It takes longer than I thought it would to get a shower.

Once Paula and I got back to Abel, Janine called for a meeting in her farmhouse. Maria was able to get her and her baby cleaned up and dried off when they arrived, but Paula and I did not receive such luxuries. Janine received word that Sigrid has sent off her invasion plans to her trusted generals, and now we have to find a way to figure out just what those plans are.

The meeting was dull and much too long for my liking. I grew tired of Janine's voice about ten minutes in. She mostly just talked to Jody and made some calls to Amelia, trying to find out if there were any events in the settlements Sigrid's generals resided in to sneak in and get what we needed.

Neither Janine nor Amelia were happy to hear about the babies and their lack of Junin2 vaccinations. I could hear it in Amelia's voice, and I could see the subtle fire that sparked in Janine's eyes. She's good at holding back her rage. Some of the other runners were a bit more vocal. Even Nicole looked disgusted at hearing this.

At the A.M.T.B., they were at least decent enough to keep us vaccinated and somewhat healthy. But they also didn't take babies. So, I guess they aren't as terrible as Sigrid.

But we've come up with a plan, something to do with the Pit Viper assassin breaking into a general's house or office or something after Dr. Kitnis talked about which places she know has less security. I didn't really listen. I just know I'm not going to be the one doing it.

I was actually pretty shocked, but then again, we don't know where or when these plans will be received. Sigrid's not stupid enough to send things via transmission. That could easily be intercepted. No, she's taking the long route, paper trail.

I wasn't exactly happy I wasn't assigned to this, but they did want me to to take a longer break. I know Sam was happy with the final decision.

But once the meeting ended, I made sure to grab an umbrella and a change of clothing and head for the showers. Compared to the water outside, this water is burning. Still, I let the water run over my skin. I've already washed my body and hair. I just don't want to get out yet.

So I sit here in silence. I don't want to think about this-what we've just learned about the babies and Sigrid. It just makes me angry. I'm so tired of being angry and having nothing that I can do to stop it.

Veronica's already made it very clear that she can't make a vaccine for the babies because she's too busy trying to perfect that stupid earpiece for me. We hope it, along with meditation and breathing exercises will help strengthen my mind enough to stop Moonchild. I have a session with Kytan scheduled for tomorrow morning. They seem to be going on well enough. I didn't hit him when we had our first one, even though I really wanted too. It's progress in my book.

With a sigh I push myself up and turn off the water, and the sounds of water hitting tile is swallowed by silence. I can hear the rain outside if I strain.

I dry off and change into my nightgown, wondering if I should have waited to change or something. Even with the umbrella I'm sure I'm going to get wet. But I thankfully brought rainboots with me, so I can leave my running shoes in here to dry before I come back to clean them. I'm just glad they're not ruined, even if they are distrusting.

Finding good shoes these days is like trying to find a good sports bra-a bitch and a half.

Once I have my rainboots and umbrella ready, I leave. I don't want to keep Sam waiting, although he might be at the hospital talking to Maria and Selma. He likes talking to other immune people, it makes him feel like he isn't alone. Being different, even when it's beneficial, can be hard.

It might be awhile before he's back, depending on what the three start talking about. I don't mind though. Sometimes alone time can be good for me. At least, that's what Paula tells me when I come to talk to her. And I'm content to wait up for Sam. I'm cold, but not really all that tired.

That's why I automatically tense, my body going into fight mode when I open the coms door and see that it's not empty.

"Hello, Callista."

My shoulders relax a bit once I recognize who's sitting in Sam's chair, but only a bit. "Tom. Hi... what are you doing here?"

I close the door slowly. His face is unreadable, which scares me more than I'd like to admit.

"I wanted to talk to you, ask you a few questions."

"Oh. Can't-can't whatever this is wait until morning? I was actually just going to go bed-"

"No, you weren't," He interrupts. "Not without Sam. You just don't want to talk about it."

"About what?"

My coy act seems to annoy him, and a part of me hopes I can frustrate him enough to get him to leave. That part of me is stupid. Tom isn't one to give up. If he was, he wouldn't be here.

"I want to ask about what I saw in that gym, with the hole in the wall, and the blood." His voice is calm, which is everything I am not.

"I thought I told you," I say, trying to keep my voice light, "that was there when I got there. Some kid might have fooled around with some dumbbells, then cut himself sliding his hand across the broken concrete."

He doesn't look convinced. He stares at me, unblinking, and I shrug after a long, heavy moment of silence.

