STACEY WAS TAKING SO LONG. Sa veranda nagtipon ang lahat pagkatapos ng dinner, nagsisimula nang mapasarap ang lahat sa kwentuhan na may kasamang pag-inom ng kaunting wine. Pero hindi pa rin bumabalik si Stacey mula nang magpaalam itong makikigamit ng banyo.

No one seemed aware of that. Only Renante. He stood behind where Luz was seated, staring at the wine glass left untouched on the table.

Nasa kalagitnaan si Ronaldo ng pagbibida tungkol sa kasalukuyang estado ng kompanya nila, ang Villaluz Steel and Metalworks, Inc. Kung paano nito na-survive nitong nakaraang mga buwan ang economic crisis na dinanas ng bansa dahil sa nangyaring pandemic. Renante impatiently glanced every minute at the living room. Doon kasi dadaan si Stacey kung sakaling pabalik na ito sa veranda.

Ronnie, who was at the other side of the table, beside Paige's seat noticed him.

"Kanina ka pa lingon nang lingon, Renante."

Napatingin tuloy siya rito tulad ng pagtutok ng tingin ng lahat sa kanya.

"Stacey is taking too long," aniya sa mga ito.

Luz turned from her seat to see him. Nakatalikod kasi ito kanina sa kanya ng pagkakaupo dahil pumuwesto si Renante sa likuran ng kinauupuan nito.

"I noticed too. Go check on her," malumanay na suhestiyon ng ginang.

Nilapag ni Renante ang kanyang wine glass, na halos ubos na ang laman, katabi ng baso ni Stacey.

He immediately went to the nearest toilet room, the one near the dining room. May makitid iyon na daanan bago marating ang pinid nitong pinto sa kaliwa niya.

Renante tested the doorknob and confirmed it was locked. Ibig sabihin, may tao pa sa loob. He gently knocked.

"Stace?" He waited but no response. "Stace?"

Natagalan siya sa sagot nito kaya pinihit-pihit niya ulit ang pinto. Naka-lock pa rin talaga. Dinikit na ni Renante ang tainga sa dahon ng pinto.

"Stacey, are you okay?" mahinahon niyang tawag dito.

Naghintay siya. Mga ilang minuto rin iyon bago nag-click ang seradura ng pinto. Mula sa pagkakasandal ni Renante sa kabilang pader, tumuwid siya ng tayo at sinalubong ang paglabas ni Stacey mula sa banyo. She held her pouch with one hand.

Kaka-retouch lang ng babae ng make-up, but he did not fail to notice how her eyes slightly swelled. His stare fell down to her bright red quivering lips.

"What happened?" dala niya sa dalaga sa kanyang mga braso. He wanted to embrace her, but that might make her feel suffocated. So he just kept his arms open while wrapped on Stacey's sides.

"What 'What happened?, Renante?" nakangiting tingala nito sa kanya. "I'm fine."

Tinitigan niya ito. Hindi talaga siya kumbinsido. Stacey looked like she just came from a heavy session of crying, bawled her eyes out. It must be a very emotional moment too, because she was so good with make-up, but failed to effectively cover up the reddening of her nose.

"Stacey, what have we talked about 'lying'?"

Hinigpitan niya ang tono, pero may kalakip pa rin iyon na pag-unawa. Ayaw niyang isipin ni Stacey na galit siya dahil hindi naman. In fact, he was worried above anything else.

"Yeah," nanghihinang baba nito ng tingin at humiwalay na sa kanya. "What have we talked about 'lying'?"

Nakonsensya siya.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to make you feel pressured," habol niya nang mauna sa paglakad si Stacey sa makitid na pasilyo. Nanatili siya sa likuran nito dahil hindi sila magkakasya kung sasabayan ito sa paglalakad. "Alam ko na hindi ganoon kadaling baguhin ang nakasanayan mo na, ang naging defense mechanism mo na... But you can still lie to anyone for your own peace of mind."

Nagpatuloy lang si Stacey.

"You can still lie to anyone, but please, huwag pati sa akin."

Natigilan ito bago pa nila marating ang dulo ng masikip na pasilyo.

"I just said that I am fine."

"I know how you looked after crying heavily, Stacey."

"But I am fine now," harap nito sa kanya at ginawaran pa siya ng ngiti.

It broke him more, because he could see the contrast of emotions between her eyes and her smile.

Renante cupped Stacey's face.

"Are you feeling scared?"

Nagbaba lang ito ng tingin.

"Look. To me, it doesn't matter what the family thinks of you. Sa ayaw at sa gusto nila, we will be staying together, Stace. They can never, ever change my mind about you."

Binigyan siya nito ng nagtatakang tingin sa mga mata. He gave her a nod, prodding her to believe him and his promise.

