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You Don't Own Me (ft. G-Eazy) by SayGrace

Alessandra fell asleep in my arms. I looked at her. So peaceful. I try not to think about how I got here. How did I get so lucky to be her mother when I lost the game of life?

My childhood was no better then the hell that I live in now. My mother was an alcoholic and a drug user. My father tried everything in his powers to make her better. But it didn't work. I'm an only child because my mother agreed to conceive one child and that child was my father's responsibility. Mom secretly tied her tubes a couple of months after I was born.

When I was eleven, my dad had a heart attack. I cried out of fear of what my life would be like without him. Six months later he had another one and it killed him.

Mother took most of the money and burned it on drugs, male strippers and liquor. I was left alone at home, sometimes for days. It was then that I learned to take care of myself. I made my own meals. Nothing fancy or hot. Often it was beans or corn from the cans. Scrambled eggs, bread or deli meats.

I went to school and tried my best to keep clean. I washed my clothes in the bathtub and hung them up to dry. I would spray mom's perfume to give them a nice smell. I did such a great job at faking my happiness that my teachers didn't even have a clue. I learned to forge my mom's signature and develop an 'older women's' voice over the phone. I would collect coins from the couch from mom's many boyfriends and glass bottles in the neighbourhood to collect money and buy bites and pieces of food when i could.

Believe me, this was a walk in the park from what came next in my life. Mother's 'boyfriends' started to stay over days to weeks. That's when things went from bad to worse. All doing drugs, drinking liquor and a few of them sexually abused me. 

I was twelve, the first time I was abused by one of mom's boyfriends and that's when the empathic part of me developed. I learned very quickly how to read mom and her boyfriends. Their state of mind when they would come home. Were they sobbed or not. Are they moody, angry or was it going to be an okay day. Through their moods and interaction I knew when to get the fuck out of there and who to avoid all together.

I would keep an eye on the clock to see the times to mark their whereabouts, where they are and when they would come to me. Lucky for me then and now, humans are creatures of habits and usually follow a routine, and I learn to be methodically inclined to know their habits.

Often I slept in my closet. I had a hidden niche in the back of my closet, that I created. I broke the drywall exposing the space between the joists. I would sleep in between the joists at night so no one would find me. The good thing is that the boyfriends who dared to walk in my room at night wouldn't ask mom where I was.

I gently kiss Alessandra on her forehead, "Nina, I'll take her to bed. You go too. I have to work tonight." I said as I picked Alessandra up into my arms. I carried her to her bed and covered her with her purple blanket and placed her stuffed elephant beside her. I gently place a long kiss on her temple as she laid so peacefully in bed. 

And like every night since she was born my internal voice would say, I'm sorry I wasn't stronger.

I left Alessandra's room and grabbed my folder. I looked at Nina, "I'll be back in a couple of hours. Don't open the door to no one and text me if anything."

Nina nodded, "Be Careful."  She said as I walked out the door to do what I do best. Keep an eye on the time.

But first Antonio.

I quietly knock on the door of his suit.

Antonio opened the door topless with a smile on his face, "Katerina, thank you for stopping by." He said as he stepped to the side and signaled me into his room with his hand.

Now, I'll be honest. Antonio was in his later forties. For a man his age is does keep himself fit. Of course he and all of us who work for him that go on sites, were trained in martial arts of some sort, how to use various weapons and exercise on a regular bases.

Antonio's suit is similar to mine. The main room also a tv area but in the back corner security cameras and monitors watch every part of the compound. He does have security guards for this but he likes to know what everyone's up to.

I stood just inside the door and looked at him, "Sorry for making this quick but I have the first shift in the office room." I reminded Antonio.

He closed his door, "Yes," Antonio said as he rubbed his hands together and stood in front of me, "this will be quick. I have a new client tomorrow coming to see the program in action. I want you to be there."

"What about Matteo or Felix? Usually that's their job." I asked, scared and curiously.

"True, but I have met this client twice but I can't read him. I can't tell what he's thinking," Antonio said as he slowly touch my cheek with the back of his fingers as he stared into my eyes, "but you have a gift to feel people; pick up subtle signals from them better then anyone who works for me," Antonio complimented as he stepped into my personal space. He gently slid his nose around my nose and cheek, "Mmm, " He moaned, "and your smell is intoxicating. Irresistible to ignore." I stood frozen as Antonio silently continued to ride his face on mine, "there are days I wished I met you first." He confessed again.

"You were married at that time, Antonio." I reminded him.

Our eyes met as he looked at me, "and was that supposed to stop me." He asked sternly, " I promised you when Matteo brought you here that no harm would come to you unless I ordered it. I also told you then that if you have any needs to be satisfied that my door is always open," he said as I felt his hand move down between my legs. He moaned, " you are so fucken hot, my Katerina." Antonio said as he glided his lips up my neck, "what makes you hotter is knowing how easily I can hurt you." He said as he pulled my hair down, so my head went to the side and I felt his tongue move smoothly up to my ear, "all I have to do is rip your clothes off, fuck your pussy hard and make you scream my name." I had to retreat to my childhood survival skills. Keep quiet and don't run.

I felt Antonio's other hand wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer to him. He stopped his actions and looked me straight into my eyes as he pressed his hard mid section against mine, " torture the ones you love."  He whispered, showing no emotions in his eyes.

"Antonio, why aren't you in bed?" A sleepy woman's  voice was heard from the bedroom door.

"Go back into the room. I'm talking business out here!" Antonio demanded keeping his stare on me. The young attractive blonde obeyed and closed the door behind her.

"Speaking of fucking." I said.

Antonio smiled as he let go of me, "We all have needs Katerina. No strings attached is the best way of satisfying those needs"

"Antonio, Three location that have your program, will be activated in ten minutes. I need to watch the clock." I said, with no emotions, as I planned a reasonable escape from this insanity.

Antonio smiled at me as he played with my hair, "Always working."

I fake a smile, "It's why you trapped me in this shit hole you call home." I said hoping it jabbed him a little.

Antonio let go of my hair and transformed back into his ruthless self, " Tell no one about this meeting. Tomorrow at ten am, come to the boardroom. I'll have the program set up. The client is coming at ten thirty sharp."

"Yes sir. I'll be there." I said in a professional manner.

Antonio opened the door like a fake gentleman. I walked out if his room, without looking back at him and made my way to the office for the first shift.

I settled myself into the only chair in the room. It's a small space. The size of a master washroom. In the room was a chair, a table and three laptops, two keyboards and headsets. Antonio has small snippets of consideration and placed a coffee and expresso machines with mugs and a very small washroom space cover by a curtain. Sometimes I and Xander can be there for four, five hours working.

I made my first coffee and opened the folder with the client's system information and put my pen on top of the papers.
I turned the computers on. One laptop monitors the program's set up in the client's locations. Another computer monitors the transaction and the third is the ghost program that mimics the same pattern as the client's program and hides the transaction.

It is a complex system but it works and fills Mr. Dello Russo's piggy bank every time. My job is to make sure the timing of the three systems are in unison. One second off and the whole illusion is exposed, and lives ( mainly the ones I love) will be lost.

Tik, tik, tik, tik, tik, tik, tik...

I heard as I put the head sets on. Time to work.