I have spent two and a half years training at Celestial Mountain. For the past year and a half, Wei Ying has been unconscious. Apparently, he is so depressed that his will to wake is very slim at the moment. On my days off from training, I would go to the library and read up on some books that I never really thought I would find myself reading. I wanted to find books that would help me understand Wei Ying's position. I wanted to find a way to help him overcome his trauma and help rid his demons that haunt him.

I mostly learned that, even if I do not have good advice, all a person would need is someone to go to. Even if we just sit there and do nothing. I'd even read him a book if it helps him in any way. His depression and anxiety was brought to him through the environment he grew up in. He was verbally abused and berated constantly by Madam Yu Ziyuan, and he had people around him who let it happen.

I want to know if Jiang Yanli knew anything of what he was going through and if she did, she may not be powerful, but she could have tried to step up and defend him. From what it seems, the Jiang Sect just let it happen. The sect leader, most of all, must have condoned it. He had to have known that his wife was such a threat to Wei Ying, if he did not, then he is a fool and a coward. As for Jiang Wanyin, he was just as bad. He egged it on. He even kept the relationship with Wei Ying in a way that was just toxic. Wei Ying would get manipulated into caring for the Jiang heirs, but what about his own life and wellbeing?

After all that I have read, I put my books away and went to visit Wei Ying in the cultivation chamber. I missed him every day. I would visit him, but without the tie, I felt empty. I sort of understand why he kept breaking it. With his mental state, if he really suffered and wanted to end his life, if we were tied, he'd end up killing me in return because the tie would link us together. If one dies, the other follows. Fate must not want one to continue to live on in loneliness if their partner is dead. They would not find another person like their soulmate.

I just wish Wei Ying knew that I cannot find myself living in a world where he does not exist. I'd either have to die myself of forget I ever knew him, but even then, if I forgot about him, that empty feeling inside of me will always be there and I would never understand why. No matter what I did, that void would not be filled.

I sighed as I took Wei Ying's hand. If I have not proven my heart to him enough, I will do what I can to try harder. I just wish I knew how to do that. I sat down on the floor next to him and just stayed there in his presence for a while. I closed my eyes and meditated for a while as I held his hand. While I was meditating, it was like I could hear my heart singing. It was something that called to me, telling me to write it down and express it. The pain, the love, the joy, the desire, all of my love would be poured into that one melody that sang inside me.

I woke from my meditation, placed a gentle kiss on Wei Ying's hand, and went back to my own room. I had my guqin set up there, and I would play it often to calm myself down. That charm that Wei Ying taught me helped me a lot. At the moment, I pulled out some parchment and ink, and started to write down that song that sat deep inside of me. It was a melody that had everything in my heart about Wei Ying, and I wanted to make that song come to life. I thought, maybe once I finished it, I could play it for him.

"Wangji?" Baoshan called out for me.

I looked up at her as she entered my room, "Mnn?" I hummed.

"I was wondering where you wandered off to, I thought maybe you'd be with A'Ying," she said.

"I was with him for a little while, but something came to mind and I wanted to write it down," I told her.

She knelt beside me and looked at the music I was writing, "I can tell this is personal," she said, "it's for him, isn't it?"

I nodded, "he broke the tie for a few reasons, and one of them, may be because he may think I am not open enough to how I feel. If he has doubts, I want to clear them. If he only broke it to keep me alive, then he should know that he is an idiot if he thinks I will be okay in a world where he isn't in it."

"A'Ying has many things going on inside that head of his. For all we know, the resentment is a key factor to why he acted out. I am not saying it's the full reason but I just want to understand. I know he is in pain and I wish I could do more for him. All I can do is just be there for him to talk to and to have a shoulder to cry on. You are his anchor, Wangji. He is a yin and yang master, but you are just as important. You are his balance. If his yin energy is to high, it is you who is to help bring that balance back.

It is a rare find, you are someone who is all Yang Energy, Wangji. Every cultivator has a mix of the two but only know of the positive energy and never even thought about the negative as it is what causes our minds to act on impulse. You though, you are all Yang. You are still training but your abilities is what will help stabilize him. Which is why your training is important while he is unconscious. As you get stronger, you have more of a chance to calm him down. Your presence alone will be enough. There is a reason fate paired you two together. I believe it is because you have a balance between each other," she told me.

I listened to her words. If I was to help him in the future, then I will work harder to make sure I am strong enough for him for when he wakes. After a nice conversation with her, she left to go make dinner. I looked down at the music I had written, and smiled as I knew that there was something physical in front of me that shows I am trying.

"This song will be for us, Wei Ying," I said quietly, "it will be called, Wangxian."