Chapter 20

Christmas Eve...

Spending the day before Christmas packing was not Jess and Julie's idea of a fun holiday, but Hillary had already found and purchased a house in Mill Valley, California, so Lily and Ian would have a private place to live while she was getting HBOT treatments.

"I can't believe she just bought a multi-million dollar home without even seeing it," Julie declared as she fed Ava.

"I can," Jess responded as she taped another box closed. "You have no idea how much money they have. Old money and new money. The Hastings have owned a shipping and trading company in Florida since it became a state and Hillary is a very successful businesswoman on her own, who doubled the Hastings' family worth before her father and husband died in a boating accident."

"She went back to her maiden name after she was widowed?" Julie asked in surprise.

Jessica laughed, as she revealed, "Andrew senior took her last name."

"Oh, they're that kind of rich."

"Yep!" Popping the 'P' as she said it, Jessica looked around. "Last box... I think this is all they need to take with them."

Julie looked out the window and shivered, then pulled the curtains on the bleak view. "It's such a lovely apartment. How could she not be happy here?"

"Because she never looked at the inside, she only looked out the window," Kitty answered as she came in. "Any more boxes?"

"Just these two." Jessica carried one to the elevator as Kitty picked up the last. "Where are the Hastings?"

"At the hospital with Aunt Evie." Kitty looked around again. The half-sisters saw a crack in her mask as she pressed her lips together.

"Kitty, it isn't your fault," Julie murmured. "It's a miracle she survived because God was watching out for Lily."

"Don't," Jess warned Kitty not to snap at their gentlest sibling. "Julie is right. It was a miracle Lily survived, and maybe a higher power was watching over her. Jamie told me if the edge of the ice hadn't moved overnight she would have made it to the water before she dropped. Lily knows she made a mistake; we need to support her recovery now."

"She's just running away again and using her bad memories as a reason not to go home," Kitty snapped, her eyes glaring angrily at Jess as Julie tried to disappear. She edged toward the door with Ava.

But Jess wouldn't back down, raising her voice, "Her choosing to go to California for treatment isn't her running away from the bad memories in Florida, it's her recovering in a safe place until she is strong enough to go back and face them."

Julie slipped down the stairs with the baby as Leonard came running up the stairs toward the raised voices. "You don't want to go up there," Julie stopped him, her voice tremulous as the shouts from above increased.

"Take Ava downstairs, I'll make certain they don't come to blows." Leonard sighed and shook his head, Jess was the only one who could and would stand up to Kitty or Laura. The two eldest sisters of the Johansen half siblings were as stubborn and hard as the winter lake ice, but Jessica was a wildfire inferno.

Julie nodded and hurried to escape the noise.

An Ocanto Constable SUV parked in front so Julie waited by the desk for the giant man to come in. She had never met anyone as tall and broad shouldered. He reminded her of a bear she had seen in a zoo once.

"C-can I... I help y-you?" Julie hated that she stammered and that her voice was as high as a hummingbird trill. "I'm Julie Johansen, Aunt E-evie is... a-at the hospital."

The constable just stared at her then snatched his hat off his head. "Miss Johansen, ma'am." He blinked several times then breathed out slowly. "I... it's... wow, I never realized Jessica wasn't the prettiest in the family."

Julie felt her face heat as she blushed. She couldn't even think of how to respond.

He swallowed and cleared his throat, coughing a little. "Sorry, I don't mean to be forward. I... I am just surprised, that's all... I'm Constable Jamie Micheals, I had something for Miss Evelyn."

They stared at each other unspeaking, then he looked up at the angry loud voices coming down the stairs.

"Kitty and Jess are fighting about Lily going to California for HBOT for her frostbite." Julie cringed at the harsh words between her half-sisters.

"Hyperbaric oxygen therapy will help her a lot." He responded, then cleared his throat again, still looking upward.

Julie eyed him, then offered, "Would you like a coffee, espresso, or latte before you go?"

His eyes snapped back to her, lingering over her face in a way that made her blush again as his deep voice almost begged, "Yes, double shot, double sweet."

He followed her into the dining room, and watched her put Ava in a bouncer, before going to the espresso machine. She pressed the grounds in the porta filter and put in place with fluid professionalism. At his curious look, she smiled at him, "I'm a barista when I'm not donating blood for Lily."

"It's good that you came." He responded and coughed against the nervous tightness in his throat.

"Did you want me to give Aunt Evie a message?" she asked sweetly as the machine began growling and pushing out the espresso into two shot glasses.

