Just as we got out of my house, the rain came, falling from the purple sky in thick vertical torrents.

"You're fucking pushing it," I muttered angrily to whatever fucked up forces of fate that were toying with me.

Julian chuckled as we hurried towards his car and within a few minutes, we were driving over to Ty and Julian's house. I had the windows rolled down, hoping to get some fresh air that would calm my nerves down. The wind and the rain cut into my skin like knives, whipping hair across my eyes. But I didn't mind. It was a slap in the face I desperately needed.

A million different scenarios were running through my head at an alarming speed and by the time we had pulled over at the street in front of the massive, intimidating house, I felt like I might combust in my seat.

"Calm down. Talk it out, and it'll be fine." Julian reassured me. "Here is the key to the house, let yourself in."

"Are you not coming inside?"

"Nope. Just let me know when you're done."

I was too nervous to argue with him so I nodded. "Okay."

I dashed across the street and up their long driveway. I pulled up my hood over my face and ran. By the time I reached the front porch of the house, I was almost soaked. I fumbled with the key Julian had given me and opened the front door.

The house was completely silent, except for the sound of the rain pouring outside. It was just as stunning as I remembered, but so much had changed since then. The last time I came here I was a nervous wreck over seeing Tyler's mother. This time I'm a nervous wreck over seeing him.

I walked over to the curved staircase and up the second floor towards his room. When I reached his room, I raised my hand to knock but found the door unlocked. So I pushed it open and stepped in.

I found Tyler standing beside his bed, with his back faced at me. His shirt was wet and it clung to his body as he wiped his wet hair with a towel. When he heard the door open, he turned around and his eyes widened in surprise when he saw me. "What...what are you doing here?"

The sight of him knocked the air out of my lungs. I had missed him so damn much! I took all of his features in, trying to memorize them. The shock of black hair. The perfect lines of his face. The delicious curves of his jaw, the full bow of his lips, and the warm brown eyes that drew me to him, burning me with its intensity as I drowned in them.

I gave him a small tentative smile and before I could open my mouth to respond, the bathroom door opened and it was now my turn to be surprised when I saw the person who walked out.

Courtney's hair was wet, and she was wearing an oversized t-shirt that I could only assume was Tyler's and I stumbled back in shock.

"Hey." She looked at me with a smile, surprised to find me here.

I didn't even know what to say.

My heartbeat was thundering in my ears, drowning out everything else. And I took a step back, and another until I was out the door, then I turned around to get away from there. From him.

"Veronica, wait!" I heard him call out from behind me, but I kept walking, making a beeline towards the door. I needed to breathe, I needed some fresh air so I could get my bearings.

As soon as I was out, of the front door, I took a lungful of breath and tried to calm down, but it didn't help.

"Hey." I saw him step out on the front porch. He came closer and tried to reach out for me but I stepped away.

"Don't." I gasped, putting some distance between us.

I could see the hurt in his eyes when I recoiled from his touch, but he stayed rooted at his spot.

"Please talk to me. What's going on?"

I let out a bitter laugh. "What's going on? You really don't know?"

When he continued to look at me cluelessly, I was overcome with an urge to smack him...or myself or both, with something. God, I was losing it.

"You ignored me for days! You weren't talking to me. You weren't returning my calls or texts. You said you needed some space and I respected that, but you had me worried." I stopped talking to blink away some tears, there was no way in hell I would cry in front of him.

"I know...I'm--"

"I'm not done!" I snapped. "I came here to check on you even after all that, I thought...thought that you were upset and you shouldn't be alone. I wanted to be there for you. But it looks like you've got it covered."

He blinked at me and shook his head. "I know all of this looks bad, but trust me, nothing was going on between Court and me. There never will be."

I believed that. Even after everything, I still trusted him enough to know he wouldn't cheat on me, but still, it did nothing to dull the ache in my chest, which only grew stronger with time.

"You let her be there for you and you pushed me away." I hated how broken my voice sounded but I couldn't help it.

