32

This is so awkward.

For me, eating has always been something intimate and personal. So, doing it in front of all these guys I barely know and in front of the guy I love doesn't exactly feel comfortable. I feel pressured and I calculate every move I make no matter how simple it is.

Am I chewing with my mouth closed? I have nothing on my face, right?

I try to relax, but how can I do it? Ares is sitting next to me, so close that his arm brushes mine and Marco is on the other side. Luis and Gregory are in front of us, and the girl is next to them.

And of course, I came up with the wonderful idea of ​​ordering a medium steak. I haven't been able to cut a piece because every time I stab it, its juice jump from my plate, the last thing I want is to splash Ares or Marco.

I swallow and lick my lips, why did I have to order this? Why?

Relax, Raquel. Just do it delicately.

I stare at the steak with a desire to devour it and the helplessness of not being able to do so makes my lips twist.

Strong hands appear in my field of vision and I follow them to find Marco leaning over me, his face is too close so I focus again on his hands, which move swiftly with my fork and knife cutting the steak in seconds into pieces.

"Eat," he orders when he finishes cutting it and leans back in his chair, his eyes on me.

"Thank you."

I look down and proceed to eat, I'm the only one who hasn't finished.

The place is full, Ares was right, many people come without a care of what they are wearing. I have seen three bare feet girls with their shoes hanging in their hands and some shirtless guys. This place is ideal for people who partied all night. And I didn't even know it existed.

After we are done, I'm curious about a small balcony that the restaurant has. Lots of people are out there enjoying the view. To be honest, I feel the need to run away. Ares is still talking to the brunette about school, Luis is on the phone and Gregory is talking to Marco.

And I'm alone.

I decide to go explore the balcony, I get up and all eyes get on me, including Ares', "I want to observe the view," I say, pointing to the balcony and he just nods.

In my freedom, I enjoy the beautiful view of our little town from here. I rest my hands on the railing, and I take a deep breath. The morning breeze brushes my skin. There are several people out here, but I am in my own world.

Things have changed in such a short time, a month has passed since that night I argued with Ares about my Wi-fi password. One month was enough for my obsession with him to transform into love, to lose my virginity, to cry for him and forget my dignity so many times, to end up here having breakfast with him and his friends.

A part of me is happy because Ares has shown a little more interest, but that doesn't mean I'm not scared. My feelings for him make me vulnerable. And Ares can be cold, people don't change overnight so it's like I'm expecting to get hurt sooner or later which is depressing.

Marco appears next to me. He doesn't say anything, he just stands there, looking straight ahead, looking lost in the strange beauty of our town.

"My clothes look good on you." His soft voice surprises me.

I have forgotten that I have his clothes on. I don't know what to say so I open and close my mouth like a fool. I feel his eyes on me, but I don't dare to look at him. Marco intimates me, it's like he has an aura of coldness around him, even colder than Ares.

"Nice day," I say to break the silence.

"Did you enjoy the party?" His question makes me look at him. It's the first time that we have a conversation consisting of more than a few words. He watches me expectantly.

"Yes, it was ..." I remember this morning and I blush a little, "Interesting."

A mischievous smile invades his lips, "Yes, I know." His tone is that of someone who knows something that he should not know.

I'm curious to know more about him, "And you? You had fun?"

"Parties are not my thing."

I furrow my eyebrows, "So why did you let them do it at your house?"

He sighs, "For the team."

"I understand."

Silence reigns between us and I focus on the view again. Marco approaches me slowly and puts his hand on the railing dangerously close to mine.

"Did you sleep well in my bed?"

I didn't just sleep in it.

I lick my lips before answering without looking at him, "Yes, it's comfortable."

He lets out a giggle, "You sleep in my bed and wear my clothes, anyone would think you're mine."

I turn my face to look at him and I'm surprised how close he is, "But I'm not."

He bites his lower lip, "Yet."

I take a step back, "I should go back inside."

Marco takes my arm, "You shouldn't have tempted me that night, Rachel."

"It was just a... challenge."

"I know and I forgot about it until..."

"Until what?"

"Until I heard you moan this morning," my eyes widen, "it made me wish I was the one making you moan like that."

I back away. Ares appears behind him and Marco gives me one last smile before he leaves.

Ares looks at me warily. My stupid heart beats out of control like the in-love idiot that it is. Ares stands right in front of me and hands me a glass of juice and the morning after pill.

"I almost forgot." He comments, his voice so usually cold.

I take the pill and play with the glass in my hands, Ares leans his back on the railing and crosses his arms over his chest, looking at me.

I'd love to say that it's not awkward between us but it still is. Despite having had intimacy, we still have those silent moments where I don't know what to say, or I'm scared of saying the wrong thing and ruin everything.

I feel like whatever we are starting now is very fragile and easy to destroy.

"We're leaving," he says, starting to walk and I follow him.

After saying goodbye to everyone, we headed to the truck.

"Do you want me to take you to your house or your friend's?"

"My friend." I give him the address and watch him put music on the radio.

He doesn't want to talk to me? Or is he just trying to drown out the awkward silence?

A song begins to play and its lyrics seem to fit us so well.

I hate you.

I love you.

I hate that I love you.

