Izuku remembered the pain. Numbing, stabbing, everywhere all at once.

Blinding.

Too much.

He remembered Kacchan. Except he wasn't Kacchan, not fully. In the same way he was Izuku, but at the same time he wasn't. He wasn't Izuku, or Deku, or Midoriya. And Kacchan wasn't Kacchan, or Katsuki, or Bakugou. They were nothing, yet everything. And it hurt. It hurt so much. But they were strong. So strong. Yes, Izuku remembered being fast, being agile. He remembered Kacchan being big, being strong.

They fought together.

Where?

It was fuzzy.

Izuku remembered seeing people. Familiar people. Faces without names. He remembered pain. A lot of pain. Too much pain.

Kacchan was hurt.

Izuku raged.

He remembered Kacchan's body falling to the floor, remembered the blood, the ripped off arms. He didn't remember how it happened. Didn't care to remember. But he remembered pain. Pain in his body. Pain in his heart. He remembered seeing a man standing over Kacchan. Big strong man. Powerful man. He did that. He hurt Kacchan. So Izuku had to hurt him.

He charged.

He clawed.

He killed.

Screams of terror.

Bright red eyes.

Then pain. A lot of pain. Then nothing. Black. Only black. Only darkness. For a long time. Too long. Then light. Bright white light. And then...

Izuku gasped, blinking as tears came to his eyes. His breathing was rough, his body shaking. And he was staring at those same dusty white tiles, sitting in that same chair in that same office. His memories were a mess of flashes and noise and pain and it was too much. Way too much. The memories, the implications- Izuku couldn't handle knowing that. Knowing he did that. Inko quickly pulled him in her lap, trying to soothe him.

"Hey, it's okay Izuku," she whispered, stroking his hair. "There's no need to be scared, okay? I thought you were excited to find out what your quirk is gonna be?"

Izuku clung to her side, part of his mind telling him that, yeah, four year old him had been excited. He'd been ecstatic when his mom told him they'd go to the hospital to figure out what his quirk was gonna be and when he was gonna get it. Everyone in his class already had theirs, after all. But this Izuku knew what was really happening here. This was the day he'd been told he'd be quirkless for the rest of his life, that the chances of him developing a quirk were practically zero.

"Yeah, so, that's not gonna happen."

There it was. That voice. Izuku tensed up even more as he heard it, heard him speak. That man... That horrible, despicable man... He was the one who did that to him, who made him do...things Izuku didn't even want to repeat in his own mind. He turned him into a Nomu. Izuku interfered, tried to help, and got turned into a Nomu. Both Katsuki and him... They were made into monsters in that timeline. Those were the consequences of their actions. Izuku had never been so happy about the time reset, and that happiness temporarily overshadowed the fact it had happened again.

"What do you mean, doctor?" his mom asked worriedly, not fully understanding what he was saying, or maybe why he came to that conclusion. "My son is going to have a quirk, right?"

"Ah, well, you see this here, it's an extra toe joint," the doctor explained, but Izuku didn't listen. Didn't want to hear his voice anymore. Didn't want to be here anymore. "In people with quirks, like yourself, it's gone. But your son still has it, meaning he's very unlikely to develop a quirk."

Izuku could feel her arms tightening around him as he said that, and he knew instantly that this was the moment his mom started feeling sorry for him. To feel guilty about him not having a quirk, as if it was her fault he was born that way. All Izuku could do was bury his face deeper into her chest, trying to stop trembling and crying as the adults said their goodbyes and Izuku was carried out of there. The way home was quiet, if not for Izuku's sobbing, and it painfully reminded him of the previous timeline. Of a dimension where he screwed up. Where he became a monster. Where he killed-

No, no he couldn't say it. Couldn't think it. It was too much.

"Kacchan," he mumbled into his mother's embrace. "I wanna see Kacchan."

"You'll see Kacchan tomorrow, sweetie," Inko assured him, but that wasn't good enough.

"Now," Izuku whined. "Wanna see Kacchan now!"

God, he felt like a child. He was a child, technically. But mentally he was, what? In his twenties? That was without adding time spent in other timelines. Should he add that time? It didn't matter. Not right now, anyway. Because right now he needed someone who understood what he was going through, and that someone was Kacchan.

"Okay, okay," Inko sighed. "I guess it couldn't hurt... Do you want to tell him what the doctor said?"

Izuku nodded into her shoulder, not moving from his position to look at her. Yeah, he wanted to talk to Kacchan about what the doctor said and did, about what happened to them, what they were forced to become, to do. Or actually, no, he didn't want to talk about it. He just wanted someone who understood without having to say the words. Someone who knew without Izuku having to tell them. Luckily Inko was willing to give into his request, if only because she didn't want her son to be sad about the diagnosis and thought Katsuki could provide a nice distraction.

And so Inko called Mitsuki on their way home, asking if they could stop by to tell the news of Izuku's quirk. After that they changed course from home to the Bakugou household, which wasn't that big of a change if Izuku was being honest. Probably one of the reasons why his mom was so easily convinced to go visit them. Izuku was happy to see the house pop up on the horizon. It was so familiar, filled with so many memories. Last time he'd been here- He froze up. Last time he'd been here, they were heading over to Tsubasa's sleepover...

"Inko! So happy to see you!" Mitsuki greeted them at the door.

"Glad you could make time," Inko smiled. "Because this one here really wanted to tell the big news to Kacchan!"

She made it sound as if it was exciting news. As if they'd just been told that he'd have a super awesome quirk starting tomorrow morning, a quirk for a hero. As if he'd not been declared quirkless and useless, as if this diagnosis didn't ruin the rest of his life, his future, if All Might hadn't stepped in and interfered.

