TW implied animal cruelty (Sept 23rd if anyone wants to know)

April 28th

It's been a week since we moved in with the idiots calling themselves ninja. Uncle Nix has picked up some job at an ice cream shop, and I've been training.We have our own rooms now. We've been to the vet, and it turns out the snake (whom I named Machia, in honor of my sister) is alright and well.

April 30th

Uncle Nix discovered internet. Now he's "googling" (as the guys call it) how to make his own ice cream. 

Update:There's at least fifteen flavours of this crap sitting in the freezer now, and no one has any idea what to do with it. Sky already ate out our entire stock of lemon sorbet, so we're one flavour down at least.

April 31st

Uncle Nix stole someone's debit card and bought an ice cream machine. No one knows how he learnt to buy stuff online. The machine will be here in two days, and we're already out of space in the freezers. (Lloyd brought home two more yesterday. FSM only knows where he got them. I'm scared of this family.)

May 1st

We're opening an ice cream shop. At first Sky and the green girl that spends her nights here were protesting. That is until Uncle Nix said that he'll pay for everything himself. Sky grew suspitious and asked him where he had the money from. It turns out he's been stealing from random people on the street.

Sky scolded him, and started a rant about some people needing the money, that she ended with "But stealing from rich is okay, because they can survive without their milions."I mean... it makes sense.

May 2nd

The ice cream machine arrived, and was immidiatelly named 'Berta' by none other than the Blue idiot himself. Meanwhile the nindroid handled the place Uncle Nix will be selling his ice cream at.

The rest of the day we spent shopping for necessary furniture for a reastaurant like this and decorating the spot Zane got us.

May 3rd

Today was the grand opening of the "Dairy Dragon". It's how Uncle Nix ended up calling his ice cream place. The flavours all had fancy names too - most being callbacks to villains, like Garmadon Armagedon, which tastes like blackberry and chocolate, Bananakhan, which calls back to a famous pirate captain - Nadakhan the Djin.

May 5th

My day started awfully. No wonder since Cole was making breakfast. Now I get why no one showed up to eat his pancakes.

Then I tripped on my way downstairs and gained another bruise.But the worst part was that some lady in the restaurant got pissed about Machia sitting in my pocket. She started screaming at me, like I had eaten her dog or something.

Anyway, I told politely, that my snake has a name, and, in response she threatened to "go speak to my manager". I mean, whatever rocks your game I guess.So she goes up to Uncle Nix and starts a rant about Machia scaring everyone. (for the record, some kids wanted to pet her, but otherwise no one reacted.)Uncle Nix, being Uncle Nix just shrugged and told her that Machia was my therapy snake, or something, and that she can fuck off.

This lady then stormed out, furious, mumbling something about lawsuits under her breath. Whatever that is.

May 8th

Today the blue one showed me his workshop on the Bounty, and I loved it! I had no idea what most of his tools were, but they looked cool! I have to know more about it.So now I basically have a new mission: Befriend Jay 

Step 1: Get to know what his hobby is ✓

Step 2: Gather as much knowledge on his hobby as you can

Step 3: Talk to him about his hobby

May 9th

I made a run to the City library after my shift at the Dairy Dragon to find a few books about Jay's hobby. One, titled "Elektrotechnika" by someone named Stanisław Bolkowski turned out to be in some kind of indecipherable language. What a shame.

May 10th

Today I made a friend (i guess)Her name is Antonia. She came into the restaurant during my shift. I don't know what she wanted, but I know that her look was absolutely outta this world. She wore a snow white sleeveless top and a transparent, flowy red shirt over it. It somehow goes well with her black jacket and cargo pants.

The best part? She had red hair! Well, only on the front, but still!I have never seen a person with dyed hair before!I complimented her look, and she said that Machia, who was sitting in my pocket this whole time, looking at the world with her black eyes, is "so punk".

I didn't know what she meant, but it must've been good.We exchanged numbers after that, and she promised to come by more frequently.

May 11th

Antonia is so cool! She came back today to order a scoop of Spinjitzu Swirl, and we exchanged a few words. She promised to take me to the mall one day to buy "more punk" clothes. She also showed me her piercing. Apparently she has not only her ears pierced, but also her brow! That's so cool!

May 14th

Today was my first mission since... since I moved in with the ninja. I was training for the whole month for this, and it turns out I did it for nothing.We were supposed to stop some minor robbery. Nothing big, just a small motorcycle gang, but those fools did everything wrong.

