My lips press together firmly to prevent any noise of pain from slipping past my lips. The nurse looks at me with sympathy, although he offers me no words of comfort, not that I expect him to. I signed up for this.

"The pain will likely fade, although it may flare up when the nanites reach certain parts of the body," Colonel Sage says. "For the most part, you will just feel very ill."

"Usually illness comes with pain and body aches," I reply. "At least, I think it does. I can't really remember how it felt to be sick."

"Unfortunately these nanites will remind you exactly how it feels. We estimate they will take about four to six weeks to completely turn off the accelerated reproduction of all your cells, but it may happen even faster since you've been given the weakening agent beforehand."

"How will we know?" Sam asks through the headset.

"We will meet again in about four weeks to take blood tests, although you will probably be able to tell if your runner happens to get her arm sliced open and it doesn't heal within five minutes."

I cringe. "Ah, you heard about that?"

He nods curtly. "I saw the report from Colonel De Luca. She mentioned how she believed the leather baby entity had managed to do significant damage to your arm, only to later see that you had only suffered a small cut. She mentioned needing to speak to Dr. Meyers in concern of how much you bled from such a small wound." His face twists into a frown of disapproval. "To get hurt like that with others around was very irresponsible."

I scoff. "Well, it's not exactly like I wanted to get hurt. If you're going to get on to me for anything, you should be scolding for letting A.N.N.I.E. get to me like she did. I'm going to guess you already know about that from Janine's report."

"I knew something was wrong even before then when I got word of you requesting to talk to Peter over coms that night," He says. "I'm sure he'll be looking for you when he gets word you are here, if he hasn't already."

Sam lets out an unsure noise. "Are we sure Peter should see her today? I mean, he might be suspicious that the two times she's come here she's gone to the hospital."

"There will be no need for her to stay here," Colonel Sage replies. "We do not need to take any blood work or do any tests until we meet up in about four weeks time. Mrs. Glover-Yao is free to leave the hospital now, if she'd like."

I perk up. "Really? Sweet!"

I hop down from the examination table, only to stumble and grab onto Sage's arm for support as black spots appear in my vision.

"Woah." I blink multiple times, waiting for my vision to clear. "Must've stood up too fast."

"Are you alright, darling?" Sam asks, and I hear this chair squeak as he straightens in concern.

"I-I'm okay. Just got a little dizzy." I let go of Sage's arm. "Sorry."

"It's quite alright," He says slowly, looking at the nurse with a raised brow. The nurse looks equally perplexed, which I can tell isn't an encouraging sight for Sam, who's seeing everything though my headcam.

I dust myself off and take a small step towards the door. "I'll just go see if I can find Peter, then."

As soon as I get outside of the door I sprint down the hallway, wanting to get as far away from that awkwardness as possible.

"What was that about?" Sam questions. "Were they surprised about the nanites affecting you so quickly?"

"Maybe," I reply. "I mean, I don't think it's anything vision related, or Catherine related."

"Or multiverse related?"

I roll my eyes. "They're only dreams, Sam."

"So was the visions until you were proven wrong."

"Don't know how I'd be proven wrong on this one, but alright," I say, slowing down when I reach the hospital doors. "My dreams about being an astronaut in the future where the world's dying or a girl in the Victorian ages or a Kinesiology major trying to stop a terrorist organization are probably just from something I've read in a book or on Roufflenet or in those fanfictions people in Abel write about us."

"Ugh, you read those?"

"You don't?"

"I'd rather not read about how other people envision our sex life, thanks."

I make a face. "I don't read those. I just read the cute ones, like the coffee shop AUs or the fantasy ones where I get written as a princess, or a knight. Or a princess knight!"

He laughs, and I find myself grinning along with him. "Well, if that's what you like, go right ahead. If I'm going to envision a different life for myself, I'll just go play Demons and Darkness. That way I get to choose what goes on in my story."

"That's what real life's for."

"Is it?"

I don't think Sam actually meant to say that out loud, mostly because of the silence that follows from both our ends. His words make me falter in my steps, but then I push onwards.

"I guess you have a point," I say with a forced shrug that he doesn't see. "Sometimes we don't always get to choose." I clear my throat. "But in the fanfiction, at least I'm always guaranteed a happy ending. I like getting to see myself live a happily ever after. Here I'm not even sure if my story will end with me living."

"How uncharacteristically gloomy of you."

I flinch harshly at the new voice, then give an annoyed huff when I see Peter snickering behind me. "Don't you know it's rude to sneak up on people?"