"Stace..." sumamo niya rito. He kissed her lips once, then pulled back to see her reaction.

Nagbaba lang ito ng tingin. Matamlay pa rin.

"I want to go home already."

Tinitigan niya muna si Stacey. He wanted to make sure na iyon nga talaga ang gusto ng dalaga. Nang wala nang idugtong ang babae sa sinabi nito, tumango siya at bumitaw dito.

"Okay. We're going home then."

Nang makaalis sa makitid na pasilyo, ginagap agad ni Renante ang nanlalamig na palad ni Stacey. Dinala niya ito sa veranda.

"Stacey's not feeling well," bungad niya sa nakaabang na tingin ng mga ito.

"Oh my goodness," nag-aalalang tindig ni Luz mula sa kinauupuan. "What happened?" nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin nito sa kanilang dalawa. "She's not feeling well? Was it because of the food?"

"No, Mom. Don't worry," malamig niyang saad dito bago inisa-isa ang mukha ng iba pang nasa veranda. "It just so happened that, kaninang umaga pa pala masama ang pakiramdam niya. Tiniis lang niya dahil gustong-gusto niyang matuloy ang pagpunta namin rito."

"Oh, Stacey," lapit agad ni Luz sa dalaga.

Stacey gave his mother a faint smile. Kita niya sa ngiting iyon na parang nahihiya pa ito dahil aalis kaagad.

Luz gently patted Stacey's arm. Dahil sa laki ng age gap ng ginang sa mga nakakasama, nasanay na itong tumapik sa braso imbes sa pisngi kapag may gustong aluin.

"Get some rest, hija. I'm sorry you felt obliged to come here, you should have—" Pinigilan ni Luz ang sarili. Napailing. "Sorry. It's not your fault. Sorry, if I pressured you to come."

"Mama, don't say that," tabi ni Ronnie kay Luz habang matamang tinitingnan sila. "Both of them are already adults. They can decide on their own already."

Umatras na ang dalawa palayo sa kanila. Nakaalalay sa mga balikat ni Luz ang mga kamay ni Ronnie.

"I am really sorry po," mapagkumbaba at matamlay na saad ni Stacey. She gave Luz a pleading look, skipped Ronnie and turned to Ronaldo who remained standing close to Paige's seat.

Paige, as usual, remained poker-faced through it all.

"Don't be sorry, hija," Luz reassured Stacey, reaching out for another supportive tap on her arm. "There's nothing to apologize for."

Renante narrowed his eyes at Luz. Pero binawi rin niya iyon agad nang mapatingin sa kanya ang ina.

"Take good care of her, Renante. If she gets a fever, ipaghanda mo siya ng pinapainom ko sa inyo noon na—"

"We have to go now, Mom," he interrupted.

Kinawit ni Renante ang braso sa bewang ni Stacey at tinangay ito paalis ng bahay.

Nang nasa kotse na silang dalawa, panay ang sulyap ni Renante kay Stacey. Tahimik ito buong biyahe. Tuwid ang upo pero nakahilig ang ulo paharap sa katabi nitong bintana.

Layers of lights from the placed they passed back slid on her face. Naroon pa rin ang pananamlay ng dalaga.

He was feeling guilty. Hindi kinompirma ni Stacey ang hinuha niya kanina, pero iyon lang naman ang posibleng ekplanasyon sa inaakto nito. She was getting cold feet for meeting his family. She must be feeling pressured to make his family like her.

Hindi naman dapat ganoon.

Akala niya, kapag dumalo sila sa dinner, mae-enjoy iyon ni Stacey. Bakit hindi? Kaya nito makipagsabayan kung usapang negosyo lang din naman. Eh, ganoon ang klase ng pagba-bonding ng mga Villaluz. They talked of nothing else but business. They associate business with each other's personality. The business you handle reflects what kind of a person you are.

Dahil sa huling naisip, naalala ni Renante ang palitan ng diskurso nila Stacey at Ronaldo...

"Life is not always about what you're passionate for. For me, I work on what interests me for a moment. If my interest wanes, I shift gears."

"I hope that's not the same philosophy you have when it comes to relationships."

Ni Stacey at Paige...

"I don't mix business affairs with personal affairs."

"Is that so? Then why did you join us at VVatch?"

Hindi lang naman ito sa kanilang pamilya lang nangyayari. It can be observed everywhere, that people associate one's personality with their work, with their outputs. When a writer writes a particular type of story, readers think that the writer is that kind of person too. When you're a CEO, ang impresyon sa iyo, anak-mayaman, kumikita na agad ng malaki at laging naka-suit and tie. Kapag haciendero ka naman, pasakay-sakay lang ng kabayo, paikot-ikot sa hacienda, tagapagmana, kahit ang totoo, hindi ka makapapamahala ng isang hacienda ng maayos kung wala kang alam sa pagbabanat ng buo tulad ng pagtatanim o pag-aalaga ng mga hayop.

