-Chapter 6

' The worst kind of pain is when you're smiling just to stop the tears from falling'

Another day in this place i call hell ... that kinda contrasts with the whole white heaven symbolism but yeah this place is fucking hell. Last night was eventful sneaking out with Michael , stargazing , finding out stuff about each other oh and not forgetting getting chased by the night duty security guards. I keep replaying the night over and over in my head especially the part before with both drifted off to sleep.

''Do you like him... Calum. Do you like Calum?.'' he asked

 'I dont know... i'm confused... Michael do you like me?'' i had to ask him ... i could have something with Calum but ruin it because of a guy who i thinks like me who probably doesn't. 

 'Yeah.'' he spoke quietly probably hoping i didn't hear. 

 'Oh.'' is all i replied before closing my eyes and letting sleep overtake me.

So he likes me?

EW DON'T BE STUPID LOOK AT YOU.

GROSS WHY WOULD HE LIKE YOU?

YOU'RE UGLY 

YOU'RE A FREAK.

FUCKING SLUT KISSING CALUMS BEST FRIEND

I shook my head trying to get rid of the negative thoughts that were ringing around my head. I got up jumping down from the bunk and looked under the bed where the pink haired boy was laying. Eyes closed. Breathing heavily. He looked so peaceful sleeping there i was mesmerized by his beautiful features... did i just?

''Like what you see?'' he spoke. My eyes widened and i looked away from him blushing slightly. I can't believe ... wait his eyes aren't open how does he know?!

''I dont know what you're talking about.'' i rolled my eyes , his beautiful green eyes fluttered open looking up at me a small smile breaking out on his face.

''I could sense you burning holes into me.''

''Well your senses must be wrong.''  i said folding my arms leaning against one of the draws.

''Just admit it.'' 

''Nothing to admit.'' i smirked shaking my head.

''Didn't your mother teach you not to lie.''

 '' But i'm not lying.''

''Just admit it.''

''No.''

''Come on admit you were staring at my beauty.'' he said which made me burst out laughing.

'Nothing to admit Mikey.''

''Did you just call me Mikey?'' he laughed sitting up and walking over to where i was standing.

''No.''

''Your such a bad liar.'' he laughed getting closer and closer to me making my heart beat faster and faster with every step he took closer.

''N-No i'm a good one.''

''Ah so you were lying?'' he smiled , Damn he caught me out on this one.

'Fine i did call you Mikey.''

''And?...''

''And what?''

''You were staring at me while i was asleep.''

''N-...No.''

'Why are you stuttering then?'' he raised his eyebrows.

'Because you make me nervous.''

''I do?'' he smirked that famous little smirk stepping closer his feet touching mine as he looked down at me smiling. His smile really did bring out his pink candyfloss like hair that was beginging to fade.

'N-No i mean Yeah bu-'' i was shut up by a pair of lips on mine and hands softly caressing my cheek and neck. At first my instant reaction was too kiss back which i did but after a minute i remembered Calum... I already kissed him yesterday then kissed Michael later on that same night. I'm still confused and if Calum or any of the guys or Ana found out i was having a fling with both of them they would think of me as a slag or worse.

You are a slut.

Look at  yourself , You're a embarrassment

How could you do this? Little whore.

I pushed Michael back a little and his eye brows furrowed , his smile dropping and his hands falling to his sides. Michael stepped back and opened his mouth but quickly shut it again.

''No.'' is all i said.

''Why? I thought you liked me.'' 

''I never said that Michael.'

'But you kissed me last night !''

''I also kissed Calum.''

''It's him isn't it you like him bettter then me because... because i'm a freak.'' his voice was becoming louder it was a side of Michael i rarely saw and i wasn't a fan of it.

''No! Of course not Michael. You're not a frea-'

''THEN WHY?!  I TOLD HIM !! I TOLD HIM TO LEAVE YOU ALONE. I TOLD HIM I LIKED YOU.''

'Michael please calm down.'' i said reaching for his hand which he pulled away from my grip , grabbing a hoodie and a pair of shoes , Sprinting off out of the room. I felt the need to chase after him but what help would that do?.

I let out a deep sigh and one of the nurses walked in with a tablet and a glass of water i pointed her in the direction Michael went in then took my tablet with the water and sat down. One thing i don't understand is why these tablets don't even help the voices in my head i swear they're just given to make us feel better when in reality they do nothing.

****

I was currently sat in one of my counciling sessions. It wasn't a 1 on 1 thing it was with a bunch of people we all sat in a circle and took turns to speak  i am sort of familiar with everyone now. We have Oliver who has severe OCD he's 23 and used to be a lawyer in the city he was admitted here a month before i was. Next to him Billy who is 17 he is bulimic and has been here for 4 weeks , Next to him with have Perrie shes 32 year old  mother of three and has extreme paranoia she was admitted here a month ago. Next to her its Sam he's only 16 and has schizophrenia then next to him we have Cat who is 19 and has a self harm addiction shes only been here for a week , then we have 45 year old Sue who has been here for 2 months she has tried to kill herself multiple times , then there is Anastsia who is anorexic and has bad anxiety issues which i knew before hand. Then there is me Charlotte 17 depression and suicidal thoughts.