He places his hand to his chest in mock offense. "I wasn't sneaking. You just weren't paying attention. I'm assuming that voice in your ear is your dearly beloved?"

"Duh."

"Hm, too bad I don't have a headset or I'd tell him hello myself." He tips his head to the side. "Here for another supply swap?"

I grab my backpack strap. "Uh, yeah. And just thought I'd come for a visit, see how you were doing."

Peter cocks a pale brow. "We've spoken almost every other day since you asked to talk to me on coms almost two weeks ago. Did you really need to come all the way here to see how I was doing?"

"You make it sound like you don't want to see me," I say, crossing my arms, and he immediately shakes his head.

"Not at all. I just don't really get why you want to see me so badly. I'm sure it's quite boring in Abel without me, but I doubt it's gotten bad enough that you'd come all the way to Banktown for some entertainment. Did something happen?"

"No."

"Yes!" Sam all but shouts, and Peter's eyes widen.

"Did Sam just say yes in your headset?"

"No-hey!" I try to grab the headset he ripped off my head, but he holds it up over his own, making it too high for me to reach.

"Curse you and your tallness," I growl, and he just smirks before turning the volume of the headset up so both of us can hear.

"So what happened, exactly?" He asks.

"Not sure, exactly," Sam replies, "since Callista hasn't told me everything and Janine's report were vague on what happened when she was separated from Five. Did Sage happen to tell you about the run-in Callista, Janine and Amelia had with A.N.N.I.E. while out on a run with Jones?"

His eyes widen. "No."

"Oh. Well, yeah. A.N.N.I.E. trapped them and she cut me out from coms and cams so I couldn't do anything. But they had to run from the Glass Protocol and some weird clone creation of Five and leather babies-"

"Leather babies?"

"That's what they said. But there was a time when A.N.N.I.E. managed to separate Callista and Janine and she messed with Callista. She did it again when Janine and Callista were together and Janine said it was a lot of... screaming and other terrible audio clips."

"Can we not talk about this?" I ask.

"This is the first time you've left my side in about two weeks, so no," Sam replies. "Also you've been crying in your sleep."

"Crying in your..." Peter looks at me with shock. "What the hell, Five?"

I look away, my face pinching as my head begins to throb. Maybe it's the nanites, maybe it's this conversation, maybe I need a coffee. I'm not sure, but I do know I want away from here. "I should have known this was a bad idea."

I admit I have been clingy, but how can I not be after that ordeal? Sam and Peter are the only two left alive from those... those clips that A.N.N.I.E. played. And they aren't alive because of me. They're alive because of luck, because Sam happened to be immune and Simon's immortality proved to be obstinate. If it weren't for those two things, they'd be dead and it would be because of my mistakes.

I try not to blame myself for everything. I've been working really hard not to fall back into the cycle, but when I'm reminded of the things that are my fault, when I'm reminded of things that I truly could have stopped...

"Think of Peter, who became immortal only so that he could die for you over and over and over again."

"Poor Sam. He can't escape it forever. It will happen, Five. One day, your precious Sam Yao will die."

"I can't deal with this right now," I say, trying to keep my voice from wavering too much. I fail, if the look on Peter's face says anything. I quickly turn on my heel and walk off, the throbbing in my head turning into pounding as tears sting the backs of my eyes and blur my vision. I definitely need a coffee, or some other form of caffeine to cure this headache.

"Hey, hold on a minute," Peter says, grabbing my wrist to stop me. "What did A.N.N.I.E. say to you? It must've been horrible if you won't even tell Sam about it."

"It was, and that's exactly why I won't tell you about it. Or Sam." I mean for my words to come out as firm, but with how badly my voice is shaking I really just sound pathetic.

"You promised you'd tell me," Sam argues, and I glance around to make sure no one is near before replying.

"I promised I'd tell you about any visions or dreams I had. Had nothing to do with A.N.N.I.E."

"Sweetheart, please."

"I said no. I came here to spend some time with my friend, but if it's going to be like this, I'll just go home, and I'll turn my headset off if you keep trying to ask questions."

His voice drops, morphing into a dangerous tone. "Don't you dare."

"We're trying to help," Peter says, and at that I rip myself from his grasp, a few tears slipping from my lashes.

"But you can't! You can't turn back time. You can't-" My voice breaks. "You can't erase my failures!"

There's silence for one beat, then two.

"Your... your failures?" Sam repeats, and I nod.

