IT was nine in the morning. A group of women entered the airport—Stacey, Fritzie, Sondra, Kylie, and Cynthia. Medyo maingay ang kanilang mga yabag dahil sa pagmamadali. May pagkataranta rin sa kanilang mga mukha. They slowed down as they neared the waiting area. Abot-tanaw ng grupo nina Stacey ang mga puting bakal na bench nang huminto sila. Napunta ang tingin ng apat kay Fritzie na tsinek ang suot nitong rose gold watch. Lahat sila ay humihingal dahil sa paglakad-takbo nila mula sa pinaradahan ng kanilang mga sasakyan hanggang makapasok sa loob ng airport.

Masayang nag-angat ng tingin si Fritzie sa kanila. "I have one more hour."

Halos sabay-sabay silang nakahinga nang maluwag. Napatingala pa ang ilan na tila nagpapasalamat sa Diyos sa narinig. Inakbayan ni Stacey si Fritzie at mahinang tinapik-tapik sa likod.

"I guess, this is it. Have a safe trip to Sweden," aniya rito bago isinandig ang ulo sa balikat nito.

They huddled together for a tight group hug. Fritzie tried her best to raise her head that was slightly getting buried by her friends'. All of them were smiling, half-nervous too for their friend. They spent the overnight at Fritzie's condominium unit last night. They planned to sleep early for the sake of her flight today. Pero sa halip makatulog ng maaga, inabot sila ng hatinggabi sa pagkukuwentuhan. Sa kuwentuhang iyon lang din nila nalamang isang importanteng modeling opportunity ang pupuntahan doon ni Fritzie, at mas kinakabahan sila para roon. Fritzie was going to meet a Sweden-based half-Filipino fashion designer. Isa kasi si Fritize sa isasama nitong modelo para sa launching ng ikatlong collection nito sa Milan, Italy. It made Fritzie nervous, because it will be the first time for her to meet the fashion designer. Paano kung magbago bigla ang isip nito sa kanya kapag personal na silang nagkita?

Stacey and all their friends assured Fritzie that everything will be alright. Sinagot ng fashion designer ang flight expenses nito. That must mean, there will be no turning back with her being picked as one of the runway models for his latest collection. Ngunit mas tumindi ang kaba ni Fritzie para sa modeling opportunity nang magising sila ng late. Mabuti na lang at bago ang araw ng flight ay maayos na ang mga gamit nito. Kaya nang magising si Kylie ng alas-siyete, ginising sila nito para kumilos na.

Isa-isa na silang humiwalay mula sa kanilang group hug. Fritzie looked at each one of their faces. Her lips quivered while smiling at them.

"Thank you, girls."

Ilang minuto pa at isa-isa na ring nagpaalam ang mga kaibigan ni Stacey. Huling nagpaalam si Kylie bago siya nito tinapik sa braso para bulungan.

"Hihintayin ka namin sa labas." Nang lingunin niya ito ay sumalubong sa kanya ang makahulugan nitong ngiti.

Dahil sa pagkakangiti ng kaibigan, naalala ni Stacey ang kanyang agenda para sa pag-o-overnight sa condo ni Fritzie. Lahat ng mga kaibigan niya ay naka-heart-to-heart talk na niya. Ang natitira na lang ay si Fritzie mismo.

Tinanaw ni Stacey ang paglayo ni Kylie. Kinawayan naman ito ni Fritzie bago siya nito nilingon.

"Ano'ng binulong n'on? Ha?" nanunukso nitong tanong habang nakangisi sa kanya.

Stacey chuckled. "Sinabi lang niya na hihintayin niya ako sa kotse."

"O, bakit paghihintayin mo pa si Kylie? May gusto ka bang sabihin sa akin o . . . sasamahan mo ba ako rito hanggang maka-board ako?"

She smiled. "First, let's grab you a seat."

Fritzie—who wore her hair in a bun and put on a comfortable pair of jeans and fitting pink shirt under a mocha-colored leather coat—shrugged and pulled her big, shiny, silver travelling bag. Tinungo nila ang ikatlong row ng mga mahahabang upuan. Inupuan ni Fritzie ang bakanteng puwesto na malapit sa aisle at kinandong muna ang sukbit nito kanina na shoulder bag. Mas pinili naman ni Stacey ang mag-squat sa harapan nito. Ipinatong niya ang mga kamay sa ibabaw ng maleta ni Fritzie.

Tumingala siya rito. "Remember when the five of us became friends?"

"What about it?" bahagyang pagkunot ng noo nito.

"All these years, mas madalas kong makasama o pansinin sina Sonny at Kylie. Sa inyong apat, ikaw ang pinakamadalang kong maka-bonding nang . . . nang tayong dalawa lang."

