★ kee speaks me projecting because diana's experience is based on mine lmao </3

update, 3/24/23: i did it. i did it like a madman. i avenged my sixth grade self and i went to my school's dance night. i did it out of spite. no, it was not as magical as i expected but at least i did it

I hated having my hopes brought up. I read a lot of books. My dad's side is filled with movie buffs, so they were always sending us CDs and USBs with movies uploaded and transferred onto them. I had a big family, too, so I heard a lot of stories.

Said family decided to be a dick and did not let me go to the school dance. 

"Who deleted the group chat?" I stormed into Circle Park, where Mia, Aerron, Philip, Elize and RenRen sat eating snacks and doing homework.

They all pointed at Aerron. 

"It was an accident!" He said, putting down his textbook. Elize, laying on her stomach on one of the benches dropped her pen. She ducked down under to retrieve it.

Now, kids, taking out your anger on others is bad. Remember that. Very bad, and you'll regret it later on. So don't copy me when I said, to Aerron, fists clenched and you're too young for a school dance echoing in my mind: "Fuck you!"

Aerron screwed the butt of Elize's pen back on for her. "Damn, sorry, then."

Philip looked up from his biology homework and smiled up at me. The muscles in my body relaxed a bit and my mood lightened. He's like the sunshine. "Hi, Diana. What's wrong?"

RenRen sipped his Royal soda. "Her parents didn't allow her to go to your school dance." He turned to me. "Go read books or something, you're almost never bored, Ana."

You don't get it! I wanted to say. You don't have a crush on someone who's both in this group and in your school.

"Don't worry, sis, I'll send you pictures." I could tell she wanted to cheer me up, but it just didn't work. I had been fantasizing about this event for months already! It was like a miracle that I had gotten into trouble with Philip, because we had become friends, and that gave me a chance. I wanted to wear a pretty dress and have tinny music playing through the speakers while I had fun with my friends. I didn't want to stay inside while they did what I couldn't!

Then again, I couldn't get mad at Elize. I just wasn't capable of doing something so heartless. 

I sighed, feeling my eyes sting. "No, thanks." I turned around and said, "I finished my homework."

"You can help me with mine!" RenRen said. His voice faded into the wind. It was too late. I was already riding my bike out of the street and back home, gripping the handles and trying not to think about what I'd be missing out on that night.

Ew. Ew, ew, ew. Damp road. Soggy leaves, none to crunch. None to step on and crush under my shoe and watch as I destroy its every fiber under the rubber—

Dramatic? Me? No, of course not. All my feelings were totally valid. Look, even the weather agreed! Earlier raindrops were pattering on the ground, and it went on for hours. Nothing too loud or destructive, just rain. No storm. It was gentle enough to have cold air hanging all around my hometown, and probably the whole city as well. 

The fog made faraway lights blurry, and everything smelled nice. The low temperature was something I didn't experience naturally on a daily basis, so I savored it. The vehicles passing by were at the perfect volume and didn't hurt my ears. 

It was so...aesthetic. Tragically. I bet my schoolmates were laughing and dancing and drinking soda in the gym, having the time of their lives. I would have given anything to be with them.

Instead, I was out sulking. I didn't expect my parents to let me out at this time, by myself—or more specifically, without RenRen—but they let me anyway. Maybe the frustrated, uneven breathing sold it.

In short, I felt horrible, jealous, and bitter. It just wasn't fair. 

I had given up on looking for crunchy leaves for me to step on, so my walk was nothing special anymore; just a quick trip around the block or maybe two trips, in case my tears didn't run out by the first round. I think I'd only have to go for one, though, because the street I was walking down was considerably long.

It was dark until the part where it created a crossroads with other streets, only lit by yellow streetlamps and light from the surrounding buildings. The local grocery store stood on the left side, dark green walls marking the left side blank. On the other was a grassy field next to a parking lot for this sports complex. Both were closed. Well, the grocery was just about to.

My eyes felt warm and tired. My legs craved rest, missing the comfort of my bed. I groaned, wiping my eyes and pressing my arms to my torso for warmth. Maybe I should go home.

Schlick. Schlick, schlick, schlick.

OH MY GOD, my thoughts screamed. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!? 

Normally I wouldn't have reacted like that to a sound, even in my head, because if I was alone at night, walking along an empty street I would have bit my tongue and went home, but this sound was slimy and gross and sent a literal chill down my spine. 

Before I knew it, dread swallowed my entire being. It was so dark, cold, and not very comforting or aesthetically pleasing. Over the months I had gotten used to pulling out my sword or any sharp object I had when I felt threatened, but I had nothing on me but my cellphone. 

