I can't breathe,

water is filling my lungs as if it was air,

my body feels light beneath the waters surface,

I am drowning,

drowning my pain,

downing my sorrows,

drowning myself

I can be at peace.

I don't want to shed anymore tears,

I don't want throw up anymore agonizing truths,

I don't want to shield myself anymore from the disgusted looks

as I rush down the hall

just to get to the bathroom.

It's hard suprressing so much,

it's hard not knowing how you truely feel

because you're numb

from hidding everything,

it's hard to plaster a fake smile on your face everyday,

deceiving everyone by letting them think you are perfect...

but yet I still do it

dispite my revulsion towards it

I wear a mask to cover up the face behind it,

my face.

it sickens me to the bone,

scrapping off all remaining flesh,

and placing it in a pile for it to rot...

I feel as if I'm submerging

as if my cry for help is not being heard,

no,

I don't want to talk to you...

you don't understand,

and you never will.

call it harsh,

but it's the truth

you know it

you see it

you feel it.

this is the war beneath the skin that I am wearing,

you can't see it

you only choose to see the outside,

I'm struggling

stay concious

I'm fighting

my demons

trying to win me.

This is my reality,

my truth,

my secret that I am now sharing.

I am drowning,

drowning in myself

supressing my cries from help,

submerging my raged breaths,

scrapping myself to the bone,

becoming more numb,

more hallow,

ripping my mask from my face

so you can see me,

the real me I've been hiding...

and still am.

___________________________________________

Hellooo my sweet love's!

I understand that is poem is very deep and very sad, but it's reality for me, this is what is going on beneath my big smile. I know it's hard to read, it was hard writing it but I had to let it out, it helps me cope with everything. I'm trying to show my pain so that I won't hold in so much, there have been times where I get low but recently it's been getting worse. Yes, I have depression, and I have had it my whole life due to a really rough and dark childhood that affected me more than I thought. Everything I write is true, you are reading my story and I thank you so much for listening. It means a lot :) But I promise I am trying to fight my demons, I won't let them get the best of me. Please if anyone has any questions, or would like to talk to me or anything please dont hesitate to PM me, I would love it. I'm always here :) Thank you so much. Love you all! <3
XOXOXOXOXO
Trin