I brought Lan Zhan over to the riverside where I met my parents' spirits. I felt it was a good and quiet place for us to talk. I was honestly a bit scared. After we sat down, I couldn't really bring myself to look at him. I closed my eyes and just tried to collect myself for a moment and calm my head. My parents and Baoshan were both very correct, I needed Lan Zhan, but I felt ashamed to tell him that as I felt I didn't deserve him after my behavior towards him.

It was silent for a while until I finally managed to muster the courage to speak up. I swallowed the saliva that stuck in my throat and let out a deep breath, "I...have no excuse for the things I have done and the pain I have caused you. I know it's not much and it probably won't mean much but...I am really sorry for my behavior, Lan Zhan."

I still couldn't bring myself to look at him. I could feel his gaze on me though. I could tell that he wanted me to look at him but I couldn't do it. He must have figured it out on his own and knew that I must be scared out of my mind right now. It wasn't just any kind of fear, but it was just me being paranoid and afraid to see the look on his face and to hear the words he might say. I have dealt with a fair amount of people's anger being directed towards me and I guess it's just something I expect.

Since he hasn't said anything yet, I continued to speak, and I decided he needed to hear everything, and everything meant how deep my pain really was, "when I was little, and I was first taken in by the Jiang's, I was told right away that I didn't belong there. Already dealing with the loss of my parents, I felt abandoned and alone, and I just felt that there really was no place for me anywhere. When we met long ago as kids, that one encounter was the only thing that helped keep some sort of hope inside of me, thinking maybe there was somewhere.

When I first went to Cloud Recesses at fifteen, I felt that familiarity when I looked into your eyes. The thing was, I thought, maybe Cloud Recesses was different and I wouldn't be considered an outcast because of all the rules that were written. I was again, proven wrong. Your uncle made me feel that even in a place where prejudice and judgement was forbidden, a completely worthless person. He judged me for being like my parents when I have not been around them much at all, and my memory of them was lacking.

That last bit of hope I had was completely shattered when...I pushed you too far and I hurt you. I realized that even you, who made me feel some sort of comfort for a little while, made me feel like I did not belong. The first time I ever felt like I belonged anywhere was when Baoshan and I finally met. I spent four years trying to get over a heart break that was not necessarily even considered a heart break because we were not anything to begin with.

When we met again, I pushed you away to avoid being hurt anymore. The tie between us, I cut it thinking that it was best if I didn't have anyone. That I deserved to be alone and not have someone to depend on or to love and to love me back. I never once received any sort of affection and when we started to get closer, I began to get more scared. As you can tell, my mind was all over the place when I broke the tie for the second time.......

Lan Zhan, this is what I have become over the years. I have long since accepted that I don't deserve anyone or anything. I do not deserve to call you mine when I have hurt you more times than I can count. Yet, I am still calling myself selfish because I just feel so empty without you. I feel like I cannot go on without you and I cannot go on with you. I am so conflicted that I don't even know what to accept anymore..."

I stopped talking for a minute and took in another deep breath before speaking more, "I brought you over to this spot, because I discovered a new ability of mine. This core of mine, it helped enhance it, I suppose, I do not know. I saw my parents spirits here. Seeing them again helped me gain something that I felt I lost so long ago. It is like I can feel their presence again even though they are no longer here..." I finally found the courage to look at Lan Zhan. He was crying like I was, "where should I go from here, Lan Zhan? I really don't want to keep hurting you. I am slowly starting to get back on my feet again but I just fear I could hurt you again."

"Wei Ying," he finally spoke...then again, I finally gave him a chance to speak, "I love you more than anything. I will spend forever and a day just proving that to you. You say you do not deserve me, but that is not true. I want you by my side and I want to be there when you are at your worst and at your best. I am not going to let you deal with this alone, and I know Baoshan will do the same as well. You and I need each other. I am not sure what the future holds for us but to me, there is no future if you are not with me. I want to love you and hold you and cherish you. I want to give you the love you deserve and that you have been missing for so long. So please just, don't keep pushing me away because I refuse to leave you."

I nodded. He pulled me to his lap and I hugged him tightly. I missed his warmth and I missed his presence. Being in his arms felt like home. I felt like this once before and that was when he carried me out of the burial mounds and back to Cloud Recesses. As we hugged, I tilted my head back and looked up into his eyes. They were still the warm honey that I loved so much. I placed my hand to his face and pulled him down to me. Our lips met and we kissed. It has been so long since I have felt these lips on mine. I felt as if my entire body was being pulled towards him. My heart was pounding and my breathing was labored. As we kissed, I adjusted myself on his lap so I was straddling him. The kiss grew more intense as I forced his lips apart and let my tongue play. I let out a quiet moan when I felt his tongue tangle with mine.

I suddenly felt the world around me spinning. I slowly pulled away from kissing him and looked around, only to see that our tie was once again, mended. I made a vow then, that I will never break this one. That was until I saw Lan Zhan cast a charm and I no longer could...he made it so the tie could no longer break as it was some sort of lock charm. He said Baoshan gave it to him just for this very purpose. I found it clever but I did not argue about it once. I had him, and I was determined to keep him. I hurt him too much and the fact that he is still here and wanting to be at my side, is why I will no longer fight it. I was actually able and ready to finally let him in.