7
It was early in the morning and I had just finished with my bath and gotten dressed. I sat out in the main room to wait for Shishu and Song Lan. We were found to head to the dining hall together for breakfast.
"A'Xian, how have you been doing since we have been here?" Shishu asked me as he walked into the main room.
"I am okay I suppose," I replied and stood up, "Lan Wangji seems to be trying really hard to gain my trust."
"He should, he hurt you back then," Shishu said, "you two may not have known each other well but you knew each other enough to know what could be said to each other without hurting anyone."
I nodded, "I know," I said and left the guest house with them, "he even offered me to hang out with him at the library sometime."
"Are you going to?" Song Lan asked.
"I am not sure yet," I replied, "there is a part of me that wants to forgive him already but another part of me is fighting it. For all I know, he could just be able to tolerate me now that I am so calm and well-mannered. He probably wouldn't pay any mind to me if I was still the same as I was four years ago."
"That is something you need to ask him?" Shishu asked, "you need to make yourself clear. Ask him directly if he is tolerant of you now only because of how you are now or would he not mind if you were still the same person as you were four years ago."
"I suppose that I should. Get more of the heartbreak and pain out of the way now than later," I said.
"You know remember Baoshan told you," Shishu said, "you two are fated to be together and have an invisible string that links you two together. There is a way to break it but it is risky. You have to use this chance to really know if this is ill-fate or not. Only you can really see the difference."
"What if I cannot and I am still hurt anyway?" I asked, "when he and I first met is when Baoshan said we became tied. That is why it hurt so much when he told me those things. Why is it that you or Baoshan will not tell me the risks if I decide to cut the tie between us?"
"Because it not only affects your health but also his. It damages half of both of your souls as those who are tied together by fate are known as soulmates. If it is cut, you are only cutting away half of your soul which is your other half you see in your partner, meaning Lan Wangji. It is risky enough that it can actually kill you," Shishu explained.
"Knowing this information, I had to really be considerate of my final decision. Not only will it hurt me but also him. I know for a fact that Lan Wangji's family would only come to resent me more if something like that happened...but they still resent me for my personality, and they cannot even tolerate me. If Lan Wangji and I are fated, then how will I ever get his brother and uncle to accept me?"
"That is what Baoshan, Song Lan, and I are here for. We will help you when the time comes. While Song Lan and I are here, we will try to convince the Lans to properly get to know you," Shishu said.
I nodded and became silent the rest of the way to the dining hall. As we were to eat in silence anyway, I didn't mind as I had a lot on my mind now. This tied between me and Lan Wangji was going to be a challenge. I already partially confessed to him as it is but he said nothing in return...then again, I didn't give him the opportunity to do that as I just walked off after spilling my mind out to him and Lan Xichen.
After breakfast, I waiting in the courtyard outside the Orchid Room (Lecture Hall) for a while. There was still a decent amount of time before class was to start so I just sat at a nearby table and pulled out a scroll I brought with me from Baoshan's Mountain. I made sure it was nothing valuable so if it was lost or read by someone else, it would not matter. It was actually just a scroll on Buddhist theory...odd of me to have, I know. If I was back to four years ago, I wouldn't even consider such a book, but now, I really do not mind it. I guess Baoshan helped me understand the importance of casual reading. It's good brain fuel and it passes the time. It's easy to ignore the rest of the world when you have something to keep your mind busy with.
"Ah hem!" A throat cleared from behind me. I stopped reading for a moment to see my three 'favorite' Lans, Lan Qiren, Lan Xichen, and Lan Wangji. Lan Qiren was the one who cleared his throat.
"Is something wrong, Grandmaster Lan?" I asked setting my book down.
"Not particularly," he said, "but why are you here so early?"
"Reading, I need something to do to pass the time before class," I answered, "am I not allowed to sit here?"
"You can sit here, I just question why you are out here and not inside?" Lan Qiren asked.
"I could use the fresh air as I will be inside for the next few hours," I answered.
"What are you reading? I hope you know books cannot be removed from our library pavilion?" Lan Qiren question.
I handed him the scroll and pointed to the section where it has Baoshan's name on it, "I brought it from home, and it's on Buddhist Theory," I replied.
"Four years ago I could see you avoiding books like this like the plague, how are you into them now?" Lan Qiren asked.
"You would be surprised on how much training and discipline I went through with Baoshan. It was bone tiring but it was well worth it. I have learned a lot from her and learned to appreciate and value these pieces of scriptures. Plus reading up on Buddhist theories and scriptures is always good for a cultivator as it give you knowledge on improving your cultivation, your Qi, and even your own personal life energy, not just spiritual energy," I answered.
"I seemed to have underestimated you, Wei Wuxian," Lan Qiren said, "but I imagine you still have a playful side."
"Occasionally," I replied, "but I am here to study and learn, not play."
The three Lans were so shocked to hear these kind of words coming from me. I found it funny to be honest. I can tell that Lan Qiren was actually impressed that Baoshan managed to make a decent disciple of me. I could see some of the jealousy in his eyes of course but that was on him. He was too busy scolding me with nonsense instead of actually trying to personally sit down with me and ask me if I am struggling. As a grandmaster, he should have noticed that and he failed.
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