"BAKIT mo sinabi sa kanya?" malamig na tanong ni Stacey habang nasa kotse.

Sa pagkakataong ito, si Ronnie na ang kanyang katabi. Ito rin mismo ang nagmamaneho sa sasakyan. Nagdahilan lang daw ito na may bibilihin lang, pero ang totoo ay sinusundo siya nito. Dadalhin daw siya nito sa tinitirahan nila ni Renante. Dahil sa pagkapahiyang naramdaman ni Derrick sa pangongompronta niya rito kaya siguro pumayag itong sumama siya kay Ronnie.

"Bakit hindi?" walang latoy na tugon ni Ronnie. Hindi man lang siya nito nilingon. "Siya ang tatay ng batang dinadala mo. Kung tutuusin nga, siya dapat ang pinakaunang nakaalam sa nangyari sa anak ninyo."

Stacey hung down her head. "Alam mo naman ang kondisyon niya."

"I know, but tell me, when is the right time to tell a news like that? Kung kailan bumubuti na ang pakiramdam niya? Para ano? Para sumama na naman ang pakiramdam niya?"

She never thought of that. Ronnie's reasoning made sense. But still . . . "Ronnie, I believe that one must be a little more considerate with others. When two misfortunes arrived, the best way to deliver the news about them is to break it to the other person gently, one by one, so they can manage the pain."

"Ano'ng tingin mo kay Renante? Bata? Matanda na siya. Matibay na dapat ang dibdib niya pagdating sa mga ganitong bagay. Hindi ba puwedeng sabay niyang harapin ang pagkawala ng anak niya at ng kakayahan niyang maglakad? Para isahang sakit na lang, hindi ba?" he scoffed, but there was this bitter sorrow in his tone.

Napamulagat naman siya at nanlalaki ang mga mata na tumingin sa lalaki. "Kakayahan sa . . . Napilay siya?"

He nodded while his eyes were still focused on the road. "May pag-asa pa naman siyang makalakad uli. He just needs to attend to his therapy sessions."

Nalulungkot na napatanga na lang siya sa harapan ng sasakyan. She spoke as if in monologue but she was actually replying to Ronnie. "I must be blamed for this. Nagkakagulo na noon ang mga tao sa eroplano pero imbes na nakaupo siya ay hinanap pa niya ako. Hindi siya mai-injury nang ganoon kalala kung—"

"Stop that crap,will you?" he snapped, the volume of his voice sounded controlled though. "Si Renante ang nakaisip na umalis sa upuan niya para hanapin ka. Hindi mo kontrolado kung ano ang mga ginawa niya noong mga oras na iyon."

She turned to him. "I still influenced his judgement when it comes to deciding what to do during that time! He did that because of me!"

"So, you are blaming yourself for what happened to him, even if the simple reason why you are out of your seat is that you used the toilet?"

Nahihiyang nag-iwas si Stacey ng tingin kay Ronnie.

He stole an irritated glance at her. "Now, can you hear how ridiculous you sound?"

Napayuko na lang siya. Her hands stuffed inside her windbreaker's pockets were growing restless. "Ano na ang ginagawa ngayon ni Renante? Bakit kailangan mo pang magdahilan na may bibilhin ka lang kaysa sabihin na susunduin mo ako?"

"Because the truth is, Renante doesn't want to see you."

Tila tumigil siya sa paghinga dahil sa narining.

Ronnie continued. "Unang bisita mo pa lang sa kanya sa hospital room, gising na siya noon. He just pretends to be asleep everytime you visit."

Stacey felt a hard lump in her throat. "Is he mad at me? Napu-frustrate ba siya dahil hindi siya makalakad kaya ayaw niya akong makita? Iniisip din ba niya ang iniisip ko na kasalanan ko—"

"Kaya kita sinundo ay para pag-usapan ninyong dalawa nang masinsinan ang bagay na iyan. Kaya huwag ako ang tanungin mo nang tanungin, Stacey."