"Of course, come in, come in," Mitsuki said, ushering them inside. Izuku was put down on the ground for the first time since they left the hospital and took that moment to sprint to the living room. He didn't want their moms hearing what he was gonna tell Kacchan in order to bring his memories back. When he found his blonde friend, he looked confused yet happy to see him, wanting to ask what he was doing here, only for Izuku to talk all over him.

"Remember when you told me to jump off a roof and die?" Izuku asked. "And to pray I'd be born with a quirk in my next life?"

Katsuki blinked, letting out a shaky breath as he quickly glanced around before looking at Izuku again, eyes full of understanding. That's the moment their moms walked in and Izuku flung himself at Kacchan, hugging him like his life depended on it. Katsuki hugged back, holding onto Izuku as a lifeline as he cried- Yes, the great King Explosion Murder was crying, because what the fuck? What happened to them was so fucked up and he- They- Izuku, oh god, no... Izuku must be feeling like shit, too. Must be feeling guilty as fuck and he wasn't even to blame for it.

"I guess Izuku has already told Katsuki, then," Inko sighed. "Uhm, Mitsuki, why don't we sit down so we can talk."

"Oh, uh, yes, of course, let's go to the kitchen. I'll make us some tea."

After that they left again, or well, they could still hear them talk, but that didn't matter. Izuku squeezed Kacchan a little tighter, just for a moment.

"What the fuck," Katsuki whispered. Ah, yes, what the fuck. That summed their feelings up pretty nicely, didn't it? "Deku, what the... You- We- What the fuck."

"I know," Izuku breathed, because he knew, alright? He knew how fucked up all of this was. He knew how horrible and awful and painful the whole experience was and he wished he didn't. Wished he was still clueless about the Nomufication process, about what it felt like. Ignorance is bliss, is what they say, and in this case it's true. "I... I'm so sorry Kacchan-"

"Oi, it wasn't your fault," Katsuki snapped, glaring at him. "None of it was your fault, you got that?"

"But Kacchan, I-" Izuku choked out and, great, he was crying again, too.

"No," Katsuki said quickly. "Don't... Don't say it. Just... You were forced, okay? You'd never do that. But they told you to. You had no choice."

Izuku really wished he could follow Kacchan's reasoning, because that made sense, right? He'd been a Nomu, he couldn't disobey orders. But in reality, it wasn't the order that made him kill...him. It was the fact that Kacchan was hurt. The fact he hurt him, even if it was self-defense. The fact Izuku couldn't lose that, him, not after everything that happened. No, he couldn't lose Kacchan, too.

"It wasn't the order," Izuku confessed as he sobbed. He should at least be honest with Kacchan, he promised him as much. "I didn't- Not because- Not only because he- I just- I saw you and you... You were hurt. He hurt you. And I lost it."

Katsuki's breath hitched, remembering that moment, remembering the pain in his arms, or what was left of them. The explosions had been too big, too damaging. They'd ripped his muscles apart and their opponent had taken advantage of that. He'd focused on his weak point, which was fair. Now that he could think again, he could see why it happened that way. That didn't mean the sudden weird phantom pain in his arms was any easier to bear, though.

"My arms..."

"Your arms are fine, Kacchan," Izuku whispered. "They're fine now. We're both fine now."

"Physically," Katsuki added.

"Physically," Izuku agreed. Yeah, physically they were fine. But the mental scars will always remain.

"...It still wasn't your fault," Katsuki said, no, insisted. "You weren't yourself. Neither of us were. You are not to blame, Izuku. Say it."

"But Kacchan, I-"

"Say it."

Izuku took a shaky breath, doing his best to wipe away his tears, even if he hadn't stopped crying yet. Kacchan understood. He didn't blame Izuku. This is exactly what he wanted and didn't want at the same time. Because, fuck, Kacchan's understanding was such a big relief. To know he didn't hate him for what he did, that he didn't blame him whatsoever... But at the same time, Izuku felt as if he was getting off too easy. Because Kacchan should blame him, he should be mad. What Izuku had done was inexcusable. Who he killed- He didn't want to think about it.

"Say it," Katsuki repeated when Izuku fell silent. "I'm not to blame. Say it."

"I-I'm not to blame," Izuku stammered out.

"And now like you mean it," Katsuki demanded, a dead serious look on his face, something akin to a glare, yet not fully there. It was a stark contrast against the soft touch of his fingers on his cheeks, carefully helping to wipe his tears away.

"I'm not to blame," Izuku repeated, a little more steady this time. "And neither are you."

"Yeah," Katsuki nodded.

"Say it, Kacchan."

"I'm not to blame," Katsuki said. "Neither of us are. We tried to take action and faced the consequences, and now we know better."

"We won't try helping Tsubasa again?" Izuku asked to make sure he understood what Kacchan was saying.

"We can't risk it, not again," Katsuki said, frowning. Izuku pulled him in close again, knowing that admitting to being helpless, not able to do anything to help a friend... It was a hard thing to do, definitely to Kacchan, someone who had trouble admitting defeat and hated the feeling of failing. But they found comfort in each other, and in that moment, Izuku almost missed Kacchan's silent murmuring. "I can't risk putting us through that again."

Yeah, they both felt guilty. Kacchan for being unable to help one his childhood friends, for being helpless and useless even though he was a literal child. What could a four year old realistically do against a century old genius? Even if Kacchan's quirk was stronger on paper, it wasn't a fair match up. Still, he felt guilty. And so did Izuku. Because he wasn't able to save someone, but also because of what he did. What he was forced to do, what he did in the spur of the moment when all rational thought left his body. Even if he wasn't fully in control, even if it was an order-

Izuku will never forgive himself for killing All Might.