The only good thing about these sessions is that i get to do it with Ana we seem to be friends which is good , Calum seems to have been avoiding me all day which was sort of odd i asked Anastasia but she didn't have a answer as to why. I also told her about Michael in which she was surprised i told her everything i don't know why i just did. 

Half way through the session Michael walked outside and sat down not even giving apology to our councillor Mary-Jane. He just sat there , stayed quiet and listened. I still didn't know what was wrong with him , i don't think many people do. Anastasia told me its up to him to tell me meaning she knows but everyone else i ask seem to just say 'Michael is Michael.'. I guess who only trusts a few people i wonder if i will ever be one of them. The other boys Luke , Ashton and Calum... soon joined in to listen probably seeing if Michael would actually open up which we all know he won't. Calum looked over at me and i smiled at him he smiled a little then glanced away then sending his eyes to the floor again... Strange.

See he's regretting it.

God you must look ugly today

He knows that your a slut

He probably found out what a whore you are.

Ew

Haha how could you ever believe he even liked you.

Look at yourself.

What was i even thinking he actually liked me? He probably did regret it after all look at me? He could have any girl including one thats not living in a psychiatric hospital for starters. I need to speak to him after this session.

When it gets to my turn i pass and then only Sam and Cat are left to speak , they only speak briefly then the session is over. Everyone gets back and goes back to doing whatever they were previously doing. 

''Calum!'' i call , i can see him walking...speed walking.

''CALUM!'' i yell. He's either death or ignoring me.

Ignoring you obviously

Leave him alone you freak

Obsessed much.

Pushing the thoughts behind me i run ahead barging pass Oliver and Perrie. I grab his wrist softly and he turns around sighing.

''Were you ignoring me back there or are you death?'' i laughed. His face was serious and my smile dropped as my eyes dropped to my feet. My shoes now becoming more interesting.

''Look Charlotte. I like you. I do. I don't want you to feel like i don't.''

''Then why are you acting strange.'' i mumbled

''Jheez i can't ... ''

' I-I-I don't understand'' i say truthly i don't get what he is trying to say. Calum takes my hand in his and leads me over to the chairs and sits on one gesturing me to sit on the next one in which i do.

''Look Charlotte i can't like you in this way anymore. I do i really have strong feelings for you but Micha-''

''Michael? What has he said? I can't fucking believe this!'' i stand up.

''No .. No sit down please. It's my fault he really likes you and he called dibs i don't know what i was thin-''

''I'm not something you can call dibs on !'' i yelled now i was getting pissed.

''Charlotte no! Please sit down.'' he said , I sat down taking a deep breath.

''Michael really likes you. I've never seen him act like this around someone before the incident.''

''What is this big incident?'' i asked

''I can't tell you its not my place.''

''Ugh!! Can you at least tell me how the hell he's been here for so long? 6 months is a long time i didn't think you could stay in here for that long.''

''His parents and the record label pay for him to be here. Well the record label paid him to stay in here for at most 3 months then because he went back to his old ways as soon as he got released he clearly didn't get better so the record label dropped us as a band... His parents carried on the funds to keep him in here. If he does get better we might be able to get signed again... that is where you come into plans. You're special Charlotte. You make him happy... a smile. You make him actually happy. He even writes again now you're here.''

''He writes? Writes what ?'' i ask i have no idea what he is talking about.

''Last night when you snuck ou-''

''You know about that?''

''-Yeah... and that you kissed but don't worry i'm fine. Mr Candyfloss is kinda hard to resist right?'' he chuckled.

''He writes?...'' i carried on

''Oh right ... Yeah last night he wrote something i found it on the desk when i was looking for him in the room this morning. Before he ran off , when you went for the counseling session.'' Calum says reaching into his pockets and pulling out a piece of folded paper he handed it to me. I opened it up and scanned over the poetry that lied on the paper.

Stargaze. - Michael Gordan Clifford

As I look up at the many stars , of the clear midnight sky
Admiring the many works , of God that caught my eye

As I began to count and make out , all of the endless constellations
A tingling urge to compare to the beauty of you ; one of God’s most precious creations

Twinkle, twinkle brightly , My angel, my star
What an luminous light you have , drawing others towards you from afar

Now those stars? Look there! 
They remind me of your eye ;Glistening and gleaming. 
Like pure cut diamonds in the skies ...

'Thats all i could find.' Calum spoke breaking my out of my daze.

I never thought Michael would be such an amazing writer those words were beautiful. He truly has a great talent if he's good a poetry he must write amazing songs a well. I really want to know about his past.

'What are you doing!' a voice boomed in was Michael. His fists were clenched as he walked up to us both. Calum stood up from his chair his hands held up in surrender.