Jamie glanced at the rescue bill from the county in his hand then tucked it in his pocket. "No message, I just wondered how Lily was. You said they are going to California?"

"The place in Chicago can't get her in so they are going to San Rafeal, there's an HBOT center close to the burn hospital in San Francisco." She dumped the shots and spooned the sugar into the cup, stirring it briskly. It was easier to talk to people while she was making coffee. "I'm going to be staying and running the Inn for Aunt Evie." She snapped a lid on the cup and held it out to him.

He sipped and smiled, it was the perfect balance of bitterness and sweetness. "This is great. How much do I owe you?"

She shook her head. "You helped save Lily; we owe you."

"I was just doing my job, Miss Johansen," Jamie declared.

"I'll have my usual, sis... And it's not Miss Johansen, Constable Michaels," Jess announced as she walked into the dining room. "It's Julie or Jules, like the precious jewel she is, but never Juliana. How are you, Jamie?" She ignored Julie's blush to grin at the tall constable.

He returned her smile, responding, "I'm good, just came to see how Lily was."

"Do you want to stay for lunch? We're having ham and pea soup with grilled cheese sammies?" Jess invited, smiling brightly, as Julie shook her head from behind Jamie.

"I have to get back to the station. Thanks for the espresso, Miss Jules. It was very nice to meet you." Jamie started out with Jessica following while Leonard looked between them.

Julie ducked her head and began making her sibling's favorite coffees while Kitty carried a box out the door to a small moving truck the Hastings rented.

Jess came back in and sat down on a barstool. "Miss Jules?"

"I just made him a hot beverage," Julie protested as she steamed the milk for Leonard and Kitty's lattes.

"And it was such a good one that he forgot to leave the bill for Lily's rescue," Jess announced as Kitty thanked their sister for the latte.

"Thanks, Julie... Leave her alone, Jessica! Jamie isn't her type." The bitterness lingered in her voice after losing the argument with Jess.

The middle sister gave the older one a triumphant glare. "Just because the rest of us now have prospects to not end up old and alone like you is no reason to lie. Jamie is perfect for Julie."

Leonard choked on his latte, "What are you talking about?"

Jess tipped her head and smirked, "We've known Jamie for years. I have never seen him try so hard not to look like a giant before. That man's size intimidates bears just by walking in the room."

Kitty slapped her forehead hard enough to sound like she clapped her hands. "You've given too much blood in the last few days and you're delusional."

Jess looked at Julie and smiled with a raised eyebrow, asking, "Am I? Julie, if he asked you to go see the Christmas lights, would you?"

"I don't think so," Leonard snapped before Julie could answer.

"Don't worry, Leonard, if there is one cop in the world we can trust with our baby sister, it's the one that just left," Jess insisted.

"Seriously?" Kitty shook her head.

"Seriously," Jess snapped then looked back at Julie with a wide smile. "Well? Would you?"

Julie giggled. "Maybe. He has very kind eyes."

Jess just stared at them in disbelief when Kitty responded, "If a gal is going to date a bear, she has to see the kindness in his eyes."

"His eyes?! He's got shoulders Atlas would be jealous of and you notice his eyes?!" Jess waved her hands in exasperation then pointed at Kitty. "You're as hopeless as she is! I'm going to make the sammies!"

Kitty burst out laughing as Leonard chuckled and Julie giggled while Jess stomped to the kitchen.

<<@>>

Kitty stopped at the hospital just before the end of visiting hours. She didn't want to stay any longer than she had to, and she didn't want to have another fight with Jessica about Lily. She didn't agree with anything they planned, but it was Lily's choice.

Ian stood immediately when Kitty came in the door of Lily's room. "Hey."

"Hello, Ian." The animosity crept into her voice so she swallowed then asked in a nicer tone, "Can I have a minute with my sister?"

Lily opened her eyes as Kitty took her hand. "Hey you."

"Hey you."

Not knowing what to say, Kitty decided just to be honest. "I'm heading out, I'll see you in a few days."

Lily shook her head, pleading, "You can't go, you'll miss Ava's first Christmas."

"I have to or I won't make it to the house in San Rafeal before you fly there," Kitty explained. "You will need your clothes and Ava's things. It's a thirty-six-hour drive without the weather and holiday traffic and I'll have to stop and sleep at least twice."

"But... It's Ava's first Christmas," Lily repeated, then wept, "I know you're mad at me but please, Ava needs to know you."

"Lily, she won't even remember tomorrow morning, she's barely seven weeks old. I would rather her have the things Aunt Evie needs to care for her than waste a day's worth of driving." Kitty leaned forward and kissed Lily's forehead as gently as she could. "It's the practical thing to do."