Napairap siya rito. Kahit kailan talaga, magaspang ang pakikitungo sa kanya ni Ronnie. Even in situations like this, or maybe even if his life depends on it, he won't treat her a little nicer than he usually does. There was a little improvement though. Noon, ang tingin sa kanya ni Ronnie ay taong puro kapahamakan ang hatid kay Renante. Ronnie blamed her for every bad thing that happens to his younger brother. For the first time, he finally told her that she should not blame herself for what happened to Renante. In that case, she didn't have to demand so much nice-treatment from Ronnie then. Like other people, she should allow Ronnie to adjust in his own pace, until he naturally becomes comfortable with her presence.

Nakabibingi ang naging katahimikan sa loob ng sasakyan. Habang focused si Ronnie sa pagda-drive, siya naman ay inihahanda ang sarili sa magiging paghaharap nila ni Renante.

.

THE Villaluz family rented a tiny unit in Dublin which is close to Beaumont. Stacey looked around its quiet hallways before they reached the elevator. Nilingon niya si Ronnie na nasa harap lang ang tingin. Umaasa siya na bibigyan man lang nito ng briefing sa kung paano pakikitunguhan si Renante. Or maybe, what she must expect upon meeting him.

Hindi rin siya nakatiis. Isinaboses niya rito ang concern.

Walang-lingon siya nitong sinagot. "You're asking me for advice on how to deal with my brother? Ikaw na mas kilala ang kapatid ko kaysa sa akin?"

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin dito. "Halos isang buwan kami hindi nagkausap."

"Pero nakasama mo siya mula noong teens pa kayo, hindi ba? You haven't seen each other for three years way back then too, and yet you've managed to reconnect. So, what difference does a month make?"

"Ronnie . . ." she could not help whining. Hindi naman kasi siya tinutulungan nito!

Bumukas na ang pinto ng elevator. Naunang lumabas ang lalaki kaya hinabol niya ito hanggang sa magsabay ang kanilang mga hakbang.

"What do you really want? If Renante is avoiding me, why are you helping me get in touch with him? Shouldn't you be happy? You don't want me for him, right?"

Napipikang hinarap siya nito. "Is that what's important to you? If Renante likes to see you or not? If I like you for him or not? What if both are true? Will you go away? Will you stop seeing him?"

"No," mariin niyang wika. "In fact, inaway ko nga kanina si Dad, dahil ayaw niya akong tulungang hanapin kung saan naninirahan ngayon si Renante."

"Great to know that you still have a head like concrete. Napakatigas pa rin ng ulo mo."

Stacey took in a deep breath. For some reason, calmness enveloped her whole being. The people around her are really right, she always let the surge of emotions go through her head. That makes her impulsive and foolish. Nauuna ang reaksiyon bago ang makapag-isip-isip. It was at this very last minute when the most crucial thing happened—she calmed down. She began thinking clearly.

Tatalikod na sana si Ronnie pero nagsalita siya. "You are right about what you said." Nahihiyang napayuko siya. "I know Renante more than anyone. Nasaktan ako sa ginawa niyang pag-iwas sa akin, pero oo nga pala, siya itong palaging playing safe at nag-iisip muna bago gumawa o magsabi ng kahit anong bagay. We really need to talk."

Tumalikod na si Ronnie para ipagpatuloy ang paglalakad, hindi tuloy nakita ni Stacey ang naging reaksiyon nito sa kanyang mga sinabi.

Narating na nila ang pinto na katabi ng pinakadulong silid sa pasilyo. Ronnie didn't pull out any keys. He just immediately opened the door and stepped in first.

Stacey took a deep breath before she followed inside.

.

LUZ was busy looking for food deliveries online. Inaasiste naman ito ni Ronaldo. The couple were two shy years away to becoming senior citizens, yet they still get in touch with technology. But willingness didn't match the capacity to learn sometimes. Katulad ng mag-asawa na kahit gumagamit ng smart phone at kailangan pang magturuan sa paggamit nito.

The unit has two bedrooms. Ang isa ay para kina Luz at Ronaldo, ang isa ay pinaghahatian nina Ronnie at Renante. Kapwa nakaupo sa gilid ng kama ang mag-asawa. Nakasilip si Ronaldo sa smart phone na hawak ni Luz.

"Dito kasi, dito . . ." Ii-swipe sana nito ang screen pababa pero dahil alertong inilag ni Luz ang smart phone, aksidente nitong napindot iyon.

