My head aches. There's an uncomfortable throbbing in my temples, and my mouth is dry. Slowly, I open my eyes. Panic pierces through me when I don't recognize where I am.

The darkness around me prevents me from seeing anything. I want to move my hand and turn on the light, but someone is holding it.

I recognize his touch. Even now, ten months later, I remember his slightly calloused fingertips and palm and the way his warm skin feels on mine.

I move my hand just barely, but it's enough for Brian to realize I'm awake.

He turns on the light, and I can see it all- him and the hospital room I'm in.

Brian is sitting on a chair next to my bed, wearing a lab coat. His eyes are rimmed with red, and his hair is disheveled. A loose strand lies on his forehead, and I want to brush it away.

I almost do it, but then I remember.
I told him I was seeing someone. I got on my bike and crashed because I was too rattled to pay attention to the road.

I remember falling off my Harley and some people calling an ambulance.

"How are you feeling?"

Brian's voice is barely a whisper. He let go of my hand, but his hand is on the bed next to mine.

I want to touch it, and I hate that I do.

"My head hurts," I manage to say despite the dryness in my throat.

"You have a concussion, some bruises, and scrapes. Luckily, nothing major. Nothing is broken, but you'll stay here for a couple of days. They want to make sure everything is okay before the doctors let you go home."

I open my mouth to reply, but then something more important makes me change my mind about what I was going to say. "How did you know what happened?"

"I volunteer here at the hospital. Doctor Morris was in the ER. He told me."

"You volunteer here?"

What Brian told me explains his coat and the fact that he's with me despite the late hour, but I am surprised, regardless.

Brian smiles slightly. "Yeah, I do. I enrolled in college, too. Premed."

My eyes widen, and Brian chuckles. "Yeah, I know. Who would have thought, right?"

"I'm glad you decided to study, but why premed?"

Brian hesitates. Then, his hazel eyes meet mine. "I will tell you everything if you want, but first I need to know if you want to call someone, your dad or...Nash."

I swallow and avert my eyes. "How did you-"

"My roommate saw us. He's friends with Nash. I know him too."

"Did you tell him?"

Brian bites his lip and buries his face in his palms, shaking his head as he lets out a groan.

"Why would I, huh? To be an asshole? To show you that nine months away from you didn't change me?"

Brian looks at me. His eyes are pained and seem redder.

"He was there," I whisper. "He was there when you weren't. I got tired of waiting and not knowing if you were ever coming back. You left me, Brian."

Brian nods and looks at his knees. "I know. I know I left, and I know I wasn't there for you. And I know my heart nearly stopped when the doctor said there was an accident."

I don't know what to say. With difficulty, I roll onto my side and face Brian, wincing when my ribs press against the mattress.

"I had a nine months' contract with the organization," Brian goes on speaking. "Alec is a doctor. There was an earthquake, and I kinda helped him a couple of times. That's how I knew I wanted to study to be a doctor. A surgeon."

"That's amazing. I'm glad you realized that you can be and do more. I bet your parents are happy."

Brian sighs. "They are. And...fuck, I did it because I liked the feeling of helping someone. It's challenging and hard, and I felt genuinely interested each time I had to do something or saw something medicine-related. But you know what? I also wanted to make you proud. You worried, and you wanted me to study, and I...I never listened."

"Brian..."

"What?"

"It's all you. It has nothing to do with me."

"Bullshit. Everything in my life, every dream I have and every plan I make, everything has something to do with you. That's the uncomfortable truth, Leah. I'm sorry I don't have another."

Silence engulfs us. Brian is the first to break it. "I'm sorry. You are in a hospital bed after an accident. It's not the time to be talking about any of it. I'll leave you so that you can rest.

The chair scrapes against the floor as Brian starts to get up.

I don't want him to. I don't want him to leave.

I sit up in bed and wince at the sharp pain in my head.

"What is it?"

Brian looks worried as he approaches me and studies my face.

"Don't go," I whisper. "I don't want to be alone."

"Okay. Does it hurt a lot?"

"Kinda." I manage to smile.

"You need to lie down. Come on; I'll help you."

Gently, Brian wraps his arms around me and lowers me onto the mattress. The smell of his cologne makes my stomach flutter.

It's familiar. It reminds me of the many nights I spent in his arms. He always felt like home to me. Safe. Warm. And it's so completely and utterly unfair that he feels this way now, too.

He left me and hurt me, but the string that tied me to him didn't break. It only got tangled.

I can't help inhaling his scent. I can't help circling his neck with my arms and holding him to me, just as he cannot help letting out a shaky breath as he tightens his arms around me.

Brian lies down by my side, careful not to take up too much space, and I tuck my face in the crook of his neck.

His heart is racing. Mine might break my rib cage from his smell and his closeness and the feeling of still loving the way his body molds against mine as he holds me.

Brian kisses my forehead. He's gentle and careful. We are both aware of how fragile this moment is.

I haven't forgiven him yet. My heart still remembers how much it hurts to be broken. My bruises from the accident hurt way less than that. Less than waking up in my cold bed without him. Less than wondering where he is.

"Why did you leave me?" I whisper.

Brian is silent at first, but I know he heard me. He fists the fabric of my hospital robe on my back. "Because I'm an idiot. A fool. A fucking dumbass. I blamed myself for what happened to Mac. It could have been you on that bike with me. I felt like all I brought into your life were problems and danger. My anxiety went through the roof. I thought I was doing you a favor by leaving."

"It wasn't your fault."

"I know."

Brian kisses my forehead again and moves his lips to my cheek.

I don't stop him. Not when he places a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth. Not when his lips seek mine, and I deepen the kiss, forgetting that I'm not his.

We break apart at the same time. I move Brian's hair out of his forehead and study his face, pressing my palm to his cheek.

He looks tired, but he's just as handsome as he used to be, if not more.

"It's after midnight," Brian whispers and kisses my palm. "You should let your roommate know you're not coming home."

"Give me my phone."

Brian gets up from the bed and hands me my purse. I locate the gadget and send a long text to Tara, explaining what happened and telling her I will spend the night in the hospital.

Brian lies down next to me again. His scent is my lullaby. I fall asleep to the soothing melody of his heartbeat and his soft caresses on my back.

***

For the first time in a very long while, I managed to rest well.

When I open my eyes, Brian isn't next to me, but this time, he didn't leave me.

He's sitting on a chair. His clothes are the same, but he's freshened up.

Brian smiles at me timidly and puts his hand on the bed next to me.

I want to take it, but the door to my room opens.

Nash is standing in the doorway. His worried eyes pause on me. Then, he sees Brian.

"Hey," Brian says.

"Brian? What are you doing here?" Nash's eyebrows rise, but the gesture is flitting. He rushes to my side and kisses my cheek as he leans down. "God, baby, are you okay? I was worried because you didn't pick up the phone. Tara told me what happened."

"I'm alright," I mumble, looking elsewhere. "Don't worry."

"Thank God. So, do the two of you know each other?"

Nash looks at Brian, and my insides freeze.

"We lived in the same town," Brian says. "I was here and just wanted to check on Leah."

I watch Brian rise to his feet. He avoids looking at me as he walks to the door. Nash sits on the chair instead and takes my hand in his.

"Get well soon," Brian says quietly as he glances at me one last time and exits my hospital room.