In the Shadows

The first thing I noticed walking into the classroom on the first official day of spring term was rather the absence of noticing something, or in my case someone. Damien was nowhere to be seen and as I set step into the classroom buzzing with student life, a pang of anxiety hit my chest. Where was he?

Ever since that Christmas night when Damien had dropped with our friends to visit me, I hadn't heard from him. I had sent him hundreds of texts, and even called but he refused to pick up. Well, either that or something was really wrong. After all, he hadn't even come for the New Year's feast at my house. I couldn't bring myself to believe that he was actually avoiding me. Damien had no reason to after all. But there was definitely something being kept from me. Now that school was back in progress, I was going to corner Leo and Nick and make them tell me what the hell was going on.

"Oi!" I snapped in a huff, focusing my eyes on the two blonde haired boys at the very last corner of the room. Leo rolled his eyes to himself and Nick looked scared, as did a lot of my other classmates nearby who watched me with wide eyes as I pushed and hurried past them. "What are you two girls doing hiding in the back?"

"Always a delight, aren't you May?" Leo smirked. He was back to playing his cool, devil-may-care self with no trace of the tender affection I'd received from him before. That was fine by me, this wasn't play time. I dumped my bag in an unceremonious fashion on the closest desk. Loaded with books, the clang that reverberated the air was loud enough to earn a whimper from Nick.

"Give me answers, boys," I said authoritatively, crossing my arms over my chest.

"On?"

I narrowed my eyes at Leo. "Don't give me that sass Leo. You know perfectly well what I'm asking about here."

"And you know perfectly well to keep your nose out of Damien's business like I told you to last time."

"I'm his friend!" I stomped my foot on the ground, making Leo's stern expression soften. He started laughing at me, giving Nick a side-nudge who stood by the class president's side, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

"This isn't funny, Leo! I'm really worried about Damien. I haven't seen him in so long and I know you guys are hiding something from me." My voice dropped to a low whisper when I realized just how similar this was to before. I was in this position again. Left worrying, left thinking about the boy behind the mask and when I came to these two for answers, as always, they remained loyal to the stable boy. But hadn't enough time passed for me to earn their trust?

"He's my friend," I repeated lowly. "Please. I want to help."

The two exchanged a look before Leo sighed and muttered something inaudible to Nick who nodded and straightened his posture, towering over me. He reached an arm out and placed it gently on my shoulder, snapping me out of my thoughts as I looked up at his bright, shining eyes.

"We want to tell you, May. But again, this is something you should hear from Damien."

"But he never tells me stuff."

"He will." Nick smiled and Leo looked away from the two of us, staring at the top of his desk with a frown furrowing his brows. "In time, he will. Just you wait, and don't put us in the middle, okay?"

Nick had a way of saying things gently that always worked. With a halfhearted sigh, I decided to let the two of them off the hook.

I muttered a quiet, "Fine," and sunk into my seat, not missing the subtle nudge Leo gave Nick of a job well done. I'm sure that despite the hard front the both of them were putting on, they wanted to tell me as much as I wanted to know but like Nick had said, whatever it was that was plaguing Damien...whatever it was he was hiding from me would be better heard from him.

The whole day, I tried to dedicate my focus on school and the lessons that were sure to keep me busy for the rest of this new term. Senior year was no joke and the teachers laid it all out on us now that we were getting closer to the end of our 'era', as Mrs. Hammond called it. No matter, my mind kept wandering back to Damien. Beating the pen back and forth against the surface of my desk, I fixed my gaze out the window, over the snow-covered grounds of the school. It didn't feel right, sitting here without the dimwit in my sight to distract and annoy me. To make me want to kick his ass. To make me want to cry and laugh both at the same time. None of this felt right. And that's exactly what compelled me to act.

I hadn't planned to do it really. Once the final bell went off, I walked out with the boys like it was any other day. We said our farewells, with Nick and Leo going off to the library to work on a project they'd been assigned to do together. I started my walk home with every intention of getting back and making something or the other of my day than worrying like an over-protective mother. Halfway there, I realized that blasting Radiohead on my speakers and attempting to analyze English Lit wasn't going to cut it.

I would need to see him.

"You're being an idiot, you're being an idiot, you're being an idiot," was the mantra that ran through my head as I took a left, breaking off from my path to my house and instead heading toward Damien's block. I wasn't even invited. For one, Damien hadn't bothered to contact me in the first place. That was a clear cut sign that he didn't want me getting involved or seeing him. All that did, however, was make me walk faster despite the warning sirens blaring in my mind.

It didn't take long for my highly motivated legs to reach Damien's house. I recognized it easily, among the several that lined the neighborhood. Damien's house, although it looked like any other, was easy to tell apart in one way - the garden out front wasn't just bunches of weeds but resembled the bright green of his own eyes. Granted the bushes and trees were glistening with the white crystalline shine of the snow, it still made me smile when I saw the resemblance the house bore to its most troublesome inhabitant.