"And do you want to ask if I am okay with it?"

Napailing siya at natulala sa kawalan. "That never occurred to me. What I want to know is . . . do I still have the time to make it up to you?"

Nang ibalik niya ang tingin kay Fritzie, bumungad sa kanya ang napamaang na ekspresiyon sa mukha nito. There was a hint of a chuckle before it broke out. Nagtaka tuloy siya. Was there anything funny about what she said?

"Come on, Fritzie, I am serious."

"Yes. Kitang-kita naman sa mukha mo," tawa pa rin nito bago hininaan ang boses. "I just can't help it. Gusto mong makabawi? For what? Dahil hindi tayo nag-bonding noong mas marami pa tayong oras para gawin iyon?"

"Ang sa akin lang naman, gusto kong maging fair."

"Look," ginagap ni Fritzie ang kanyang mga kamay. She slightly slouched to level her eyes with hers. "It doesn't make sense, looking back to the past when it'll be only a waste of time if we bonded as much as you want to now."

"A waste of time?"

Fritzie gave her a tightlipped smile and nodded. "I know you are aware, na ang pagkakaibigan nating lima, hindi talaga maganda ang simula niyon."

Stacey stared away for a few seconds. Nagsisimula kasing dumagsa ang mga alaala sa kanya. At habang tumatagal ay mas lumilinaw ang larawan nito sa kanyang kaisipan. Habang dumarami ang kanyang naaalala ay lalo siyang kinakabahan.

Bahagyang pinisil ng kanyang kaibigan ang kanyang mga kamay. "We all became friends because . . . it's for our own benefit. We're not the common type of friends who became friends because . . . because we loooove each other, or see each other as sisters, or because this one did the other one a heroic favor."

Kapwa sila natawa. Napailing-iling pa siya habang natatawa.

"Ano tayo, nasa fairytale? Mga santa? We became friends dahil—" She made her tone dramatic. "—napakabusilak ng ating mga puso?"

They laughed.

"You befriended Sonny, to get close to Renante," patuloy ni Fritzie, kaya nawala na ang kanilang tawanan at malungkot na ngiti na lang ang natira sa kanilang mga labi. "Sonny befriended Kylie because she sucks at drawing, and you because you tolerate her rebellious streak,and Cynthia because they are usually together in Philippine-based photoshoots, and me because what I know about international modelling—plus, I am Cynthia's plus one ever since, so her friends are also my friends. Then, Cynthia and I befriended Sonny, kasi malakas ang influence ng Miss Universe mother niya sa modeling industry and we really want to become models. Cynthia befriended Kylie, because she like her kawaii aesthetic, and the two of us befriended you, because you're so close to Sonny!"

"I get it. I get it. Kung nagbonding tayo nang tayong dalawa lang noon, baka nagpa-plastikan lang tayo n'on."

"Worse, that impression might last and might even make us hate each other or something."

Stacey lowered her eyes and nodded. "Bakit kaya nagtagal tayong lima, no?"

"Dahil kay Avril Lavigne." There was a hit of chuckle in Fritzie's voice.

Kuminang ang mga mata niya. Saglit siyang napamaang bago mahinang napabulong. "Oo nga, 'no. We all love Avril!"

Her friend remained serious. "But after all these years, it just grew on us, right? At this point, we really feel it."

She lifted her eyes on her. "Feel what?"

"That the five of us . . . are really friends already."

Nahihiya siyang ngumiti rito ngunit hindi inaalis ang pagkakatitig sa mga mata ng kanyang kaibigan.

"And I am glad, this happened at this moment in time." Fritzie replaced her serious tone with a joking one. "Sa panahong ito kung kailan mas mature na tayo mag-isip, ano?"

Kapwa sila natawa nang mahina.

"Wala nang away-away, selosan, at isnaban?"

Napatingala siya habang tumatawa. "My goodness! Nakakahiya talaga! Lalo na iyong away namin ni Sonny!"

"Talagang nakakahiya, girl!" Pabiro siyang pinandilatan ni Fritzie na natatawa pa rin.

"Once I'm back from Sweden, eight months from now, and you have free time," ngiti ni Fritzie sa kanya. "Let's have our first bonding, iyong tayong dalawa lang."

"Coffee shop?"

"Gym?" ngisi nito.

Nangingiting napailing siya.

Fritzie patted the top of her hand. "You have to go. Kylie is waiting."

"Paano ikaw?"

"I'm fine waiting here alone. I'm used to it. And being alone also helps me prepare for my flight. Iniisip ko ang mga importante kong dapat maobserbahan sa loob ng plane, katulad ng mga seats, windows, etcetera—" Fritzie patted the top of her hand again. "I'll be alright."

