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"I dont remember what it felt like to be not broken completely"
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No body believed me when I told them what happened to me. No body believed a single word I said.

They said I was lying. They said i was deceitful. I was saying those things to hide my faults. They said I was trying to get attention. That I was an attention whore.

No one knows what really happened. No one knows a single thing. Except me. I know what happened. I know exactly what happened that night... because...because it happened with me.

They ignore it when I wake up screaming at night. Sweating, sobbing uncontrollably. Silently begging someone to come to me and tell me that they are with me. That they understand me. They know that I'm telling the truth.

But no one comes. As no one came when I screamed. No one came when I begged them to stop. Nobody did anything to stop them. Because they were busy having fun and drink and dance.

Everyone from my school was there. They saw me limp with torn clothes. They saw me limp out of the house with a shredded dignity. But no one asked what happened. Because they didn't give a shit about me.

And the culprits... They were standing there laughing. Laughing at my misery. Laughing, drinking, similarly as  they did while they were doing what they did with me.

They reason it hurts more is that no body is even trying to believe me. Not my friends. Not even my own family. My own blood. They say I am lying. I'm trying to hids my faults. That I'm trying to cover up the facts that I am a harlot.

"If you're a slut then admit it. Oh wait... they never do admit what disgusting creatures they are" Words said by my sister. They perfect daughter and student. The Golden daughter of the house. Getting medals. Full grades. Perfect in every sense.

"You're a disgrace! Unwanted! We never planned you! You are a mistake. A burden. And now you're spouting things like this. Trying to steal your sister's happiness" Words said by my father.

My brother is not here. He is in another state majoring in Astronomy. He was also the  golden child every parent wishes for. He is the only one who acknowledges me. He has a kind hearted and generous soul. He wasn't like my sister. His twin. But he doesn't know what happened.

My father specifically yelled at me not to tell him about my nonsense crap. He said he doesn't want his son's image ruined because of me. Because of my lies and actions.

It tears you from inside to hear things like this from your family. When the worlds shut you out. You go to your family. Seeking warmth and comfort.

I can't even do that.

I don't even know, what I will do anymore.

I'm clinging to an edge. Waiting with hope. Hope that is long gone but is still somehow held by a single thread. That someone will save me.

And if this single thread breaks.

I will be lost. A mere wandering soul. Lost in the sea of my mind.

Lost forever.

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Did you like it?
Tell me?
And you're most welcome to help me write it. Share your thoughts with me.
Don't be shy. Discuss. Let your mind become free.

Love,
Mia W