"The audio clips she played-they were... It was Archie, and Sarah and Willis and Caleb and-and Wesley-everyone who I failed to save. She was doing it to get my heartrate, so the Glass Protocol would be able to find me easier, but I can't stop thinking about it! I can't stop remembering how all of it was because I wasn't fast enough. I wasn't strong enough. And you two are the only ones out of the dozens I've failed that are still alive and I..." I wipe my face. "It's so hard, trying not to let it consume you. When you thought you'd moved on and then it's all brought back up again-"

"Five-o, sorry, but when the hell have you failed me?" Peter scoffs, and I look at him as if he's grown two heads.

"Are you serious? At the ice cream tower."

He rolls his eyes. "I volunteered to do that."

"And I didn't stop you! I didn't stop Sam from going after Anna when she had Sarah. I should have been the one to do that-both of those things!"

"You would have died!" Sam exclaims.

"How many times have I let someone else die in my place? The only reason you two are alive is because of luck, and I..." I trail off, having a hard time finding the words. "When she brought it back up, when I'm forced to remember it all over again, it brings back all that guilt... It sometimes feels like it's eating me alive."

Peter sighs. "Believe me when I say I know what it's like to feel that kind of guilt. It doesn't... it doesn't just go away within a day, or a year or five years."

"We all carry guilt, love," Sam says. "Some of us just hide it better."

I think back of the talks I had with Sam concerning his fear of keeping us safe, his fear of being bad at his job.

I sniffle and rub my temples, my headache not ceasing for even a moment as I cry. "Now that it's all been brought back up, it feels like it'll never end."

Peter puts his arm around my shoulder. "I know. But we both know it's not true. Come on. Let's find somewhere to sit down. There's not any people here right now, but I'm sure we don't want some passerby trying to stick their nose into your business."

I give a watery smile. "Like how you and Sam stuck your nose into my business."

"He's your husband and I'm your best friend. We have the right do to that."

"That so?"

"Didn't you read the terms and conditions in our marriage contract?" Sam asks. "It states that I'm allowed to butt into your business whenever I please and vice versa. Always read the fine print, sweetheart."

I laugh weakly, eyes still brimming with tears.

"Now come on," Peter says. "I'm sure there's at least one reading room in the library that's not being used."

•

My head is still pounding, even though it's been hours since my little breakdown. It persists when Peter, Sam and I talk, my tears drying up. It persists when I run home and finally come through the gates. It persists as Maxine checks me for bites, only to find none.

It persists now as I sit in the shower, letting hot water hit the top of my head as I sit down with my arms around my knees, hugging them close to my chest.

Sam is waiting on the other side of the shower curtain, seeming to not want to leave me alone after my little confession. It's sweet, even though I told him he doesn't have to wait right outside my shower since he could get wet. He said he didn't mind and I frankly don't have the strength to argue.

I'm drained from running all the way home, yes, but I'm even more drained from the crying. It's that type of drained where you feel empty, almost. There's still a type of sadness there, but you just don't have the energy to cry anymore. You just want to sleep.

I just want to sleep. This headache though seems to want to keep me from doing just that.

"I love you," I murmur, my voice barely loud enough to be heard over the water. "More than anything."

"I love you too," Sam replies.

"I don't... I know it's inevitable, but A.N.N.I.E., she reminded me that one day you'd... and then she just replayed that audio when you got bitten and-" I choke on a sob. "I don't know what would become of me if I lost you."

"You're not going to lose me," He says sweetly, assuringly, and I pull back the shower curtain just enough to poke my face out, which startles him a little bit. "If anything, I'm more worried it be the other way around. I know you don't think so, but I'm not sure Abel would be able to function without you."

"You put me too high on a pedestal."

"I don't."

"You do."

"I don't." He puts his finger under my chin to force me to look at him. "You are Head of Runners for a reason. Don't go back to thinking of yourself as replaceable."

"It's hard."

His smile is sad. "I know. It's not always a straight line of progress. But I promise you won't ever have to worry about me leaving you."

Such strong words that promise holds, a promise I can't hold him to because he can't be sure he'll keep it.

Pain shoots up my head and I grit my teeth, disappearing behind the shower curtain to let my head drop under the running water in a attempt to relieve the pain.

"Lovely? Are you alright?"

"F-fine, just this dang headache."

"Do you think it's the nanites?"

I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to find some sort of relief in the darkness. "I don't know. Maybe? I mean, it's not the type of pain that comes from a vision, and it's lasting too long to be any other headache I've had before. Maybe Sage set them to go from top to bottom. He has the control box."

