When I found Ryder storming away from the bleachers, he didn't stop while I called out his name. I felt the same disheartening feeling he must have had each time I had done the same to him.

"Ryder," I called again. This time, we were at his car. He paused before opening the driver's door, but his back was still to me. Talk to me.

He spun around and looked down at me.

"Talk? You want me to talk? Fine." he began. "How about you leave me the hell alone since you don't know anything about what just happened?"

"How am I supposed to know if you don't talk to me?" I asked him and he rolled his eyes and unlocked the doors to his car. Now I was angry, but I had remembered what he said one other time at the Cheesecake Factory when things were tense between us due to him doing what he was doing right now. "Ryder, you're acting like an asshole," he had told me to say. I even sent him the memory of himself telling me to remind him sometimes. By then, he was sitting down in the driver's seat. He looked over at me completely emotionless while I stood between him and the open door. Oh wait. No. One emotion was clear. Resentment.

"Ash, move," he said wanting to close the door, but I crossed my arms.

"No, I need you to be here with me—"

"Ashlynn!" he cut-in. "MOVE."

"NO," I refused. "You're the one who told me the only words that will get through your thick skull when you're acting like a douchebag and you're not even keeping your word on that—"

"Get out of my way—"

"I'm trying to figure out—"

"I'm trying to figure out why the hell you won't let me close my goddamn door!"

"—why you say I shouldn't put up with you yet you insist on acting like this every time you go through something that doesn't require you to be legitimately mad at me!" I finished.

"I really don't want to command you to move aside, so if you don't mind..."

"You can't command me to do shit," I told him, now searing with anger. "I'm not in your pack."

He scoffed. "I'm glad."

"Glad?" I asked and I felt my heart sink. Everything stopped just then.

"If you hadn't noticed, I don't need a beta or luna or wannabe alpha or any new members, okay? So don't try to act offended that you're not one of us when I finally say I'm glad you aren't—even if you're my mate," he hissed at me. The old me would've just walked off and deemed Ryder Ramon as a lost cause. But I was stronger than that. My bond with him was stronger than that. That's why I had to remove myself from the whole werewolf thing. I couldn't just pester him with questions about his pack because I was his mate. This was more than that; this was a boy who was still grieving over his brother. You didn't need to be an alpha or a werewolf at all to be angry about that abandonment.

"Then don't treat me like your mate," I managed to say without one gesture of his confirmation that would forever reject our destiny. Once I had said it, now his heart dropped. I nearly heard it. It beat slower and slower just like his breaths became the same pace. It made him shake the thought of lashing out on me and immediately he opened his mouth to plead forgiveness—I was sure of it.

"Ash—"

"Don't see me as your mate if your pack's history is what's bothering you," I clarified. "I just want to know how you're feeling and what's going on with you. Let me be there as your girlfriend instead of a werewolf-mate that you feel like has to bring the pack into consideration. Just let me be there for you."

He looked at me without saying a word and I stepped to the side for him to make his decision. I gave him a good ten seconds to decide, but he simply just closed the door and I instantly felt offended. To make it worse, he glared at me through the tinted windows as if he wasn't just denying my attempts to care for him. That was, until I lifted my foot to back away from the car and he thought to me: Get in.

***

I had come to terms that I would never see Ryder cry. It had nothing to do with strength, but everything to do with pride. He didn't know that it was weaker to bottle things up and explode on the people closest to you. Or maybe he did know and still chose that route.

"Where're Andrew and Cassandra?" Ryder asked once we got home. It was the first question or statement he had verbally said this entire time.

"Not here," was all I could say as I pushed open the door. He grabbed my wrist and then towed me up to my own room. I sat on my bed patiently until he could speak for himself. It took a while, but he decided to begin. He stopped in front of me and kneeled down, reminding me of a memory from first entering the Obsidian house upon telling me we were mates. I think it calmed him down because it seeped into his mind as well.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you like I did," he stated, looking at me directly in my eyes. "You were right; I was being an asshole."

