Trigger warning: This chapter has actions of self harm and talk about past attempts of suicide. Also use of the f-word. Viewer discretion is advised.

I feel frozen when we get home. Snowflakes are caught in my hair and my feet feel frozen to the bone. My teeth chatter as Maxine checks for bites, and I flinch every time her hands touch my skin because of the drastic change in temperature.

"You're clean from bites, but you need to go shower," She states. "Nicole told me how close you were to one of the blasts of a burn cube, and that you had to run through some of the area. You need to wash off any residue that could have gotten on you. I remember Janine saying that the residue is toxic. We don't need you absorbing it through your skin. Who knows what could happen then?"

I nod, and after getting dressed again, I head for the shower. It's a short, quiet walk. Most people are staying inside, probably getting prepared for dinner or just relaxing now that they've done their jobs in Abel. I'm sure theirs was a lot more boring than my own job, but it usually is. I just hope no one will ask how it went, particularly Milo. I understand he's curious, and he always wants to be in on the action, but I don't think I have the energy to retell what happened.

To be honest, I'm not even sure I have the energy to go to the dining hall at all. While that mission burned a lot of energy that I certainly need to make up for in calories, I don't know if I have it in me to endure the lights and the sound of a hundred voices all trying to be heard over each other.

When I reach the showers, I grab my clothes from my locker and then grab a towel and hang them up. I step inside the stall and shed my clothes and toss them out to be picked up later. I try to angle myself so the water won't immediately hit me when I turn it on, but a few cold droplets manage to hit my skin. My face scrunches up into a grimace, but I endure it as I wait for the water to heat up. Since my skin feels ice cold, the water only has to be fairly warm for it to feel boiling hot.

I stand under the water stream, giving myself a minute to get the blood flowing back into my fingers and toes before washing my body and hair. It's a simple routine, one I've done so many times I can do it without realizing.  The routine leaves me sitting down in the showers once I'm done, the sound of the water being in such a pattern that it fades into the background until I barely notice it at all.

The victory we had today was a good one. We destroyed an entire horde of V-Types and we saved Dennis and Peter. Well, Sage convinced them to save themselves. Today was a good day, and yet I can't stop thinking about how Peter just... keeps trying to get himself killed. First on the island, and now here.

And I've been trying to talk to him, trying to convince him he is needed, and he is important! But he still tries to...

Does that make me a bad friend? Have I not been doing enough? I shake my head. No, that's not it. I was the same way, thinking myself as replaceable, disposable. I sank into that mentality over and over again despite many people telling me the opposite. It wasn't that they weren't doing enough. I just heard their words and kept refusing to believe them.

That's how Peter is now. The more I think about it, the more I think about his stupid choices, how his death would have been a stupid, pointless waste, the angrier I become. I know it's because he felt like a burden. I know that! But it doesn't stop me from being angry.

It also makes me angry how it was Sage he listened to out of everyone. He didn't even like Sage that much! I mean, he does now. He even said he'd consider it when Sage offered that Peter travel back and forth from Abel to Banktown if he wanted some jobs that didn't involve being around the V-Types and the possibility to get bitten.

I'm grateful Sage said what he said. I'm not angry at him. I'm angry that Peter just refused to listen to any of his friends, his best friend, but somehow listened to Sage.

"You're upset over nothing," I tell myself. "Everything's alright in the end. Peter's still alive. You're still alive. Janine's still alive. The biggest V-Type horde is gone. It went well."

The words are stale on my tongue. It's like when you're crying but repeatedly saying "You're okay," to yourself over and over again. There's no point, and honestly, I don't understand who I'm saying this for because it's doing nothing to boost my mood, and no one else is in here to hear it besides God, and He is probably looking unimpressed that I'm angry over something that's already gone and over.

But still, it's just so frustrating! And whenever I try to convince myself it's fine, it still nags at the back of my mind. With a sigh of annoyance, I stand up and turn off the water, wringing out my hair and grabbing my towel so I can dry off. I do so with little enthusiasm and put on my casual clothes in the same slow, lethargic way before exiting the shower stall. Throwing my clothes and towel into the hamper is routine, although the way I stomp out isn't.

I keep my head down when I see a few people walking down the road, even more so when I see that one of the people is, speak of the devil, Peter. Sam's there too, and I give him the smallest smile and wave as I pass. He gives me an odd look, since I'm going in the opposite way of the dining hall, but before he can ask, Peter speaks.