''I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE HER ALONE!.'' He yelled

''Look mate i was just explainin-''

''YOU DON'T NEED TO EXPLAIN SHIT.'' he said shoving Calum back , Calum stumbled a little back but regained his balance. Once again Charlotte to save the day , i moved in the middle of the two boys.

''Stop!. Look its my fault i asked to speak with him. I practically dragged him to sit down.'' i said. Michael looked from me back up to him and shook his head laughing.

''Your lying!.''

'No i am not. I admit i lied when i said i wasn't staring at you this morning and that i didn't call you Mikey they were lies. This isn't. I promise okay?'' Michael studied my face for a little bit and let out a deep sigh kicking a few rocks on the ground. Calum took this as a opportunity to walk away from the situation.

'Calum...'' Michael spoke

''Yeah?'' he asked turning around

''Sorry.''

''It's cool.'' he said walking back inside. Michael carried on kicking around a few rocks with his feet.

''Sorry for shouting at you this morning.I over reacted.'' he mumbled sitting down on the grass looking around the place. I nodded and sat down next to him our shoulders touching.

''Why did you tell Calum to leave me alone?''

''Because.''

''Because?''

''I really like you. I've never felt this way before about anyone. I didn't want Calum to get in the way and ruin my chance with someone who is ... changing me.''

''Changing you?''

''For the better! I'm feeling better. My therapist says im making progress since you've been here.. I'm... I'm... Happier around you.'' he said looking up at me.

''Oh.''

''Look i know i'm acting like a possessive bitch and i might be scaring the shit out of you. I know i can't control you and if you don't like me then thats fine but i just i don't know you mak-'' i stop him placing my palm on his cheek tilting his head up towards me and place my lips on his. Its a slow relaxing kiss. I pull away his shocked face soon turns into a small smile and i think i can even see a faint blush grow on his cheeks

'I think i like you too.'' i whisper. His smile grows making me smile as well , we're just sitting there staring at each other smiling we must look like right freaks. To be honest i don't think we even care. Michael stands up helping me up with him , we're once again staring at each other. Michaels eyes move towards the place of my lips then back up to my eyes making me laugh a little.

''Kiss me idiot!.'' i laugh , that's all i have to say for him to place his arms around my waist pushing me into him his lips coming in contact with mine. This time the kiss was full of hunger and want Michaels tongue began exploring mine making me let out a strangled moan. He pulled away smiling proud of himself as i blush heavily. He pecks me on my cheek about to place his hand in mine which is already occupied with the paper.

''What's this?'' he smiles taking it off me his smile drops and his eyes widen as he scans over the writing he looked back up at me.

''What is this?''

''Your wri-''

''I know what is is , How did you get it? Have you been touching my stuff! Did i say you could do that?!''  his voice is becoming louder and i know he's about to start shouting any minute now.

''N-No. Calum took it and showed me it.''

''Sorry.'' 

'Stop apologizing. It's fine i understand i would hate if someone was to touch my stuff Michael. But you're a really good writer you know.''

''I know. I guess. I've only started writing since the day you came here.''

''I know Calum told me.'' i smiled

''What hasn't Calum told you!..'' he mumbles under his breath.

''Why you're here...''

''Its about you.''

''What?''

'The poem.. its about you.''

''Really?'' i ask in shock ignoring the fact he has just changed the entire subject.

''Yeah. You've somehow made me smile , laugh , happy and write again in the space of a couple of days you're my My angel, my star.''he quotes from the piece of poetry making me smile.

''Read it to me please.'' i ask

''What no.'' he laughs

''Please.' i flatter my eyelashes and he sighs. Looking me in the eyes and begins to re-tell the beautiful piece of writing.

As I look up at the many stars , of the clear midnight sky
Admiring the many works , of God that caught my eye

As I began to count and make out , all of the endless constellations
A tingling urge to compare to the beauty of you ; one of God’s most precious creations

Twinkle, twinkle brightly , My angel, my star
What an luminous light you have , drawing others towards you from afar

Now those stars? Look there! 
They remind me of your eye ;Glistening and gleaming. 
Like pure cut diamonds in the skies ...

''AWWWWWWW.'' We hear a group coo and we turn around to find the other guys and Ana grinning from ear to ear. Michael rolls his eyes and i laugh at his reaction. He has gone rather red and it's a adorable site to see.

''Shut up.'' he laughs , Which make the group smile it must be nice seeing him laughing so much i'm quite proud i could possibly be the reason of that.

''Come on it's dinner time anyway we got PIZZA!!'' Ashton yelled happily and ran inside followed by everyone else.

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A/N

AHH Finally a update

Poor Charlum :(

YAY .... MICHAEL AND CHARLOTTE NEED A SHIP NAME GUYS!!

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Sorry guys i had my exams all last week.

I'm finished now but i'm still busy with coursework but i'll be updating my stories hopefully more.

Enjoy :) xo