly tired. She didn't want to have to deal with me at the moment.

I thought you knew better.

The words rang in my head. Sara had said something similar as well. It started to make me wonder, did I really not know better?

"I'm sorry Mama." My voice held a tinge of sincerity. I really was sorry. Sorry that I wasn't listening to her. Sorry that I hadn't listened to Sara. Sorry that I could potentially cause my mother trouble in the future.

"Come back home right now." She was stern and I could imagine her hands on her hips with a well-placed frown on her face.

I froze. And in that moment, Noah's words rang in my head. There comes a time when we have to choose where we stand. It's a split-second decision that could mean the difference between life and death. A lot of us choose life. But, what if it's worth it to choose death?

I could see Noah standing in front of me. His dusty-blonde hair was unruly as usual. He had a wide, confident smile, and blue eyes that shone with happiness. I could hear him asking me the question. Where will you stand?

'Author's Note'

Who somewhat agrees to Sara? She cares about Alex, but at the same time is also looking out for herself to avoid being hurt. Is this behavior wrong, right, or both?

Who thinks that Alex is being selfish by not putting Sara's feelings into play?

Comment your thoughts of the chapter in general!

Also, I am so sorry for missing an update last week.

I love you all, I want you to be loved, and I hope you are loved! 💕

-DiTrix