"Duly noted," I stated and he wanted to smirk at the comment despite the tension in the room. He settled a response by grabbing the back of my neck and pressing his lips to my forehead before standing back up.

"I'm not apologizing for Colin and Preston though because that's their job," he said and my jaw clenched. He crossed his arms, but made a firm blade for pointing hand. "It was way out of line and they will apologize to you whether it's an ultimatum or not."

"Ryder..." I said. "Don't choose me over your pack."

"I'm not," he lied. "I'm choosing respect over savagery."

"But—" before I could argue it, he shifted positions to gesture me to just stop talking so he could.

"Part of that's Zander's fault, but it's also mine for encouraging it," he muttered. "I...I used to be different. This pack used to be different...your dad had left after the house fire and told my dad he was the new alpha of any remaining wolves and any children who possessed the gene or got bit. Well, Zander had grown up knowing about werewolves and as soon as he Phased, his only thought was to take over the title...and then he got it."

"He fought your dad?" I asked.

"No," he shook his head. "For some reason, my dad just handed it to him on a silver platter as if the whole rules to challenge the Alpha for the title didn't apply to Zander, just like how your dad did to him. Out of nowhere, my dad just despised everything about being a wolf and wanted nothing to do with it, so he was happy to have Zander as a scapegoat. And considering any classifiable, bloodline wolf is stronger than even a bitten Beta-turned-Alpha like he was, Zander would've won the fight anyways, so I guess that was the only non-dramatic thing about this situation."

I wanted to reach over and grab his hand because I knew something was killing him inside, but I fought my inner wolf against it. I figured that Ryder would take the gesture as pity. But then I was surprised when he sat down on the bed next to me and grabbed my hand. Our fingers wove slowly, but not as simple as the caresses he made with his thumb on the back of my hand.

"Zander phased really early, so he had a lot of control for himself and his wolf, but as an alpha...he got so much worse. He flaunted his abilities and turned most of his friends into wolves," he continued. My thoughts went to Colin and surprisingly Preston, even though the latter was Ryder's best friend. "The summer before I got into high school, I phased for the first time and I wasn't too excited to be in Zander's pack. They were assholes to everyone because they were cocky and exploited their strength in sports and scared people into getting their way all the time. But I couldn't do anything about it. I was the youngest one and I had no one on my side. So I just dealt with it and took and took as much as I could until..."

"You snapped," I finished, quoting Preston from earlier.

"No," he denied with a pathetic smirk and breathy laugh. "During freshman year, I was so good at football that I was on varsity instead of the freshman team. I didn't rely on my extra speed or strength at all, but most of the time my anger made up for that. But all supernatural genes aside, being a freshman on a team with upperclassmen was an ego-builder. I thought I could take Zander in a challenge." He let out a pathetic laugh once more and I squeezed his hand. "That was before I acknowledged that an elder bloodline is stronger than the younger—not to mention he was Alpha. Well, after one embarrassing dispute that was too pathetic to even call a fight, I was still angry that Zander was a terrible Alpha and more so that I couldn't do anything about it. The next football game, I had put three guys in the hospital for running right through 'em from just being so angry." Wow. "Of course, once that happened, the pack assumed I was finally falling in my ranks to use my powers to my advantage, but that wasn't it. That's when I challenged Zander again, this time in front of everyone. This time, it escalated into a fight and we had phased and everything...of course he was still stronger, but I was a kid who just needed to put him in his place. Zander was a lot of things, but he was still a good brother. He tore me up enough to exhaust me instead of doing his full damage, and he just wanted me to stay down so he didn't have to hurt me seriously, but I kept getting up. Eventually he stopped trying to injure me and he used his ability to command me to his will. He wanted me to just calm down and once I obliged to bowing down to his title, he'd leave it all alone, but that's not exactly what happened.

