Three freaking days. It's been three days since I last saw Tyler. 

Most of my calls had gone unanswered. And when he sometimes did take my calls, he always got off in a rush. I had stopped texting or calling after a day, because it felt like I was being a burden on him. 

My car was still parked at the hospital and my keys were with him until a day ago. But Avi told me that he had somehow handed it over to Neil and had asked him to give to me.

He was clearly avoiding me and I couldn't take it.

I went to school in hopes to see him there, but he didn't show up. Yesterday, I got up super early and dragged myself out of bed and got to school in time for the daily football practice, hoping that he would show up. But of course, I didn't see him anywhere and my heart sank. 

I tried contacting his friends but none of them had heard much from him and I was slowly losing my mind. This was so unlike him, something about all of this was needling my mind and I just wanted to make sure he was okay. 

Yesterday, was the day his mom was supposed to have another surgery, so as soon as I had gotten up, I had tried calling him one more time but he had his cellphone switched off. Going to the hospital when he was so clearly avoiding me felt stupid, even though I knew Julian would like having me there. 

So I had given up completely. I was tired of waiting for a call that would never come.

I got up from my bed and walked over to the full length mirror in the corner of the room and studied my reflection. There were dark circles beneath my eyes. My hair was a disaster. What was once a neat bun was now a dark brown nest for woodland creatures. 

I was wearing a pair of cotton shorts and Tyler's hoodie. I've been wearing it everyday before I go to sleep. At first I had kicked it away and tucked it into the furthest corner of my closet hoping it would magically disappear. But after a while, I gave in...and put it on. 

With every minute that went by, I felt him slipping away from me. I knew that I was partially to be blamed in this. I knew he was dealing with his own shit, and I kept bringing more troubles into his life. All the things I did, every time I let my temper take control, only made things more difficult for him. 

But how could he ignore me like this? How could he expect me to let him go? How could he let me go? How was it so easy? 

I knew he said that he needed some space to figure things out, but I didn't want him to need space! I wanted him to trust me with anything...I wanted him to hold on to me when things got rough. 

Maybe I did a shitty job at showing how I feel about him. Expressing my feelings, comforting people who were sad– those weren't the strongest weapons in my social arsenal. No wonder, he was pushing me away. 

But I was trying, and he should have known that by now. I would do anything for him. 

It took me a lot of effort to pull myself together, but I did. Day 4, and I was ready to go out and face the world again. I was ready to pretend, because that was the only thing that kept me standing. 

I trudged downstairs to have some breakfast when I overheard Avi and Ash talking in hushed voices. 

"She is a little short-tempered, you know that." 

"Well, she wasn't always like that!" Avi countered. "Ever since that night, it feels like she is walking around with this weight on her shoulders, she is angry and skeptical about everything! Hell, even when she smiles I feel like she is just pretending!" 

I sucked in a sharp breath when I realized they were talking about me and sat down on the stairs, as quietly as possible so that I could listen to what it was all about. 

"Where are you going with this?" Ash asked.

"I'm just saying that our friend is not okay and maybe she needs help." 

"We've already talked about this, she doesn't want to go to a therapist. She doesn't like to talk about herself...she'll just shut us out if we say anything." 

"Look, you and I both saw her that night. We both saw how bad it was, but she downplays it. She has changed and I can't even blame her, I just wish she would talk or just do something…"

"You know what happened the last time we tried right?" Ash interrupted him. "She blew up on us. And it ended up with her running away from school. Away from us." 

"Because we quite literally cornered her at school and Neil was pressuring her to talk. It was our fault." 

"So, now what?" 

I had had enough of this. I got up and stomped down the stairs and the conversation outside came to a halt. 

"Hey, good morning." Ash smiled and she only got a grunt from me in response.

I took out a bowl from the cabinet  and got some milk out of the fridge, while they both stared at me, observing my every move carefully and I was getting annoyed by the minute. 

"What?" I snapped. 

"How are you feeling?" Ash asked. 

"Spectacular." 

Avi snorted and got up from his stool, but Ash shot him a glare in warning, before looking back at me. "It's okay to not be okay sometimes. You can admit the fact that you're miserable without him, you know? You had some really strong feelings for, Ty. We could all see that." 

"I'll get over it. Anyways, feelings, love, like, it's not really my style. I'll be fine, this is just a phase and I'll go back to feeling nothing again." I shrugged.

"Just stop. Stop it, alright?" Avi muttered.

"Avi…" Ash looked at him, pleadingly. 

"Just spit it out Avi. Whatever it is." I looked at him. 

"You cannot live your life being scared of feeling things. When will you stop pretending!" 

"I'm not scared." I looked down at my glass of milk and shook my head. 

"Yes. Yes you are. You're in denial." 

"Fine! What would have me do then? Cry and be miserable over a guy who obviously has no problem ignoring me because he felt like he needed some fucking space!" I yelled. 

"Yes!" They both yelled back together. 

"That's what normal people do. And it's okay." Ash said. 

"So you think I'm abnormal?" 

"That's...that's not–" 

"Everyone has their own problems. Everyone is in denial regarding something. Everyone is scared of something, " I said interrupting her. "And Iam too! Why are you both making it into such a big deal?" 

"Because we acknowledge our fears instead of avoiding them!" Avi looked at me with a hard stare and I scoffed. 