Stacey took in a deep breath. She was hesitant, but if Fritzie said she'll be okay, then she should take it as it is. Tumayo na siya mula sa pagkaka-squat bago yumuko uli para lang yakapin nang mahigpit ang kaibigan.

"See you after eight months."

"See you and all of you," higpit ni Fritzie sa pagkakayakap sa kanya. Then, she patted her back to let her know that they should let go of each other.

Nang maghiwalay, nginitian niya uli ito bago umalis. As Stacey walked away, she felt a nagging feeling that told her to look back and check on Fritzie. Pero hindi niya nagawa dahil pakiramdam niya ay may mga pares ng mga mata na nakatingin sa kanya. Pakiramdam niya ay inihahatid siya ng tingin ni Fritizie. Ayaw niya tuloy lalo ito lingunin dahil baka makita nito ang pagtulo ng kanyang mga luha.

***

STACEY and Renante were seated outside a noodle-house restaurant, on its front where the corridor was open for passers-by to walk on by. The restaurant was in the middle of the line of restaurants that stood side-by-side and sharing one building. They sat on wooden chairs with soft red cushions. Bowls of ramen and Japanese side dishes were on their wooden table. The exterior of the noodle-house restaurant was decorated with red tapestries and Japanese lanterns that glowed, giving their evening a warm-mellow touch.

"How's your hang-out with the girls?" Renante asked.

Stacey smiled at him. "It's good. What did you do while I'm busy with them?"

He put down his hand that still held his chopsticks and smiled at her. "Well, I just played gold with Guillermo yesterday. Then, this morning, I went to work."

She cocked her head to the side. "Don't worry. Bukas, tapos na ang leave ko. I'll be back to work to help you."

"You know," Renante lowered his eyes and pulled out some noodles from the bowl with his chopsticks, "tapos na naman ang production para sa latest models ng relo ng VVatch. I mean, hindi mo na kailangang mag-abala pa na magtrabaho sa company."

Sumeryoso siya. Tinitigan niya nang mataman si Renante na kumakain na bago siya tumugon dito.

"Why? Don't you want me to work at VVatch anymore?"

Lumunok muna ito bago siya tiningnan. Maaliwalas naman ang mukha ng lalaki, pero kinakabahan pa rin si Stacey sa isasagot nito.

"Of course, I do, if it'll be convenient for you, if you really want to work there." Tumuwid ito ng upo at ibinaba ang chopsticks. "But as far as I know, you worked for my company just to help me out. And I really appreciate it, Stacey. Without your help, and Pierre's, I don't think, makakabawi ang VVatch last year."

Stacey smiled, still nervous.

"But, you sold your businesses because entrepreneurship is not one of your goals or interests anymore. Kaya ayokong pilitin kang bumalik sa ganoon nang dahil lang sa kailangan ko ng tulong. I want you to go and fulfill what you really want to get at this point in your life."

She lowered her eyes. "These past few months kasi, Renante, things have . . . changed." She took in a deep breath for courage, then looked straight into his eyes. "Itinigil ko ang pagnenegosyo dahil inisip ko na mawawalan ako ng oras para i-manage ang mga iyon sa oras na . . ." Medyo nag-alinlangan pa siya bago itinuloy ang sasabihin. "Na ikasal tayo." Napayuko siya saglit at nagpakawala ng mahinang ninenerbiyos na tawa. Then, she returned her eyes on him. "I sold my business to prepare being a housewife. I thought I did the right decision when I had the wrong idea that we are going to that level already, the marrying stage, the moment you introduced me to your father at the golf club, the moment you moved into my house to live-in with me. So . . ." She shrugged and chuckled. "That's when our relationship became a little bit chaotic. But these past few months, I have already seen what you meant when you said we're not yet ready."

He stared at her for a while before he slowly nodded his head. Stacey was still on her guard. Parang hindi kasi siya kumbinsido na sumasang-ayon si Renante sa kanyang mga sinabi.

"I swear, there's no hard feelings, boo," she smiled softly at him and cocked her head to the side. "I am glad that you have been so patient with me, and you never wanted to rush things. Somehow, you're still the same old, playing safe Renante that I've known, but isn't that what I loved about you in the first place? Iyong hindi ka padalos-dalos sa mga bagay-bagay. Iyong pinag-iisipan mo talaga nang mabuti ang isang bagay bago mo gawin o i-pursue? So, I'll get myself ready, before we talk about getting married again."

He sighed and lowered his eyes. A faint smile was on his lips. "Seems like we're the same. These past few months, I have realized some things too."

Kumunot ang kanyang noo.