"Practical?" Lily scoffed, "Why do you always have to be so damned practical? It's Christmas. You should be with us, we're your family."

Kitty swallowed against the urge to say, One of us has to be practical, and instead she tried to sound soothing as she answered, "Lily, it's fine. This is the only thing they'll let me do to take care of you right now. You know what Aunt Ava always said. Do you remember?"

"You're a bull and I'm a china shop," Lily repeated miserably, then she dabbed her tears with the bandaged wrapped around her hands to keep her from damaging them further in her sleep. "I'm sorry I'm so weak and fragile. I knew when I saw you rocking Ava that morning, that you'd be a better mother for Ava than me. You're stronger and tougher than me."

Kitty was shocked into silence for a few moments before she could refute her sister.

"It's not your fault, and no, I wouldn't." Kitty begged Lily to believe her as Jess's words echoed in her memory. "I had to be strong, I had to be tough, ever since I was a little girl, and you were a baby because of Belinda... I'm hard on everyone because I don't... I don't know how to be soft." She inhaled and exhaled harshly as she confessed, "I would be a terrible mother because I never see anything but the flaws in everyone... Because I don't know how to love the person I love most in the world in the way you need. I'm so sorry, Lily."

Kitty hated the tears which began to leak from her eyes as she repeated her apology, "I'm sorry I don't know how to be the kind of person you need right now." She turned away and said, "I love you." Then walked out, ignoring Lily calling after her.

Ian stood just outside the door and followed Kitty, begging, "Please, don't go. She needs you."

Kitty whipped around so fast he almost collided with her. "Shut up. This is all your fault. If you hadn't believed that shyte about Jessica, if you weren't so blinded by your baggage that you couldn't tell your wife from our sister, none of us would be here." Her voice dropped to a hate-filled hiss. "And if I have to look at my sister's frostbitten face and hands, knowing it's there because you broke her heart..."

"You said it wasn't my fault," interrupting, Ian tried to defend himself.

"I know what I said that morning! I said it because I couldn't let myself have and lose the hope that she would survive when I knew she was probably already dead," Kitty revealed the fear she held that morning, panting. She clenched her fists to keep from attacking him as she confessed, "My mind knows it wasn't your fault my sister almost died from her despair, but my heart wants to beat you to death every moment of every day for shoving her back down the rabbit hole of depression."

Out of the corner of her eye, Kitty saw a startled nurse pick up a phone and knew the woman was probably calling for a security guard. "I only agreed to bring her here to try to save her from what she did, then you came, and she did it anyway." She shook with the need to hurt him as she snarled, "If you ever hurt her again, God or the Creator or Buddha or whoever she believes in that year, won't be able to save you from me. If Ava is ever hurt, or neglected, or feels unloved by you, you better eat a bullet before I get to you because it won't be slow, and it won't be painless." Then she turned and stormed away from him, past a security guard. Walking out into the clear night, Kitty looked up at the stars over Ocanto, and inhaled the bitterly cold air.

Flashing lights caught her attention as she walked to the moving truck. Jamie stopped by it.

"You don't need to be here, Jamie. I didn't hurt my sister's bastard ex," Kitty announced tiredly.

"Where are you going?" He asked worriedly.

"I'm leaving to drive Lily and Ava's things to California. I need to be there and gone before they arrive on the twenty-eighth," Kitty revealed as she unlocked the door.

"Kitty, don't do this. Lily needs you to be strong," Jamie begged.

"That's the problem, Jamie, I've always been the strong one and the tough one, and I don't know how to be any other way. Jess told me I was a bully today and she was right," Kitty confessed.

"I know, I heard. I'm sure she didn't mean it."

"Whether she did or not, she wasn't wrong. I have always run over anything in my path. I was so strong that Lily never had to learn to be. I'm the reason she's weak. Lily told me tonight that I'm the reason she went onto the ice." Kitty panted, she unlocked the door and opened it before she finished, "She tried to kill herself because she thought I'd be a better mother for Ava than her. I'm the reason she did it. I'm the reason she is going to be scarred for the rest of her life. Not Ian, me... Because I was always the strong one, so she never had to be. I promised I would always be there to pick her up. Now I have to break that promise so Lily can learn to stand on her own, so she will stay in this world for her daughter." Kitty got in the moving truck and turned on the glow plug, it took over a minute to warm enough for her to start the diesel engine.

Jamie watched her go. He didn't know what to say to stop her. Kitty had always been particularly stubborn and once her mind was made up, that was that or so his cousin had always told him.