I insisted he keep it since everyone in Banktown respects him enough to not go snooping through his things. If we bought it here, Nicole or Milo or anyone else who can't help but look might get their hands on it and accidently make the nanites stop my heart or something.

Sam lets out a small hum in reply, and I crack an eye open. I don't pop my head out from the shower, but I can see his silhouette, how his shoulders have slumped slightly and his head is down.

"What's wrong?"

He sighs before a bitter laugh leaves his lips. "It's funny-well, by funny I mean extremely ironic. You're so terrified of losing me, and yet you're the runner who goes out every day and nearly gets eaten or-or shot or whatever else. And now you've been injected with the one thing will-or at least, possibly can-take away your safety net."

I hug my knees closer to my chest. We've had this conversation before-many times, actually-but I suppose now that it's truly happening it feels all that much more real. And I can't blame him for being worried, especially with what happened with the Glass Protocol.

"Yeah," I say, not sure if I should even say anything else. "I... I know it needs to be done, but I do think about some of the things I'll lose. I might lose the ability to punch through metal, and I'll probably start getting sick again-"

"And you won't be able to heal."

"Yeah, meaning I'll start getting scars again. Shame. I liked not having them. You'll still think I'm pretty though, right?"

Sam sputters. "Of course! I thought you were pretty before they started fading."

I giggle, the sound ringing clear with the sound of the water. The pounding in my head is showing no signs of fading, and I'm sure if I stay in here too much longer someone will come it telling me I'm wasting water. Begrudgingly I stand, my jaw clenching as the pain gets worse from doing so. I turn the water off and reach my hand out to grab a towel.

Sam, being the sweet thing he is, hands me one instead of letting me feel for one for many minutes.

"Thank you," I murmur, just loud enough for him to hear as I towel off, being careful around my head. I hope this pain isn't an indicator about how every part of my body will feel during this process. If so, it's going to be a long four weeks.

Sam passes me my clothes so I won't have to step out in a towel. He knows I hate that. I quickly get dressed and step out, throwing my towel into the hamper and putting on my shoes. My fingers interlock with Sam's and I rest my head on his shoulder as we leave, frowning when he shudders.

"You're getting my shirt all wet," He says, to which I grab a lock of my hair and fling it up to hit his cheek. "Ugh!"

I laugh, although his shouting makes my head throb. I do my best not to let him know it. "Sorry."

"No, you're not."

"You're right. I'm not."

"Rude," He huffs, but I simply smile through the pain, trying to relish this bit of happiness before it's overshadowed by everything else.

"You still love me."

"Lucky for you."

"Very." I keep my head on his shoulder as we leave, and I purse my lips to keep my teeth from chattering. The late January air offers no mercy, so our walk turns brisk as we head back to the coms shack.

There are a few people out, but I ignore them for the most part, and they ignore us. I'm sure many would probably like to stop and talk to Sam because it's Sam and he's friends with everyone, but I look like a drowned rat because of how wet my hair is and Sam honestly looks like he's two seconds a way from falling asleep where he walks.

It doesn't surprise me he's so tired. Today was a lot for all of us. I'm sure my breakdown didn't help. I wish I knew how to work through all this without making everyone else hold me up. I make them worry if I stay quiet, but I do the same when I tell them what's happened.

I hate this feeling of helplessness that comes with this, always feeling so burdening to others. There's a happiness knowing the Glass Protocol is no longer an issue, but what happened to get there is what lingers in the mind and creeps up on you when you're sitting awake at night with nothing but your thoughts to keep you company.

When me and Sam get to the coms shack, we basically plop down on the bed. We're lying at a bit of a weird angle and our legs are tangled up, but Sam's too tired to move and my head is hurting too much for me to do much more than just close my eyes and lie there.

But I do speak, doing more than I want to, but knowing I need to say it while my wounds are still fresh and my heart is still open.

"Do you know why it hurts me so much to be reminded of how I failed everyone that's died? How I failed you?" I whisper, and I just barely open my eyes when I hear and feel him shifting around to face me. "It's not just-it's not just because it happened, but because it kept happening."

"What do you mean?" He asks in confusion.

"I thought that I would learn from my mistakes, that I could keep people I cared about from dying because I'd failed to save them before. But I kept doing the same things. I saw myself as disposable-"

"You're not," Sam interrupts with a frown, and I sigh.

"I know, but I saw myself as that, but didn't see anyone else as so. Everyone else I saw as important, that out of us, I would be the one that didn't make it out, not them. It was worse with you, because you're a radio operator. You don't go outside the township often. You don't..." I sigh again, taking a moment to gather my words instead of going off into a tangent. "When I first came to Abel, and we started getting closer, I never thought I would have to worry about losing you... and then the township was blown up.