That is why, Renante was so proud of Stacey when she answered that way in the discussions earlier.

Maybe, Stacey felt that she viewed things differently from his family, kaya nakaramdam ito ng pressure. She felt not belonging to his family.

Is that why she cried so much?

Renante drove with one hand to hold one of Stacey's hand that rested on her knees.

He felt her surprise. Napatingin ito sa kanilang mga kamay.

"Stacey," he reassuringly squeezed her hand, "whether the family likes you or not, hindi sila ang magdedesisyon kung sino ang babaeng mamahalin ko. Okay?"

He stole a glance at her. Nanatili itong walang tinag sa kinauupuan.

Lalo tuloy nag-alala si Renante.

"Do you want Salted Caramel Milk Tea? A clubhouse sandwich?" banggit niya sa isa sa mga comfort food ng dalaga.

He forced a smile. Sa tingin niya kasi, hindi makatutulong kung mahahawa siya sa lungkot ni Stacey.

"The night is still young. Midnight na nagsasara ang café. Iyong malapit sa high school natin dati. Gusto mo—"

"I already said I want to go home," matigas na wika ni Stacey, medyo mahina ang boses. "What is so hard with accepting the truth? Do you want me to lie right now and say yes, when what I really wanted, just like what I said earlier, is to go home?"

He squeezed Stacey's unresponsive hand again. Renante softened, his voice thinned like a tortured whisper.

"Have I done something wrong? Have I said anything wrong?"

Naghintay siya, pero hindi pa rin siya hinaharap ni Stacey.

Renante was hesitating, but maybe, he should give her room to breathe. Dahan-dahan niyang binitawan ang kamay nito.

He held the steering wheel with both hands and looked straight to the road ahead.

.

.

"WE WERE ONLY GONE FOR A FEW MINUTES," mahinang anas ni Renante sa kausap niya sa cellphone. Nagtitimpi talaga siya. Kinokontrol niya ang boses para hindi marinig ni Stacey sa kabilang silid ang mga sinasabi niya.

"Are you sure walang sinabing kakaiba si Mom? Ikaw? Baka may sinabi ka kay Stacey na alam mong ikao-offend niya?"

Paige's bored tone answered him. Wala pa nga kaming halos napag-uusapan, Renante. Kakarating lang namin ng veranda when Stacey left. Gagamit ng banyo.

Napailing siya. A part of him doesn't want to believe Paige. Kilala niya ang babaeng ito. She was as hard and unfeeling as a boulder. Paige had the tendency to say things that meant nothing for her insensitive ass, but was already hurtful for others.

What with that line of questioning? Are you implying that that woman left early because she doesn't like something or somehere here?

Napakatalas talagang mag-isip ng babae kahit kailan. Given that Paige was insensitive, her wits was quick and her composure was par. No wonder Ronnie dated her. She was this stable person that he needs.

"No. I am just asking because I want to make sure that all of you will make her feel she belongs to the family."

Paige scoffed. So what if she feels she belongs or not? Kung hindi? Iiwanan ka ba niya? If that's the case, will that make her worthy of you at all?

"That's not the case. Just, at least, be civil with her. Lalo na ikaw. Dahil magkatrabaho na kayo."

Yeah, right, walang buhay na saad ni Paige. But I can't lie to her about matters like this. You know we both don't like your family. Kaya bago pa ang dinner, I already gave Stacey a hint about what she should be ready for.

Naningkit ang mga mata niya.

"What do you mean 'hint?'"

"That we should not pretend we're close because we're not. That's how your family operates, right, Renante? Huwag kang feeling close. Let's always talk about business. Let's be at an arm's length away from one another."

"You sound frustrated."

Bumuntonghininga si Paige.

"Sorry. This evening... it just did not go well for me as well."

This was one of those rare moments where Paige showed a tinge of emotion in her voice. She spoke so softly, like a weakened spirit, as she admitted what she was really feeling.

"I am tired of trying, na makuha ang loob nila Tita Luz. I just..." Paige inhaled sharply. "How can I make Ronnie fall in love with me? Kung hindi ako magugustuhan nila Tita Luz? If they don't like me, it will be easy for Ronnie to replace me whenever he wants!"

Napailing-iling na lang si Renante.

"I am not the right person for this conversation, Paige—"

Pero ikaw lang ang nakakakita sa totoong kulay ng pamilya niyo, Renante! Who else can I talk to about this?

"I know, pero may dapat akong unahin," lapit niya sa pinto.

Saktong pagbukas ni Renante ng pinto, natanaw niya ang pagsara ng main door ng bahay.

Nakalimutan na niya si Paige sa kabilang-linya. He immediately dashed to the window to see Stacey in her white pair of trousers, brown kicks and red, tight button down top with lettuce outlines at the bottom.

