“Favourite colour?”

“Still dark blue.”

This back and forth has been going for a little while. After a little convincing and a lot of apologising, Reece talked me into playing QNA. We always played this when we were kids, mostly if one of us wasn’t telling the other something. Reece suggested it was a good way to get to know each other again, so here we are.

“What about yours?” I ask, leaning my head against the wall of the shack. We ended up sitting down again, side by side, with our backs against the walls. The wind isn’t as strong here and the rain doesn’t seep through the cracks either. It’s essentially the best place to get set up for the night.

“Same. Always.” A wide grin stretches his face with his response, taking me back to when we were twelve, playing QNA in my house after we confessed our crushes.

“Dark blue,” Reece responded, in answer to my question of his favourite colour. I smiled at that; we had the same favourite.

“Why did you pick this room?” He continued, eyeing off my shoebox room with a hidden meaning behind his words. What he really meant was ‘out of all the rooms in this mansion-sized house, why would you pick the one that is the size of some of the walk in robes?’

I shrugged my tiny shoulders, falling back on my bed. My eyes roamed the pale ceiling. “I’m not quite sure,” I lied.

The mattress dipped to my left where Reece had just lay down beside me. “Yes you are,” he told me.

“I know,” I said, fiddling with my plaits again.

“Then why aren’t you telling me?” He turned on his side to face me, and I could feel his dark eyes bearing a hole in the side of my head. He wasn’t mad that I wasn’t telling him, just confused.

“Well,” I paused, biting my lip. “You’ll think I’m stupid.”

Out my peripheral vision I saw him roll his eyes. “You could never be stupid to anyone, especially not to me.”

I was conflicted. My reasoning for this was so snobby and I was afraid he wouldn’t like me anymore. Then again, he was my best friend; it would take something more than a snobby comment to lose him.

Sighing, I turned on my side to match him, keeping my eyes on his light grey t-shirt instead of his face. “It’s just that this house is huge. It makes me feel so… unimportant. Insignificant. Don’t get me wrong I like that we can afford a house like this, but I wish it wasn’t as big. So when I got to choose my room I picked the smallest one.”

He gave me a doubtful look, eyebrows raised, mouth turned into an upturned line. "You think that makes you stupid?"

"W-well," I stuttered, looking down at our hands, now interlaced. "Yeah. I-I did. Everyone who comes here thinks that I have the best house and wish they lived in such a place. They look at me as if I'm from another planet when I say I don't like it."

Reece shook his head, his black tufts of hair falling across his forehead. He brushed them out of the way of his chestnut eyes before speaking. "And you thought I'd be the same as everyone else?"

I didn't respond, not knowing how to. Did I think he was going to have the same reaction? I suppose I did, despite knowing he was unlike anyone else I'd ever met. He wasn't full of judgement. He was accepting. He was calm. He didn't have strong opinions about much until it came to something he was passionate about. He was utterly unique, so I should have expected he wouldn't have the same reaction. 

"Believe it or not my princess," he started, his voice a tone of sincerity. "I don't come here for your house. I don't think you're from another planet. Well, not because of your view on your house,"  he winked. 

I shoved his shoulder in a playful gesture and rolled my eyes. He continued. "But seriously. I'm not like Hannah or Laney or Quinn, or any of the other people that come here. I like your choice. It makes me not worried about when we get married, because I don't think we'll have a house like this. It's pretty cool knowing you don't care."

I couldn't say anything but laugh and after a minute of hysteria, Reece joined me. I wasn't laughing at his words or what he said. I wasn't laughing at the serious yet joking way he spoke. I was laughing because I was happy, knowing that I had my future already planning out. 

In that moment, I was content; content with my life in a way I never thought possible. I had a great childhood, but none of the twelve years before that moment had I been as happy. I was comfortable - happy, even - with the girl I was. I had a fantastic best friend and a great larger group of classmates. My family was whole without any cracks in our structure. And I was happy. 

Something I haven't been in what feels like a long time.

"Are you okay?" The deep, familiar voice brings me back from my childhood, to the reality that is the cold night. His head is tilts toward mine with a faint look of concern hidden in the depths of his eyes, much more knowing than the ones I'd faced in my memory. 

I take a deep breath and hold it, before letting it all out. As good as the memory was, we are trying to get to know each other again. So I push the thoughts of twelve year old Reece to the back of my mind and nod. "Yeah, I'm okay."

“Okay then, my turn. Where is your favourite place?” Reece glances over at me with a slight smile, before turning to look straight ahead of him. A frown spreads across my face. I really dislike this question.

I wait a beat before trying to skim over the question with one of my own. “What’s your favourite sport?”

He doesn’t take it. “Why won’t you tell me?”

“You’ll think I’m stupid,” I mumble, eyes glued to the dirt. I twine and untwine my fingers before moving them to the ends of my plaits.

“I doubt that.” His voice doesn’t waver, holding all the confidence in the world. My cheeks flame at his response, but thankfully it’s too dark for him to see it. I curse myself for still having that reaction to his words.

“My favourite place is home,” I say, hoping he doesn’t get the meaning behind it. I risk a glance in his direction and find his frown; dark eyebrows pulled together, lips turned down.

“I thought you didn’t like your house.”

Damn.

“I don’t.”

I’m not going to lie to him, but I don’t want to tell him the truth. Instead, I’m trying to avoid the truth without lies. Will it work? I doubt it.

“I’m confused.”

He sounds it. I try to hide my smile but end up sending my soft laughter around the shack. Reece’s eyes turn hard, stopping my laughter with a silencing look.

“Sorry.” I bite my lip to keep from grinning. “I’m not trying to confuse you.”

“Then would you explain why your favourite place is home but you don’t like your house? It makes no sense.”