Something crept under the metal fence lining the sports complex. It was hard to see what it was specifically, under the dim light, but I could see it was slimy and as long as my arm. But its girth was just a bit larger than my thigh. It was black—no, brown? Whatever color it was, it was absolutely disgusting, especially with the way four slim goat legs forced themselves out of what would have been its belly. Imagine a stickman crawling on all fours, except the slimy part was the torso and the limbs the goat legs. Funny? Not to me. 

A low rumble came from it. Then it became a hiss, and the Creature advanced towards me, stepping forward much faster than I expected. Where the fuck were its eyes? The front end of the Creature opened up and bloomed into a mouth, revealing sharp off-white teeth.

No defense. No friends to share the fear with. No Millard to supervise. No Beatrice to encourage us—I mean, me. No RenRen to have my back, either. I was scared. 

"Oh, fucking hell no." I turned and ran.

That day was a horrible day. I crashed straight into someone's chest, the force knocking both of us down. I fell onto the road, my upper half resting on the asphalt. 

I began to cry again, sniffing and pounding my fist down on the ground. "Ow!" 

"Get off, Diana, a car might come!" A pair of hands supported my neck and shoulder and I was met by the face of none other than Philip Kwon. 

"Philip!" I yelped, coming to my senses and propping myself up on my elbows, jumping up to stand and regaining my balance. And there it was again—the sudden self-consciousness. I hoped the rainy atmosphere made me look pretty. But what match was I for Philip?

Ooh, he looked amazing. Not that I haven't seen a man in a suit before, but Philip just hit different, okay? The dark blue cloth had the streetlamp highlighting the creases, and the collar of his white undershirt was unbuttoned. Hanging out of his pocket was what I assumed to be his bowtie (or necktie, whatever guys wear to a school dance). In his right hand was his sword. It was the most unkempt state I've ever seen Philip in, which wasn't saying much for the average boy, but it sure was different for him. 

He flicked his hand, gesturing for me to come join him on the sidewalk. "You're on the road, Diana. Now what is that—woah!"  Two more Creatures emerged from the fence, growing legs as well. The first one snapped its teeth at him, and he backed away. 

I wanted to help, so I carefully tried stepping around the trio to look for a fallen tree branch or rocks. That was a mistake. Philip shouted my name just in time for me to move away as one of them went for my leg. He sliced it in half and pushed me onto the sidewalk. "Stay there!"

The remaining two sprung up on their two hind legs and jumped, one missing and the other latching onto Philip's sword arm. I did what I could and tried to pull the slimy thing off, but it wouldn't budge. 

Philip crushed its head under his shoe, then made sure it was dead by stabbing it one last time. I took care of the last Creature, kicking it as hard as I could multiple times before it could react. It latched onto my shin then climbed up to bite my arm. With my free hand I yanked it off, and Philip grabbed it himself with two hands before stabbing it as well, until it recoiled and finally stopped moving.

"Diana," Philip panted, smoothing his clothes out. "Are you okay?" 

My skin tingled, the memory of the teeth pressing into my skin. The hairs on my arms rose from the moisture of the Creature. I wasn't scared anymore, because the Creatures were dead. I was just having a bad day. 

I began to tear up again. "No." I sniffed. "I mean, I'm not hurt, but I—I hate this," I finally said, defeated. Hot tears left my eyes and I couldn't speak properly due to my shaky breathing.

 Philip sheathed his sword. "Hate what? Give me a sec." He took his phone out of his pocket, and mumbled a few words, mentioning the street we were on. "Sorry," he said to me. "I asked Bee to pick me up and they still think I'm at school. I don't think my dad would like it if I came home too early, so I asked her..." It began to drizzle, and I could already imagine the Creature dust dissolving in the rainwater. 

Philip noticed, too. He glanced up, and said, "Don't worry, I don't think we're very far from the school. You can ride with me and Bee!"

I was mad at myself for crying in front of him. I didn't really want to disappear, I just didn't want him to look at me. "I...Wait, why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be...y'know, at the school dance? With Aerron and Elize and the others?"

Philip flinched at the mention of the event. "I was not having a very fun time there. So uh...I asked Bee to pick me up instead of my dad, but I got impatient and the bathrooms couldn't be my hideout for the entire night. I'm pretty sure Jude, Xavier, and Tricia were smoking there, too.

"I'm glad I decided to leave early, though!" He said. "Otherwise, you would have been here all alone without your itak." 

That made my heart skip about 5 beats. Oh? He cared about me? Oh. Aww. 