"I don't know what else you want me to say, Tom."

"I want you to tell me the truth," He growls. I flinch and a moment later his face softens. "If you think I'm going to tell, then you don't know me as well as I thought you did. We are friends, you know."

There's a part of me that wants to tell him the truth, wants to stop lying and keeping secrets and being deceitful. But the logical part of me keeps me quiet. The logical part of me is scared, and knows that if I just tell him, then he may push me to tell everyone else, and I can't do that.

"I do know, but whatever you think happened, didn't. That is the truth."

He goes silent again, and the two of us stare at each there for the better of a minute before he gives a brief nod and stands. I internally sigh with relief.

"Very well. I believe you."

"Really?" I ask hopefully.

"Yes. I don't see why you would lie, so I will leave you to the rest of your evening." He starts walking towards the door. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, T-" I let out a yelp of pain as he walks past me, pulling out a knife and sliding it across my forearm. I jump back, my lower back hitting the coms desk as I hold my bleeding arm. "What the hell?!"

Tom puts the knife into his pocket, already closing the distance between us. He grabs my arm and yanks away the hand that covers the wound. I struggle, trying to punch him, or push him away at the very least. He's expecting it, unfortunately, and every attempt I make is blocked.

That doesn't mean I stop struggling, especially when I feel my skin burning as it starts to heal itself, the wound cauterizing in order to stop the bleeding.

"Let me go!" I scream, gritting my teeth as the I struggle as hard as I can to get out of his grasp. I kick him as hard as I can in the leg, which seems to shock him more than hurt him. Still, he lets me go, and I scurry away from him to the other side of the room.

But it's too late. He's already seen the damage done, and then my body working hard to undo it.

"So you do have accelerated healing," He whispers, and I glare him, even more so when I see drops of blood on the hardwood floor of the coms shack.

"Great. Now I gotta clean this up before Sam coms back," I growl, grabbing a rag that has bits of dried marmite and other various stains to do the job.

"Does he know?" Tom asks, and I don't answer. I just bend down to wipe up the bits of blood.

I barely get to get started on cleaning up before he's got a fistful of my nightgown and is yanking me back up to his eye level.

"Does Sam know?" He repeats, and I push him away.

"Shove off," I reply. "What does it matter if he knows?"

"You're engaged to him, so I'd think he should know."

I roll my eyes. "Oh, like you've told Jody everything."

"I'm not getting married to Jody. Does he know? How long have you known?"

I hesitate in answering. "I've known for about a year. I mean, I knew I had accelerated healing, just not...immortality. I thought I just healed from minor wounds at first, until... I found out I healed from larger wounds too."

"And why haven't you said anything?"

I don't answer.

"Why didn't you say anything when they started sending Peter out to take the blows?"

I clench my jaw, but still say nothing. It seems I don't have to. By the way Tom's eyes widen just a fraction, he already knows.

"You were going to say something, but someone stopped you." He says it as if he knows it to be fact. "Sam stopped you. He knows."

He waits for me to say something, but I don't. I won't drag Sam down into my secrets. Even though Tom is right, there's a very small chance I ever would have just came out and told everyone I'm immortal, that I became the product that Van Ark wanted his serum to be-immortal, strong, unable to get sick. Even if Sam didn't urge me to keep it a secret, I would have kept my mouth shut.

"I know he's your fiancé, but Peter is your friend. I didn't think you can just stand there and let him-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence," I growl, pointing my finger at him. "You don't get to tell me what I should and shouldn't tell others. My life isn't a book or movie that you can look in and watch whenever you feel like it, okay? My secrets are my own. Why would I just tell you about this? Why would I make myself even more a freak than I already am?"

He opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off before he can even start.

"Van Ark made it to where I can't get sick. I can rip metal and break concrete with my bare hands when I'm angry enough. I was mind controlled and have a special type of Moonchild Syndrome because that hippie freak used me against my will. I'm not seen as human! I was never human! I was made in a laboratory! A fucking science experiment that went wrong!" A sob leaves my lips, and it's only now that I realize I'm crying. "Why the hell would I let anyone know that, along with all that, I'm also immortal?"

Tom looks at me, mostly in confusion. I suppose it's because of the whole science experiment thing. Only Sam really knew about that, and now Tom since I can't keep my mouth shut. I mean, I've hinted it to Peter, but never really outright said it. I guess that's another thing he can add to knowing about me.