"No. She had come over to the hospital and I was about to drop her home now." He got closer to me and took my hand in his. "Please, trust me. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Wrenching my hand away from him, I held out a hand to warn him to stay away. "I've spent the last three days trying to figure out what I'd done wrong. Worrying about what was going on with you...do you realize the hell you've put me through?"

"I'm sorry, Tiger." He raked his hands through his hair in frustration. "I had no choice."

"Tell me, what's wrong? Tell me the truth and we will figure it out together, " I begged.

He shook his head, tension rippling across his jaw. "It's much more complicated than that."

"It's simple as that!" I spat back, crossing my arms protectively against my chest as though to create a barrier between us. "It's only as complicated as you make it."

"Trust me, baby. I'll explain it to you. Just please..."

"Then do it."

"I can't. Not now. I need some time."

"Is it me? Do you not feel the same anymore? If that's it, then just tell me. I'll deal with it."

"That's not what this is!" His eyes pleaded with me, and I saw the agony I felt, reflected in them.

"Then tell me what it is, " I plead, my anger faltering. "Because I'm trying to understand. I really am."

I was desperate to understand because even though I stood there, so close that I could reach out and touch him, I felt him slipping through my fingers.

Before I could even register what was happening, he had pulled me against his chest. His arms wrapping around my waist and holding me close. My eyes closed, relishing the peaceful sensation that washed over me.

Our mouths crashed together, betraying the urgency coursing through each of us. I opened my mouth allowing his tongue to take mine- allowing him to own my body one more time. His kiss burned through my body until I was on fire. Passion mixed with fear.

My fingers dug into his skin terrified to let him go, and I held him tight. He broke away from the kiss, panting against my lips before taking a step back, and I felt my heart break in my chest.

"I can't." His voice was low and steady.

My lips trembled, as tears prickled my eyes. "You won't."

He regarded me for a long time, a muscle twitching in his neck before he opened his mouth. "I won't."

I shook my head and took a steadying breath. "You don't trust me." One lone teardrop trickled down my cheek and I wiped it away. "I can't be with someone who is keeping secrets from me. It's killing me."

He took a step back. His head dropped down low, as he took a deep breath. A sudden crack of thunder rolled through the sky, but neither of us moved an inch.

"We were supposed to be a team, " I spoke, my voice barely above a whisper. "And now I don't even know what I am to you. So I'll make this easy for you and walk away."

I waited for him to say he was sorry and tell me about whatever he was hiding from me. I waited for him to come clean. But he said nothing.

"If whatever you felt for me is real, then come back to me. Come back to me with the truth."

"I have to let you go." I heard his broken whisper. "I'm too scared of letting you down."

A dry sob escaped my lips and I shook my head. "You are letting me down, by letting me go."

I turned around and stepped into the rain, walking towards the car that waited for me across the street and away from him.

And he didn't stop me.

***

Julian didn't speak. He seemed to have understood the situation. We drove in silence on our way back to my house and for that I was grateful.

When we had come to a stop in front of my house, he turned towards me, fidgeting uncomfortably in his seat. "Are you sure you'll be okay? Do you want me to keep you company?"

"No. I'll be fine." As much as I loved him, I always licked my wounds in private. That's just how I was wired.

When I stepped into my dark house, with my clothes soaked to my skin, the pin-drop silence enveloped me. It overwhelmed me, threatening to suck me in.

I slowly walked up to my room and into the bathroom. I got out of my wet clothes and stepped in front of the mirror.

I had pushed my friends away. Tyler had pushed me away. I had nobody to turn to and I had never felt so fucking lonely in my life.

I looked up at my reflection in the mirror. The girl who stared back at me looked as broken as I felt. I couldn't stand the sight of her.

I let my emotions take over me. Everything that I had been holding in came crashing down at me, all at once. I let my anger and frustration take control and I slammed my fist against the mirror, striking my reflection, but I was the only one who could get hurt.

My blow shattered the glass into long, sharp shards that splintered off the wall and down the sink. I had sliced through my knuckles and the skin just underneath them.

The open wound stung like someone had just poured alcohol all over it. Blood dripped down my already injured hand, staining the splint I was wearing.

I took a couple of deep breaths to calm down, and take control. I quickly turned on the faucet and cleaned my wound as well as I could. I wrapped a towel around it, tightly, wincing at the pain. "Fuck!"