A smile forms on my lips at the irony of the song. But I'm surprised to hear Ares singing the part that a male voice sings:

I miss you when I can't sleep.

Or right after coffee.

Or right when I can't eat.

"Wow, Ares Hidalgo sings," I tease him through music, "I should record you and post it somewhere, I bet it would get a lot of 'likes'.

He smiles, and I forget how much I love that charming smile he has, "You would only help with my popularity with girls, do you want that?"

"Your popularity with the girls? Pssst, please, you're not that hot."

Actually, you are, and you don't need to sing.

One look from those cute eyes and that's enough to have girls throwing their underwear at you in desperation.

"I'm not that hot? That's not what you were saying this morning, should I repeat the things you asked me to do to you between moans?"

I turn red, "It's not necessary."

He extends his hand and rests it on my thigh, "That was a good way to start the day."

I agree 100%.

-Pervert.

He squeezes my thigh, sending an electric current through my body, "But you like this pervert, don't you?"

Not only like him...

I love him.

"Psst, I can't handle your ego," I tell him, rolling my eyes, "It's too big."

"I think that's what you told me this morning."

He laughs and I slap his shoulder playfully, "Ah! Stop thinking dirty things!"

He keeps laughing, and then his phone rings. This time it's a call, not a message.

He twists his lips when he checks his screen and answers, "Hello?"

I try to focus my eyes on the trees passing through the car window, but I keep trying to hear who he is talking to. Sometimes when cell phones have the speaker volume loud enough it can be heard a little, however I can't hear anything.

"Yes, we all went to eat." Ares responds and I act disinterested, "Ah, no, I didn't know." He laughs at something, "You're a crazy girl."

Girl.

Sammy?

My stomach churns with jealousy, but I control myself.

"Yes, that's fine." he says, smiling, "Ok, I'll pick you up around seven," another pause, I clench my fists on my lap, "Ok, yeah, see you then."

He puts the phone between his legs while he drives, and I try to control myself.

Don't ask him ...

Don't ask him ...

"Who was it?"

Ah shit, Raquel.

Ares takes a quick look at me, "Sammy."

"Hmmm, Okay."

Shut up, don't say anything else.

"Are you going out today?"

He nods, stopping at a traffic light, "Yeah, we're going to the movies with the group."

They all go to the movies, without me, obviously because he's going with her.

I fight not to feel jealous, but jealousy is like a giant monster inside me that has a life of its own. And for some strange reason I want to make him feel the same.

"Good, I have plans, too."

Liar.

I hope he asks me what plans. He doesn't and that disappoints me. I feel like he means more to me than what I mean to him.

We are almost at Dani's house, I look at him, a question prowling my mind, are you not going to ask me anything?

If I had to find out about his plans and get jealous, he should also know mine, even if they are false, "I'm going to go out with Yoshi for a while."

At the mention of Yoshi, his expression turns serious, and he squeezes the steering wheel of the car, "Oh yeah?"

What does that feel like, Greek God?

"Yeah, he told me it was a surprise, so I have no idea what we'll do."

His lips tense in a straight line and he stops in front of Dani's house, "I hope you have fun."

What? That was not the reaction I expected.

He's not going to be jealous, Rachel. He doesn't feel the same way you feel about him.

Yes, he wants to try something with me, but that doesn't mean that he loves me or that he already has some kind of feeling for me. He may have just realized that he likes me and that he likes to have sex with me, and he wants to keep me there for his enjoyment. Jeez, he hasn't even told me that he likes me directly.

"I will," I tell him coldly, opening the door of the truck, "Maybe I'll kiss him again for some fun." I slam his door shut and start walking towards Dani's house.

To my surprise, I hear the truck's engine shut off and I glance over my shoulder to see Ares walking towards me with a serious expression, clenching his fists at his side.

He grabs my arm and turns me towards him, "What did you just say?"

I take my arm off his grip, "What you heard!"

"Why are you deliberately trying to make me jealous?"

"Because you don't care about anything!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Forget it, it's just me and my dramas as always," I say remembering the times he has called me dramatic.

"I don't understand you, now what did I do?"

"Just forget it, Ares." I turn around, I don't know why I'm so angry, it's one of those moments where everything you've been through comes back to you and explodes inside you. I know that he is trying to be different, I know that he has been cute today but that is not enough, not for me, not after all he has done to me.

He takes my arm again, turning me to him, "Wait, just wait" I don't say anything, I just look at him, "I'm trying, okay?" His eyes exude honesty, "I'm a disaster but I'm trying, for you, for me." He touch his chest, "for what I feel for you."

"And what do you feel for me?"

The question doesn't surprise him, but I see him hesitate on what to say.

A sad smile tugs my lips, "When you can answer that question, we'll talk." I say, releasing my arm and walking away from him.

Walking away from the boy I love because maybe he doesn't love me.

Because I don't want to settle for crumbs of affection, because I deserve more, so much more after everything we've been through.

Does it hurt to get away from him? A lot of.

But I feel a tremendous peace within me, I feel good about myself for knowing what I want and what I deserve. And if he can't give me what I deserve, sadly, I must move on.

--

Author's note: You go, Rachel. Get what you deserve. 

I've been off with everything because I'm working on something big regarding this book. Can't wait to share the news with you <3

Love ya,

Ariana G.