For starters, they weren't even a bit quiet, you know, like ninjas. They were arguing instead of focusing on our target. Second, their fighting was terrible. They were just swinging their weapons around, like they just got them! And! They cared more about looking good and showing off than stopping the crime!

I have no words... I'm just dissapointed.

May 15th

Today was my birthday.

I have no idea why everyone freaked out when I broke out the news. They insisted on cake and buying me a present... Well, I mean, I'm not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth, but...It's just weird, okay? Wow! I've been alive for 14 years! Wow! Like I had just been born, and not those 14 years ago.

Anyways, Toni was actally pretty chill about it, and gifted me one of her old jeans jackets that didn't fit her anymore. She's so sweet.

May 17th

Today was kind of weird. First a group of humans started harassing a few of our clients. It happens sometimes. Turns out most humans in this city have a beef with snakes, because one of their kind freed a bigger snake which destroyed the city pretty badly.

That doesn't make much sense, but who am I to judge?

Anyways. We, of course, tried to ensure that everyone was safe in our restaurant, so we wanted to politely get those humans out, but they quickly whipped out a few katanas.Which was bad, because it is illegal to carry around a weapon in the city. But then Uncle Nix took out a few swords. He tossed me an odachi and took dual katanas for himself.

WHICH WAS BAD, BECAUSE WEAPONS ARE ILLEGAL!

After succesfully scaring the humans away, I confronted Uncle Nix about it in the staff room, and he confessed that he had them, because he and one of our staff members, Billy (Billy is a really sweet guy. He is a Leponiunger (a bunny hybrid), lost his right eye and is a bit of an anti-establishment person.) were planning a robbery.

Wow. The one thing Sky, the one normal person in our lives, told us not to do. Not to steal. And he's planning to steal. Wow.

"We're stealing from the royal family, chill out. They're so rich they won't even notice something is gone. Besides, we're gonna end up giving most of it to our staff!" Billy's words convinced me.

Most of our staff is poor, and working more than one job, so Uncle Nix, wanting to help, ends up overstaffing and paying everyone, even if they didn't actually do any work (usually they were just in their other job, or sleeping between shifts at other small restaurants). So I guess it's okay.Besides, Sky said that stealing from rich people is okay "because they can survive without their milions".

"Okay, but I want in." I responded, and now I'm officially in. Tomorrow they should introduce me to the plan.

May 20th

Toni and I had a sleepover! It was awesome! We watched a few movies, played Wario Kart and she taught me how to apply eyeliner! She also help dye my hair for the first time, so now I have two blue streaks! It was awesome!

May 21st

I think I'm bi. In general, today the ninja told us about this community. LGBT or something. I think the conversation started because someone saw a couple kissing in the park...Anyways! They told us (me and Uncle Nix) about what they called "sexualities", and it turns out that girls can also love girls! And not only boys! Isn't that great?! And some people can change whether they are a boy or a girl, if they feel bad. There are also people who are neither. It's kind of confusing, but I think I understand. Also there are people who love more than one person, or just don't love. And this is very interesting.

There are bisexual people, who like girls AND boys, and pansexual people, who like everyone! Sky also said that there are "Asexual" folks, who don't "experience sexual attraction". I don't really know what she meant, but Uncle Nix apparently did, because he said that he might be AroAce.

Oh! Also there are people who don't love romantically, and they are called aromantics!

So, yeah. It's like I discovered a whole another world today.

May 23rd

I finished reading all the books about electronics I could find in the library, and am now ready to converse with Jay.mission: Befriend Jay 

Step 1: Get to know what his hobby is ✓

Step 2: Gather as much knowledge on his hobby as you can ✓

Step 3: Talk to him about his hobby

May 24th

The talk with Jay went awesome! I finally understood what he was saying, and he seemed very happy that someone is willing to listen to him. He also asked if we could hang out more.The mission was a success!mission: Befriend Jay 

Step 1: Get to know what his hobby is ✓

Step 2: Gather as much knowledge on his hobby as you can ✓

Step 3: Talk to him about his hobby ✓

status: Success

May 26th

Tomorrow is the night of our heist. I gotta be in the best condition, my top form. Only we with Uncle Nix will actually break in. The rest (about 50 people total) played different roles. From Billy who will be on the lookout, Maria who got the key for us, and then Claire who did a copy of it. Eric made us all disguises, along with Alan who figured out our makeup, so it will look like we're not ourselves. Up to Lex who handles the getaway way.

May 28th

The heist has been a succesful mission.