I don't know if Tom was preparing himself to reply to that, but if he was, he doesn't get the chance to. The coms shack door opens, and Sam walks in, wringing out his umbrella. He looks up, a raised brow when he sees Tom here. He starts to question it before he sees me, and his face morphs into concern when he sees the tears running down my face, and the new burn scar on my right arm.

"What did you do?!" He yells, rushing over to me.

"He knows," I say softly, and Sam inhales sharply, before looking at Tom. He's wearing that neutral, unreadable expression again.

"So, what are you going to do now? Are you going to tell everyone?"

He doesn't answer for a moment, as if contemplating it. "No, I won't. I... understand why you don't want to tell anyone about this, even if I don't agree with it."

"Then why did you want to find out about me so bad? Why did you keep asking questions?" I ask.

"Because I'd been wondering if you had accelerated healing for the past year. I knew if you did, it could be a great asset to Abel to have a runner that couldn't get hurt... but knowing that you can get infected changes things a bit. You're like Peter, but not exactly like him."

I shake my head. "No, I'm not."

"But you do know you can't hide this forever. People will find out eventually."

"Yeah, well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it," Sam huffs. "We have enough problems right now. We don't have time to think about-about the fact that Callista's been deemed the main character of a movie and therefore can't die."

Tom nods. "That's exactly why I don't plan on telling anyone, because of how many problems you have. Once things become a bit better, once you manage to get rid of your Moonchild problem, I may expect for you to say something to Jane, or I may have to."

I gape at him in shock. "You have no right-"

"We need you, Five. We need you to be able to do whatever we need you to to help Abel. Peter does, and I know you don't believe yourself to be better than him."

"I-I don't," I stammer, shocked by his words.

"Then you have to let them know. Not now, but at some point." He walks to the door. "Now I'll leave you to the rest of your night. Goodnight."

Neither Sam nor I return the goodbye. He leaves with a sigh, and Sam pulls me close when the door clicks shut.

"Don't worry. You won't have to tell anyone anything until you're ready," He whispers into my damp hair, wiping away my tears. "You already give everything to Abel. Don't let him make you think that you don't, not for one second."

I nod. I know Tom means well. I do, but he's wrong here. I give everything I can to Abel, until I have nothing left to give. I won't tell them about this so they can ask me to jump in front of bullets or a take a knife to the back, not when I'm usually willing to do it anyway, when it becomes absolutely necessary.

"Come on," Sam says. "Let's get to bed."

I nod, my heart sinking into my stomach despite Sam's comforting embrace. "Okay."

•

"Okay, so breathe in for five, and then out for five."

I twitch at the sound of Kytan's voice, but do as told. My eyes are closed as I take in deep, slow breaths.

"Think of something that you find relaxing, something that helps calm you when you start to panic."

I still, and I can't stop my lips from pulling into a frown. Relaxing? When do I relax? The closest thing I get to that is when I pass out after doing something exhausting, like running a dangerous mission or doing... other forms of physical activity.

"You do know how to relax, don't you?"

I crack open an eye and give him a look, and he lets out a breath.

"So, that's a no then. Um, think of something that makes you feel less panicked or excited. What hobbies do you have?"

"Um, I run, but that usually is when I get panicked enough to trigger Moonchild. Uh, I cook, but that's not really relaxing because I have to work around fifteen other people." I shrug, closing my eyes again. "I read sometimes."

"Okay, so think of a book that you liked, one that made you feel good, but didn't get you overly emotional."

I pinch my lips together. "Well, there was this one book I really liked, but I did get kind of emotional. I cried a few times."

Kytan hums in thought. "Okay, well, we can start with that. Tell me about the book, but remember to keep breathing."

I nod, taking a deep breath in before releasing it. "It was about this princess, Ariana. Her land was invaded by this young king named Eli, who had magical powers over ice and lightning. He requested that she come with him back to his kingdom, and Ariana's father had to comply or else or else the invading king would destroy the land.

"Eli brought the princess back, and it turned out he wasn't blood related to the king before him, but was chosen because the thirteen sons of the deceased king were almost all bastards, and the previous king didn't trust them with the throne. Many of the princes didn't care, but some wanted the throne and tried to conspire against Eli, but failed.

