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Chapter 32 - Blind Panic

Uncle Masaru ended up helping Izuku move into the dorms since he had a big car and was driving there for Kacchan anyway. The ash blonde was acting more normal nowadays, too. Sure, he was still somewhat skittish whenever Izuku showed him affection, and he still asked about the future every now and again. Izuku would indulge him sometimes, watching his face contort in a scowl or morph into a surprised blushing mess. Yeah, things were good between them. Simple. Izuku didn't regret not giving him his memories back, not if they could stay like they were now. Which...was kinda selfish of him, wasn't it?

But things were good. They were simple. At least between them, because Izuku had to have several awkward appointments at UA after the police investigation and interrogation. They wanted to take certain measures, make sure Izuku wasn't communicating with his father in any way possible. They also wanted to pick at his brain, to get as much intel on the super villain as possible. Throwing his sensitive family drama on the table like that wasn't easy, though, and Izuku didn't know how much knowledge he could get away with without them suspecting him again.

"I'm sure all the teachers hate me," Izuku whined as he walked over campus with Kacchan. They'd just said their goodbyes to their parents, with the necessary tears from his mother, and were now making their way over to their respective dormitories for the official opening of the dorm system. Katsuki had asked him whether he was ready for the new semester and Izuku couldn't help but complain about everything that was going on. "Or they're at least going to treat me differently."

"I'm sure you're just overthinking, like always," Katsuki snorted.

"I'm the son of this era's greatest villain," Izuku deadpanned, glad he told Kacchan about that tidbit after the blonde kept nagging him about what he told the police. Katsuki had...reacted as Izuku expected. But like he said, things were good between them now. Simple. And Izuku wished it would forever stay that way. "That's not something UA can just glance over."

"Nobody is glancing over your fucked up heritage, Izuku," Katsuki sighed, his hand brushing with his for a moment. "But you're your own damn person, aren't you? You're nothing like that asshole and if the teachers don't see that, they're fucking blind."

"I know... Thanks Kacchan," Izuku smiled, intertwining their pinkies as they walked. "I hope you're right."

"Tch, I'm always right," he scoffed, acting as if he was offended when he was actually grinning. Izuku rolled his eyes, looking ahead to see his turn was coming up.

"You need to go right if you want to get to your dorm, but I'm going to go on ahead since mine is further away," Izuku said, pulling his hand away from his. "Oh, and uh, don't be surprised if Aoyama-kun isn't here today."

"Sparkles? Why?" Katsuki frowned. Izuku sighed and gave him a look, as if Kacchan was supposed to understand that as a valid answer. His Kacchan could read him like an open book, so he got used to only needing a glance to get confirmation of his thoughts. This wasn't his Kacchan, though.

"Does the word traitor ring a bell to you?" Izuku asked, watching Katsuki's eyes grow bigger. "Don't blame him for it though, okay? He was born quirkless and his parents just wanted what was best for him. They're indebted to a man who threatens to kill them if they don't do what he asks for. In a way, he's just like me."

Katsuki scoffed, as if wanting to deny it, only to reconsider arguing with Izuku right now.

"Fine, I won't blast his damn face off," he huffed.

"That's all I ask for," Izuku smiled, leaning in to peck a kiss on his cheek. "Oh, and good luck with the best room competition! Don't let Sato-kun win again!"

He knew Kacchan had no idea what he was talking about, but he was sure he got the gist of it. And so their paths split apart, each of them going their own way for now. Izuku was sure Kacchan would be busy, even before school started. They still had a week to go but the first year hero course classes were sure to be practicing their ultimate moves, leaving little to no time for them to hang out with someone from the support course. It wasn't a big deal though. Izuku could handle himself! Besides, he was sure UA would keep him busy in other ways this coming week...

//\\
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"And you're absolutely sure about this?" Eraserhead asked, making Izuku nod. He knew why he was asking that, knew why they were having this conversation in the first place, but that didn't make this any easier. Izuku hated that Aizawa didn't trust him. That he'd given him no reason to, that he was simply the son of his father- "Did your father tell you about this?"

