I woke up in the infirmary at the Jin Sect. Lan Zhan was right beside me and I was laying on him with my head on his chest. Even though my shoulder hurt slightly, I was more comfortable laying like this. I wanted to do this more often, wake up everyday with him beside me. I looked up at his face and saw he was awake. I blushed and looked away.

"Were you up long?" I asked.

"Mnn, not really," he replied, "I only woke an hour ago. I do not mind, you were tired and are recovering from an injury."

"I am sorry I broke my promise," I told him.

"You do not need to apologize to me," he said, "Xiongzhang informed me what happened. You took the dagger for him...why did you not tell me?"

"When did I have the opportunity to do that?" I asked.

"You were awake enough when I brought you here yesterday, so you could have then," he said.

"Sorry," I said.

"You do not need to apologize to me," he said, "thank you and I am sorry is not necessary between us."

I was quiet for a while as I didn't know what to say. It was like my brain is still trying to process everything that happened recently. My mental state has been a mess and I have not once really been able to deal with it. I slowly sat up and leaned against the headboard of the bed and sighed.

"Want to talk?" Lan Zhan asked.

"I am not sure," I said, "I still have a lot going on with me and I do not know how to deal with it."

Before Lan Zhan could speak, a knock came to the door and then the person entered. It was Zewu Jun, "Xiongzhang," Lan Zhan greeted.

"Good morning to you both," he said and looked at me then back at Lan Zhan, "can I have a moment with Wuxian?"

Lan Zhan nodded and looked at me, "I will be fine...want to get me breakfast?" I asked.

"Mnn," he replied and left me alone with Zewu Jun.

"Zewu Jun, how are you feeling?" I asked.

"Honestly, I am feeling okay," he said and sat down across from me on the bed, "how are you doing?"

"Hanging in there," I said, "I have a lot of things going on in my head right now."

"I imagine that you have been playing mind games for a while now," he said.

I nodded, "probably far too long."

"Baoshan told me about your experience living with the Jiangs," he told me, "I know it's easier said than done, but why did you not say anything to anyone about it?"

I shook my head, "I grew up believing her words," I answered, "I am still trying to ignore them. I grew up believing that I was worthless and unwanted and that my life was never meant to be mine but someone else's. I grew up believing that I was a servant as that is what people called my father everywhere in Lotus Pier. I always thought he was a head disciple but many said he was a servant, and some said to me it's the same thing. I said it's not but then people made me feel stupid and uneducated."

"I am sorry that you had to endure that for so long," he told me, then I caught him looking me over.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"No, it is just that you have this different look," he said, "nicer robes, a fancy headpiece, and your manners have changed quite a bit."

I smiled, "I have spent four years training under Baoshan and her methods are intense but well worth it. My life has completely changes since I started living and training under her. I learned more about my family, and what my purpose is, and what I am to do in the future. When I started training under her, I had to start over with everything. My spiritual energy was drained and I had to build it back up. She taught me how to properly meditate as I have never been able to do that before meeting her. I can sit down for long periods of time and she even got me into Buddhist Theory. Learning different methods on improving my Qi and cultivation as well as normal everyday energy. I have learned a lot and I have offered and been asked to train Lan Zhan. I agreed to it as it is what he wants," I explained.

"Do you want that?" He asked.

"I want him to be happy as much as he wants me to be happy," I answered, "We have had too much misunderstandings and now we are working on fixing everything. I am still...hanging on to a small amount of guilt because of my behavior and everything that has happened. Then again, my trust in others have been broken for a long time."

"That is why I want to talk to you," he said, "I want you to be happy with Wangji. If Wangji wants to be with you, then I will support his decision. I have quarrels or any vendetta against you, Wuxian. I actually want to know if you are okay with getting to know me properly this time, and not the fake one."

I chuckled, "As long as you do not punch me in the face again," I told him.

"Su She punched you, why?" he asked.

"It happened after I cut the tie between Lan Zhan and me. I told Lan Zhan if he wanted to be with me, I was willing to give him a chance. I told him since there was only a month left of guest lectures, he has that amount of time to prove to me what he wants. He then suddenly disappeared for a month after I told him that. I thought maybe he changed his mind. I have given him many chances to try but when he suddenly disappeared I just assumed that he wanted the tie between to be cut, so I performed it on my own. It was a small backlash on him but it was more painful for me as I was the one who broke it. I had cuts and burns from a tribulation as it was a punishment for me breaking the tie.

The next day after I had some rest, I ran into Su She who was playing you at the time and punched me. He said I broke my promise, that I said I would protect him. I felt so confused and then Su She was put into the cold caves for the time being. I found Lan Zhan with Grandmaster Lan and Baoshan, and he was unconscious...his arms were cut up...he did it to himself. I felt guilty as I did not know what happened before making the final decision. I took off for a few days and that was when I spilled everything.

I was just so tired and alone, and I just felt empty. I questioned if anyone would even care if I was still alive because I was just so hurt. Baoshan knew I was in pain but she didn't realize just how much. Lan Zhan was the one who calmed me down and carried me back to Cloud Recesses. I passed out before getting back. I woke up to Lan Zhan still sitting with me. I was so closed off and I wanted to push him away but he begged me not to...I gave in and just let him comfort me. It was then that the tie between us got mended and we began talking about why you wanted to hurt me so much...we figured it wasn't the real you," I just kept talking. I did not realize that I just told him everything. I never expected to just open up to him like that but it all just spilled. I felt he deserved to know what happened anyway.

"Wuxian, I am sorry you were so confused and hurt and I want you to know, I would never actually want any of this happening to you. I never expected you to suffer so much," He said, "Are you and Wangji doing okay now?"

"I think so...he..." I paused as I did not know if I wanted to share this with him or not. My face was feeling warm just thinking about that moment between use.

"He what?" Xichen asked.

"Before Baoshan and I left to find you...Lan Zhan...Kissed me," I told him shyly. I then heard him let out a soft laugh, which had me looking back at him, "What?"

"Never thought I would see the day were you, of all people, would be so flustered...and I never would have expected for my Didi to be so bold, but I guess that is proof that he wants you," Xichen said.

"I have a right to be flustered," I argued, "Your uncle and Baoshan were nearby too."

"Oh, so shameless," Lan Xichen teased.

"Xichen-Ge," I whined.

He laughed and pulled me into a hug, "I look forward to having you as a brother-in-law. And I like that you called me that. I will be expecting it from now on."

I smiled and hugged him back, "Thank you, Xichen-Ge."