Nagpatuloy naman ang lalaki sa pagpapaliwanag. "I think people play safe not because they are afraid to fail. They do it because they don't have someone they can trust to accept them or who will still be there for them whatever will be the outcome of the risk they will take. They are more scared of losing someone or something in the process, instead of being confident that no matter what happens, we lose what we must lose and we gain what we must gain from a risk. We are conditioned to think that the best risk to take is the risk where we are prepared to lose than to gain something."

Nagtama ang kanilang mga mata.

"Stacey, I don't want to marry because I am afraid that rushing into marriage might make me lose you. I am so afraid, na kung kailan kasal na tayo, at saka mo mare-realize na mali ang pagkakakilala mo sa akin. Na kung kailan kasal na tayo, at saka magbabago ang isip mo o ang isip ko. Na kung kailan kasal na tayo, at saka pa natin haharapin ang mga problema na dapat ay naresolba na natin bago pa tayo ikasal. That is why, I want us to be ready first. That's why I want us to resolve our issues first. Because I didn't want anything to disturb the peace of our marriage.

"When you began mentioning 'marriage', I felt excited. Kasi, parang sinasabi mo na ako na talaga ang gusto mong makasama habambuhay. Alam mo ba kung gaano kasarap iyon sa pakiramdam, Stace? Alam mo ba kung gaano ako kasaya na malamang ganoon ang iniisip mo? Na sigurado ka na talaga sa akin?

"Pero noong mga panahong iyon, malapit nang malugi ang VVatch. Nangako na ako noon sa tatay ko na hinding-hindi na ako aasa sa kanya. At nang malaman ko pa na wala ka nang negosyo, I got scared for our future. For our future children's . . . future. You wanted to marry already at the time when I am in the middle of nowhere, unsure if VVatch will survive its decline, unsure if I can provide for you and I . . . and our growing family in the future.

"Challenges like that should not scare me, right? Because I've got you. When we become husband and wife, we have to work through life's challenges together. But no, I still felt scared.

I never doubted your love for me, but I know the fact that, my spouse can still leave me even if she still loves me. Because you have done it once. And you know what? You have every right to walk out the door when I am making things hard for you. Because you should always put yourself first, your welfare first before mine. I am scared. Kasi, hindi na katulad noon ang kasal, Stacey. Nowadays, the person you love can still leave you even if you are already married. Marriage used to be a reassurance, that you get to be with the person you love until the end, but now, it doesn't make you feel that secured anymore."

She nodded slowly, still staring into his eyes while attentively listening to him.

"I never said I want to marry, but my love for you is true. Stacey," he took in a deep breath, as if he was struggling to breathe from being too drowned in his overwhelming emotions. "That's why, I told you to do what you need to do to be ready our married life. At habang ginagawa mo iyon, nagsusumikap akong maiahon muli ang VVatch."

Nahihiya siyang ngumiti. "So that explains those busy times. Iyong mga panahon na halos hindi mo ako pansinin dahil subsob ka sa trabaho."

"I even insisted that we use separate rooms in your bungalow—"

"So that you can focus with work," dugtong niya.

Marahang pinisil ni Renante ang isa niyang kamay na hawak pa rin nito. "But then, I realized something," he said, sighing. He closed his eyes for a few minutes and took her hand. Nahulog tuloy ni Stacey ang kanyang chopsticks sa loob ng kanyang ramen bowl. "Guillermo said that, if things get too peaceful, then there will be a coming storm. Something like that." Renante opened his eyes and slightly smiled at her. "And he's right. No matter how much I play safe, no matter how long our married life stayspeaceful, a storm will still come every once in a while to rock our boat. My 'playing-safe'nature is very aware of that, hence, the need to play safe."

Her heart thumped wildly. "So . . ."

"So, I guess, it's time to throw fear in the wind, boo." He smiled, but this time, his eyes were filmed with tears. "Time f*ck the girl that I love without condoms. Time to put a ring on her delicate finger," he traced her ring finger with his thumb while still getly squeezing her hand. "Time to take the risk without preparing to lose, because I will never, ever allow it. I will never, ever lose you—the woman I love—ever again."

Stacey held her breath as Renante pulled out a ring box from his jean's pocket. Itinihaya ng kamay nito ang hawak na kanang kamay niya. Pagkatapos, ipinatong nito sa kanyang palad ang itim na ring box. He carefully enclosed the box with her slender fingers. Pagkatapos, ipinatong ni Renante ang isang kamay dito.

He looked intently into her eyes.

"When you're ready, show up to me wearing this ring."

Pinagmasdan ni Stacey ang magkapatong nilang kamay bago siya nakangiting tumango-tango. "I will."