Do you remember it? Did you even notice?

I storm in slamming the door behind me. I drop my backpack on the floor forcefully. Throwing my jacket onto the table. I speed walk to the bathroom noticing you're in the living room watching some sort of YouTube video. I slam the bathroom door and look in the mirror.

I see bloodshot eyes. A pale face. Dried lips that look bitten on. Sunken in cheeks. Unraveled hair that seem like hands have run through them multiple times. Tear stained cheeks and water already threatening to slip down once again. Eyes that seem to be on the brink of breaking once again.

Don't I say to the girl in the mirror. Don't you dare cry again. I clench my jaw looking her in the eyes. And a single tear falls down. God damnit!

I wipe the single tear away walking slowly out of the bathroom, not showing my face in your direction. I go to my room picking up my discarded things on the way. And open my bedroom door. I slowly creep into my bed wrapping myself in the blankets. I let out a sigh and grab my stuffed animal and hugged it, curling into a fetal position.

Imagining that I'm in a dimly lit place once again. The silence flowing calmly through my ears. The monotonous ticking of a clock in the background lulling me to sleep. Not being able to see anything specifically. Only knowing what's around me by touch and sound. I curled up tighter.

I start to get uncomfortable in my school clothes. With a grunt I force myself up and out of my bed and cocoon of blankets. I go to my drawers and get out some sweatpants and a loose t-shirt. I change into it and look up and see a hair tie. I grab it and tie my hair into a messy bun of curls. I look up higher and see the mirror. See the girl once again.

You're weak. Do you know that? Yes, I do.

I see a girl that looks like she's thinking of just giving up. But not of death. Just giving up. I see how her lips start to quiver, how her brown coffee eyes squint as if trying to stop the tears. I see how her jaw clenches. Please. Don't cry. I try to will her not to cry. I look in the mirror begging the girl to not let the tears fall down once again. Pleading with the girl I see to be strong. That I need to be strong.

A few tears slide down the girl's cheeks. Please. Please please please don't cry. Hold on. Be strong. I say with tears in my eyes. Blinding my vision. I look away as more tears start to flood down.

I turn off the lights and resume my previous position on my bed. Hugging the stuffed animal tighter as tears flowed sideways down my face.

Yet I hear a laugh from upstairs in the living room. Your laugh. It's lively and full of happiness. I sob into my hand trying to cancel the noises of my cries. But I was never a quiet crier. I continue to hear your laughs as I cry into my stuffed animal. My pain growing more and more as time passes. I cry to the point where it hurts to breathe. Until my stomach aches and my head pounds loudly in my ears. I cry until all I can feel is wetness on my face.

So I sniffle as I start to calm down. I hug myself trying to lull myself to sleep as I've always done. And then I hear it. I hear a voice that sounds so broken let out a soft note. I realize that voice is me. And so I listen. I listen as I sing the soft melody.

"It starts with our eyes well acquainted with the dark. The mind was made to illuminate the heart. And when every constellation suddenly appeared. Through telescopes and calculations. The far was pulled so near." The whisper of the voice making the melody a bit off note. I shut my eyes tight trying to stop the flow of tears that threaten to come out.

"Even after everything we've seen. We've barely caught a glimpse of what it means. In the architecture of the soul. The universe began with our eyes closed." Tears starts to sting my eyes once again and my voice cracks as I continue to sing the soft melody that I remember by heart.

"We claim our land. We tame our seas. We carve our names on the surface of history. 'Til our hands get tied by the stubborn will of gravity." I can hear the rasp of the voice and the sorrow that echoes around my room as I continue the song.

After a while, before I know it, I fell into a dreamless sleep.

I woke up and brought myself into a sitting position holding my head trying to ease the pounding. I look in the mirror from across the room and stare at the girl in an emotionless stare.

I stare into deep bloodshot eyes, the brown warm color now dulled. Red rings surrounded her stinging eyes. Jaw slack, and hair a frizzy curly mess even in a bun. Eyes and cheeks sunken. I look away and stare at the wall of drawings.

Multiple drawings litter the wall. Colored drawings, sketches, black and white, some colored with marker and some colored with colored pencils. Some silly drawings and some more with details in it. Some that I drew and some that people have given to me. All ones that I've kept. I stare at the drawings a little longer and get up to clean a bit.

I pick up my school clothes that I carelessly took off, tossing them in the dirty laundry basket. Picking up my jacket I hang it on the rack with my other coats.

It's always the same. I've always been the one to calm myself and hold myself while crying. Not because I feel like a burden. But because I feel like I can manage. They'd ask too many questions anyways. I don't want to answer people. I just want a place that I feel safe enough to just cry. No questions asked.

That's why I don't go to people. They ask questions that I never feel like answering. Since I can remember my mind only thought one thing. "People leave"  Not me necessarily. Just in general. So what's the point of telling someone your problems, your insecurities, and even your fears? When at one point in time, whether you like it or not, they'll leave. Or maybe you'll leave. Either way along the road they won't be in your life any longer. The only person, creature, or anything living that you can always 100% be sure that will be there, is yourself.

So I'll be there for myself. Now and even for years to come. I'll be there for that girl in the mirror 'til I take my last breath. I'll care for her, make sure that she's as happy as I can manage.

People may or may not see me falling and breaking apart but I won't mind them. Because if I ever cry in front of you. Don't mistake that for me trusting you so much. The only reason why I would even break in front of anyone is because I've reached my limit and I need time. I don't need questions. Only time. Time is one of the many things I know I still have. So I'll use it. I only need time. But as always, whether you notice it or not, whether you want it to or not. Time runs out.