Soon we paraded over to Tyler's house, which almost looked like a mansion. It looked pretty cozy but was equally stunning. It was well furnished, with marble floors and high-tech appliances and they also had a built-in swimming pool!

The floors were a striking bamboo, in a worn grayish hue that made the place feel welcoming and lived-in and the furniture was oversized and meant for comfort. It had all kinds of fancy little knick-knacks everywhere.

"Damn! I can't get over how great this place is," Ash mumbled, coming up beside me.

"No kidding. I'm afraid I might sneeze and break something worth more than what my dad makes in a year," I said and Ash chuckled.

It was not an intimate party. There were dozens of people I didn't know milling about, but Tyler seemed to be the center of attraction from the moment he stepped into the huge room we were all crammed in.

Guys appeared from nowhere for a hand slap, a nod, or any kind of greeting from him. Girls tried to curl themselves around his arm but he shook them off with ease, he left them behind before they even realized he was gone, never once being rude or impolite.

It was impressive.

Everyone loved him, they treated him and his friends like celebrities. I chuckled in disbelief, it was like he had his own cult.

I tried to lay low with the alcohol because I didn't want to get in trouble with my parents. Well not too much trouble, 'cause I had downed two shots in the first hour itself, but that was it. It was just to help me unwind a little bit and it did help.

After two rounds of playing never have I ever, I excused myself to get some air. I spotted the back door after a few minutes of aimless walking and started towards it. I opened the door, the cool night air greeting me and I took a deep breath before settling down on the lowest step. It was pretty dark, but the moonlight seemed bright enough once you got adjusted to it.

After a while, I noticed someone in the distance and it didn't take me long to realize it was Avi. I got up and slowly walked over to where he was standing.

Easy peasy, I thought and, "Booo!" I yelled as I reached up to him.

Avi visibly jumped a foot into the air and turned around with a panicked look on his face.

"Jesus, V! That was brutal." He scowled and I chuckled.

"Am I interrupting some big thinking?"

''Not really." He shrugged.

"What are you doing out here? All alone?" I prodded.

"I could ask you the same thing." He smiled, raising his brow.

"You could, but there is no interesting answer there, I just needed some air. Now, what's your reason? And don't you dare lie and act casual, because I know when you are lying," I said, pointedly.

"I wasn't planning on lying, V."

"So? What is it?"

"I don't know, I'm just feeling a little low. My application for Boston University for arts got rejected, I have been trying to get into this art program at another university for months now and there is no progress there. I feel like I should give up you know? But then I feel I have nothing else to do with my life. My parents will push me into being a doctor, just like them and I'll have no purpose or passion of my own. It's just a hopeless feeling sinking in." He sighed at the end of his rant.

His worries struck a nerve.

I was good at pretending. I could tell myself that things would be okay and I'd find my way eventually, that I was not obsessing over how my future would look like, but there was a limit to self-denial. Because the truth was that on some level, I'm always thinking about it.

If I was not thinking about it, I was feeling it. I was constantly feeling the stress, the fear of the unknown.

And in a weird way, I found comfort in Avi's worries, it made me feel less alone. I got up on my tiptoes to give him a tight hug. He hugged me back and we stayed like that, for a few seconds before I pulled away.

"You know if it is any help, and this may sound a little corny but, we are all lost too. At least I am, I feel so damn clueless. You have a passion you want to follow, it's a good start. We are just eighteen. I know things are looking glum right now but it will be fine, I am sure." I tried my best to make him feel better.

"How do you know that V? What if I do nothing with my life? "

"Okay, I am not going to give you false hopes, but I can tell you this, that right now all we can do is to do our best and love what we are doing until we get to do what we love." He gave me a grim smile at that and I continued, "You know what I mean? Besides, we still have time to think about college. You are doing your best, I can see that. One day, you will talk about these little TED talks I'm giving you and laugh that you were worrying yourself over nothing."

"Yeah, I hope you are right." He sighed. "Thanks, V. Just... for always listening."

"No problem. I am gonna start charging now if you start getting broody so often."

"Hey! I don't do this often," he quickly defended himself.

"Kidding." I laughed.

"Let's get inside, I don't want to miss Neil getting wasted and dancing his ass off on no music." He laughed at the memory.

I giggled. "Yeah I'll be there in a while, I just need the quiet for some time."

"Okaaaaay?" he drawled, looking at me with narrowed eyes.

"I am fine." I smiled at him.

He nodded and turned to leave. I was glad he didn't offer on sticking around and understood that I wanted to be alone.

I didn't know how long I was sitting there until I heard the back door open again, the loud music pouring out into the silent night until it was closed again.

When I turned around, I saw Tyler, looking down at me with a smile. "Hey."

"Hey." I returned his smile, the earlier embarrassment already forgotten.
Well, nearly forgotten.

"What are you doing back here, alone?" He asked, taking a seat beside me.

"Absolutely nothing."

"Ah, interesting." He nodded.

"What about you? Needed some air?"

"Yeah, sort of." He tilted his head to the side and considered me for a long moment before asking, "You okay?"

"I'm okay." I nodded, putting on a smile.

"That feels like a practiced answer." He shook his head at me and looked away.

I was stunned at being called out like that, but also a little impressed.

Out of a sudden moment of honesty, I said, "I dont tell people I'm not okay because it's hard watching them not know what to do or what to say. There are some things that can't be helped."

He nodded in agreement, a small smile playing on his face. "And then you end up comforting them when you were the one who needed that comfort."

"Yeah, " I murmured, "That's it."

We sat there in comfortable silence. I looked up at the few scattered clouds, ghostly ships sailing into dark space, and sighed.

After a while, he asked, "What are you thinking?"

I was pleasantly surprised by this question. It was really a simple question but it was so rarely asked. To show someone you are interested in their thoughts.

"I was thinking about the future, about life, and how I am feeling about it all, how I am holding up." When he didn't say anything, I looked down at my lap and continued, "I know it's a little weird. Sometimes my mind goes to weird places when I sit in silence."

"No! No, It's not weird at all." He turned around, to have a good look at me and smiled. "So tell me then, how are you holding up so far?"

"Fine, I guess," I replied, holding his stare.

"Fine is not happy," he simply stated.

Wow. Okay.

I nodded. "Maybe you're right, I am not really happy. But I believe, I'll get there sometime."

"You will."

I noticed the red plastic cup in his hand and reached for it, I needed some alcohol to lighten my mood. He shot me a questioning glance before handing the cup over to me.

I took a sip from the cup and frowned. "Water?"

"Yep," He said, popping the p.

"Why are you drinking water?"

"Because I was thirsty."

I rolled my eyes and he chuckled, before adding, "I don't drink alcohol."

"Why not? I mean, it's good that you don't drink...but why not?"

He shrugged. "Just not keen on being caught with my guard down."

His answer solidified my theory of him being a control freak. It made me wonder what would he look like with his guard down.

A gust of wind made me shiver and he noticed. "I think we should go inside."

"No! I like it here, just a few more minutes." I untied the jacket around my waist and pulled it over my head.

"You really aren't a party person, huh?"

"Nah." I smiled. "I'm boring like that."

"You are a lot of things, but boring is not one of them."

"What are those things, then?

He smirked. "Short-tempered, impulsive, loud-

''Hey!" I yelled, extra loudly.

He raised his hands up in surrender and I chuckled, I really was all those things.

"Fun, straightforward-"

"Oh, we're not done, yet." I smiled, turning my body to face him better, pretending to get comfortable.

He chuckled, and his words were a soft whisper when he said, "And beautiful."

I sucked in a breath, his warm brown eyes staring back at me felt almost like a touch and this time the shiver that ran through me had nothing to do with the cold.

"Thanks," I murmured, and he gave me a small smile, his eyes never leaving mine.

Are we having a moment?

I think we're having a moment.

The silence was heavy, the moment transforming into something I could never have anticipated, something meaningful.

That was until Ash came bursting out the door yelling my name, "Veronica! I have been looking..." She trailed off mid-sentence when she spotted Tyler.

"What are you guys doing out here?" she asked, giving us a puzzled look.

"Nothing," we both answered simultaneously and I chuckled.

"Let's get inside." Tyler got up and looked at me, and I nodded.

Later, we called it a night, after hoarding on pizza and after an intense dance-off between the guys– special mention to when Neil had at some point in his drunken haze resorted to twerking on Jace while he repeatedly smacked the air above Neil's ass.

I know, I had weird friends.

Thankfully, I got home before my curfew, so I had no trouble with my parents. I quickly changed into a pair of comfy PJs and walked over to the window to part the curtains before climbing into my bed.

I had always loved looking up at the sky before falling asleep. The stars, the silence, and all its secrets...it was all somehow very soothing. And like most of the other nights, I fell asleep watching the starry night sky.

-

September twenty-fifth:-

It's easy to convince yourself that what you have in life is enough when you haven't experienced something more for so long.

Am I happy with my life? I guess so.

But shouldn't I be sure?