Against my wishes, I'm sitting in an office with a shrink. I agreed to let Alarik set me up with an appointment, I thought he meant sometime later in the week, but apparently he meant right away. 

We've both been quite minus our introductions and he'd told me I could say what I wanted when I wanted. After that, there was nothing. I didn't want to say anything. Of course I should have known better than to think that he would just let us use the whole time to just sit and say nothing. 

Twenty minutes had passed and he leans back in his chair, propping his ankle up on his knee. 

"Would you like to talk about what happened? The reason why Alarik wanted you to come see me?"

"Not particularly."

I look around, anywhere but at him. Alarik had asked me to see the shrink, he never said I had to actually talk to him. 

"He seems to be worried about you. That you aren't well after what happened."

"He does seem to think that, but I'm perfectly fine."

"You had a bullet that was in your leg correct? Your skin had healed around it and it had to be removed when you got back?"

I show him the place where they'd had to do damage control after I opened the wound back up while running thorugh the woods. 

"And did that scar on your arm come from there as well?" He asked in a voice that said he knew the answer but he wanted me to answer him anyway. 

I stood up and walked over to him holding out the arm with the long scar. "Yeah, it did. You see, they wanted to see how the healing worked with werewolves, so they had these knives and one was silver. They took it and they pressed it down, cutting deep into my arm," I applied pressure with my finger over the scar and started dragging it along the line. "Then they cut from here to here and left it with cameras taping the whole thing. 

"They compared how it would heal to a non-silver knife. They did the same thing over here." I held up my other arm where it was perfectly smooth. My voice was cold while I spoke to him, detailing what had happened with the experiment. 

"I passed out from blood loss and when I woke up, I had stitches in my arm."

I saw the man swallow hard and I turned around, plopping onto the chair again, my arms across my chest. 

There was a light rapping on the door and Alarik popped his head in. 

"I was told time's up. Are you wanting to go longer?" He asked the shrink. 

"I think we're good for today," his voice is tight. "We actually made some good progress. I'd like to see her one more time this week, day after tomorrow if you could." 

His last words were said looking at me as if asking for my okay. I really didn't have much of a choice though. I was either going to walk in here on my own two feet or Alarik would probably drag me in kicking and screaming either as a human or a wolf. I don't think he'd care how. 

I stepped out through the door and Alarik stepped in. I debated about waiting or just leaving him here. I decided to wait for him. I heard him talking to the doctor. 

"You said that you made progress. What happened?"

"Now you know that I can't say what happened. Doctor patient confidentiality."

"Damn it, I'm her mate and your Alpha. Tell me what's going on."

"I can't do that," the doctor said more sternly.

In that moment I actually liked him. I felt a small smile as I realized that this was something that I could actually do that Alarik wouldn't be able to jump in on. 

Alarik came out of the office fuming having gotten no where with the doctor and started making his way out. I followed after him and when we got outside he stoped and went to take my hand, stopping just short of grabbing it. 

I saw the look shift from anger to confusion and resting on hurt. I balled my bare hand up and shoved it into my pocket. 

"Did you lose it?" He asks quietly.

"No." It's all I can say and I start walking. I stop suddenly. Where do I go?

Do I go home with him? Do I go to Cassie's? Do I go to my home? I really don't want to face anyone, I don't want to be trapped. 

I let out a frustrated sigh and lean my back against the wall of one of the shops and I collapse onto the ground. I felt the sob working its way up and soon after the tears followed. 

Alarik crouched down next to me, the warmth radiating off him and touching me. It just made me cry harder. I wanted to hold it back, I didn't want to let this out right now. Especially not out on the street. 

"Hey, don't cry. It's okay." Alarik's voice is soft. He reaches out his hand to wipe the tears from my cheek but I flinch away from his touch before keeping still. 

I'm not sure why I've started flinching. I know he won't hurt me. Maybe I'm just afriad of what his touch can do to me. 

He slowly and gently tries again, wiping the tears away and I look into his eyes. I can see all the pain there. He wants to help me, my pain is his pain, but he just doesn't know how. Seeing that look in his eyes kills me. 

I can feel the ring in my pocket like a hot coal burning through. I don't remember why I'm not wearing it right now. I no longer remember the reason for hiding it, for not putting it back on my finger. 

I look into his eyes and feel the full force of his pain, my pain, our pain. I just want to erase it, but I know it's not possible. Some will always linger. 

