I tossed my purse on the small counter by the door. I sighed, the anxiety making my stomach uneasy and making it hard to think straight.

Rita wasn't going to like this.

"Rita? I'm home! I... I need to talk to you about something...."

I walked into the small living room, wringing my hands and staring off into space. I found Rita in her usual spot, writing music by the window in her favorite armchair. She looked up at me, greeting me with a small, unfocused smile, before dipping her head back down and furiously scribbling some more notes into her book.

I swallowed nervously, sitting down on the sofa on the opposite side of the room from Rita. I cleared my throat awkwardly.

Rita sighed and looked up at me, annoyance clearly written all over her face. Great.

"(Y/N), I was kinda in the zone."

"I know, and I'm really sorry, but I need to talk to you." I looked down at my hands nervously. "Um.... I've been offered a new job opportunity."

She arched an eyebrow at me. "Um.... and that's bad why?"

I took an uneasy breath. "Well, it's.... out of town."

I could see her wheels turning.

"How 'out of town' are we talking?"

"....Connecticut."

"....(Y/N). You're not serious," she said, chuckling humorlessly and massaging her forehead. "You know as well as I do that I can't pay the rent by myself!"

I raked a hand over my face tiredly. I ran my hand through my (H/L), (F/C) locks.

I had decided to dye it recently. I had wanted something bold and unique. The underside was still its natural (H/C), while the (length), upper locks were (F/C). It was currently in (F/H/S).

"Rita, I know, and I'm really sorry. I just... I really want this job."

"You're sorry? YOU'RE SORRY?" she said, raising her voice and springing up from her chair. "YOU'RE ESSENTIALLY TELLING ME I'M HOMELESS, AND, 'YOU'RE SORRY'?? That's such a load of absolute crap! What am I supposed to do now, (Y/N)?? Huh? WHAT??"

That's when I snapped. "HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW??? I'M JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT MY OWN LIFE AND ALL THE CRAP THAT GOES ALONG WITH IT, THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS AT LEAST TRY TO BE A LITTLE PATIENT WITH ME, AND, OH I DON'T KNOW, NICE??"

Silence. Then, tears. I felt them coming, but didn't stop them. I had been holding them in for too long. I turned and hurriedly retreated to my tiny bedroom, my sanctuary from the cruel world, shutting and locking the door behind me. I could hear Rita jiggling the knob.

"(Y/N)! (Y/N), come on. Look, I'm sorry. Come on, please let me in!"

"JUST LEAVE ME THE HECK ALONE!" I sobbed, throwing one of my giant history textbooks at the door.

It hit the door with a loud crash, and the impact caused the front cover and some of the pages to come off. Apparently I have a tendency to throw books at people. Rita didn't try to get in, anymore.

I took a shaky breath and crawled into my bed, putting in my ear buds and tapping on Spotify. I clicked play on one of my playlists, and "Finale (Can't Wait To See What You Do Next)" by AJR started playing. I closed my eyes and got lost in the lyrics.

"They wanted heaven from me,
I gave 'em hell,
Now they want somethin' bigger,
I'm overwhelmed!
And if you're just as hopeless,
I wish you well!
(We can't wait to see what you do next!)"

I started crying again.

For years and years I had been living with a burden on my shoulders. The weight of the world was upon my back. I had lost countless loved ones, and would continue to. And now I had to make yet another difficult, life-altering decision. People expected so much for me, but I couldn't give it to them.

"Can you wait a sec?
Lemme catch my breath,
Lemme catch my,
I can't remember how I got here.
Can you wait a sec?
Lemme catch my breath,
Lemme catch my,
I can't remember how I got here,
Got here.
They wanted heaven from me,
I gave 'em hell,
Now they want somethin' bigger,
I'm overwhelmed.
I think it's time to go now,
I think my curtain's fallin',
Just don't forget about me,
When you get out of college.
If it's my final album,
And if I am forgotten,
I hope I made you smile,
That's all I ever wanted!"

I rocked back and forth, my sobs echoing in my room and my tears blurring my vision. It was getting hard to breathe. The room was spinning. It was too hot. I needed air, but I was too weak to open the window, so I turned on my ceiling fan instead. I breathed heavily, my breath hitching and wracked with sobs.

It was only a few minutes before I finally cried myself to sleep.