I was careful not to slip on the snow (considering how horribly uncoordinated a human, I am) as I made my way toward the front door. I didn't give it much thought, rushing the decision and ringing the bell immediately as a way for me not to back out of doing this. The sound of footsteps approaching made my heart tighten but the door didn't open up to the sight of the brunet I'd been expecting but a totally different one: a ginger.

I blinked and stared down at the girl in front of me. It was rare for me to come across shorter girls, considering my midget-like height but she beat me. It wasn't her height that caught my attention though but the color of her hair - a pure, silky red that flowed down and past her waist in neat, straight tides. A smile graced her full lips and she shifted her weight against one foot as she leaned against the door handle, eyebrows rising in skepticism.

"May I help you?"

"Um." I was at the right house, right? Otherwise, my whole appreciation fest over this place was a total failure - that, with my navigational ability was enough to shoot me down. I blinked again and spoke in a slight whisper, "This is Damien's house, yeah?"

"Ah." The girl's smile widened. "You're a friend of Damien's!"

"Why else would I be here?"

She chuckled, not taking any offense at my snippy reply but took a step back to let me in. Thanking her quietly, I stepped into the warmer interiors of the house, immediately making a move to wiggle out of my coat. I set my bag down on the ground, shooting a small smile to the ginger-head who was still watching me, and started to shrug out of it. I was in the process of extracting my arm when a tall, gorgeous man came out of the turn into the living room and toward us.

"Everything alright, babe?"

"Yup. Damien's got a visitor."

"Ah, well," the man grinned, sparkling a set of flawless and perfectly positioned teeth at me.He looked like a freaking model. Standing at a towering six feet with a dark, inky mane of hair that grew long enough to nearly touch his neck. Plus, he was tan. Like surfer-boy tan. How'd he get so tan when I barely made it through this winter looking like a polar bear?

My breath caught in my throat, something that, embarrassingly enough, the ginger noticed. She chuckled audibly from behind me and said, somewhat teasing, "Don't be too shy. That's the normal reaction that Adrian gets from the opposite sex."

"Adrian?"

That sounded familiar. Very familiar.

"Adrian?" I gawked when it hit me, staring up at the extremely fit man in front of me with enough shock on my face to make him uncomfortable. "You're Amy's brother!" Not giving him a chance to reply, I whirled around, the coat I'd folded over in my hand whipping out like a tail as I faced the ginger whose friendliness I'd heard a lot about from a certain someone. "And you must be Lillian!"

She grinned. Nodded. And then said, "You're Makayla, aren't you?"

"Yeah!" I smiled, finally beginning to relax around these people. "Damien's told you about me?"

"So much you wouldn't believe," Adrian groaned. "But not that I mind. That little imp's finally found someone else to focus his shenanigans around." I sensed a tiny bit of envy, and an even greater sense of relief in his tone but whatever it was was killed by the look Lillian shot her boyfriend. Maybe I could have had a better look at the dynamics of their relationship if Amy didn't come jumping around the corner the next second, looking very surprised to see me.

"May! What are you doing here?"

"I-"

"Oh, no wonder it was taking you two so long. You were all getting acquainted!" Amy beamed at the three of us happily, not making any effort to properly introduce me to the people she considered family. "But huddled up near the front door like that? What are you, animals? Get in!"

"And there it is," Adrian muttered under his breath and walked after his sister whose bright blonde head led the way to the living room. Lillian, whose quietness matched mine, shot me a grin as we followed the siblings. I wanted to ask what they were all doing here but my questions died when I saw Damien.

He was there. In front of me, and it felt like I hadn't seen him in years although it had only been a couple weeks. His eyes lifted off the ground in our direction, narrowing ever so slightly when he settled on the unwelcome visitor before lighting up just a bit when he saw that it was none other than his princess.

I nearly jumped across the length of the room and crushed him with a hug. Not just because I had missed him (which I really, really had) but because he really looked like he needed it. His voice was weak, and the dark circles beneath his reddened eyes made me wonder when was the last time he'd had a proper good night's sleep.

"May."

I let out my breath and smiled at him.

"Hey you."

His lips tugged at a smile and he responded, quiet but happily, "Hey you."

A comfortable silence settled between the two of us and despite my attention being focused on the sole reason of my being here, I could make out the secret signals passing between Amy, Lillian and Adrian. I heard her clear her throat behind me and say, "Well, we were actually just leaving."

Damien's gaze swerved past me and fixed itself on the fidgeting blonde, eyebrow raising. "Were you?"

Amy bobbed her head. I turned to give her a pointed stare but she would have none of my not-so-subtle gestures, waving her hand at me as if to say 'don't even try'.

"We've taken up enough of your time as it is Damien. Besides, Adrian and Lillian have a thing to get to."

"We do?" Lillian asked.

Amy glared.

"We do!" Lillian corrected herself, nodding along in improvised agreement. I rolled my eyes, as did Adrian who gave Damien a little wave and bye before steering the two, grinning ladies out of the room. They exchanged very quick, but loving goodbyes with Damien who seemed a tad bit more nervous now that they were leaving us alone. I caught it in the way his eyebrows crunched together and green eyes glinted 'danger, danger'. Whether or not Amy acknowledged it remained a mystery as she and the couple let themselves out.

