“Rainy!”

I jumped at the sound of my name being called.

“What’s taking you so long?” The same voice asked from somewhere outside the dingy, brick cubicle. The smell of salt water was in the air, mixed with seaweed and other mysterious things found in the river.

“Uh, nothing,” I said, not knowing how to explain. Instead, I came out of the toilet to where Reece was waiting for me; board shorts on, shirt off.

A frown creased his eyebrows immediately. “Why aren’t you in your bathers?” He asked, confused.

“Um…” I trailed, reaching to fiddle with the end of my plait before remembering I had my hair up. My hand was back beside me the next moment.

“Oh. Is it something that I don’t want to know?” He asked, visibly cringing.

“God no!” I exclaimed, clapping a hand over my mouth. My hand muffled the laughter at the red in his cheeks. He dropped his eyes before giving me the finger. I bit my lip to silence myself before explaining.

“No, it’s not… that…You know how I got bathers off Quinn so that I didn’t have to go home first?” I asked. He nodded, dark eyes still to the sand beneath our feet. “Well it’s a bikini.”

Reece lifted his eyes to meet mine, one of his eyebrows raised. “And?”

Didn’t he know me at all?

“And,” I said with exasperation. “I don’t wear bikinis. You know what I’m like.”

He nodded. Of course he knew. It was hard not to. It was the same reason I never wore tight fitting dresses or really short shorts. I hated my body.

“Princess, it’s just me,” he said, stepping towards me and taking my hand. “It’s freaking freezing, there’s no one around except me and you know I’m not going to judge you. Not that there is anything to judge…” He trailed, flashing me his most convincing smile.

“But-“ I started to say, my face drooped into a pout.

“But nothing. I want to swim,” Reece whined, and then put his hands together in a begging gesture. “Please?”

I looked down at the red bag Quinn had given me and sighed. “Fine. I’ll be out in a minute.”

His face brightened into a huge grin, stretching across his entire face. “Thank you!”

I went back into the cubicle and got out the two pieces of forest-patterned material. They were really pretty, but-

No, I stopped myself. I wasn’t going to argue this. I really wanted to swim as well. I could always run straight to the water and dive in if I felt so uncomfortable. That way he couldn’t see any of the things I hated most.

I slipped out of my sweats and into the bathers, adjusting them for a few minutes until I was ready. I took a deep breath and unlocked the door. Swinging the bag over my shoulder, I stepped out, eyes glued to the ground.

Reece’s eyes were on me, I knew that, but I just walked until I saw his feet in front of me. “Shall we? It’s cold,” I said, shivering for emphasis.

“Oh, uh… Yeah,” he stumbled.

Huh?

Reece was the most well-spoken, confident person I knew. I had never heard him screw up a sentence. Especially not one so basic that kindergarteners could say it better. To say I was confused would be a large understatement.

My eyes found their way to his face and widened in surprise. He looked me up and down before his eyes lingered on mine.

“Beautiful,” he said. My cheeks reddened at his comment while inside, a million butterflies were set loose. I didn’t know what to say, so I stayed quiet.

“Damn,” he muttered, shaking his head with a dorky grin. “Okay, we have to go.”

He grabbed my hand and pulled me down the dirt track, thick greenery on either side of us. At the end, it opened out to the river mouth. Expansive blue ocean thinning into a narrow river with dark grey storm clouds rolling in over the top. Wind gusted across the shore but despite that, the water looked calm. Peaceful.

Until two fourteen-year-olds went and ruined the peace. We sprinted down the sand dunes and to the water, not thinking about the icy bite it had to it until we’d both dived underneath.

Being underwater was like nothing else. The feeling of weightlessness, of freedom, that came with it was surreal. My hair splayed out behind me as I swam below the surface, only coming up when I needed to breathe. I could feel the salt crusting my hair as I let my feet hit the sand, searching for another head.

“Maybe this wasn’t the best idea,” I said after Reece emerged from under the water, a few metres further out than I was. “It’s so cold.”

“Totally worth it,” he replied quickly, shaking his hair like a wet dog, droplets nearly reaching me. “Just, please, for my sake. Can you please explain to me what exactly is wrong with those bathers?”

I swam out a bit further so that I was with Reece. I could no longer touch the bottom so I had to tread water to keep my head up.

“There’s barely any fabric there and I’m not Hannah or Laney or Quinn. I don’t have the type of body that they all do. I’m not thin, I can’t wear things like they can.”

The lapping of water was the only sound for a moment, along with a  few light gusts of wind. Reece seemed like he was in the middle of an internal debate. From the crease in between his eyebrows to the distant look in his eyes. He was caught up in his mind.

He must have sorted it out, as he finally refocussed on me. “I don’t know how to put this without sounding like an idiot,” he admitted, scratching the back of his neck. “But Hannah and Laney are twigs; literally just skin and bone. I think it’s the other way around, that they can’t wear things like you can. You make them look like-” He didn’t finish the sentence. I assumed it was because he didn’t want to say anything bad about them. He was the kind of guy that didn’t have a bad word about anyone. This wasn’t surprising.

“Anyway, my point is those bathers work in your favour and you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable in them,” he summed up.

I shrugged. “You’ve tried before and you’ll try again, but you know you’re never going to change what I think of myself.”

Reece looked sad, as water started to fall on us from above. “I hope you’re wrong.”

I did too.

A crack of thunder burst across the darkening sky, and everyone knows what follows after thunder.