I sigh but figure why not? It’s not likely that I will talk to him again after tonight, and his reputation will keep him from saying anything to anyone.

“I hate my house, especially now,” I start, my voice a whisper among the wind in the rustling trees. “But my house is not my home.”

Reece takes a minute to respond, while all I can hear from him is his steady breathing. “Then where’s home?” He finally asks. His voice is void of all anger and frustration. He’s just curious, like a child; wanting to know everything.

“That is not something I will allow myself to say,” I inform him, hoping he understands not to push it. It would only result in an argument; something I was tired of participating in.

My eyes roam to his and in them, I can see he wants to know. Instead, he sticks his lips together and nods in acceptance.

“Your turn,” he says as a strong gust of wind blows outside. Various natural objects fall on the tin roof and I flinch at every noise. Reece grins, looking like the Mad Hatter.

I know he won’t want to talk about this, but I can tell it’s eating him up inside. I scoot a little to the right so I’m further away from him, before collecting my words.

“What’s happening at home?”

His reaction is immediate. Subtle. Tense. His whole body freezes as if he’s stuck in an ice block, only moving his eyes. He blinks as though he’s in shock, before turning his whole body to face me, eyes blazing.

Before he says anything, I interrupt. “Reece, I know you don’t want to talk about it. I can see what it’s doing to you and you need to let it out. It will help.”

I feel like such a hypocrite; getting him to tell me his problems while getting angry when he brings up mine.

As if reading my mind he shoots his eyebrows up, sending me a dubious look. “You’re one to talk.”

“I can handle my problems on my own,” I tell him, confidence taking my voice. “I am handling them. You, however, have never been good at handling difficult situations on your own. I can see what this is doing to you. You need to talk.”

He doesn’t respond. Not for a while. The silence thickens the air like the smell after rain, as the wind blows gusts outside. We are now protected from the wind, it no longer coming at such an angle to affect us. Regardless, I shiver.

“Okay.” Reece finally turns to face me just as another shiver makes my body tremble. He slides his arm around my small frame as if it is nothing, before continuing to talk.

“Everything at home has gotten worse. Especially since last year…” He trails off. I pull my knees up to my chest and lean into his shoulder, nudging him to continue.

“When I was really little and Mum was still around, I only have good memories of Dad. Every Sunday he would take me to the oval and kick the footy with me. Once a week he would take me fishing or bowling as well. He was the best father anyone could ever hope for.” I can hear the smile in his voice as he reminisces, but I know it isn’t going to last.

“Then Mum died, as you know. I was eleven so I could understand what happened to Mum, but not what happened to Dad. Gradually, all our activities were replaced with him sitting in the recliner with the blinds closed, and a bottle of beer permanently glued to his hand.

“Of course, Ellie was only one at the time, so I had to look after her, with the help of you and your family of course.” His fingers trace circles in my shoulder and his voice goes between calm and angry.

“I couldn’t understand why Dad drank but every time I got home from your house, I’d only have time to put Ellie to bed before he called me out to the lounge.” I can hear his jaw working as he grows tense beside me.

“He-” Reece stops, shaking his head. I know he won’t continue and I don’t push him to. I know what happened.

“Anyway. I kept saying to myself, ‘just a few more weeks and he’ll clean up his act’. ‘Just a few more weeks and he’ll give up the drink’. ‘Just a few more weeks and we’ll be a family again’. But that never happened.” His breathing is hard, as if he has just run for miles. He rests his head on top of mine. I feel water drip onto my hair.

“Instead now, he goes out to the pub and barely comes home. I have to be the parent of an eight year old and take care of her, while taking care of myself as well. I have to focus on finishing school; getting good enough grades so that I can go to university and take Ellie with me. I can’t do it by myself.” His breathing slows but I feel more tears seeping into my hair than before.

“I just can’t.”

I stay quiet; waiting for the right moment to talk so that he will hear me. I count to twelve in my head then speak. “You can and you will,” I say, reaching for his other hand. “You don’t have to do it alone.”

At that he pulled away from me a bit, looking me in the eyes with his dark, wet ones. He doesn’t get it.

“I know I haven’t really been around for the last year. Not after-”

“Don’t,” he cuts me off, closing his eyes as if he’s in pain.

“You know when I mean anyway. I know I haven’t been around but you could have always come to me and my family. We would never leave you to do all this on your own.”

He pulls me back towards him and I know him well enough to know why; it’s so that I can’t see his eyes.

“I know. But I thought after all of that,” he says, voice shaking, leaving him vulnerable. “I thought you hated me. Plus, you had enough to deal with without me adding to that.”

It was a bad time for the truth, but I couldn’t lie to him. “I did hate you,” I mutter with a frown. “Well, I thought I did. It was the easy way to stop feeling anything for you. The only emotion as strong – if not stronger than – love is hate.”

I pause, before adding, “By the way, you would’ve been a nice distraction for us.”

He doesn’t say anything. I feel his agreement but don’t hear it.

It’s only a while later that his tears stop falling and his voice quietly moves into the air. “Can you ever forgive me for that night?”

I don’t answer.

I don’t know the answer.

I don’t know if I could forgive him.

Instead, I lean my head on his shoulder, thinking back to a treasured memory of Reece that I had locked away in a drawer in my mind for so long. Tentatively, I twist the handle of the draw and pull it open, letting the vivid colours of the river replace the darkness in my head. 

****

Hey there lovely readers!! It has been a few days since my last upload and yes, that happens. Don't worry, I still love this story and am about to start the next chapter but I am about to get super busy, so if you don't hear from me for a while don't worry, I'm alive. The story is alive. I've just got school again soon. Anyway, I hope you're enjoying this.