Being commanded is pretty obvious. You're forced into doing something whether you want to or not and you're like a watcher of a movie to your own actions until it's done, but once he did it, the tension of a command was in the air and my body had definitely relaxed to calm down, but I didn't respectfully bow to him. I stood up and I even told him that the only person I was going to respect was me. The pack was shocked to say the least when they witnessed and felt a shift in power."

"True Alpha," I named.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I mean, no one really knew what happened because I mean, I was a wounded pup with glowing red eyes not obeying my alpha, but Zander knew what it meant. He knew it so well that he didn't even need to run away for the pack to be mine. After he did leave...my family was broken to say the least. My father was mad that his favorite son fled, my mom was just distraught at the thought of her son out on the street—no matter how much money he had access to, and I just...changed, I guess. I had to."

"Why?"

"I didn't know that the moment had made me an alpha over the pack," he responded. "I didn't actually want the responsibility—I still don't; I just knew Zander was doing a bad job at it and needed to be stopped. So the transition was difficult and I just tried to stay calm about everything, but of course, taking it out on the field wasn't the best thing when I had collided into a guy so hard that it nearly paralyzed him. From then on, I quit football and forbid anyone in the pack from playing sports so none of them could have the chance to hurt someone. After that, I just...snapped."

"I still don't know what you mean by that," I muttered. He removed his hand from mine and that was a sign that he was ashamed of his answer.

"All I had was wasted athletic abilities and a pack full of people that weren't truly loyal to me. I didn't even know why Fate chose me to be Alpha, okay?" he prompted. That I could understand. "So I tried to fit in with the pack—mostly Zander's friends, of course. I thought that if I acted out, the Tier would just revoke the title because I wouldn't be pure or just or whatever. I just changed myself entirely and it's my biggest mistake." The words mistake and freshman year made our telepathic link think of Stella. I remembered on my own when Stella mentioned something had happened between them in freshman year, but that wasn't important right now. "So I became as fearless and as trouble-making as Zander. When I realized that the title wasn't just going to be taken back, I didn't even try to change back. I stayed how I was because as long as I wasn't flaunting my abilities or hurting humans like Zander was, I was fine. I didn't even have much of a problem as more of his friends in the pack moved out and more of the bloodlines—children from our dads' pack members—started phasing and just adjusted to my reign along with whoever I bit or whoever came into town." So that was why Ryder Ramon acted as he did. It made sense in a far-fetched perspective. "I just...I want to know why I was picked and why I can't get rid of it or why—"

"Stop asking questions," I told him. "You were picked and that's it. Obviously no matter how many mistakes you've made or how you've acted is going to change that. You're a good person, Ryder."

"No I'm not."

"Really? Because you just explained to me how you care so much about a pack and its unity more than your clean record...all while managing to override all the mistakes Zander made," I said, putting a hand on his knee. He finally looked over at me and I searched his plain eyes full of sorrow. "Those who don't want to lead make the best leaders, Ry. Sure, you've messed up, but you're here now and you have a pack full of great people who respect you even in disputes. So forget about what Zander did or why you were chosen or how people don't adjust to situations as well as the variation happens." I slid my hand into his again. "And even if you're the worst person in the world, the universe chose you as an alpha for a reason and I'm glad they did because it's shaped you into who you are today."

No, you're the reason how I am the way I am today, he corrected though his thoughts and I shook my head.

"All of this conflict with how people see you and how you're trying to make this work is because of what's shaped you as a person. Even if it's your dad or Zander or Preston, they're a part of that," I told him. "And don't blame me for you making this change."