I reach my neck up and gently put my lips on his and let the feeling of our bond wash over. I can feel the love mixing with the grief and I feel the sobs rising to the surface again. 

I can't believe how far I've come with this man, from wanting nothing to do with him, to putting my heart and soul in his hands, trusting in him, hoping he would be the one to walk through that door when I was held prisoner. 

I can feel a crack in the armor that I've carefully placed and I try deperately to patch it back up. But as the kiss deepens so does that crack and it's like I can hear it shattering around me. My hand reaches up into his hair and I pull him closer. It's like for the moment the rest of the street melts away. 

When I pull back my heart is racing and tears are streaming down my cheeks. He uses his thumb to wipe them away again and I start to stand. I feel better after crying, after kissing him. Like a bit of my old self is returning. 

I remember Cassie's words to me earlier Allison Cole is dead and she's left you in her place. I flinch at the memory but she was right. I'm not dead, but I'd been suffocating the old me, the real me, and now she was lying passed out close to death in the corner. I'd let them win, I'd let the hunters win. 

I walk back with Alarik to his house and when we're inside and sitting on the couch I pull the ring out of my pocket. 

He looks at it, shining with the light coming in through the window. I see that same look of confusion and pain on Alarik's face as he looks at the small glittering ring. 

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that to you so soon after getting back." He reaches out to take it as if he's ashamed of what he's done and my heart breaks slightly. I curl my fingers around it tightly, not letting him take it. 

"It wasn't that. I just needed some time to myself. I needed to figure some things out. Like we've both said, a lot has happened. Things happened to me that I'm not ready to talk about, I don't know if I'll ever be ready to talk about them. I feel--"

I didn't know how to say it. That I felt weak, that I felt- that I still feel- like I'm not good enough, strong enough for him. 

It's then when I see the frown deepen and the darkness in his eyes that I've let my guard slip and now he knows how I feel. 

"Allison," his voice is tense, strong, dark. "You are the strongest woman I know. You fought for two months to get back to me. You could have given up, given in, but you didn't. You held on and now you're back and I couldn't be happier. I love you, every single bit of you. If I didn't have you with me, I don't know what I'd do."

I feel the lump in my throat, more tears threatening to break free. 

"I would be honored if you'd keep this ring, but I also understand if you can't."

He's kneeling on the ground in front of me and I lean forward, pressing my forehead to his, my arms wrapped around his neck. This man, he thinks I'm strong, he thinks he needs me when it's me who needs him. 

We are eye to eye, nose to nose and I kiss him lightly. When I pull back I can see his eyes have lightened slightly but I can still feel the tension in his body. 

"Of course I will keep it. I'll never let you take it back."

"I wouldn't dream of it," he whispers. 

He pulls my left arm back in front of him and opens up my balled fist and delicately picks up the ring. He turns it over in his fingers before slowly slipping it on my finger, past my knuckles to rest at the base of my finger. 

We stay there for a while, our foreheads pressed together. I feel Alarik's large intake of breath and he slowly releases it, his eyes trained on mine. 

"I wish that someday you will be able to tell me what happened. That you'll be able to tell someone."

"I don't want to think about it," I whisper. "It's in the past now."

"But it's affecting your future. You were so happy, so carefree. Your biggest problem was me. Now there's this darkness that's taken up residence inside you, Allison. It pains me to see. That hollow look in your eyes, the fear when I came back to see you sitting on this couch. I want to do whatever I can to help you. Just let me know how."

"I know you want to help, I see it in those sad eyes. I just don't know if I can do it."

"You have nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, I should be ashamed. You were taken from our pack. It never should have happened."

"But it did, and what happened, happened and we can't change that. Dark things happened to me, you found me, and now I'm back here."

"I feel like I lost a part of you back there." The sadness in his voice shatters my heart into a million pieces. It brings Cassie's unwanted words again. 

"I just need some time to deal with everything in my head. I promise I won't run off again, I think I learned my lesson from last time," I say nodding down to my leg. 

"You shouldn't have been walking on it you know," he says in his Alpha voice. Finally something he can have some control over. 

"I know, but you can take care of me now," I say with a small smile. 

"Good." He scoops me up into his arms and I wrap my arms tightly around his neck. He walks me up to his room and gently lays be down on his bed, before sliding in next to me. 

I hug close to him, feeling his body heat transfer to me and his strong arms wrap around me with his untold promises that he will always be there for me.

************

She let some things out... Little bit of progress in her own way. 

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