I was walking into the office of the psychologist once again. I still didn't really want to be here, but I wasn't as reluctant as the first time. He can't tell Alarik what's talked about in here. I think that's still my main concern. 

I not only want to protect myself from what happened, from living through it again, but I want to protect him from it. He had been a wreck when he'd found me, he'd been a wreck afterward. I know he blamed himself. It just wouldn't do any good for him to know what happened. 

"Why don't you want to talk to Alarik about your experiences?" The doctor asked as if he knew what my thoughts were centered on. 

"There's no reason for him to know."

"Don't you think that it would be good for him to understand what you went through? So he knows how to communicate with you?"

"He can communicate with me just the same. I'm the same person I was then, I've just had to deal with more. When he already blames himself why should I unload all of my experiences onto him?"

With that, he changes tack. 

"Would you like to talk to me about what happened?"

Do I want to? Yes and no. I know that what we say will stay here and that makes me want to open up, but I'm afraid of what will happen if I do. 

"I don't know."

"You talked about the scar on your arm yesterday, about how they were testing on you."

I nod, my mouth dry. 

"Did they ever tell you why?"

"No," the word comes out as a whisper. "Not really. Just that they wanted to know how it works. They had so many different tests they did to me. They called them tests, I called it torture."

He just sat there quietly, listening to me and I just felt a need to fill in the silence. 

"They- they kept me drugged and my wolf out of reach. I couldn't get to her, I couldn't contact Alarik." My heart started to speed up with the memory of those months. 

"I had no sense of time. There were no windows and I never knew how long I'd been out for."

I really had no idea why I was telling him all this, but now that I had started it was all coming out like flood gates that had been breached. 

"Every time I woke up they had something else already planned to go. cutting my arms, breaking my bones, shooting me. The options never seemed to end. When they were done with that they did the physical stuff, like how we run, how fast we can go, how long."

He had stopped marking in his notebook about halfway through and now he was just staring at me, trying to keep his look impartial and professional. I knew he was pitying me though and that was what I hated. That was why I didn't want people to know. I didn't want their pity. 

I looked at the clock, my time was up. 

"I should go," I say quickly standing up. 

"You can stay longer if you'd like. I don't have any appointments for another hour."

"I think I've said enough." I quickly leave the office. 

My heart is pounding, I can feel it in my throat, hear it in my ears. I can't believe that I just essentially told him what had happened. His look though, that was why I couldn't bear to tell anyone else, especially Alarik. 

I already saw the pain in his eyes, I wouldn't be able to see that mixed with his pity for what I had gone through. It did no good to pity, it was in the past. 

It had felt oddly good to finally tell someone though, not nearly as painful as I'd though. Not bad. 

Until that look. That voice said in my head. That look was everything I'd dreaded. 

I felt like I was starting to float away. I needed something to ground me. 

I stumbled outside, bumping right into Alarik. 

"Hey, I was just on my way to come get you," he said looking down at me. 

I threw my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his. This is what I need, this is what will ground me. Alarik's arms wrap around my waist pulling me into him, our bodies pressing together tightly. 

His tongue licks out across my lips and I part them. Our tongues move together and I start to feel the ground beneath me. This is the person that makes everything right. My Alpha, my mate, my savior, my fiancé. It seemed so weird to think the word, but that's what he was, all those things rolled into one. He was my strength even if I can't be strong, he's there for me. 

"Always," he whispers as he pulls back slightly having heard my thoughts. 

"Now come on, I have a surprise for you."

With that he steps back and the world comes back into focus. I feel heat creep up into my cheeks as I see some people around who stopped to stare at us. The sight is probably an odd one, especially considering we haven't set aside the time yet to make the official announcements about anything that's happened. 

Alarik grabs my hands, pulling me after him before he looks back at my leg. He turns and scoops me up off the ground.

"Alarik! What are you doing?" I wiggle in his arms trying to get down but he has me clutched tightly to his chest bridal style. 

"You're not supposed to be walking around. I'm making sure you don't mess up that leg any more."

"Alarik, it's fine!"

"I'm not taking any chances. You can either let it happen or I'll drag you kicking and screaming."

I huff at him but I can't help the small smile. It's the first real smile I've felt in a while, one that reaches everywhere inside me. 

Alarik looks down at me with a smile that sparkles in his eyes and I can tell that my small one hasn't gone unnoticed. 

We keep walking, or rather Alarik keeps walking while carrying me, until we reach the park. The very same park I'd tried to reject him at. In the middle of the grassy area I see a blanket spread out with a basket in the center. 

Alarik gracefully sets me down on the blanket, taking up the spot next to me. 

"I thought we could have a picnic."

I look at him with surprise before looking around. This was most definitely not something I'd expected, not from Alarik Trenton, Big Bad Alpha. 

"Do you not like it?" He asks sounding slightly concerned. 

I shake my head silently before looking back up at him with wide eyes. "I love it."