"Really? Your parents want you to be a doctor, just like them and carry on the family name. So tell me Avi have you told your parents that you don't want to do it? Have you told them that you actually want to make a career in art? How long are you going to avoid that? You're scared too. You're scared of not being accepted by your family." I watched as Avi's face grew impassive and his jaw clenched. I knew I should stop, I shouldn't push this. It was too personal, it was like a sore spot for him, but I just couldn't stop. It was like a dam had burst open in me and I had no control over it. 

"You've hidden all those beautiful paintings you created in my home basement. You've hidden your talent for so long because your parents think it's a waste of time! How long are you going to go along with it?" I questioned. 

"V...please, stop." I heard Ash's strained whisper from beside me. 

I looked at Ash. "You mould yourself according to everyone's expectations, because you crave to be liked. Loved. You need to start putting yourself first! You stood up for me that night in front of Sam, but I've never seen you do that for yourself. Hell, you were too afraid to leave Ian and were ready to put up with him, just because you didn't want to be alone. You let him walk all over you because you thought you loved him. How is that okay?" 

Even as I said it, I knew I was crossing a line. The moment I had opened my mouth, I felt like I was losing my grip over everything I was holding in. 

I was beyond frustrated with my situation and I was taking it all out on them. I was also angry to be called out on my shit, I was angry because they were right. Which was not fair. 

When I looked at both of my best friends again, I felt like I had just destroyed another good thing in my life. Their friendship.

"You're scared, too. Both of you. So don't tell me that I have issues. Don't tell me I need help." I stormed out of the kitchen and ran upstairs, leaving the mess I made, behind. 

***

I had locked myself in my room for hours. It was nothing new, but usually one of my friends would come in and try to convince me to come out. But today there was no one. And it was another confirmation that I had well and truly fucked up. I had officially pushed everyone out of my life.

The weather today seemed to match my mood. Cloudy, dark and depressing. It was the perfect weather to forget all your problems and hibernate.

Suddenly, my cellphone started vibrating with an incoming call and I picked it up to check the caller ID. Julian.

I was about to ignore it, when I remembered his mother had her surgery last night. Shit. What if there was something wrong? What if he needed me?

I quickly answered the call. While I might have been acting like a selfish bitch today, it was nice to know that I had not turned into a total monster.

"Hey, everything okay?" I asked.

"Yeah. Mom's still sedated and unconscious. But things look a little better now. We are just waiting for her to wake up, it might take a few more hours."

"Oh, good." I let out a sigh of relief.

"I was just calling to ask if I could come over? Are you free? This waiting period is killing me."

"Uh...sure. I'll send you the location."

"Cool. I'll be there soon."

Half an hour later, the doorbell chimed downstairs and I opened the front door for Julian to come in.

"Hey." He pulled me into a hug, and I held on to him a little longer than necessary because I needed it.

"This is nice place." He smiled, as we settled down on the living room couch.

"Thanks. How did you get here?"

"I drove mom's car."

I nodded. My mind buzzing with dozens of questions I wanted to ask him.

"Where's Tyler?" I asked, trying and failing at being nonchalant.

"He just went home to get showered and changed before mom wakes up."

"Oh, okay..." I trailed off, awkwardly.

"Miss fancy skirt, paid a visit today. Again!" Julian muttered. "She is slowly driving me insane." 

I felt my blood run cold at that statement. "Courtney?" 

"Yeah. She had come over to visit Mom. But God, she is not leaving!" 

I tried to reign in my racing thoughts before my imagination could take flight. This was normal, right? She was his friend and she was just being there for him. He had said he needed some space from me, not her.

 Dammit, it hurt. 

"What's wrong?" Julian frowned, studying my face carefully. 

"Nothing." I tried to smile, but it turned out to be more of a grimace. "How is he?" 

"Bad. He hardly talks to anyone. He is hardly home, the only place I see him is in the hospital and then he just disappears. I think you should talk to him." 

"I tried, but…" I shook my head.  I felt pathetic. I was trying to be understanding, but my patience was wearing thin. And him hanging out with Courtney while I was here wallowing in misery, was not helping at all. 

"I'm sorry, for the way he is treating you. I don't know what's gotten into him." 

"Wait…" I looked at him, confused. "You know what's going on between me and Tyler?" 

"He didn't tell me anything. I heard Courtney talking to her friend about it." 

What the fuck!?

"What was she saying?" I asked, sitting up straighter. 

"That you and Tyler broke up. Then it all made sense, you know? Both of your behaviour from the past two days and…" 

I had stop listening to what Julian was saying as soon as those words escaped his lips. Broke up. We broke up? Tyler said that to Courtney? 

No. 

No. He could never do that to me. 

"Hey, what's going on?" Julian's voice broke into my thoughts.  

I need to sort this out, before I lose my mind.

"We didn't break up." I got up from my seat a new wave of determination settling over me. I would not let him push me away like this. "Let's go over to your place, I need to talk to your brother." 

It's time I put an end to this. Just a few days ago, I was in la- la land, so naively offering up my whole heart to this guy...and now I was going to go to him and do it all over again. 

No matter how much I tried to ignore it, the fact was that my heart was already his. He freaking owned it. Now, it was his call to either keep it or rip it apart.

-

An:- Only one chapter to go. :/