"You coming with us to eat, Five-o?"

"Not hungry," Is all I reply, not turning to look at either of them. From the corner of my eye, I can see the look on Sam's face as he battles on whether or not to go after me. He decides on doing so, which would have been nice is Peter hadn't also tried to do the same.

"Are you okay?" Sam asks, and I sigh.

"I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine."

"Well, I am."

The look he gives me tells me he's not convinced, and when Peter catches up with us, he really doesn't look convinced, seeing that I can't seem to control my facial expressions.

"You two should go eat. I just don't have much of an appetite," I say, trying to hold a polite smile. It drops when Peter scoffs.

"You're seriously saying you're not hungry after what we went through today?" He asks with a raised brow.

"I'm more tired than hungry."

"I'd say you sound more angry."

I grit my teeth. "Oh, really?"

"Uh, yeah. Are you okay?"

I stop, my fists clenched and my teeth grinding together so much it hurts. "You know what? No. No, I'm not. I'm angry. Worse than angry, but I really don't think it's a good idea for me to talk about it right now because I will take it out on whoever's around me. So, please, drop it."

Sam's eyes shine with sympathy, and I hate it. I've always hated those looks of pity.

I look down at my feet for a fleeting moment, before turning on my heel and heading inside the closest building. It just so happens to be to be one of the sheds we use to clean certain tools and weapons. There's an array of cleaned ones on the wooden table. I smell it more than I see it, since there's only a single, dim yellow lightbulb that's in here. All the other lamps that provide light are off and I don't want to turn them on, even when Sam and Peter follow me inside the shed.

"What part of 'please, drop it' didn't you guys understand?" I ask, angrily turning to face them. I feel bad when Sam flinches, because this isn't his fault, but that's why I wanted to be alone so I could cool down. I'm angry and I need time to calm myself down and without that time I snap. That's why I'm trying to get away even for a few minutes. Why do they keep pressing when I feel like a pressure cooker about to blow?

"Was this about what happened on the mission-" Peter starts.

"Of course, it was what happened on the mission!" I snap. "What else do you think this could be about?"

He blinks in surprise. "I didn't think you'd be this upset."

"You didn't think..." I nearly choke, but a mocking laugh leaves my throat instead. "Are you really that stupid to think I wouldn't be upset when my friend tried to recklessly kill himself via burn cube?"

"It wasn't-"

"It was reckless. It was reckless and pointless and your death would have been a waste!"

"Well, then I suppose it's a good thing I didn't die then." He crosses his arms and looks at me pointedly, as if somehow that was a good comeback.

"And what's to say you won't get in another depressed mood and try to do it again?" I ask with a glare. "I mean, who's to say Sage's words will actually last in your mind?"

He looks positively offended by that, but the only words he can manage to croak out are, "I won't."

"Sure," I scoff, before glancing over at Sam, who's shifting his weight from one foot to the other in complete awkwardness. "Hey, Sweetie, would you mind stepping out for just a moment?"

"Uh, yeah. Yeah," He replies immediately, probably not knowing what to do in this situation. He takes a small step towards the door. "I'll uh, I'll just be outside, okay?"

I offer him a grateful smile. "Okay."

Once he steps out, I sigh and rub my face, frustration and exhaustion only fueling my anger.

"You say this thing won't happen again, but I have a really hard time believing you."

"I told you already! I-I'm sorry, alright? What more do you want me to say?"

"I don't know if there's anything you can say!" I shout, and he grits his teeth, his own frustration mounting.

"Then why are we even arguing?"

"Because you wouldn't leave me alone! Because you tried to get yourself killed instead of-instead of doing anything else besides that."

"And you know why-"

"I know." I run my hand through my hair. "Look, I know you feel bad, okay? I know you feel guilty, but you can't just hope you'll get killed in the field, Peter! And you can't just say a few words and think that I-everyone-won't have some doubts."

His blue eyes flash with something-anger, shame, I'm not sure.

"You don't understand, Five."

"Yeah, I do. I know you wish this would just end, but that's taking the coward's way out, and I... the chances of dying... It probably won't work. Even with the burn cube... With our luck, it won't work. It never works. I know. I've tried."

His eyes narrow. "If you're talking about the rope-"

"I'm not."

He freezes, and I aggressively wipe at my cheeks when I feel the wetness of tears on my skin.

"I need you, okay? You can't just-you can't just leave me here alone!"

He scoffs. "Leave you here alone? Five, the entire reason I wanted to die was because I know within a few decades, I'll be the one that's alone. Just me."