"But you're my—"

"I know I'm your mate, but we have a choice in accepting that or not," I told him and remembered what he had told Andrew about "choosing" to accept me as his mate. "I was interested in you before you even told me you were a werewolf or that we were mates. That's because who you are—whether it's purely you or a mixture of whoever you've been—is attractive to me." He still didn't say anything, but I still felt as though I could go on and on about how much I liked him or how amazing he was. I didn't feel desperate or pitiful doing so; it made me feel proud to have him as my mate. "I know my family has messed up a lot in this town as far as the pack history has gone, but I'm glad I met you when I did. I'm glad I didn't grow up here like Stella got to because then I wouldn't get to see you shift into how you want to act because I'd be nagging you like Stella tries to do...I like your stubbornness and your tough-guy attitude because when you're nice and romantic and honest like you are right now, it means so much more because not everyone gets to see this side of you. I wouldn't ever try to limit you or make you feel like you had to change for me because that way I get to figure out more about you like I am right now...even if you have to act like an asshole for me to pull it out of you."

He shared a brief laugh with me once I said that and felt an adoring calm wash over me and land in a small puddle in my eyes. But then, the laughter died down and I waited for Ryder's response as he dipped his head down. I didn't know what he was thinking anymore. And he certainly wasn't talking. I grazed my thumb on the back of his hand and he looked up at me.

Talk to me...please.

"I can't," he said, making it ironic. But then he forged a chuckle. "Out of all of this, I can't believe you compared yourself to nagging me like Stella."

"Well, I was just saying!"

"Uh huh, sure," he said and then moved closer to me and put his hand on the outside of my waist. He suddenly took me into a hug. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me. It's what I'm here for," I whispered back and then he pulled away.

"No, really. Thank you," he repeated. "I...I've never really told anyone what really happened without being blamed for all of the bad things and it means a lot that you listened. You have more faith in me than people in my own pack and I appreciate it. And you were right earlier when you said that I should see you as a girlfriend and not just some mate that I have to fall back on every time I screw up." That made me smile. "And I'm also glad you didn't grow up with me."

"Why's that?" I smiled.

"Because look where that got Stella," he teased as he laid down backwards and pulled me with him to lay on his chest. Originally, I laughed, but then I dropped my smile and realized how messed up that was.

"If I wasn't your mate, you and her would be together without a doubt," I muttered.

"That's not true," he said, taking offense to that statement. "We grew up together, arranged by our parents. I thought I had feelings for her, but once I started to grow up and change and she didn't change with me, I knew for certain that I didn't really have the same feelings for her. After I phased, I didn't have any feelings for anyone all at once, which made sense since I was probably on your frequency, but I tried so hard to like her...She's my best friend and I felt like I owed that to her, but after something happened in freshman year, I had to cut her off before leading her on any more than I did...and now we're where we are now."

"If we weren't mates, you would've just sucked it up and dealt with her though," I assumed. As much as he or anyone else didn't want to admit to it, if I wasn't here, he'd be with Stella. He could have countless other girlfriends or flings, but in the end, if he was missing that piece inside of him (I guess me), he would end up with Stella because she was his crutch this whole time. And I knew enough about him that he wasn't as selfish as he tried to make it out to be. He'd feel like he owed it to her and end up being with her for purely her wishes even if he had doubts himself.

"Also not true," he declared. I put a hand on his chest and rose up to look down at him.

"Ryder," I named. He raised an eyebrow. "She's perfect."

"She's not you," he figured. I rolled my eyes and he squeezed the skin on my hip nearest to his hand. "Even if we didn't have fate to push us together so aggressively, I still would've met you somehow and—"

"And what?" I asked him, completely amused. "Barged into my room and stole paint for me the next day?"

"Yes," he said and then sat up since I was already sitting, technically. Now, he was serious. "From the moment I saw you, I knew I'd do anything in the world for you. Even if you friend-zoned me, Stella wouldn't have anything on how I felt for you."

"You're saying that because this bond is wired that way," I playfully rolled my eyes. I wasn't meaning to tease him, but come on.

"I'm not saying it because we're mates," he denied. When I looked back at him, he was still frowning from taking it to heart. He was angry. But then, his face suddenly relaxed and his eyelids drooped a centimeter. He took a deep breath and I guess he finally figured out what to say to end this disagreement. "I'm saying it because I'm in love with you."