I cursed myself for being so stupid. It seemed like I couldn't break the habit.

I walked out of the room, furiously wiping away the tears trickling down my face when the glowing screen of my cellphone caught my eyes.

I got closer and checked the message.

Neil- Hey, can we please talk? This silence is killing me.

I blinked against the sea of tears obstructing my vision and smiled.

I quickly typed in my reply. Yes, please.

His reply came in within seconds. I'll come over in some time. I also have your car with me and I need to drop it back at your place.

I replied with a simple, Okay.

I placed my phone back on my study table and sighed. The little Lord Ganesha statue on my table caught my eyes and I picked it up.

I really missed my parents. I could use some of their advice, right now. I had messed up with my friends, I pushed them away when they were only trying to help me.

Avi was right. I had some issues that I had to deal with. Maybe that's why Tyler didn't trust me, with whatever was going on with him.

"What should I do?" I whispered, clutching the little statue in my hands.

How am I supposed to get over this? How am I supposed to get over him? A strangled sob escaped my lips and I struggled to compose myself.

My journal was lying at the corner of my table. It had been weeks since I last wrote in it. I used to always write when I felt overwhelmed. When my feelings got too much for me to handle. But lately, I had been so happy and contented with my life, that I had never felt the need to turn towards it. I had completely forgotten about its existence.

I thumbed through the pages and found the last entry. I had written it when we were all at the beach house, celebrating Neil's birthday.

How lucky do two people have to be, in order to fall for each other at exactly the right time, in exactly the right way?

Turns out I was that lucky. I had written this when my feelings for Tyler had just begun to blossom. Little did I know that within a month I would have it all, only to lose it all again.

I picked up a pen and started writing on a fresh page, wincing when my knuckles and thumb screamed in pain. The pain kept me grounded to reality. It was the only thing that helped me focus and not drown in the darkness that threatened to consume me.

So I forced myself to continue and started writing. I wrote about everything I couldn't talk about. I wrote about all the things I should have talked about.

Everything that had happened last year...changed me. For days after my encounter with Max I hid from the world, I hid from reality. I hid from the truth and I called it healing.

But I was wrong. I emerged from my little cocoon of despair not as a beautiful butterfly, but as a girl harboring more rage than was healthy.

I drew up a wall around me to shield myself from all the pitiful glances, the sympathy in everyone's eyes. I shielded myself from the doubts and accusations thrown at me. My only source of normalcy were my friends. My family. They kept me sane and they slowly helped me forget everything.

But I wasn't happy. Not until he came along and turned my life upside down.

I don't know when it happened. I don't know how it happened. I cannot pinpoint a specific time or moment. But I fell for him and I fell hard.

He had the power to make me happy, make me feel beautiful, make me vulnerable. He had the power to break me. And he did.

I don't regret it, because I knew what it felt like to be unhinged, to be flailing around, and he was the only one who could hold me together. My anchor. My strength.

I changed for the better when I was with him. I tried to be someone better for him. But maybe it wasn't enough.

Which brings me to a question, how much of yourself do you give up to be accepted?

How much of yourself do you hide to be loved?

How much of yourself should you change in order to capture a heart?

***

My cellphone was buzzing somewhere. I had ignored the first few calls, but the caller would just not give up!

I slowly lifted my head and found myself sleeping on my desk. One look at the alarm clock told me it's a little after midnight. I fumbled for my phone and answered it.

"Is this Veronica D'costa?"

The voice on the other side seemed official, a little too serious for this time of the night. So, instead of disconnecting and getting back to my sleep, I slowly stood up from my chair. "Yes."

I forgot the detective's name almost as soon as she said it, but the rest of what she said got stuck in my head. My heart seized to beat for a few precious seconds before the phone slid from my hand and hit the floor.

"According to his phone, you were the last person Neil Miller spoke to. He was also driving your car. Unfortunately, there's been an accident..."

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To be continued...
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End of Part one.

An:- 
Umm...so that happened. Please don't hate me :(

I have some things to tell you guys, so please check out the author's note ➡