I coughed on the impact as the air smelled of smoke. It filled my lungs as I turned over, lying on my back. All I could see in the air above me as dark gray smoke. The heat of nearby flames made the air turn hot and I was embraced by its warmth.

The shock was still there and I could feel myself shaking. 

"Are you okay?" Eric asked, slowly hopping off the ground. He reached his arms out, grabbing me gently to help me back up.

I stood up shakily, still trying to process everything that had just happened. 

"Yeah," I finally breathed out in response. 

I looked back at the entire camp site that was now enraptured in flames. Anything and anyone that had been left there was now burning. It was a hard sight to take in yet alone stomach. I was staring at the sight of complete destruction. 

I felt Eric's hand on my shoulder as he leaned in towards me. "We need to go back to base," he muttered softly. 

My eyes were still on the flames but I slowly nodded, trying to snap out of it. It was like I was in a trance, too petrified to move. 

Eric's hand grabbed mine and I started to snap out of it a little more. I turned my back on the flames and let his hand guide me forward. 

The entire walk didn't even feel real. I was worried I was going to pass out or trip over something because I was so out of it.  My hand was shaking as I brought it to my forehead, trying to steady myself. 

The events kept replaying in my head. One second we were standing in a tent with Andrei, a gun being held to my head. The next, we were running away from an explosion, leaving Andrei's recently shot body on the ground. 

I couldn't believe I'd done that. I'd actually shot someone. I thought he'd been right. I thought I was incapable of actually pulling that trigger. But something in his words had got me. And seeing Eric like that. It had been all the motivation I'd needed. 

But a part of me still couldn't help but feel guilty. To end someone's life like that. My stomach was knotted so tightly I thought I'd collapse to the ground in immense pain. The lifeless bodies that had been lying on the ground in pools of their own blood. Now enraptured in flames. 

Stop. Stop thinking about it. 

It was a lot easier said than done.  My eyes were teary and Eric's figure became more of a blur. I held onto his hand firmly, reminding myself that all of this had to be done. We were the good guys. I knew we were.

It was just hard to see it that way considering what we'd just done, regardless of the fact that it had been in an attempt to save others. It still didn't make us any better than them. 

The sound of leaves rustling caught my attention as Cassie appeared in front of us. 

"Where were you two?" she exclaimed, bringing me in for a hug. I stood there motionless, barely processing her touch.

When she pulled away, she looked at me with wide eyes. "We thought you were running back with us and when we didn't see you, I set off another bomb to try and alert you of our location. I thought you'd got lost or something!" 

Eric shook his head. "No, we didn't. We were still back there. Thank you for setting that explosive off. It was the distraction we needed to get out of there."

"How's Mackenzie?" I asked suddenly, surprised by the raspiness of my own voice. 

Cassie frowned, her forehead wrinkling. "She's stable. But..." she trailed off with uncertainty. 

"Did you contact the RUA?" Eric asked. 

She nodded quickly. "There's going to be a helicopter here within the next half hour."

My lips parted slightly as I registered her words. I looked up at her as I felt the hopeful jolt inside me. "We're going home?" 

She smiled, putting a hand on my back. "We're going home." 

Those words had never sounded any better. Relief flooded through me at the release of tension. After everything we'd been through the past few days, we were finally going back home. I would see my mother again. I would see Kevin and Debby. 

This was all finally over. 

When we arrived back at our base, I saw Mackenzie lying on the ground while Turner was tending to her. I ran over in an instant, kneeling by her side. 

She looked a little better now that the blood had been wiped off her face. But she was still covered in bruises and cuts. 

"What did they do to her?" I asked in horror. It was a hard sight to take in. 

"They beat her up pretty bad," Turner answered grimly. "My guess is they still kept trying to torture her for information. It looks like they were trying to get her to speak...and she didn't." 

His voice remained emotionless and express somber. I noticed how fatigued he looked. His black hair was unkempt and eyes looked weary. 

"How's your arm doing?" I asked, glancing at the wrapped up bandage. 

He smirked. "It's holding up. But I'm sure it'll be better once I actually get it properly treated. Don't get me wrong, Cassie did well but she's not exactly the best at stitching." 

I gave a fake smile, not really feeling in the mood to laugh at jokes. I looked back at Mackenzie still feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt for what had happened to her. 

I knew there was no way I could have saved her earlier. I barely saved myself. But that didn't stop me from feeling terrible about it all. I kept trying to theorize how I could have prevented it from happening in the first place. 

Maybe if we hadn't been arguing with each other in the first place, we would have spotted the RFI earlier and avoided being ambushed. Or maybe it would have still happened anyway. There was no way I was ever going to be able to know. And that only confused me more. 

The only thing that was going to make me feel better was knowing that she was going to be okay, but things still seemed so uncertain.

I moved away from her to try and clear my head a bit more. The helicopter was going to be here soon and we would be able to get her the proper help she needed. 

I took a moment to myself away from it all to wander around the forest one last time. This entire trip had been hell and I hadn't refrained from thinking that. Every moment I'd spent on this island had been filled with anxiety and uncertainty. But now everything was over and I knew we were going home. 

The rainforest was alive with insect noises so loud that they almost drowned out the distant talking from Cassie and Eric. It was almost peaceful in a sense. To just hear the sound of wildlife and finally accept the fact that we were going to be fine now. 

