"I called to the Devil and the Devil did come" - It's Called: Freefall

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He placed the orders for us while I just slumped against his shoulder. It was warm, and the distinct smell that he had was enough for that moment. I didn't know what we were but I also didn't really care so long as these moments would remain.

We didn't talk for a while. His hand moved over so that his arm was now over my shoulders. There were a few strange glances from some of the other patrons, but they didn't say anything. He traced circles on my shoulder as he held me. The two of us were in a bubble, away from everything. Tris came back with two plates of pancakes and two cups of coffee. She set it down, pulling the sugar bowl closer from the edge of the table and putting down the cutlery. She smiled with a wink before leaving.

"Come on then, time to eat," Geraldt whispered.

I'd hate to say it but I didn't really feel all that hungry. I was still anxious about the entire pill thing, and how Geraldt knew. Still, he didn't give in, trying to comfort me while we both sat there in the booth.

"You need help?"

I didn't want to admit that I couldn't do it either. Still, the stiffness of my body and the sudden change in breathing was enough to alert Geraldt to the sudden state. He nodded, pulling two sachets of sugar from the sugar bowl before stirring them into the coffee.

"Let's do this, you drink one sip and eat one bit. You don't have to go too crazy, but you can just try and work between drinking and eating to help. You think we can try that?"

I nodded, and he smiled with relief. He left the cup in front of me and moved to cut the pancakes into reasonably sized pieces. This felt demeaning, as though as I wasn't able to handle the most basic of tasks. I thought about that nice space, that silent space you get when you take the tablets. That point where you don't feel anything at all. I needed it  again, but tried to swallow down the thoughts. I took a sip of the coffee mindlessly, and saw Geraldt snicker a bit as he loaded a fork with the pancake and held it to my lips.

I had agreed to this, so I opened my mouth and he gently placed the pancake in my mouth. It was sweet, but an earthy type of sweet. It was also incredibly soft, with a slightly crunchy outside that made it feel like a sandwich. I think it would've made a nice crepe with a feeling. I chewed it, watching Geraldt from the side. He was eating his pancakes but he was constantly looking over to make sure I didn't spit it out. I couldn't hold it in my mouth anymore so I swallowed and let it slide down. I wanted to take another sip of coffee to wash it down, but I didn't want to eat the rest.

 I leaned against Geraldt, feeling defeated by my own mind.

"Hey, it's okay," Geraldt murmured, turning over in his seat to press his face against my hair, trying to comfort me. I didn't believe him. It didn't feel okay by any means. It felt like I was just walking in circles around a room that I had locked myself in. I was stuck. I wanted to improve, but it almost felt impossible. I needed to get better.

Letting out a huff, I sat up and took the fork in an attempt to regain control. I bit down on one bit of the pancake, then repeated it. Between each bite, I took a drink of the coffee. Geraldt's hand was on my thigh, squeezing tightly as if to remind me not to push myself. Soon, half the pancake was done and I was sitting back against the booth, the air pushed out my sails.

"You did good, boy," Geraldt said. There was a hint of pride in his voice that heated something in me. It made me feel better about everything when I heard the praise coming from him specifically. It wasn't a new thing. A few years back, I had a crush on a teacher and whenever they praised me I was left weak-kneed.

"You want me to eat the rest or do you think you can finish it?" He asked quietly, squeezing my thigh again. I think I pushed myself too far, so I smiled weakly and offered the plate to him.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, looking down at the table. He didn't say anything but tucked into the plate. When he was in the flow, his hand reached out again and rubbed my knee. The intimacy was common, but it didn't burn any less. I couldn't shake the idea of there being something more to this. Maybe we were just really close friends?

As he ate, he signed over to Tris who was busy clearing a table. She nodded and went, before returning with a bill which Geraldt rounded up for a tip. He pulled out his wallet, sorting through a variety of receipts before he found his notes and slapped a handful of them down on the table.

"Group fund, Samson does the homework, I do some small peddling from the shops here and all that jazz,' He explained, seeing my confusion.

"You can help out with stuff too. We just gotta find your market."