Malakas na napasinghap naman si Luz. Ibinaba nito ang smart phone at pinanlakihan ng mga mata ang lalaki. "Ano ba, Ronaldo? Napindot mo! Iyan tuloy nawala!"

"Ang bagal mo kasi mag-swipe pababa!" His tone raised a pitch out of defensiveness, but he remained mild mannered.

Siyang sulpot ni Renante sa bukas na pinto ng kuwarto. Napatingin agad sa kanya ang mga magulang. He was about to talk to them, but his wheel chair did not move after he pushed its wheels with his hands. Pinagtitiyagaan muna niya ito dahil pag-uwi ng Pilipinas na lang sila bibili ng electronic wheel chair na joystick ang gamit para mapaandar.

Nagmamadaling iniwan ni Ronaldo ang asawa para tulungan siya. He pushed his wheel chair out and stood behind him before pushing it inside the room.

"What's the matter, anak?" Luz asked Renante softly. Her eyes were worried.

"Please, pack my things."

"Bakit?" Lalong nalukot ng pag-aalala ang mukha nito. "Saan ka pupunta? Do you want to eat outside? Magpapa-food delivery na kasi sana ako."

"No," he sighed. "I just have already decided to stay over at Stacey's."

"Sa bahay ng tatay ni Stacey?" gimbal na ulit ng kanyang ina.

He nodded. "Yes, Mom. It's been a month. I think I am ready to see her."

Napailing ang ginang bago binigyan ng nangongonsultang tingin si Ronaldo. Hindi makita ni Renante ang reaksiyon ng ama dahil nakatayo lang ito sa kanyang likuran at hawak ang magkabilang handle ng wheel chair.

"Pero kung sasama ka kay Stacey, paano ka namin makukumusta?" Lumapit sa kanya si Luz at ipinatong ang dalawang kamay nito sa isa niyang kamay. She stared pleadingly into his eyes. "Makakasama mo roon ang tatay niya. Alam mo naman ang conflict namin ni Artemia."

He took in a deep breath. "Alam ko, Mom. But does this have to go on and on? Your conflict with Artemia? I am sorry but, I don't care about it anymore. For a long time, I have always validated your feelings. I understand how she ruined your reputation and turned you into a recluse. I don't just understand, I witnessed it. But when will you start validating how I feel?"

Napayuko ang ginang.

"Pagbalik ni Ronnie pagkatapos niyang mamili ng mga toiletries, magpapahatid na ako sa kanya kina Stacey."

Pumunta si Ronaldo sa kanyang harapan. "Don't worry. We will deal with our problems on our own. Go on."

Tila nahihiwagahang napatingala si Luz sa kanyang ama. Ronaldo gave her a meaningful look, and she seemed to understand his message a few seconds later. Kaya naman may pagtanggap na tumango ang ginang, pagkatapos ay ibinalik nito ang tingin sa kanya at marahang tinapik-tapik ang ibabaw ng kanyang kamay.

"It might take us some time to be okay with each other."

"It's okay. I respect your pacing about things, Mom." Then, he glanced at his father. "Dad."

Minutes later, nasa kalagitnaan na sila ng pag-e-empake ng kanyang mga gamit nang dere-deretsong tumuloy si Ronnie sa kuwarto na para sa kanilang dalawang magkapatid.

Una itong napansin ng kanyang tatay na ibinababa sa sahig mula sa kama ang isang maliit na maleta. Sunod na napatingin dito si Luz, ngunit ibinalik ng ginang ang tingin sa maliit na backpack na nilalagyan nito ng mga gamit. Samantala, nakapuwesto sa tabi ng cabinet si Renante at namimili pa ng mga gamit na ipalalagay niya sa bag.

Before Ronaldo could greet Ronnie, he already held his breath upon seeing who's behind his eldest son—Stacey.

"Renante," mahinang tawag ni Ronaldo sa anak habang nasa dalaga ang tingin.

Renante glanced at his father. Then, he followed his line of sight. Bahagyang napaawang ang kanyang mga labi nang malingunan si Ronnie sa pinto kasama si Stacey.

.

THERE was only silence. Naiwan sina Stacey at Renante sa silid ng mga magulang ng binata. The door was closed, there was definitely no way out for the both of them now.