"Then, a masked sorcerer, with the power of burning shadows, started abducting people in the kingdom, and even killed some of the princes. Ariana and the Eli get closer as they try to find out who could possibly be doing this, and when they catch the sorcerer and unmask him, it turned out to be the oldest prince named Norman, who was angry at his father. His father sent Norman's newborn son and wife to an island for them to die after he stepped out of line, and because his father was already dead, Norman decided to get revenge against Eli, because he was the favorite even though he wasn't blood.

"But, after Norman is killed for his crimes and everything seems to be settled, Ariana begins to wonder how Norman learned such magic, since you are usually born with it, or you make a sacrifice to obtain it. That was actually what Eli did to gain his power over the tempest and lightning. He had to cut out his own heart, something that was requested by the former king.

"Before she could figure it out, the youngest prince, Edmund, stabs Ariana and possesses her, because it was actually him who was the sorcerer. Norman took the blame because the his father actually never sent the son to the island to die, only the wife, and took his grandson, Edmund, and raised him as his own. It was a cruel punishment, because then Norman would have to treat his son like his brother.

"Anyway, Edmund possessed her, because the former king tricked Edmund into cutting out his own heart to gain the power over shadows, but something went wrong. He couldn't control himself. He became empty, wanting to kill and destroy. He started hating Eli when he saw the emptiness in his eyes when he did it willingly for the deceased king. And he possessed Ariana because he saw her as whole, as something that could make him whole. The now possessed Ariana fought Eli, and nearly froze the entire world, because she now possessed great power to do so.

"Eli ended up separating Edmund from Ariana and killed him, and ended up restoring his heart, losing all his powers except for the ice power he was born with. But at the end of the book, Ariana has a dream where she's running from the masked sorcerer, only to reveal that the sorcerer is herself. When she wakes up, she finds that the sheets have burn marks on them."

I sigh. "And that's how the book ends. Shame I can't seem to find the sequel. I'm sure there must be one. I might try to go back to the library me and Ellie went to. It's probably half gone by now, but it's worth a shot."

"Right," Kytan says, drawing out the word. "Well, that was... detailed, but it was something you enjoyed reading, right?"

"Yes. I kind of want to read it again after this, actually."

"Okay, but how did the book make you feel? More importantly, while reading it, you weren't stressing or thinking about anything like zombies, or the Glass Protocol or Moonchild, right?"

I shrug. "Well, the possession part kind made me think of the mind control-"

"Other than that," He interrupts, and I let out a breath, and nod.

"Yeah. I was too focused on the story to really think about what was going on in real life."

"So, you used it as an escape?"

"I guess?" I reply, resisting the urge to open my eyes.

"Okay," He says. "Why don't we think of something that you didn't really use an escape, but just something you did to make yourself happy? What about spending time with your kids?"

I tense, my mood souring instantly. "Yeah, yeah," I say in a faux sweet voice. "I used to play games with Penelope all the time before you betrayed us and got her shot in the head."

There's a beat of silence.

"Uh, why don't we try focusing on happier memories?"

I open my eyes, all my patience leaving my body. "No, I think we're done for today."

I start to stand, but Kytan grabs my shoulders, and I instantly slap them away.

"Don't touch me," I growl, and he thankfully obeys, pulling back a bit. I sigh, rubbing my face. "What's the point of this anyway? Thinking about happy memories?"

"Five," Kytan says. He speaks slowly and cautiously. "When you trigger Moonchild in your head on missions, it's because you get stressed or scared. Usually when you get stressed or scared, it's because you can't control the situations around you. When someone feels like they're losing control, they start to freak out. It's human nature. But when you freak out, it triggers Moonchild.

"By looking back on good memories, happy memories, you think back on times where you had some control over the situation. That book you read, you chose to read it. When you played with your kids, you chose to do that, and you chose each and everything you did while you were playing with them. You had at least some control.

"Now, when you look back on them, you can use those memories to learn to exercise control when Moonchild comes up during a run."

I take a moment to think on what he's just explained, and then I nod. "Oh. Okay, that makes sense."

"Do you still want to continue?"

I nod and sit back down and close my eyes. I breathe in for five counts, then out for five counts.

"Now, think about a time when you had control over something, or maybe regained control," He says. "Like, maybe the first time you talked?"

"Meh. When I first talked, Jody, Simon and I were trapped and about to be eaten by zombies. I didn't get to really revel in the fact that I talked until Sarah saved us. I thought we were about to die." I pause, a small smile spreading across my face. "But I do remember when Kefilwe told me she thought there was a chance I could speak again. I was afraid at first. I thought she was trying to trick me, but she wasn't.

