⚠️Sensitive content in chapter. Contents include topics of mental health, and depression. This chapter might bring you to tears so tissues are recommended⚠️
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I lived secluded inside the Burial Mounds for several months. I managed to make it livable for me at least, and I had food and a clean source of water. I was also in my black robes again. Since cutting the tie, I have felt more empty than I have ever felt before. I haven't heard from Baoshan, Shishu, or Song Lan but I felt that I did not even deserve them.

I was not loved and welcomed by the Jiangs and I now feel like I am just a burden all over again. Maybe that was the real reason I broke the tie. Maybe I just felt like Wangji could do better then me. Maybe I know he already cares for me but I refuse to accept it because I am just someone who would never want to accept such nonsense. I know that Baoshan loves and cares about me, and she was the only person who has ever shown me was love was, but in terms of a relationship and cultivation partners, I know nothing.

I stood there most of the day inside that cave in the Mounds like a stone statue. I was numb and I did not know how to feel anymore. I closed my eyes and let my tears fall. I felt alone, more alone than I ever thought I would be. Even the deafening sound of silence made me feel lonely. There was just nothing for me to feel, so numb was all I was.

"A'Ying?" I heard a voice call out, "are you here? A'Ying?" It was Baoshan, was she looking for me all this time.

I turned to her as she entered the cave, "Wai Po," I choked out.

"Oh, my sweet grandson," she said pulling me into a hug, "I am so glad I found you."

"Wai Po," I sobbed, "I feel so numb."

"I know," she said, "I am sorry if I have been unable to help you, A'Ying. Sometimes the matter of the heart can be a testy subject."

I nodded, "I do not know what to do anymore. I feel so guilty and alone."

"You are not at fault," A'Ying, "After you left, Wangji was taken to the infirmary and Lan Xichen was sentenced to be put in seclusion for a few years to repent. Lan Qiren is handling the affairs of the sect for now. Wangji is now away and was told of the situation. He said whenever you are ready, he would like to talk with you...the tie may be cut but it does not mean that it can't be fixed. This time, it will just take some time for it to mend."

"He wants to see me? I do not think that is a good idea," I said, "he should stay away from me...I am nothing but a curse."

"That is not true," Baoshan told me, "and he does not want to stay away from you. He wants to be with you. If only you will really listen to him."

I looked at her, "how do I know if he is being serious?"

"I think now that everything has happened, it is best to be honest about everything. You two need to talk things out. Wangji is extremely pissed off at his brother for locking him up like that. It's the only reason why you haven't seen him all month. Otherwise he would have proven himself to you...and he still can. Now that the tie is cut, you two can start over and it can become mended over time...go see him," she explained.

I sighed and nodded. She took my hand and teleported me to Cloud Recesses. I was standing just outside Lan Zhan's room at the infirmary. I was scared as I didn't know how to face him. I took in a deep breath and let it out before going into the room. Lan Zhan was sitting on the bed with his back leaning against the headboard. He was looking out the window. I glanced at his arms and saw they were freshly wrapped up. I winced at the sight.

"Wei Ying?" His voice brought my attention back to his face, "you came back."

I sighed and nodded. I did not move closer but I did not move away either, "I...I...I am sorry," I told him.

"Not your fault," he told me.

I shook my head and looked at the floor, "but it is. I entered your life, that's the problem...I am nothing but a nuisance and a curse. No one has ever wanted me around. Baoshan was the first to accept me and I am still finding it difficult to believe. I guess I am having a hard time believing that you want me because I am used to being unwanted."

"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan said which has me look up at him, "I will always want you. If I had not been kept away from you. I would have done everything I could to prove that to you. I was going to prepare a dinner for you and even eat out under the stars. I wanted to spend an evening with you and just hang out. I wanted to just get to know you more. I might have taken a long time to realize this but, I do love you Wei Ying and if I have to spend the rest of my life proving that to you, then I will."

I started crying and sat down on the bed across from him, "I do not deserve you. I am not good enough for you. I am a terrible person."

"No you are not," he told me, "you have proven to me that you love me long ago. Now it is just that you are really hurt from all the abuse you went through growing up that it is now effecting your life now. You do not need to worry about losing me, because I will always follow you."

I rested my forehead to his shoulder and cried harder, "please do it ever harm yourself like this again," I demanded.

"I won't," he said, "I will work on improving myself if you do the same for yourself."

I nodded, "I am so sorry...and the bond that was cut, I am also sorry."

"I am told we can create a new one," he said, "and I am willing to be patient in doing so. We have a lot of mending to do."

I nodded again and just pulled him into a hug. I just cried in his arms and shoved my face into his shoulder. I could tell that he did not mind. I needed to get all this out. I have kept it all inside me for so long that I guess I was bound to burst someday.