There it was. Izuku frowned, hating the fact his dad was brought into the conversation every other sentence. Hated that he had to be reminded of his origins time and time again. If Aizawa sensei had his memories he wouldn't be talking to Izuku like this. He wouldn't be talking to Izuku at all. He would know everything already. No, this conversation would've been a lecture. His teacher telling him how reckless and selfish he'd been, how sacrificing his own life was pointless. But he wasn't dying, and he wasn't truly unhappy either. So was this really all that big of a sacrifice to make?

"He didn't," Izuku said. "But I know where to look, and I'm too noisy for my own good so..."

"I thought you wanted nothing to do with him and his plans? So why go and search for it intentionally?" Aizawa asked. Izuku didn't know whether he was picking at him, taking apart every word he said to determine whether or not Izuku was a threat, or whether he was simply curious. He doubted it was the second one, though...

"If his plans involve hurting Kacchan- uhm, Katsuki, I need to know," Izuku stated, correcting himself way too late. "He... He was the original target for the kidnapping."

"I see," Eraser hummed, looking back down at the notes. "So Himiko Toga will make an appearance at the licensing exam? Maybe we should let Nezu contact Shiketsu High and warn them of the threat."

"That would be good, yeah," Izuku said, fiddling with his hands. "Is there anything else you need me for, sensei? It's getting late and I-"

"You're free to go," he sighed, his gaze turning serious, rooting Izuku in place. "But I'm keeping my eye on you, Izuku Midoriya. You may be a spare, but you're still his own flesh and blood, and if you even think about siding with him- If this is all some sort of ruse- I will find you, and I will make you pay for the pain you caused. Am. I. Clear?"

His eyes flashed red for a moment, a show of power more than anything else since Izuku didn't actually have a quirk he could erase. It still sent shivers down his spine, and for a moment Izuku was back there, in the USJ, moments from getting slaughtered by the man standing before him right now. He swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to keep his body from trembling, his mind from wandering off into the past. This is fine. Everything is fine. He's not actually going to kill you. You're fine.

"There's no need to threaten one of our students, is there?"

Izuku tensed up at that voice. He didn't need to turn around to know it was All Might. What was he doing here? Why was he standing up for him? Oh god, no, stop it! Izuku didn't want to get stuck in flashbacks right now! Not in front of them, not when he was sure he was on the edge of a panic attack from a damn look alone- His breath hitched when he felt a hand on his shoulder, his body jolting and jumping away on instinct. All Might look hurt, confused, worried. Izuku was sure he himself looked terrified, too.

"I- I'm sorry, I- I have to go! Please excuse me!" he exclaimed, stumbling over his words before practically sprinting out the room. He didn't remember how he ended up in a toilet stall, didn't bother trying to remember in a rush of panic and adrenaline. All he knew was that he slid down to the ground, crying, panting- heaving, really. God, he was having a panic attack. He was having a panic attack over Eraserhead's quirk- Over something that happened ages ago- Why?! Why now?! He was supposed to be over this shit! Izuku thought he was over this crap!

It happened so long ago- Why did it have to come back now, of all times? And it did. It came back with full force, hitting him in the face like a truck as memories washed over him. As pain coursed through his veins, setting his body on fire. Images flooding his mind as his body shook, as his lungs begged for air. He could feel his nails digging into his legs as he pulled them up, desperate to ground himself, to feel something- Something else, something that wasn't pain. But that's all he could think of. All he could feel as he remembered the process and the fight and-

Pain.

So much pain.

Screams.

Blood.

Eyes.

Blood red eyes.

His breath hitched again, his vision blurred by tears. It was disorienting. Izuku didn't know where he was, didn't know what he was doing. All he knew were orders.

Familiar faces.

Faces without names.

Target.

His target.

Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. KiLL. KILL-

Touch.

Someone touched him and Izuku lashed out. He didn't know who or where or how- He just did. There was struggle. Pain. Voices. Yelling. And slowly, Izuku's vision cleared up. It cleared up and he found himself crying on top of All Might on a random tiled floor. With his hands around his neck. Strangling him. That image sent a whole new wave of panic soaring through him and before he knew it, he was stumbling back. He crawled back, as far back as he could go, his eyes never leaving the heaving form of the former number one hero as he mumbled out apologies.