Nagmamadaling binuksan nito ang gate. Ilang minuto pa, pinasibad nito ang Corvette. Nakalimutan na rin ng babae isara ang gate.

His jaw tightened, eyes glared as Renante disconnected the call without any goodbye.

Pasensya na lang si Paige, pero mas mahalaga si Stacey.

Dumeretso si Renante sa sariling sasakyan para sundan si Stacey. He already knew the way around the subdivision, kaya may ideya na siya kung saang pasikot-sikot dadaan ang babae bago tuluyang makalabas ng main gate.

.

.

SA SONDRA'S DUMERETSO SI STACEY. Tinext niya si Kylie na magkita sila roon. Sanay na siyang hindi nakarereply agad ang kaibigan. Kasi ang ibig sabihin nito, inuna nitong gumayak para mapuntahan siya agad. It had always been that way. Kylie rarely reply her confirmation. Kadalasan, nagrereply ito kapag tatanggi o hindi makapupunta.

Stacey seated herself on the balcony. Hinintay niyang i-serve ang in-order na apple iced tea sa table roon na nakaharap sa mga gusali sa likuran ng café.

She took the cold tall glass with both shaking hands and drank. She gulped way too many. Kailangan at nang mahimasmasan siya. Ayaw niyang umiyak na naman. Hindi siya makakapagsalita ng maayos mamaya kung sisimulan niyang humagulgol ulit.

Lagpas kalahati na ang nabawasang laman ng baso nang ibaba niya.

I have no plans of marrying Stacey

I have no plans of marrying Stacey

I have no plans of marrying Stacey

Stacey shut her eyes tightly, pressed her hands at the sides of her head. Nakatukod sa mesa ang kanyang mga siko.

Gusto niyang alisin ang focus sa mga sinabi ni Renante pero paano? His clear, crisp voice... The urgency in his tone... His brutal words... All of them echoed on repeat inside her head.

Stacey's lips quivered once more. Her arms and shoulders were shaking. Hirap na hirap na siyang pigilan ang sarili sa pag-iyak.

Kasi ang sakit!

Ang sakit-sakit!

Para siyang sinaksak sa dibdib. At habang nagtatagal, palalim nang palalim ang pagkakabaon ng matalim na mga salita sa kanyang dibdib. She felt being split into two from the chest.

The minutes rolled on.

At eleven in the evening, Kylie still didn't show up.

Where is everybody? mulat ni Stacey sa namamasang mga mata. Why can't anyone be here for me right now? When I don't need them, they come to me. Now that I really, really need them...

Why do I always have to end up alone?

If you're a strong person, is that enough reason to be destined to be alone?

She crumpled in her pain as a plate laid on her table. Narinig niya ang mahinang paglapag ng babasaging plato kaya napaangat siya ng tingin.

Stacey saw a clubhouse burger in a triangular cut with a yellow flag poking through an olive on top.

On the yellow flag, the logo of Sondra's with an orange flower was printed.

Tumuwid siya ng pagkakaupo at natingalaan si Sondra. Sa ilalim ng dilaw nitong apron, nakasuot ng puting bodycon dress ang babae. Her straight hair was tied in a low ponytail. Medyo tumakas ang hibla sa buhok nito sa ulo, senyales na hindi na ito nakapag-ayos matapos hubarin ang hair net na ginamit habang nasa kitchen ng cafe.

Malumanay itong nakangiti sa kanya. With a smile like that, Stacey could see that Sondra couldn't smile that much because she could sense her going through something heavy.

"Kanina ka pa narito, pero iced tea lang ang in-order mo," magaan nitong wika.

Mailap siyang nag-iwas ng tingin dito.

"I hate you."

"Why?"

"You crushed him so bad, he lost faith in everything."

Like marriages.

"It's..." malungkot na nagbaba ito ng tingin. It was as if, Sondra was looking at the floor. "It's easier to blame someone else, right? Mas nakagagaan sa pakiramdam kaysa mag-self blame."

Sondra took the seat across the table. Stacey saw that in her peripheral vision, but never moved her head to face the woman.

"What happened? Bakit kasalanan ko na naman?" there was a hint of nervous laughter behind Sondra's serious tone.

"Maybe it is my fault. I have never been enough. Hindi ko na-meet anuman ang standards niya... I..."

"Iyan ka na naman, eh," nangingiting hilig ni Sondra ng ulo. "Kung ano-ano na naman ang ibubunganga mo about Renante, 'tapos kapag may ginawa o sinabi siyang sweet o nagustuhan mo, rurupok ka na naman."

Napaingos siya sa sinabi nito. Stacey finally faced Sondra.

"Stop acting tough now, Stacey. Theshow is already over."