Stacey took in a deep breath. "Naka-empake na ang mga gamit mo," lingon niya sa isang maliit na maleta sa sahig katabi ng kama, at isang backpack na nakapatong doon. Pagkatapos ay ibinalik niya ang tingin kay Renante. "Nakapag-isip-isip ka na ba? That's what you always do, right? Think before you leap?"

Renante sheepishly looked away. "Did I make you wait for too long? I am sorry—"

"I just want to know what's going on your mind these past few weeks." Humakbang siya palapit sa kama. "Ever since . . ." She didn't know if she should mention it. The accident happened so recently. It still hurts her deeply, so probably he's also as hurt as she is.

Stacey sat on the side of the bed. Her head hung down low as she prepared her heart for a strong blow of emotions that might hit it.

"I am grieving," he answered, his voice was almost a thin whisper. He could not even meet her eyes. "And I already know what happened to our . . . baby."

"Si Dad mismo ang nagsabi?"

"Si Ronnie. Your dad says that I should know it, because I am the father of the child. Moreover . . ."

Napaangat siya ng tingin dito, kahit natatakot siya sa posibleng makita na reaksiyon sa mga mata nito.

Renante sighed. "Moreover, he thinks that you need my support now more than ever. Iyak ka raw nang iyak."

Stacey felt her tears lacing the edges of her eyes, yet she refused to let them fall.

"I am—" He abruptly stopped, because his voice was about to break. He swallowed and continued. "I am in pain too. I am crying too. Not always with my eyes, but deep inside, my heart is crying. I know you are hurting and I am hurting too. I hurt for you and what you are going through. "Pero . . ." Mapabuntonghininga si Renante. "Pero paano kita masusuportahan kung masyado akong mahina para suportahan ka?"

She nodded in understanding.

"Baka imbes na ma-comfort kita o mapalakas ang loob mo, baka . . ." He swallowed. He shook his head. "I trust that your dad will be able to comfort you, to support you better. Dahil kung ako ang kasama mo . . ."

"Like you, I am hurting too. Right here, deep inside." She placed a hand on her chest. She stared into his eyes and their gazes felt so deep even if there's a small distance between her sitting on the bed and him sitting on a wheel chair beside the cabinet. "And I need you . . . You seem to need space when you're hurt, but I need you the most in times like this. I need your arms around me. I need you to kiss me. I need you to tell me that we will be okay."

Stacey stole another glance at Renante. He was gently stroking his other hand.That was when she only noticed his knuckles. May nakabalot doon na benda.

"What happened to your knuckles?"

He took in a sharp inhale. He chuckled at his own stupidity. "Aside from crying, I punched something that shouldn't be punched."

Stacey smiled, because what he did is really outright stupid. Her vision became cloudy with tears. Napapikit siya para pigilan ang nag-aambang pagpatak ng mga ito.

"I just wanted to be stable again before we meet. Para habang umiiyak ka, matatag ang balikat na sinasandalan mo."

"You are not under your father's shadow anymore."

Naguguluhang napatitig si Renante sa kanya.

"You are not after being the CEO of his company anymore, so stop playing safe."

Nagtama sa wakas ang kanilang mga mata. Hers were fiery flames surfaced by the water of her tears, his' were icy and clear like crystal on the surface, but glowing beneath with warm understanding.

"You are not aiming to be Manila's Finest anymore, because you are already the finest." Nasasaktan man ay nakuha niyang ngumiti. "The finest boyfriend. The finest CEO of your own business. You don't have to . . . to always be strong just to catch me when I fall. Why don't we just fall together? Why don't we cry together? Grieve together? Be vulnerable together?"

"I'll scare you, Stacey, if you see me punching walls, shattering shot glasses, throwing things, and shit while you're grieving. . ." Bahagyang nanginig ang boses nito. "I saw how much I scared you before when I got angry. Iniwan mo ako noon dahil natakot kita sa kung gaano ako katindi magalit. Ayokong . . . Ayoko na nawalan na nga ako ng anak, tapos ikaw rin ay mawawala sa akin . . . Stace . . ." He shook his head, but it did not help shake away the tears pooling in his eyes. His lips trembled as he shut them to trap his whimper.

"I saw more terrifying things than that Renante. I am glad you are finding ways on how to safely channel your anger, how to avoid lashing them out on someone or on me, but . . ." Napayuko siya at sumabay doon ang mainit na pagdausdos ng mga luha sa kanyang mga pisngi. Sumusukong napabuntonghininga siya. "Of course, this is who you are, right? If I were to goddamn marry you, then I might as well accept everything that makes up what you are. I must accept the fact that I cannot change the essential parts that makes you who you are. That you always need time. You always take your time." She wiped her tears. "That's you, Renante. That's you."

He nodded. A sad smile appeared on his lips. "You are right. You know me better than anyone else, that's why I believe you when you say who I am."

"And who am I? A fast lighting. Here, there, and everywhere. Flashing every strike of emotion on my face within seconds. An impulsive fool."

"That's not you. You are never a fool. You are just real. Raw. Expressive. You need to work on thinking first before doing something, but not being an expert on that doesn't make you a fool. Because I never loved a fool. I am in love with a strong, independent, and real woman. And I will never change that. You're instinctive too. Papunta pa lang ako sa iyo, pero heto at naunahan mo akong puntahan."

She smiled, even if her heart is still in pain she managed to joke. "E, kilala na kasi kita, e! Ang bagal mo!"

"Please, accept my pacing. This is just how I function," nahihiyang kamot ni Renante sa sariling batok.

"Kaya siguro puro ramen ang gusto mong kainin. Para hindi ka na mamimili pa. Napakabagal mo siguro mamili sa menu."

"I thought you won't notice," he smiled.

Kapwa sila napasinghot at pinunasan ang kanilang mga luha.

"So, what do you want to do now?" balik ni Stacey ng tingin kay Renante.

"Grieve together?"

Nanginig ang kanyang mga labi. Naalala na naman kasi niya ang kanilang nawalang anak. Nag-alala tuloy si Renante. Halos mataranta ang lalaki sa pagmamaniobra sa wheel chair nito para malapitan siya, pero dahil nangangapa pa ito sa paggamit niyon, hindi ito nakausad agad. Si Stacey na lang tuloy ang tumakbo sa lalaki para kumandong dito at yumakap sa leeg nito.

"S-Stace!" he gasped. Muntik na kasing gumulong paatras ang wheel chair. Mabuti at napigilan ng mga kamay ni Renante ang magkabilang gulong nito sa paggulong.

Her shoulders shook. Her whole body trembled. She poured out all her tears on Renante's shoulder, wetting the sleeve of his shirt.

Naramdaman niya ang marahang paghagod ng kamay nito sa kanyang likod at sa isa niyang braso. She felt him adjust his head so he could kiss the side of her head.

"I-I'm sorry—"

"Please, don't," lumuluhang tugon nito sa kanya. His voice was already shaky, but he was trying hard to speak as clearly as he could. "This is no one's fault. No one wanted that accident to happen. No one wanted us to lose our baby. No one intended for any of that to happen."

Mariin siyang napapikit at ipinagpatuloy ang pagluha. Hinayaan lang siya ni Renante sa ganoong posisyon, dahil kahit ito ay umiiyak kasama niya. Ramdam niya ang pagpunas nito sa sariling mga luha paminsan-minsan. Naririnig niya ang mahihinang hikbi na nakakawala mula sa nanginginig nitong mga labi. They hugged each other tight, until she felt Renante's fingers pinching her chin to face him. Nakapikit pa rin ang lumuluha niyang mga mata nang maramdaman ang paghalik ng mga labi nito sa mga labi niya.

Ang unang hagod ng mga labi nito ay masuyo. Tila nakikiusap, nagmamakaawa. She felt him begging to let him comfort her, so she parted her lips to invite him in. When she learned that his timing was slow and soothing, she moved her lips along to his rhythm. They kissed and kissed and kissed. The rubbing of their lips mirrored how rubbing balm can soothe all wounds.

She felt his arms around her—warm, strong, and secure. She felt his kisses—deep, understanding, slow, and comforting.

When Renante slowly parted from theirkiss, she heard him softly tell her, "We will be okay."