“Time’s up,” Reece said, turning back to the shore. I followed, hanging onto his arm until I could feel the sand beneath my feet again. We raced across the sand and to the place we’d left our bags, running back up the path to take cover in the restrooms.

“I should call Mumma,” I said, looking up at the sky. The first bolt of lightning shot across the sky; a brilliant flick of light that divided the sky. I flinched.

“We’re not expected home until five. We still have an hour to go. Why don’t we just hang here until the storm clears then ride our bikes home?” Reece offered, taking a seat at the changing room bench in the public restroom.

So that’s where we spent the next hour, staring up at the sky with Reece laughing at me every time I flinched at the lightning. It wasn’t my fault that I was scared of storms.

It seems Reece and I have a thing for getting ourselves stuck in uncomfortable places during bad weather. No lightning yet, but there is still time.

“Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask you for I don’t know, a year,” Reece starts, sounding a little nervous. His voice is shaking, as is his hand. Although that could just be the cold. “How are you doing with all your stuff?”

There is a big emphasis on my stuff, meaning he’s not interested in my family right now. I shake my head, crossing my arms over my chest. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

He turns to face me, sitting with his arms around his knees, intense eyes on mine. “You have to.”

“I don’t have to do anything,” I fight back. This is something I shouldn’t talk about. Not with Quinn who has been with me through all of it, and certainly not with someone who hasn’t spoken to me in a year.

“Sorry, you don’t have to,” he says, weaving his fingers together. “You need to.”

I sigh. “I don’t want to.”

“I know.”

“Then why are you asking?” I’m incredulous. He has seldom asked a question that he knows I don’t want to answer.

He rolls his eyes. “Because I don’t care if you want to.”

“Fine then,” I say, relenting. I still won’t tell him the truth.

He seems content with my agreement. “So, how are you?”

“Fine,” I say, trying to sound convincing. I flash him my best smile, trying to make it as real as possible.

His face falls, seeing right through me. He shoots me a dubious look. “You’re not fine.”

“You don’t know that,” I tell him, my voice harsh.

“Have you seen you? You’re thinner than a twig, Princess.”

I try not to flinch at the old nickname that accidentally slipped out of Reece’s mouth. I deduce that he tried as well, failing when his face betrayed him with a wince.

I shake the name off, clearing my head so that I could get onto the real issue. “Do I really look that bad?” I ask, heart pounding slightly faster. Do I really want to know the answer to this, knowing he won’t lie? My eyes flick down to my shoes, my current favourite scenery.

“You could never look bad, not to me.” He pauses – not helping my heart’s beats – clearly not wanting to say the next bit. There is a ‘but’ coming, I can hear it in his voice. “But you’re too thin. It’s unhealthy.”

I roll my eyes. I’m pretty clear how unhealthy I am, you know, from the bones threatening to poke out of my skin. “Yeah, no shit.”

“You don’t eat?” He figures out, eyebrows knitted together.

“Can’t,” I shrug.

“Bullshit.”

“Fine,” I relent again. “I don’t want to.”

“Why not?” Reece pesters, even though it’s as if he doesn’t want the answer.

I hesitate, not knowing how to explain. “Well, because all the foods I like, Landon liked too. It sounds stupid, I know, but everything reminds me of him.”

Reece goes quiet for a minute in understanding. “It’s not stupid,” he mutters. “What do you eat then?”

“Uh, toast,” I tell him, biting my lip. One of the only foods my brother didn’t eat. He would eat things as exquisite as duck, snails and clafoutis, but never something as bland as warmed up bread.

Reece frowns, rubbing his hand up his arm until it hit his black shirt. “Is that it?”

“Some fruits as well,” I explain. Only mangoes and pears though, and definitely not strawberries.

“That’s all?” His eyebrows shoot up so that they almost disappear into the hair falling over his forehead.

I nod, keeping a straight, emotionless face.

“No wonder you’re so thin,” Reece comments.

“Huge mystery, hey?” I can’t keep the sarcasm from my voice as I tug my jacket further over my hands. They’re getting cold again.

Reece crosses his arms in a determined sort of way. “Well, I’m going to have to fix that.”

“You’re going to fix one of my many problems?” I ask, unable to conceal my doubt.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Reece fires back, immediately on his guard. I subtly slide a little further away from him. The scuffling of my dress against the dirt is covered by the wind. He doesn’t notice.

“You think that after tonight everything is going to go back to the way it was a year ago?” I voice my thoughts, my hands clenching into fists. “No. You and I both know that everything is going to go back to the way it has been. You won’t pretend I exist enough to ‘fix’ me.”

“For fucks sake, Rainy,” he grumbles, gruffly getting to his feet. “I thought you were over that. That we-“ he gestures between us “-were past this.”

I thought so too.

Until I woke up from my dream in Fairytale Land and came back to the real world. Reece has changed. I’ve changed. My problems aren’t important to him, just like I won’t be important to him once we’re out of this place.

I shake my head, anger building up inside me like lava in a volcano. Instead of exploding, I seethe my words out like a snake’s venom.

“I guess not.”

We sit at opposite ends of the farmhouse, glaring at each other without saying a word. We seem to be going in circles; enemies, acquaintances, friends, and back again. I guess we’re back to square one.

A deep rumble sounds from the sky above until suddenly, a crack. I look through the gaps in the wooden walls just in time to see a bolt of lightning strike through the sky. I flinch.

The next sound doesn’t come from the sky, but instead something much closer. His voice is smooth but harsh, and coated in a patronizing tone.

“Still scared of storms, are we Princess?”