What happened..? Where was he? Izuku took a shaky breath, trying to take note of his surroundings. Come on Izuku, five things you can see. A checkered tiled floor. Toilet stalls. Sinks. Mirrors. All Might. Yes, yes that's five, okay. Four things. Fuck, what was it again? Touch? He could feel the cold floor beneath his palm and... And the heat of the radiator on his back. The burning of his lungs, of his throat. And... And the wetness on his face from his tears. Next was sound, things he could hear. His own breathing, labored as it was. All Might's, too. And voices in the hallway. Fuck, that couldn't be good-

No, focus. Focus, Izuku. You can do this. Just... Calm down. Deep breaths. Smell. Two things he could smell. Uhm, the crappy bathroom air freshener that failed to cover up the smell of the urinals. That counted as two, right? Right. Last one. Taste. Salt. Tears. Okay, yeah, that's it. Breathe. Assess the situation. You're fine. Everything is fine.

"What's going on here?! What happened?!"

Izuku's eyes darted up, finding Aizawa standing in the doorway as All Might was still getting up from the ground, rubbing his throat. They must've looked disheveled, Izuku must've looked crazy. He squeaked and yelped, ducking his head down as Aizawa walked up to him. He didn't want to look him in the eye again- couldn't look at him. Not right now. Not after what happened- Which was faintly coming back to him. A blur of hands, of a touch on his shoulders, of a reassuring voice. Izuku had resisted and they fell and he ended up attacking him- strangling All Might.

Kill.

He gripped his head, his hands digging into his hair as his palms covered his ears. No. No, he didn't- He didn't want to- He never intended to- Izuku could hear the other two talk, but he couldn't understand what they were saying, too deep into his own thoughts to make out the words. He could hear himself mumbling, but it was faint, distant. Sorry and apologies and excuses and-

"Midoriya."

All Might.

"Hey, it's alright, you're okay," he said. "Can you... Can I touch you?"

Izuku didn't move, didn't react. So All Might didn't touch him, either.

"It seemed like you were frightened by something," he continued. "You weren't yourself, were you? You lashed out in a panic."

Izuku's grip on his head loosened up a bit as he carefully looked up at his idol, a man that once called him his successor.

" 'M sorry," Izuku mumbled, still coming down from the adrenaline rush, suddenly hit with a wave of exhaustion. "Didn't... Didn't want to hurt you."

"I know my boy," All Might told him. God, Izuku didn't know if he could take being called that after what just happened. Or maybe it was exactly what he needed. Maybe neither. Ugh, everything was a mess right now! "Can you tell me what happened? Why you were so scared?"

"I... I..." Izuku choked out, tears welling up in his eyes again. "I thought... I was back there...and... And he was..."

Izuku trailed off, a sob ripping through the air. He couldn't possibly tell him. They didn't know about the future, about the past, about everything.

"Those eyes reminded me of him," Izuku admitted. Of the person that once killed him in order to protect his students. Izuku didn't doubt he'd do it again if necessary. Eliminating threats is what heroes do, after all. "I... I'm sorry, I... I didn't mean to hurt you or attack you or-"

"It's alright, I understand," All Might said, yet Izuku could see him hold his throat, his fingers rubbing circles along the edges of his neck.

"I'm sorry you had to see me like that," Izuku said, taking a shaky breath before wiping away his tears. "It won't happen again."

"It's okay," he repeated. "I want you to know you can trust me, and I trust you too. I knew you didn't mean to hurt me."

"But I did," Izuku frowned. "I hurt you. And I'm sorry-"

"I know," All Might said, starting to stand up. "But it won't happen again, right?"

"No," Izuku promised, also crawling up, still a bit shaky on his legs.

"So we're all good!" he smiled, patting him on his shoulder. Izuku didn't understand why he was being so nice to him right now. Why Aizawa wasn't grilling the fuck out of him. It was suspicious, in a way. Like a good cop, bad cop act. They probably thought he was still holding back important information... "Come on, let's get you checked out by Recovery Girl to make sure you're alright."

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