Chapter 17: Tears

"Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope."
Noelle was reading a quote from Maya Angelou—it's part of our homework. We have the same subject teacher and we're in the same year, kaya pareho lang ang mga pinag-aaralan namin. Today, she even offered to do our assignment together during lunch break, right here at school where we usually meet.

"Julian... why... are you crying?" Noelle gently wiped the tears from my cheeks.

I've time-traveled again.
And this time, I'm with Noelle.

Matapos kong makita si Daddy sa past niya, when I time-traveled again, I was brought to a different moment in the past—this time, with Noelle.

And why am I crying right now, she asked?

Well... the journal my ancestor left behind warned me: I can't tell anyone in the past anything about the future.
I cannot tell Noelle that she's going to die...

And it feels so fucking unfair.

I can't say anything about what's coming, because the journal was clear—if I do, I could ruin everything. I'd be risking not just mine and Noelle's lives, but also the lives of everyone connected to us—our parents, our families, our friends...

Pwede akong magsabi na nanggaling ako sa future. I could tell her some things, like I did with my dad.
But death... is different.
It's a kind of fate that can never be changed.

So no—I can't tell her that she's going to die.

I felt so hopeless. I've never felt this helpless in my entire life.
Pakiramdam ko ay wala akong magagawa.

And yet, I want—more than anything—to do something. Anything for Noelle.
But I can't. Damn it.

Hinawakan ko ang kamay niyang nasa pisngi ko, ang kamay na ginamit niyang punasan ang luha ko. Then I looked at her, sitting right in front of me.
Umiling ako. "It's nothing. Uhm, may pumasok lang sa mata ko, kaya napuwing ako." I tried to give her a reassuring smile.

Ngumiti rin siya sa akin. "It's almost time for us to go back to our classrooms. Lunch break will be over soon. Tapusin na natin itong assignment natin?"

I gently nodded at her. "We can also finish it later... after classes?"

"Uhm, oo, pwede naman... Kaya lang, hindi ba may soccer practice ka pa mamaya after school?"

"Oh." I covered my face with my hands. "Oo nga pala. Then... this weekend?"

Her lips parted a little.

"Let's meet this weekend?" I repeated, offering her another soft smile.

Napangiti na rin siya sa akin. "Okay..."

She agreed. And just like that, something in me felt happy again.

It's the first weekend that Noelle and I are going out together.
I want to experience more normal things with her—like doing homework side by side, just like we did during lunch. Then maybe going out on weekends, like other teenagers our age do.
I want to date her.

I realize now that I want more time with Noelle.
Kung hindi man talaga kami nakatadhanang magkita pa sa hinaharap, then I'll spend whatever time I have here with her.
It's like... now or never.

Until one day, I decided that I'll stay here.

It doesn't matter if I won't be able to go back to the present...
As long as Noelle is here, as long as we can be together even just a little longer while she's still with me...

I'm afraid to go back to the future.
A future without Noelle.
And I realized—I don't want that future.

I didn't care anymore about the other consequences of this choice.
Although... I still worry about Mom and Dad in the present.
What if something bad happens to them because I chose to stay here?

But then one day, Noelle asked me—

"Julian, you told me before that you time-traveled, didn't you?"

"Huh? Uh... yeah."

"Then... what happened? Aren't you going back?"

Natigilan ako sa tanong niya. I had already made up my mind to stay here with her. But her question brought back the worries.
What would the future become if I stayed longer?
Despite that, I still couldn't help it—I wanted to be selfish.
Alam kong kailangan ko rin isipin nang mabuti ang hinaharap. Our families... and what about my soccer career?

But honestly, I care less about that now.
I just realized—there are more important things in life than just playing soccer forever.

Don't get me wrong—I still love soccer.
It's just that Noelle is here now.
And somehow, she's become more important than soccer.

I looked at her. "I'm staying here longer, Noelle," I told her.

Her lips parted slightly. "But, Julian... Hindi ba delikado? Didn't you tell me before that there might be a consequence?"

Napaisip din ako sa sinabi ni Noelle.
For sure, there will be consequences.
Maybe I won't be able to return to the present if I stay too long in this timeline.
I might get stuck here.

But still... I just want more time with her.

Gusto ko pa siyang mas makilala.
I want to know more about her—her favorites, her likes, everything.

So instead, I gave her a reassuring smile.
"But I want to stay here and spend more time with you, Noelle..." I said it so shamelessly.

Nakagat ko pa bahagya ang labi ko.
Only then did I feel a wave of embarrassment.
What am I even saying?
I let my thoughts slip right out of my mouth.

Hindi na tuloy ako makatingin nang diretso sa kaniya pagkatapos kong sabihin 'yon.

But then, I noticed Noelle had gone silent.
So I looked at her again.

She was already looking at me—
But the moment our eyes met, her face turned red, and she quickly looked away.
Para bang iniiwasan niyang tumingin sa akin.

I could feel my heartbeat slowly rising...
At naramdaman ko rin ang pag-iinit ng mukha ko.
Siguro ay namumula na rin ako ngayon.

At nang muli kaming magkatinginan, wala ni isa sa amin ang nakapagsalita—
But both our flushed faces said everything.

Kasabay nito ang malakas na pintig ng puso ko.
And I think... I'm not the only one feeling this way.

Just by looking at Noelle's shy, red face—
I could tell that she, too, feels the same.
That her heart was thumping loudly inside her chest... just like mine.