June 1st

Today, during my shift I saw the Dragon Warrior fighting with someone, who called themself "the Dragon Slayer". What is with people naming everything after dragons?

Anyway, it looks like Slayer was angry, because the Warrior didn't stop a robbery. Weird. the Warrior responded with "the royal family is rich enough. They don't need that money."

They could've been talking about our little heist. Whoops?

Toni saw the whole situation on the news, and thinks that th Dragon Warrior was right. She said that she would also steal from the rich if she could. Should I tell her? Maybe she'll help prepare the next heist? (if there will be one)

June 4th

We had another mission with the ninja. This time they were talking about a show "starfarer". I have no idea what it is. Also Sky, who, for some reason was also half-heartedly taking part in the conversation, between intructions she was giving us thru the comms, tried to invite them to watch a show "Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles".

The title, apparently sounds too boring for guys, so they declined.

I was just trying to focus on the mission and instructions from the person who had a layout of the building displayed before her eyes on a computer, but apparently focusing on one thing is impossible in this family, because Jay asked me what I thought about the shows, and whether I had any favourites. I had to dissapoint them with the information that I, in fact never watched any kind of show, or a movie.

Their solution was a movie night on saturday. Perfect.

June 9th

The movie night was't so bad. We watched all the movies from the Jurassic Park series. Apparently it's "a classic".

The movies are highly incorrect and absurd. Starting with the fact that most of the dinosaurs were from the cretaceous period, not jurassic. Second None of them had any fur, or feathers, which is infuriating since it should be well known by now, that velociraptors had feathers. I am, however, willing to put those facts aside to enjoy the movie, which in and of itself is very enjoyable.

Sky said she likes the third move best, because "I enjoy seeing humans paranoid, one on one with a whole island of giant animals willing to eat them.". Which, is a true statement I suppose.

Jay said he liked "Jurassic World" the best, because "everything happened because people were too stupid."

Kai, on the other hand preferred "Jurassic Park: The Lost world". He didn't elaborate.

The weirdest pick, as for me, was Zane's favourite one. He picked "Jurassic World: Dominion". Most of us thought that one was boring, because it didn't have as many dinosaurs in it, but Zane explained that it explored human nature and showed how different species would acclimate to our world, and ecosystem.

June 10th

Today Cole joined me in my morning training routine. He seemed interested in my skills and fighting style.

That was weird.

June 17th

Cole had been following me the whole week, asking about things I was working on, training tips and cooking advice. I was very concerned. I didn't really know what to do, so I went to Mei for advice.

She laughed and said that he's probably just trying to make friends with me. She advised me to not overthink this, and just talk to him. Huh.

June 19th

We're planning another heist with Uncle Nix, and I'm wondering whether to include Toni in it or not. Well, she said that she would gladly steal from the rich, but I also don't want to risk anything.

June 21st

I asked Toni what she thought of the people who robbed the royal family. She responded with "I think they had their reasons. Also good for them."

Soo... I took a leap of faith and asked if she would want to join them if she could. When the " Yeah, I could finally use my lockpicking skills." fell from her lips, I felt the adrenaline in my blood. I told her everything that day.

June 22nd

I noticed how poetically my previous note sounds. Huh, those poetry lessons when I was little are paying off after all.

Anyway. Today I got a "proper ninja suit", how the weird old man, who is apparently living in our house said it. I never saw him before. It's like he didn't exist before, and now showed up to give me some gear. I was asked to pick a weapon. I was curious to try with guandao, but ended up choosing kunai. Simple and discreet.

Then the man gave me a nicely folded cloth, which turned out to be a black-and-grey version of the outfits guys had. Afterwards the old dude disappeared.

When I asked Sky about him, she said he's living in our walls, and trained guys to be ninjas.

I don't know if it's true, but I'm too afraid to actually find out what's his deal.

June 25th

Cole burnt our dinner. Again.

June 28th

Another heist have been succesfull, and that means our "employees" will be able to live through another month.

June 29th

And another mission with the ninja. This time in my new suit. Upon seeing it, Jay asked, more guessing, than actually questioning, if I've met Master Wu.

That question made it sound like everyone in the house knew him, but no one had actually seen him in a long time. That guy is definitelly a cryptid.

July 1st

Sometimes I look back at how my life had changed. The last two months definitely take the cake. From my life as an asassin in training, to an actual, normal citizen, who also organizes roberries and is roommates with the heroes of the city and weird guy who apparently lives in our walls and makes anyone who he deems worthy a ninja.