"I remember how afraid I was. I was worried about my kids and Caleb too, but I was so scared you were gone. But then you weren't, and we kept going, and I got comfortable. I always thought between the two of us I would be the one we'd need to worry about, and then Van Ark's zombies were going to destroy the township and you kept telling all of our runners how glad you were to be our operator, and I-" My voice wavers, and I quickly clear my throat. "And then we won, and you were okay, and I got comfortable.

"And then Moonchild got me and she made me almost kill you. When I actually came to, I couldn't remember all that I'd done or how far I'd gone. I thought I'd killed you, but then Simon told me I didn't. And you were okay. But I still didn't learn. I never learn because then you got bitten, and I was stupid and thought that you wouldn't be the one to die and you got bitten and-and when she told me that... that you wouldn't be able to escape death forever-I know it's true, but I just kept thinking how every time it happened because I got too comfortable.

"I set a standard for you that you can't reach. I did that for everyone, believing that they couldn't be the ones to die between us, but they did. I've defied death over and over again, and so many times it was at the cost of other lives, and yet I believe that everyone else will make it out before me. What if I make that mistake and something happens that you can't come back from? I can't-I can't lose you."

Sam reaches forward and strokes my face, wiping the tears from my eyes. "You won't have to worry about losing me. And what happened to other people isn't your fault. You tried, and it wasn't enough, but you can't blame yourself because you weren't the direct cause and you didn't just stand aside. A lot of people have died as we've gone again all the villains of England. Victory stands on the back of sacrifice."

I blink. "Yeah. I suppose you're right. It's just so hard-"

"I know. That's why we work on it, like how you've been making me work on how I feel about my job as an operator."

"You know you're the best one out there, right?" I ask. "I mean it."

"I'm sure you do, although your words would probably hold a lot more weight if a good eighty percent of the population wasn't already dead," He jokes. "It will all work out. One day at a time, remember? That was said a lot at the beginning the first apocalypse."

"Yeah," I say, closing my eyes. "Yeah."

•

Something's off.

I'm in the coms shack, but I'm alone. I can't remember when I woke up, or when Sam left or-

"How can you still never tell when you're dreaming?"

I try to spin around when I hear the familiar French accent, but Catherine's shoe slams into my back and forces me to the ground face first. I try to roll over but her foot holds first, pressing hard into my back to the point that it borders painful.

"What do you want?" I grit out.

"What I always want, although it seems like you're not doing much to help it, oh, awesome leader."

"Given the situation, I haven't really been looking to fix whatever you believe our problem to be." I wince when she growls and applies more pressure. "Not that you've been any help. If you maybe just told me-"

"I did tell you. What Moonchild did to you, what Veronica did-"

"We're not picking out random people to place our consciousnesses into."

"It doesn't have to be..." She trails off with a sigh. "Oh, it's such a shame someone with so much potential is so blind."

I glare at the floor, unable to look at her. "If you know so much, then why don't you do it-whatever it is you're talking about?"

"You think I haven't been trying? Unfortunately I need you, either to die and break the chain completely, or to help reestablish a new chain in new bodies."

"Well, you know where I am. If you need me, you can come to Abel-ah!"

"No, I think you'll be coming to find me soon enough," She replies, bending down and shoving her knees into my back as she leans to whisper into my ear. "Although I think that little sister of yours will be unable to keep herself from tagging along."

I try to shift in discomfort, but Catherine isn't letting me go any time soon. "What does Nicole have to do with any of this?"

She laughs. "You don't seem to know how to tap into your own mind, but I do. I can hear what's going in your world as you sleep. Can't you? The shuffling, the creak of the boards, the slight squeak of your door's hinges. Someone's intruding, and I think we both know who it is."

I wake up with a gasp, bolting upright. I look around, searching but finding no one in the coms shack besides myself and Sam, who's out cold beside me.

But I know someone's been here. One of the drawers to the coms desk is slightly open. It's where I keep that file that Sigrid had on Cassandra Feive.

Nicole's already seen the file, but it seems she's taken it again.

Shit.

A/N: Here you go, guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please forgive me for taking so long to update. I thought I'd be able to give you some extra chapters this week because of spring break but I've just been going through a spell of just not being motivated and the writer's block isn't helping. It took everything in me to edit this chapter and I did probably about half of what I normally do.

Anyway, please be sure to vote and comment. Thank you and have a blessed day day!