There's bitterness in my eyes and voice when I speak. "No. Unfortunately, that's not true."

I barely see the confused and almost fearful look on Peter's face when I turn and head towards the table. There's a pocketknife, freshly clean. I pick it up, and Peter tenses.

"Five, what are you... Put the knife d-no!"

I slit my wrists, the blade cutting deep into my skin, blood welling up and dribbling down, barely illuminated by the dim light. Peter screams and rushes towards me, grabbing the knife and tossing it aside. It hits the floor with a faint clang.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" He screams, before grabbing the nearest clean cloth and pressing it against my wounds. "We need to get to the hospital. Sam! Sam, help me with Callista! We need help! She slit her-"

"Shut up and look you idiot," I hiss, pulling away from him and holding up my wrists, the skin burning itself closed as arteries do the same. The pain is excruciating, but I keep a straight face as my wounds heal.

Peter watches me with wide eyes, the blood draining from his face.

"You're..."

I swallow against the lump in my throat. "Yeah, I'm immortal."

The door bursts open and Sam bursts in, looking terrified.

"I'm sorry. I'm here. I walked away to give you some more privacy but then I heard Peter screaming. Is everything..." He trails off when he sees the blood, and the burn scars on my wrists. "Oh, you told him."

"You knew?!" Peter's voice cracks, and Sam frowns.

"Of course, I knew. She's my wife."

He looks between Sam and me. "I... how long have you-I mean, have you known this whole time? Since-since Van Ark-"

"No." I shake my head. "No, I've only known for about... a little less than two years? I think it started happening a bit before that though. I think the first time it really happened-I didn't know it then-was when Tom kidnapped Janine. He broke my wrist, I think. I mean, he said he should have, but when I got back to Abel and Maxine examined it, she said it was just a bad sprain.

"When I noticed my cuts and scrapes were healing rather painfully but at an accelerated rate, I thought Van Ark's tests on me was just healing smaller wounds. But then later when I was talking with Sam, I told him how I tried to... well, off myself after he got bitten and I thought he was dead. I originally thought I just missed in my grief, but when I thought about it, there were two burn marks on both sides of my head. If only one had been there, then I would have thought I just got burned by the barrel. But it wasn't. Not to mention Sam said they found blood and brain matter on the walls, which, you know, proved that. 

"Apparently burn scars come up on me when my wounds heal, unlike your scales. The scars end up fading though. And certain other scars have faded as well, like the ones on my back, and the missing cartilage on my ears have grown back. No one's really noticed, and I don't say anything. I think it took so long because I had those scars for so long before the regenerated healing came into effect."

"So, your hand when we were being chased by that Pit Viper-" He starts, and I click my tongue.

"Ah, right. Yeah. I did get cut by the knife, but I healed. I didn't want to tell you just yet, so I lied."

He still stares at the two of us in disbelief. "But when Sigrid injected you with the zombie virus... I mean, you were turning! You came back looking traumatized and I could hear Sam screaming throughout the compound."

Sam sighs and takes my hand. "Yeah, unfortunately, however Van Ark's treatments reacted with her body-well, it  didn't give her immunity to the zombie virus. If she gets bitten by a zombie and doesn't get the cure, she'll turn and she'll probably be like a certain zombie shepherdess we met awhile back."

"And if she gets bitten by a V-Type..."

"Chances are I could infect them and then turn as well," I reply. "So honestly, I'm probably more of a liability than you are."

"But why have you never said anything?" He looks confused, and a bit hurt. I expected that.

"Because she is already asked to put her life on the line over and over again," Sam answers for me. "And that's when people don't think she's immortal. If they knew-"

"They'd ask her to do the things people ask of me."

He nods. "Yes."

"That's why you always tried to keep me from getting hurt, didn't you?" Peter asks me. "You knew you couldn't tell me, but you felt guilty?"

I nod, shamefully looking down at my feet. "I'm sorry, Peter."

"No, I'm sorry," He says. "I know it was Sarah that dragged you to Van Ark's compound, but... I agreed to his experiments; you didn't. And now you're... I'm so sorry." He looks positively heartbroken, and I'm unsure how I should feel about that. "I won't say anything, not unless you want me to. This will be between you, me and Sam."

"And Tom," I add, and his eyes widen.

"Tom knows?"

"Yeah. He'd been suspicious for a while, then he cut my hand and saw it, you know, heal."