Okay, maybe "normal" isn't the right word.

July 2nd

I asked Toni, and it looks like the Dragon Warrior and the Dragon Slayer have a beef, that's been going on for a year now. She also said it was a giant thing, because in one of his interviews the Dragon Slayer admitted that his name was supossed to represent his rivarly and triumph over the Dragon Warrior. She also showed me one of the interviews, where the latter says that they use they/them pronouns.

Citizens of ninjago, being citizens of ninjago respected that and started adressing them properly. Always.

I mean, when your life is in danger every week and one of the people who save you is nonbinary, you just respect that. Even as a form of a "thank you".

July 5th

Uncle Nix and Billy are adding another flavour to the menu. This one is going to be called "Fangtom's Fangpyre bite" and it's going to taste like strawberry vodka. Also we have shakes from now on. The first is gonna be "sour airjitzu" (Sky suggested it. Turns out that's an old fighting technique) and it's gonna be lemon pie flavour, and the others are "Kai's fiery special" strawberry swirl with a lemon accent , "Cole's cake" chocolate orange and "Jay's electric punch" blueberry liqueur (alcoholic version) or blueberry swirl with whipped cream and sprinkles on top (non-alcoholic version).

Oh, and they're planning a new heist.

July 8th

Today was a beach day. Mei told me that you can really read someone's personality by what they do on the beach. So I made it my mission to remember all of their activities. Cole, along with Zane, Mei and Uncle Nix were playing volleyball together, Kai was sunbathing, Jay entertained himself with collecting seashells, Lloyd was reading his comic and Sky enjoyed her time in the water, swimming and diving.

I think she was trying to observe the fish, since she was staying underwater for so long. A normal human could probably drown.

Later Kai told me it was because her power allowed her to breathe underwater. Which, as far as I know, is an utter lie. I cannot breathe underwater.

July 10th

I had another sleepover with Toni.

July 13th

Another day, another mission. It's becoming a routine. This time I cought myself on arguing with the guys about some videogame I saw Zane and Jay playing before. I tried to shut myself up, and be a ninja, but then Kai started showing off his wildly incorrect split kicks, and I had to show him how it's done.

Oh how the idiots have changed me.

July 18th

Today I fixed Zane. In general, he was stopping some bad guys and they chopped off his arm. I suspect it was the Mechanic.

The whole procedure was quite simple. I just had to get a spare arm and attach it to his shoulder. Nonetheless I'm proud of myself.

July 25th

This time we were robbing a rich family of a name Caesar. They live in a giant mansion to the west from Ninjago city. It's my first mission on which I'm begging FSM that we don't get caught. It's rumored that the family doesn't need any security, because they stab to death anyone who tries stealing from them.

July 26th

The robbery went well, and it turns out, they don't stab anyone, and have many booby traps on their land.

July 31st

Today at my job, some guy asked what species Machia was. I geniuenly didn't have any idea, so I lied, saying that she was a red bamboo rat snake. I made it up on the spot, but the species like this apparently exists, because the guy looked satisfied with my response. He said "Good. At first I thought it might be Calliophis nigrescens." and walked away.

I made some research, and apparently the species he was talking about is venomous. Now I understand why he asked.

August 2nd

Today a motorcycle gang, calling themselves "Sons of Garmadon" tried robbing our restaurant. Tried.

After the ass-whooping they recieved, I don't think they will come back.

August 5th

Uncle Nix is planning another robbery. This time, we're going to steal from a bank, so Toni will play bigger role than usual.

August 11th

Sky brought home a turtle. FSM only knows where she got it from. She says she's keeping it, and will go to the vet tomorrow to check if it's healthy, because "Well, I found them on the ground, and they didn't belong to anyone around, so I'm taking them."

She already treats this turtle like another family member.

At least Machia will have someone to play with.

August 12th

Sky was at the vet with her new pet turtle. The vet confirmed her speculations regarding species. It IS a red eared slider.

No one in this house has any idea how she knew. As far as we're concerned she wasn't interested in biology, veterinary, or turtles.

Anyway the turtle has a name now. She ended up calling i̶t̶ him Leonardo. I have absolutely no idea what renaissance painter has to do with the reptile, but I won't ask.

August 15th

Uncle Nix wants to make a new flavour named "Time Vortex". I heard from Billy that he tasted Banana with chocolate for the first time in his life and wants to combine it with apple, strawberry and lemon.

August 19th

I caught Sky watching some kind of a show about turtles with Leonardo today.

