"Am I a bad person?"

Dr. Lewis examines me through her gold-rimmed glasses. "What would make you say that?"

"Well, because of me my grandmother is d..."

"Remember, Shelby, it wasn't your fault," Dr. Lewis interrupts, her eyes gazing into mine.

I look away. "But it is." My voice cracks. "On October thirty-first it's going to be two years since..."

"I know," she says. Then taking out her iPad, "Why don't you tell me what happened that night?"

"You already know."

"Yes, but I want to hear it again."

I watch her turn on the iPad and bring up her notes. "Why?" I ask.

"I believe if you repeat what happened, it will make you feel better."

But then, maybe it will. Maybe Dr. Lewis does know what she's doing. Maybe all I have to do is get it off my chest over and over and over and over again. And all the guilt will go away.

"Ok." I hear myself saying.

She smiles. "Good. Now make sure to tell me everything that happened and take it nice and slow."

Nodding, I fold my hands in my lap, and then inhaling deeply, I go back to that night.

"Every Halloween I would go to grandma to help her bake a batch of bat-shaped cookies that she would give out to the trick-and-treaters. I came to her a bit late that day, so I thought I'd put the oven and stove on the highest. And well as you already know I started a fire." Smoke blurs my vision, my eyes tearing, grandma's shrill screams vibrating against my eardrums.

"Yes, I do know." She crosses her long legs and places her bright red manicured hands on her knee. "Do you want to share the whole story, as in everything that occurred?"

I look at her, tears escaping the barricade I tried to put up. Choking, I whisper, "Do I have to? "

Handing me a tissue, she says, "No."

I wipe the tears that are beginning to stain my cheeks. "All I really remember is that there was a lot of smoke and sirens off in the distance." Burying my face in my hands, I begin to sob harder. "I-I can't do this. Can I please go?"

To my surprise, she takes my hands in hers and flips them over so the palms are up, she examines the crescent moon marks. "You're hurting yourself again." Her voice is very low.

Pulling my hands away from her, I stuff them into my sweatshirt's pockets. I refuse to meet her condescending gaze. "I'm fine. Now can I please go?"

"Not yet Shelby. First, tell me why aren't you taking your pills?"

Guilty, guilty, guilty. Always guilty. "They don't really work."

"All you have to do is ask for a higher dosage and if that doesn't help, maybe, we'll have to switch your medication altogether."

"Ok."

She begins to type on her iPad. "I'm putting in a new prescription. The pharmacy will deliver it later today. Please start taking it right away."

"Yes, ma'am."

She smiles softly. "Now you may go. I'll see you on Monday."

Nodding, I push myself off the recliner, and on a young fawn's wobbly legs, I stumble for the door.

"Shelby, hold on."

I glance over my shoulder at her.

"I'm going to be checking you on Monday for any marks, so please stop causing yourself harm."

"I'm sure the medicine will help with that," I mumble, before leaving her office.

***

I sit alone in the cafeteria, something that I do every Thursday after my visit with Dr. Lewis as I wait for all the other students to be dismissed for lunch.

Today's lunch is mac and cheese, one of my favorites. I'm already halfway through my bowl of pasta when Adrian arrives, Robin, Ellie, and Sierra in tow.

"Hey," he says as he slides into the seat beside me.

"Hi."

I can sense his eyes on me. "Can we talk privately after lunch?"

"Oh." I peek over to see him now focused on his own meal. "Ok."

He smiles and then begins to stuff his face as fast as he can, which makes me giggle.

"A, you're gonna choke if you don't slow down," Ellie says.

"I can't. The faster I finish my food, the faster I get to talk to Shelby privately."

Robin snorts. "Privately? Hmm, wonder what it's about."

Adrian smirks. "It's private."

Sierra rolls her eyes.

And I, I just sit here really confuzzled. Why are my friends acting so weird? Especially Adrian.

At last, he finishes his food. "Ready?" he asks.

"I believe so."

"Good. Follow me."

On our way out of the large room, we toss our empty bowls and cups into the trash can. Adrian then leads me to one of the empty classrooms. Closing the door behind us, he leans against it, his arms crossed over his chest.

"What's going on?"

He blushes, something that confuses me. Why is he blushing? "I wanted to ask you something."

"Ok..."

"Well, you told me that you most probably don't plan on going to the party this Saturday. But I was hoping that maybe you'll change your mind if we went together..."

Now it's my turn to blush. "As in a date, or just friends?"

His perfect lips curl up on the sides into a smile. "You can call it whatever you want to."

"But what would you be calling it?"

His eyes meet mine, holding me in place. "A date. So what do you say---would you be my date?"

1 body freezing in time, 2 eyes blinking, and 3 fast heartbeats, as 4 words are said. "I would love that."

He looks relieved. "I seriously can't believe you said yes."

"Why wouldn't I?" I take a step closer to him.

He pushes himself away from the door and meets me in the center of the stuffy room. "Well I'm your best friend, I didn't know if you'll want to step over into the next territory."

I laugh nervously. "You think over all these years, I wouldn't catch feelings for you when all you show me is kindness. You're the most amazing person that I've ever met. And well honestly, I've been waiting for you to ask me out for a while now."

His beautiful evergreen eyes widen in surprise. "Really? Why didn't you tell me that you liked me more than just a friend?"

"I didn't want to break my heart if you didn't feel the same." I look down at my sneakers suddenly so, so, so uncomfortable.

He chuckles. "Wow. We're so bad at expressing our feelings, aren't we?"

I look up at him from under my eyelashes. "Yeah, I guess we are."

Then he's standing so close. So, so, so close, that I can hear his heart racing along with mine. "Shelby." His voice is soft and sweet. I wouldn't mind hearing him say my name like this every second, every minute, every hour, every day. "I believe it's about time I tell you that I really like you and would love for us to be more than just friends."

My heart does somersaults and I'm smiling. A glorious smile. "I'd thought you'd never ask."