The clicking of the front door shut was followed by an awkward silence in which I stood still, in the same spot as before, unsure of what to do next.

"Hi," I said. Again. "Um, I hope it's okay that I dropped in like this. I know you weren't expecting me but-"

"It's fine," Damien cut in, smiling good naturedly. Or trying to. "I mean, what would I have against that?"

I frowned a little at that. Apart from him avoiding me and not replying to my calls or texts? Yeah, right. Damien patted the spot next to him on the couch and I, slowly but with full intent, crossed the room and joined him there. The closer I got, the more I realized just how beaten-up he looked. It wasn't just the physical exhaustion that showed but he exuded a negativity, an air of hopelessness that just wasn't him. Damien's eyes were on me but at the same time, they weren't. I couldn't help but feel that even though we were looking at each other, his heart was miles away from the present. What had caused that?

Beating around the bush wasn't really my style so I went for the direct, but gentle approach. My hands curled into tight balls on my lap as I asked, softly, "Why didn't you come to school?"

"I was sick."

That sounded rehearsed.

"And you couldn't tell me?" I prodded, going with his version.

Damien sat back against the cushion, looking away from me and focusing on the empty television screen in front of us.

"Because I had enough people worrying about me and I didn't need one more person on that list."

That sounded genuine. Damien crossed his arms over his chest and exhaled loudly through his nose. His eyes were closed part-way, as if on the edges of drifting into unconsciousness.

"Damien."

Tentative, I reached over and placed my hand on his tensed arm.

Green pools of sadness shot wide open, fixing on my hand then on my face. He immediately recoiled away from my touch but I shifted closer on the couch until our knees were knocking against each other and he had nowhere to go, but to stay.

"I know that I'm not terribly important to you." Something flashed in his eyes at my words. Regret or guilt perhaps, but I didn't have enough time to analyze what it was as he dropped his gaze to my hand, the muscle of his arm flexing beneath my touch. "But you need to know that you are one of the few people that make up my small world. And when you're not there, it feels wrong. Like something's missing."

"May, I can explain-"

"You don't need to." I squeezed his arm, prompting him to look at me again. A smile crept to my lips, and I tried to make it as encouraging as I possibly could. "Honestly, that's not why I'm here. I know I'm not as close to you as Leo and Nick. And I'm not a guy so I don't necessarily get it when you have guy-problems but I'm still your friend. And even if you don't want to tell me what's going on, that's okay but please, at least talk to me. Let me know that you're still a part of my life because when I lose contact with you, I feel like I'm losing you all together. And I don't want to."

That was a mouthful to get out, and it wasn't until it was all out in the open had I realized I'd expressed the things I'd been searching for words to say all this time. Damien's expression had changed to something heavier than the sadness from before but in it, I saw something that gave me hope. Slipping his arm out from under mine, his hand covered mine. It was dreadfully cold, as cold and distant as he'd been.

"I'm sorry, May."

His fingers laced through mine and he audibly sighed, somewhat in relief.

"And, despite what you think, you are terribly important to me."

I arched an eyebrow at him.

"And no, I'm not just saying that to make you feel better," he added quickly. "You really are. That's the very reason I didn't want you to see me like this. I didn't want to upset you but it looks like that happened anyway."

Damien took both my hands in his and soulfully stared into my eyes, wishing to convey something that words could not do justice to.

"But I'm fine. I really am. So don't worry your pretty little head over me, okay?"

I know that there was a great deal of a forced lie woven into those words, as genuine as they sounded. But I wasn't going to push Damien for the truth, not when he felt this fragile, as if one tiny tap would take him away from me all together. I was happy enough just to have seen him, to have told him how I felt and in the process, discovered it myself.

With a tiny smile, I nodded.

"Okay. But promise me."

"Anything," he said with a smile back.

"Promise me you won't cut me out."

Damien raised a hand to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss there. Unlike his hands, his lips were warm and the grin he gave me, even warmer.

"How could I ever, princess?"

I grinned and surprised him with a hug. Damien laughed, a sound that added color to everything around us. His arms wrapped around me and he held me there, locked in our tight hug.

"I promise," he whispered into the side of my face, the closeness nearly tickling me away from him but I didn't let go. Not in fear that he would slip away again. I just wanted this momentary burst of color to last a little longer. Long enough to reassure me that my stable boy would be okay.

--- CHAPTER END ---

Vote goal: 10
Next update: December 17

Lillian and Adrian's story is covered in my published book A Midnight Reverie. Although they don't play major roles in this story, they are my babies and I love them to pieces.

and no, I didn't draw that but it reminds me of the two :')
Adrian and Lillian are going to make a few more guest appearances in the story. I can't wait to write those scenes out.

If you'd like to read A Midnight Reverie, it's available on Amazon (paperback and Kindle)!

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