He pulls out two plastic cups and sets the down, one in front of each of us. He then takes out a thermos and pours lemonade into the glasses. He reaches in again, pulling out some sandwiches and fruit, putting them on plates for us both. 

I take a bite of my sandwich and sigh. How can something so simple be so good?

"Good sandwich isn't it?" Alarik asks with a smile. 

I nod, eagerly taking another bite. 

When we finish our food, Alarik throws the plates and glasses into the basket and we lay out on the blanket, the sun shining down on us. We're on our sides, facing each other and I feel a small smile again. 

"I'm glad to see that smile again," Alarik says tracing my lip with one of his fingers. "I've missed it so much."

I roll my eyes at him but his remark does what he aimed to do and my smile grows. 

"Oh and the way you roll your eyes. You're like my own personal fire cracker, Allison."

A small giggle breaks free and it causes Alarik to lose all sense of control. He pulls me closer to him and his lips are pressed against mine, his tongue making it's way past my lips and I sigh into him. The sunshine has nothing on what flows through me when we're together like this. 

Alarik rolls so that he's over me, supporting his weight on his elbows with his fingers in my hair and my arms are around his neck. Our legs are tangled together and I feel the kiss deepen. I can feel how we each try to drown ourselves in the other. Despite what we might say, what we might think, those two months were hell for both of us. But now we're together again, we are in each other's arms and we are going to make the most of it. 

Alarik pulls back slightly with a growl that shows how much control it takes. "You have no idea how glad I am that you're with me again," he whispers. 

"I think I have some sort of an idea," I say back to him. 

I can feel every bit of his body reacting to the closeness to me just like mine is reacting to him. Every part of me wanting him closer. 

"Right now I just want to get you home. I'm not sure how much longer we can keep this family friendly." His words send spikes of heat through my body. 

"You mean this has been family friendly up until now?" I ask with a sly smile. 

"Probably not, all the more reason to get out while we can." He wiggles his eyebrows at me and I can't contain the giggle I feel. 

Ever since I'd left the shrink's office I'd felt lighter. I knew it wouldn't be permanent, but I was going to relish the feeling while it was here. 

Alarik stands up and pulls the last little bit of blanket out from under me, shoving it into the picnic basket. He then bends down and picks me up, throwing me over a shoulder like a sack of potatoes, one leg over the back of my legs to hold me steady. He then picks up the basket in the other hand and starts walking off. 

"Alarik! I told you I can walk, my leg is fine!" I shout at him, smacking his butt as he swaggers off. 

"I'm not sure if I'll ever let you walk again. We don't want to chance it."

I grumble at him but it doesn't sound very convincing. 

In no time at all we're at a car and he sets me down on my feet, opening the door for me. I roll my eyes at him and sit in the car. He goes around, puts the basket in the back and then gets in behind the wheel. He takes off down the road making turns.

It looks like we've left the pack but that doesn't seem right. He said that we were going home. I assumed he meant back to his house, in which case we went the complete opposite direction. We're driving down a road that's surrounded by trees, there's nothing out here but woods until you reach the next pack.

"Um, I think you made a wrong turn."

"I know how to get home." It's all he says and I don't argue with him. Maybe he bumped his head or something. 

Within a few moments we pull up at a large white house that's surrounded by nothing but woods. 

"Where are we?" I ask him. 

"Home."

"Alarik, I don't know what you did today, if you hit your head, if you had some really strong drugs or what, but this isn't home."

"Yes it is. I mean, it is if you want it to be."

My eyes are wide, my brows pulled together. What on earth is he talking about?

"You see, the packs are going to be combining. I'm going to be the Alpha, and I'm not kicking my parents out of their home. This is going to be the central location for where the pack is. It's the first home that's been built. It's my home, and I was hoping, since you agreed to marry me, to be my wife and Luna that you might consider it your home too."

My eyes are still wide. I have no idea what to say to that. I feel the swell in my heart and I feel the prick of tears just behind my eyes. 

Our home? He wants this to be our home? I have no idea what to say to that. I can't even process right now. I slowly get out of the car and my feet carry me to the front door. I can sense Alarik right behind me but he doesn't say anything. He puts a key in the front door, turning it and pushing the door open, but he lets me walk in first. 

It's all so lovely. Hardwood floors and a rug just inside. A large entry way that leads into a living room. It's already furnished with a large black couch, a loveseat and two chairs to match. The dining room has a large oak table and the room leads into the kitchen. Everything white and black and new. I haven't even gotten upstairs but I already love the place. 

I still can't believe that he wants this to be ours. 

"Do you like it?" He asks with that same nervousness. 

I turn around, the first tears finding their way out. 

"I love it." 

He smiles down at me and kisses me lightly. 

"You should see the bedroom," he whispers seductively. And like that, he's trapped me, I'm all his. He pulls me after him toward the stairs and up to the bedroom.

**************

A little lighter chapter. Now that she's started opening up some she's getting a little better. We'll have to wait and see if that mood is here to stay though. 

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