TW: mentions domestic violence

• • •

Evan, Age 7

I'm so tired...

...Because today was so fun! My mom and dad took me to one of those trampoline parks!

I jumped so high, I bet I was taller than that tree in the orchard! I bet I could have touched the sun, if it wasn't for the roof of the building.

It isn't even my birthday today! It's actually Valentine's Day, but it was so fun. My mom told my dad to do a flip and HE DID A FLIP! My dad can do a flip! Mom cheered him on and fell into a hug on him after. Tree also did a flip!

Tree is my best friend (who's imaginary). I know that Tree isn't actually in front of me when we play, but I can almost feel him there. He's the tallest tree I've ever seen! And he has super long branches and the leaves hang down like a weeping willow tree. Tree is so pretty. I wish I could hug Tree.

Anyway, after the trampoline park, Tree, Mom and Dad, and I went to Target and we bought a bunch of candy. Dad and Mom shared a box of chocolates that was shaped like a heart. They also drank wine. I don't want to drink wine, it smells so bad, but it's a pretty color.

I wish today would never end. Everyone was so happy. We, as a family, were all so happy. Everything seemed alright.

We could be alright for forever this way... A happy family on a perfect da-

"Can't we just talk about this? Mark. Mark, seriously!" I heard my mom yelling at my dad. That's what woke me up from my dream. I wish the trampoline park day wasn't a dream. I wish it were real. I wish my real life was just a dream.

They're outside my bedroom, yelling. Again. A few weeks ago my dad actually started staying somewhere else. I think he's in a motel.

*crash*

I huddled under my blanket. "Mark, what the fuck! You almost hit my head! You're horrible, you need to leave."

He said, "Fuck, Heidi, I did leave. I've been staying at that shady ass motel up the road because that's all I could afford. I need to come here for, hello, our fucking son, who never even sees you because you work all the damn time! Someone needs to watch him!"

Mom laughed angrily. "No! Don't put the blame on me! I'm working extra shifts every. Single. Day! At least I'm trying to provide for Evan! What do you do? You sit on your ass all day and drink. That's not supervision, that's alcoholism and neglect! You didn't even hear him go outside to the Kleinmans' house last month. He could have gotten hit by a car, he could have been kidnapped!"

Their voices got quieter as they went down the stairs. The front door slammed shut and I heard whimpering. My mom sounded like she was crying. I got up from bed and went downstairs.

"Mommy, are you okay?"

She looked surprised. I think she forgot I was here, or maybe thought I was a heavy sleeper. "Oh," she said, wiping her makeup from under her eyes, "Yeah. I'm okay, daddy's just going out somewhere. I think he'll be back...um..." She looked at her arm. There were hand marks around her wrist and a couple bruises all the way up to her neck. I've learned not to ask about it.

•

Today is actually Valentine's Day.

I woke up and looked outside. There's a truck outside! "Hey Tree, look!"

Tree looked and said, "Let's go!"

I raced Tree down the stairs and saw my mom. She told me not to go outside. I really wanted to go. I saw that truck and I smiled so wide! It's a real life truck in my driveway!

"Do you want to play in the truck?"

"Can I?"

She nodded. I sat in the driver's seat and Tree sat next to me. We pretended to race, like we were in separate trucks.

Dad opened the door and sighed. "I need to get in here."

Tree and I left the car and went back upstairs to my room. I started sniffling. "I wish I could disappear. Their lives would be so much easier. I want to disappear from the yelling and the loud noises and the bad words!"

Tree looked at me. He said, softly, "Hey. No one deserves to disappear."

I smiled a little and grabbed my paper and pens. I looked outside at all the trees. They were blowing in the wind, so majestically. I decided to draw one.

Actually no.

I'll draw Tree himself!

It's starting to look really good. I'm trying to personify him. There!

When I was finished, I realized he kind of looked like a girl. I gave Tree long, dark hair and a pretty smile. He looks fantastic! I want to show my mom and dad!

"Hey dad?" I pushed open the door to his room. "Can I show you something?"

He said nothing. Maybe he didn't hear.

"Daddy? I drew my friend. His name is Tree. I think it looks really good! See? I gave him long hair, like a willow tree and-"

"Evan! Please, shut up, give me alone time."

I was scared. He said "shut up." I walked towards him. "I just wanted to show you my friend, Tre-"

He stood up and grabbed the paper. He held it up and raised his voice. "How many times do I have to say to leave me alone?! And this isn't even a person! What the hell, it- She isn't real! Go find some real friends." He put the paper down and stormed out.

I felt my heart sink. He made fun of my art. And he told me to get some real friends. That's really hard. I don't always relate to other people my age. Tree is the only person who really gets me. Other than that, I do kind of like Jared. He goes to my school and our moms are friends from work.

I just feel so broken. Tree isn't even here now. "Tree?"

No answer.

I curled up under the blanket and cried my eyes out. About an hour later, after drowning out the arguing, I heard the UHaul truck drive off. My mom came upstairs and knocked on my door.

I managed to push out a "Hm." I was too sad to say anything else. Her too. She just sat at the end of my bed. She looked at me.

She sighed. "Why don't we go to bed early tonight? I'm really tired." She went to tuck me in. I asked where daddy was going. She said he's moving out. She barely stopped herself from choking on those three words.

I sat up and said, "Is there another truck coming to the driveway?" I teared up. "A truck that will take mommy away?"

She immediately let herself sob. She pulled me onto her lap and bawled. I did the same.

"Evan, baby, I know this is hard. I know you don't like listening to us get angry." Her breath quivered. She grabbed my hand, squeezed it tightly, and said, "There's not another truck in the driveway. I'm not going anywhere, your mom is staying right here. No matter what. I'll be here." Her face scrunched up like she was trying to smile, but it was awful to watch. Her makeup was running, her skin was red and puffy, she kept having to fix her crying just to smile at me. Just to let me know she was there for me.

Just to let me know she's my mom.

Just to let me know she loves me.

She couldn't bear to say anything else. She was silent the rest of the night. Words fail.

• • •

Hey guys, this was a rough chapter to write. However, it's the first one I've fully written in about a year, or more. I'm kinda proud of myself. I always want to write, but never get the motivation. Thank you for reading! I really appreciate it. Thank you.

WC: 1318