The island looked beautiful. It was weird to think that considering everything that had happened here. But maybe if I hadn't been in a life or death situation, I might have appreciated it more. However, I was too grateful for being alive to care. Regardless of what this place looked like, I'd survived it. 

I'd made it through this.  

A little while later I made my way back toward our base feeling a little better. I found Eric by the fireplace in the middle of our base, starting a fire. 

"What's that for?" I asked as I approached. It was getting later in the afternoon but still wasn't dark or cold enough to be starting a fire. 

"I'm using the smoke as a signal." He answered, using a long palm tree leaf to fan it. "It'll help the helicopter locate our exact location quicker." 

I nodded as I watched the smoke travel up towards the sky. The flames were heating up my face and the smoke stung at my eyes but I didn't look away. I was so disconnected from it all that I didn't even care. I just watched as Eric built up the fire and the flames started to rise. 

"Are you doing okay? After everything that happened back there?" he asked, dropping the leaf to the ground once he'd finished. 

I blinked, trying to think of a good answer for that. I was certainly alive, but was I okay?

"I can't believe I killed him," I said solemnly in memory of Andrei. I didn't know if the shock from that was ever going to go away. 

"Technically you didn't kill him." Eric reminded in an attempt to comfort. "The explosion did. You only shot him in the shoulder." 

That didn't really help me feel any better. I grimaced at the thought of Andrei burning up in those flames. 

Eric seemed to notice my discomfort and gave me a sympathetic smile. He squeezed my shoulder gently to offer solace. 

"It's going to be alright," he told me. "We'll be out of here before you know it."

"I know," I replied with a sigh. "It's not really that. I guess I'm just having trouble getting over what we did." 

He turned to face me, standing right in front of me. His eyes were looking into mine to make sure I was focused on him. 

"Do you know what they did?" he asked quietly. "They ran illegal operations like drug distribution and prostitution rings. They kidnapped and held people hostage. They killed innocent lives." he paused. "What we did to them was only for the better of our world. If we had let them go, they would have hurt more people. I know that it seems brutal, but we prevented a lot of bad things from happening by doing one inhumane thing ourselves."

My jaw tightened as I stayed completely silent, soaking in his was. 

"You need to keep reminding yourself that. It's the truth, Becca." 

My eyes had moved from his toward the ground. I was trying to believe his words. I knew he had a point but was still feeling uneasy. It was going to take me some time to come to terms with this.

But I nodded slowly, trying to show him that I understood. 

"I'll come to terms with it," I responded a moment later. "I just need time." 

He gave me a look of understanding. "I get it. It's never easy to accept something like this."

"Does it get any easier?" I asked as I squeezed my hand into a tight fist. "Killing people?" Even saying the words felt wrong. 

Eric glanced away for a moment. He looked like he was thinking about it deeply.  

"Honestly?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. "No. I've never grown accustomed to it. And honestly, I don't want to. This job is hard and desensitizing, but I never want to lose my humanity. Maybe it's for the better I still feel remorse over some of the decisions I've had to make." 

That made sense to me. The things I was feeling were only human and as much as I didn't want to feel them, I needed to. The last thing I would want is to lose emotion. He was right. 

The dark subject was starting to become too much to me. I tried to focus on something more positive. Seeing my mother again was going to be amazing and I was already looking forward to it more than anything. Being put in life threatening situations definitely gave you more of an appreciation for the people around you. I'd learned that during the Kennedy High mission but this mission had been yet another reminder. 

Freedom was so close that I could feel it. Some things were going to take time for me to accept but I was focusing on the pros. Eric, Cassie, and Turner were all safe and with me. I was extremely lucky to have them with me. Mackenzie was in a stable condition and things were seeming hopeful. And we'd just made another lucky escape out of a terrifying situation. 

I looked over at Eric. He was looking off into the distance in thought so I took the moment to just admire him. To appreciate having someone like him with me. A person who was so incredibly smart, strong, and caring. He had a few cuts on him and still had the bruising from when he'd been held by the RFI. His hair was a mess and he had dirt smeared down his arms and neck. But all I could think about was how none of that took away from the fact that he was so good looking. It seemed like a weird time to acknowledge that but god, was it true. 

I couldn't help but think about how incredibly lucky I was to have someone like him in my life - regardless of whatever our status was. I was no longer going to worry about that. I was just thankful I had him and I'd have him in whatever way he'd let me. 

A cool breeze swept past helping the fire build and calm my tense stance. The silence we'd had for that moment had been nice, but I was ready to break it.

"So," I began, turning toward him. "Captain's name is really Geo Tholl?"

Eric glanced back at me. "No, I made that up."

"Okay, but why that name in particular?" I tilted my head in confusion.

He pursed his lips but I watched as they formed a smug smile. "It's an anagram for go to hell."

I instantly broke out into laughter.

----

A/N: Thank you guys for all the lovely birthday messages in the last chapter! You're all so sweet and I read every single one of them :) 

On that same day, my post for the Wattpad Block Party went up! I talked about my self-publishing journey and gave out a bit of advice and let people know what it is and how they can do it. If you wanted to check that out, it would mean the world to me! Leave a comment on it and I'll reply <3 It's over at KellyAnneBlount's account.  PLEEASEE FAM, I'LL LOVE U FOREVER!

Throwback to the Jonas Brothers: