"Sorry for what?" Ash asked softly.

"For everything! For making you guys worried and for pushing you away. But I can't help it." I took a deep breath and looked at them.

"Yes, you can. Pretending that things don't bother you, will get you nowhere. We know you are strong. Hell, you are a lot stronger than me, but that doesn't mean you don't want someone to be there for you. That doesn't mean you can't cry in front of someone, " Neil said gently. "You have been acting like a robot whenever you are confronted by anything remotely emotional or personal. You haven't even spoken to us about that night, or how you are feeling about all of it now. Not even once. And I know you are not over it yet. "

"I am over it, " I mumbled.

"Bullshit. You still hate going to parties but you pretend to be okay with it in front of us. You run away from any boy who shows any interest in you. You think we don't notice all of that?" Neil asked.

I said nothing. I didn't even dare to look him or anyone in the eye. I hated how cornered and vulnerable I felt.

Unknowingly they were making me relive that night again, but not in a way I usually remembered it as. No. This time the memory didn't bring back the satisfying feeling of being able to fight back and stand up for myself. This time it reminded me of what I had been trying to avoid. It reminded me of what I had lost that night. Of how it affected me and how I can't seem to find a way of coming back from it.

It reminded me of how broken a part of me was. A part I refused to acknowledge.

I knew they meant well, but I couldn't stop myself from getting annoyed at them. Annoyed for making me feel things that I couldn't handle. They made me feel broken and I didn't like that.

"Talk to us, dammit! " Neil said and I looked up at him.

Avi glared at him and began to say something, but I interrupted him by saying, "Fine let's talk."

"What do you want to know? You want to talk about my feelings? Here you go then, I felt violated Neil. Do you know how disgusting that feels? I had a broken wrist, my body was battered and bruised. I couldn't look at myself for days, because it reminded me of what he had done to me, and how little damage I had done in return. I felt ashamed to even admit that a little part of me was broken that night because I knew the knowledge of that would satisfy him. I wanted to be strong, to not be vulnerable, because it was not my fault if anyone had to suffer it was him.

But here I am, having trust issues and panic attacks at almost every party I go to. Hell, I am still finding it difficult to talk to my friends about it, even if it's almost been a year since that night.

You say I run away from any boy who is interested in me right? It's because every time I imagine myself with someone, I remember Max's filthy hands on me. He was the first guy who had ever laid his hands on me, to come so close to me, to touch me and I can't seem to erase that from my damn mind!" I said as I kicked a chair making it fall over with a loud thud.

Now that I had started, I couldn't seem to get a grip on all these emotions running through me. I Couldn't stop myself from talking.

"Paul broke my trust that night, but Max... he did worse. I never told my parents about it because I felt my home was my safe place, a place I could escape the reality from, a place I could pretend that I wasn't someone who was so royally screwed up. But guess what? My family is now falling apart too, " I said as I felt the first tear fall on my cheek and I quickly wiped it away.

"My parents can barely stand around each other without fighting. My dad walks out of our house with no word regarding when he will be back. My mom pops sleeping pills like she is having mints because that's the only way she can sleep now. And I can't do anything about it.

I find her crying in her room at night, but every time I try to talk to her she brushes it off like it's nothing. My dad on the other hand hardly talks to me now, afraid to address my fears, to answer my questions. I am watching my parents going further away from each other, every single day. And I can't seem to do anything about it, " I said choking on a sob.

All of them were quietly listening to me, and I could hear Ash sniffling, but I couldn't bring myself to look at their faces.

With my own tears threatening to fall, I took a deep breath and let out a low humorless chuckle. "It's fucked up but it is what it is. You guys can't do anything about it, and neither can I."

I turned to walk away, when I heard Ash say, " Please don't go. "

But I didn't stop, I walked over to the door, and turned back to look at Neil, "You told me that there was nothing wrong in crying in front of someone. And I know that's true, but if I start crying now, I don't know if I could ever stop."

I walked out of the door slamming it shut behind me before anyone could say anything else.

Deep breaths Veronica. You got this.

I walked out of the school building, trying to calm myself down, and walked towards the parking lot.

As I entered the parking lot, I spotted Tyler's jeep parked right next to my car, and when I got closer I saw him and Courtney together. So they were skipping classes now? To plan a party?

Bullshit, I thought bitterly. 

She was giggling at something he said while rummaging through one of the shopping bags they had and Tyler was on his phone.

I walked over to my car without acknowledging anyone of them, hoping to leave without having any sort of conversation.

But no such luck.

"Veronica?" I heard Tyler call me and I reluctantly looked at him. As soon as he saw my face, he suddenly straightened up and looked alarmed.

Bloody hell, did I look that bad?

Although Courtney seemed completely oblivious, and she started walking towards me with a wide smile and waved, "Hello."

"Hell no, " I muttered and got inside my car before she could reach me.

I started my car and backed out of the parking lot, pointedly avoiding both of their shocked stares and drove away.

That was a mess I'd have to clean up later. But I couldn't care any less about it, right now.

My phone was blowing up the entire drive to my house but I didn't even bother to look at it.

I just wanted to get home and talk to mom, to make sure she was okay and then finally put an end to this shitty day.