Turns out one of the characters is named Leo. And he's a red eared slider.

Makes sense now.

August 28th

Leonardo have been annoying the crap out of me the whole week. He's constantly out of his aquarium, for some reason.

Even when I make sure he can't escape, he does. I find him always in a different place, which is annoying in and of itself. But when I'm trying to clean the living room and suddenly find him, just chilling under the couch, I want to toss him out the window.

But I can't do that, because Sky'll be sad.

I'm really starting to wonder whether this t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ bitch can teleport.

The worst part? He seems to not do that with Sky. Or that she keeps talking to him like to a human. I can't decide which is more upsetting.

August 30th

Today Sky saw a miniature sword at the market and bought it immidiatelly. I didn't know, why she would buy a mini ōdachi. And why ōdachi, and not, i don't know, machete? Like, you know, the weapon Lloyd chose as his own.

I didn't know. Until. *sigh*I am so tired of this. She put the tiny sword right next to Leo's aquarium.

This woman is insane.

September 1st

It's going to get colder, so Machia is going to stay in her vivarium more. Now she's going to sit in my pocket only when we're in the temple.

September 3rd

This god damn little bitch! I was just reading a book on the couch, when I felt stabbing in my ankle. Turns out it was Leo. Who, somehow aquired the tiny ōdachi. And was now furiously (as for a turtle) fighting my leg.

I just sighed deeply and unleashed Machia upon him. At this point she could even eat him, and I would be grateful.

Apparently that's what he wanted, because as soon as I let Machia down, he let go of the sword and began playing with her.

Huh.

September 5th

Another good heist. Preparing for this one did take a month, but it was worth it. Toni can finaly buy herself the jacket she was saving up for.

September 8th

Today was the first time I've been invited to an interview along with the rest of our crew. Machia and Leo came with us, because we didn't wanna leave those two alone with Wu. I think it had gone okay. We all answered a few questions, one interviewer even recognized me from the Dairy Dragon.

But when they asked us about our opinion on the roberries, it got uncomfortable. Not because of me, but rather because of Sky, who said what she actually thought, without sugarcoating, unlike the ninja.

The guys tried to stay in the neutral area, saying that stealing is illegal, and people shouldn't do it, but Sky? She just bit into her biscuit, looked staright into the camera and asked, why were rich people's money so important. Then she started listing all the little roberries in the city that were going unnoticed by the media, because the victims were poor.

It was at least 50 diferrent cases. And all from the last two months.

That shut the interviewers up. "And they need this money. I know many of them. At least 27 of them are skipping meals everyday to save money, 48 of them are working overtime, and multiple shifts at companies, whose CEO's make thousands daily. And you think I should care about the CEO's?" After shooting the last look at the camera, she stood up, and walked out of the studio, leaving the rest of us in complete silence.

We got out of there not even a minute later. I was honestly in awe. And still am. I think the only person who fights so viciously for those people is the Dragon Warrior themself.

September 13th

I found Leo in my room, staring at Machia (who was in her vivarium at the time) thru the glass, motionless. That was kinda weird.

September 16th

I let Machia play more with Leo, and he's not being such a dick to me anymore. Now he has a habit of stabbing my leg with his ōdachi whenever he wants to see her. My ankle looks like my mother was regurarly bathing in a river of nails and needles, but instead of holding me by the ankle, she was holding my by everything else.

Now instead of Achilles' heel, I have a Livinias' ankle.

September 23rd

Machia's first mission. Sky was at the vet with Leo, and I didn't want to leave Machia alone with Wu. I don't know if she was telling the truth, but Mei told me that once Jay had a cat, named cookie. The ninja left her alone with Wu once, and when they came back she was nowhere to be found. That is until 3 days later when they found her tail and leg at the dumpster.

As I said, I have no idea whether this story is real, but I don't think I want to find out.

September 29th

Today I found Leo IN Machias vivarium. I have absolutely no idea how he got there.

October 1st

Today I Sky told me that the reason why OCTOber is the tenth month is because Julius Caesar added July and August in honor of himself and his adopted son Augustus.

That's kinda cute.

October 4th

Machia just finished shedding.

October 8th

I was trying to make pancakes for myself, but they turned out awful.

October 14th

I just found a fragment of shed reptile skin on the floor, but it's neither Machias' or Leos'. Going to investigate more.

October 17th

Another mission. This time we're stopping someone called the Machanic.

October 26th

Yesterday someone stole a mask from Borg. This time it wasn't me. Uncle Nix says it wasn't him.