I had been thinking about it for a long time, apparently. In silence, too, because when I finally spoke, Philip looked extremely relieved. 

"So tonight wasn't very nice to both of us, huh?" I said.

He smiled bitterly, hwando hanging limp from his right hand. "Nope. Tonight was terrible." He looked at me, then came closer, so we were less than a foot apart. I'm pretty sure I would have fainted if not for the cold slowly swallowing me. A breeze rushed past us and the sudden inhale of dry air almost made me choke.

Philip began to take off his tuxedo jacket and handed his sword to me. Oh, I was definitely going to pass out now. He began to say something and was holding his jacket out, but Beatrice's van pulled up in front of us. The passenger seat window rolled down and she was inside. A floating t-shirt said, "What are you waiting for? Get inside, now, children."

"Can you t-turn the aircon off?" I asked Beatrice, shivering. My clothes weren't completely soaked, but it was freezing cold in the van. Philip had already opened a window, exhaling from his mouth. 

"Sure, Diana." As we drove away, I realized it was the first time I had been in the van. I had only seen it form afar in the past two months, and only now had I gotten to ride. 

The back could hold 10 people maximum: each of the three rows had two seats stuck together on the left side, and the last two rows had single-seaters on the right. The armrest for the last two rows also served as extra seats that could be put down, and all of the seats looked like they had not been used since the car was bought. Woah, did they get this thing just for the trip to the lab? 

The aircon had been turned off, and it started to get warm inside the van. Then we stopped, and Beatrice opened the door. She wore a white shirt with a black crayon icon in the middle with jeans. A pair of red heart-shaped sunglasses rested on her rust-colored hair. Behind her was the bright entrance to a McDonald's.

"What are you two waiting for? Come on out!" 

In the passenger seat, Millard took off his clothes and exited the car as well. The engine had turned off, so me and Philip sat in an unmoving van. Apparently he didn't know we were stopping here, either. His confused face told me McDonalds's wasn't his house, and neither was it mine.

Now, has a fast food restaurant ever been so busy that the employees apologized and gave you chairs to sit on while you wait in line? For me, it had. On this particular night, obviously. The McDo had no drive-thru, either, so we had no choice but to wait at the counter.

Philip sat with his legs apart, hands clasped together and put between his thighs. His shoes tapped nervously against the tiles. I could hear his breath waver as he exhaled, clearly uncomfortable. He brought his sword without thinking, and so he had to hide it up his suit. Judging by the length from memory, it wasn't very easy. The top of the handle stuck out and I nudged him to lean back to cover it. 

I didn't have the energy to talk. At least, not yet. My head hurt and my eyes were warm when I closed them, no doubt tired from crying. Ugh. I had never cried for this long. 

Philip put a hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay? Or at least feeling a little better?"

My eyes widened. Holy shit, my crush was talking to me and only me, with a hand on my shoulder! My lips parted, but nothing could come out. I slowly nodded instead. 

Philip put his hands in his pockets. "Good. I don't think I'll be making the new group chat tonight." Then he sat up straight, looking down. "Oh no," he groaned. His pants had several dirt stains on them.

I was a little glad about the group chat business. After tonight, I couldn't bear to interact with them for at least the next 12 hours. I was still a little bitter—no, super bitter—about the dance, and had not opened my class's groupchat since they spammed it with pictures and videos. 

"I hope neither of you are lactose intolerant." Beatrice returned with a paper bag. Millard, standing beside me unseen, murmured that it was time to go. As we exited the place, Beatrice handed out two ice cream cones to me and Philip, and told us there were French fries for us in the bag.

Right before we crossed the parking lot to get to the van, I turned to the Ronald McDonald statue and kicked it hard, ice cream in hand and scream bubbling up in my throat. The scream decided to cease to exist. Then I promptly turned and joined Bee, Millard, and Philip.

I kept stealing glances at Philip ever since he killed the Creatures. I couldn't help it! He caught me, though, as he finished the top part of his ice cream, so the remaining part was a flat surface of white, as if the cone was a cup filled to the brim. 

I sniffed again and cleared my throat, feeling my voice get stuffy. A tear ran down my cheek again and I was sick of crying already, so I roughly wiped it away as I ate my ice cream and fries. In the car, Philip looked at me, amused, and said, "just let it out." I nodded again and managed to croak a "thanks" as Bee drove us to our respective houses. 

I wondered if it would be like this, too, when we were on our way to the lab in a few months' time, but it was hard to think about my problems when I had one of the best food combinations (in the world! Change my mind) in my mouth.