"When I figured that out, I was so excited, because there was a chance that I would be able to speak again-actually speak. I had assumed I would never talk again. And when I was able to speak more regularly, speak in sentences and not just a few words... they were some of the best moments of my life."

"Good," He says. "Let's focus on that. Focus on how it felt to take control back from the people who had taken your voice from you."

I remember the burning pain in my throat.

"Focus on the feeling of empowerment speaking gave you."

I remember being dragged away, kicking and screaming as blood pooled in my mouth.

"Focus on how it felt proving them wrong when they said you'd never speak again."

"Why?"

"Because I was told to."

"Focus on everything you've said that helped you take that power back."

"Sam."

"Well... I'm not one of them anymore. I stopped being one of them a long time ago."

"Sam, I love you... I'm in love with you."

"I was never loyal to you, Sigrid, not only because you're a monster, but because you tried to sell a dream, a lie, but I have news for you. You can't sell dreams to someone who's walked through nightmares."

"I hope your dream becomes a reality. Once we find a cure, once we end this, I hope everyone gets their happy ending."

I open my eyes, and there's a small smile on my face as I look up at the ex-runner.

"Thanks, Kytan."

•

I sit in the library, content as I read through my book. It took a while to find this one, since we don't really have a librarian, or much of an ordering system here. Well, it's more like we have multiple ordering systems, which all depend on the runner that brings in new books. It's a mess, really.

But I'm here, with Sam leaning his head on my shoulder. His fingers pull at a loose string on my cardigan, and every so often I have to nudge him with my elbow to keep him from pulling the string out too much. He always replies with an embarrassed smile, and he tries to turn the page of my book to distract me. It usually works.

"Haven't you read this book already?" He asks. His voice is so soft I really feel his words on my skin rather than hear them.

I nod. "I have, but I was talking about it with Kytan during our breathing exercises and I decided I wanted to read it again. I left out a lot of details, actually."

"Guess it's a good thing you're refreshing your memory then."

"Mhm." I don't look up from my book. "You know you don't have to whisper."

"But we're in a library."

"And we're the only ones in it."

"Not the only ones," Sam corrects, and I roll my eyes before finally looking up at the blond sitting in an old bean bag chair on the other side of the room, quietly reading his book.

"Phineas is deaf. The only way he'll notice you doing anything is if you jump up and down or something, because he'll feel the vibrations.  Doubt he'll notice you talking normally to me."

"Still, it's like, polite."

I again roll my eyes. "Whatever you say."

We settle into a comfortable silence, and I simply continue to scan over the words on the page. This is nice-relaxing, as Kytan would put it. I don't often get to spend time like this-peaceful quality time-with the people I care about. Even though we aren't saying anything, and Phineas is on the other side of the room, engrossed in his own fantasy world, we're together.

I only wish Milo was here, but he's spending some time with Nadia, I think. Since they work together with Veronica, the two have become close friends. She's the only person besides Veronica who is close to him in age, even though she's in her late twenties. Everyone else who works with Veronica is in their forties and fifties, so I guess I can understand why he decides to hang around her.

It's not like he has many friends his own age, since he doesn't talk to Polly or Zach anymore. He hasn't talked to them in over a year.

Still, it would be nice to spend some time with him. It would be nice for him and Phineas to spend some time together. The two aren't as close as they used to be, not since we won Abel back. The strain from Penelope's death weighs heavily on them both, but neither of them want to face it.

I didn't want to either, for a while, but I had to come to terms with the fact that she's gone. She's gone and so is Willis.

"Hey," Sam whispers, his fingers sliding up my arm, applying just enough pressure to get my attention without making me flinch back. "Are you okay?"

I nod, forcing a smile. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Just got lost in thought... Are you sure you don't want to get a book to read?"

"Nah, I'm fine being right here. You're comfortable."

I laugh softly. "I try."

"You sure you're alright?"

"Yep."

He keeps his head on my shoulder. "If you say so."

"I did say so."

He lifts his head from my shoulder to give me a look, and I giggle.

"You're lucky I love you," He says, although his tone lacks any real annoyance.

"Extremely," I reply genuinely. "Now lay back down. We've got to enjoy this while it lasts."

He hums softly, his head returning to my shoulder. "I think I could stay here all day, honestly."

I smile as I look back down at my book, finding the place where I left off.

"Me too."

A/N: Here you go, guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please be sure to vote and comment. Thank you and have a blessed day.