"Huh, okay. So me, you, Sam and Tom."

"And Veronica."

His jaw drops in disbelief. "Oh my-just how many people know about this?"

"Just us and the people mentioned," I answer. "She's been helping find some of Van Ark's notes for uh... well, to see if any other changes may come from this. It took over a year for the cell regeneration to start happening in my body and even longer for it to do what it just did. I want to know if I should be worried about anything else."

Sam gives me a curious look, but I ignore it. Since we have so little information, I don't want to tell Peter about our search for a cure for immortality. It just doesn't seem like a good idea at the moment.

He nods, accepting the half lie. "Yeah, I suppose that makes sense."

I sigh and lean against Sam. "I'm sorry I kept this from you for so long. I've tried to tell you but-"

"But you couldn't. I understand." He gives me a small smile, although I can still see the pity in his eyes. "And like I said, your secret's safe with me."

•

There's a chill in the air. My gaze whips around. The wind is blowing softly, the clouds in the sky are big and puffy and white. Everything is calm on the outside, but my heart is pounding in my chest.

Where am I? Where am I?

I'm on an island, but this one looks nothing like Sigrid's. I've never seen this place. The grass is green. The waves are crashing against the rocks at the bottom of the cliffs. It's beautiful.

Something's wrong.

I look down at my clothes. I'm in my uniform. I'm me, but I knew that already. This has a different feel than the dreams of the past, so I knew-

"Runner Five."

I jerk around, looking for the source of the voice, but there's no one there. I don't recognize this voice, but by the tone it had when my name was spoken, the person who owns it knows me.

I turn, but as soon as I do a hand is wrapped around my throat. I gasp for air, my fingers clawing at the hand that squeezes tightly around my throat, cutting off my airway.

It's a woman, only a little taller than me, but she's much stronger, inhumanly stronger. I can't understand her face. It's like I can't remember it, even as I look at it. I choke as she pushes me back towards the cliffs, lifting me off my feet. I kick and flail, my lungs beginning to burn as I desperately try to breathe in.

"Runner Five. Not so invincible now, are you? Did you really think you could stop me? I have the red god on my side."

Red... god?

"You are weak. I suppose you have a lot to regret. You weren't fast enough. You weren't strong enough. That's why two of your friends are dead."

My eyes widen. Two of my-

She woman laughs as I croak and struggle.

"I wonder in the invincible Runner Five will survive the rocks below without her...," She says the last word, but I don't quite hear it since black spots are starting to pop up around the corners of my eyes.

But then I see something, standing just behind the woman. It's a figure, with a gun. It's-

I choke. "C-C...

"Catherine?"

She's aiming the gun at the woman, and she's wearing odd clothes. They look like something an intern or assistant would wear, although her clothes are really dirty. Has she always had those on in my dreams?

Her golden eyes meet mine for a split second, her face emotionless. She looks back at the woman, her fingers resting on the trigger.

Before she can pull the it though, the woman holding me tosses me off the cliff.

I wake up with a gasp, sitting up in the bed, surrounded by the four walls of the coms shack. I'm surrounded by comfort, familiarity, home.

Sam, who was sitting in his chair reading my Bible, perks up immediately.

"What was it?" He asks, rushing over to me. "Was it another dream? Where you Catherine?"

I shake my head, still trying to catch my breath. "No, I wasn't her, but she was there."

"Was it a vision then?"

"Maybe... or a warning. Because Catherine wasn't trying to hurt me. She..." My brows furrow. "I think she was trying to protect me."

He looks at me in surprise, although I can't blame him. "Really?"

"Yeah." I shake my head. "It doesn't matter. Wherever I was, it's got nothing to do with what's going on right now. Catherine is the least of my concerns."

He hums, then nods and pulls me into his arms. "You're right. But if Catherine was trying to protect you, does that mean she cares about you now?"

"No," I reply. "Catherine sees me as a threat, someone who screwed up our mission. She sees me as a member of the team who went rogue. She'll probably never see me as anything more than a threat, but I think... whoever she was protecting me from, was someone she believed was more of a threat to her than I am."

He swallows roughly, then pulls me into his arms. "Well, that's not good."

I wrap my arms around him in search for comfort. "No, it's not."

A/N: Hey guys! This chapter is a lot shorter than my normal chapters, but I just wanted it to be like this and I didn't feel like anything extra needed to be added. Either way I hope you enjoyed it! Please be sure to vote and comment! Thank you and have a blessed day!