⑩It Is From Today
After the realization about a week ago that Dohyun had feelings for him, they didn't talk that much. Dohyun was still hurt by his words and Jeongguk was actually feeling bad for his friend, so he didn't want to deal with that emotion and talk to him yet.
But after lashing out at Taehyung, he couldn't help the double burden and thought it was time to talk to Dohyun so he could fix one thing he felt bad for at least. He didn't know why he cared so much about the hurt look on his face in the first place, but he couldn't deny it. He did care. He was bothered.
Jeongguk texted him once he arrived, telling him he was outside, although he hadn't informed him of his visit. Dohyun's parents didn't like him that much, so he thought it would be best if he didn't just appear at his door.
Dohyun didn't respond to his text, but walked out of his house a bit later, looking for him. A psst drew his attention, and he tossed his head towards the sound, only to spot Jeongguk partly hiding behind a tree. "Are you okay?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"You have never come here alone and especially at night."
"Just wanted to talk," Jeongguk murmured. "Can we walk or something? I'm afraid your parents will come out at any moment and start yelling at me about what a bad influence I am to their son again."
Dohyun chuckled, but he could still understand his concern. "Let's go." They began sauntering, settled in silence, until they were far away from his house.
"I shouldn't have talked to you like that," Jeongguk said, muted and faltering. Apologizing for his wrongdoings was never one of his strong points. "Yoongi said that you didn't confess to the police yet, and I don't want you to do it. I don't want you to take the blame for me."
"I don't mind doing that." Dohyun gestured towards a bench they found along the way and sat there.
"You'll end up in jail if you do that. And you have a lot to lose while I have nothing. Your parents will miss you. I know how much they love you."
"Your parents will miss you too," Dohyun ventured, but he received a glower that caused him to bow his head, regretting his choice of words.
"Dohyun, don't start with this again. What they did was inhumane. How can you still think that they give a shit about me?"
"They didn't do anything to you exactly—"
"That doesn't justify them. It could have easily been me. Let's just drop it, please. The point is, don't take the blame for me. And I'm sorry for being an asshole. The guys said that you have feelings for me," Jeongguk said, his voice dropping to a whisper, and with just a glimpse, he could descry a glimmer of disquiet in Dohyun's eyes.
"Wh—What, why would they—"
"It's okay. I mean, I hadn't noticed, really. I didn't know I was leading you on. I'm sorry about that too, but I can't return your feelings. I don't like you like that."
"I don't care if you don't like me, Jeongguk." He mustered up any jot of courage he had and fixed his tentative gaze on him. "We can—we can be like you and Yuju. You can call me every time you want—"
"No no no, I'm not doing that to you."
"But why? Am I that awful you don't even want to have sex with me?"
"You're anything but awful. Don't say that again. I care about you. That's the difference between you and Yuju, and that's why I can't do this to you. I can't return your feelings, and I know you'll end up hurt. And I'm not gonna be the reason for that."
"Why do you choose to hurt people you don't care about?" Dohyun blurted out in a murmur. "Maybe they don't mean anything to you, but to someone else, to their friends, to their family, they do, and they hurt too when they see them hurt. Using Yuju for your needs and playing with that lawyer makes you a horrible person. I don't want you to be a horrible person. I know you aren't because then you wouldn't care about hurting me either."
"I'm not gonna play with Taehyung anymore."
"What made you change your mind?"
"It's too much work, and I don't have the patience. I'll just tell him that I can't pay him and fire him, even though I'm pretty sure he'll leave voluntarily."
"And what are you gonna do then?"
"I don't know. I can be assigned to a public defender or something like that. I wasn't paying attention when Hyekyo was nagging at me about letting Taehyung go."
"Everything will be okay, Kook. I'm glad you won't go through with your plan."
"Yeah," Jeongguk scoffed as it didn't seem like everything would be fine for him. "Are we okay? Are we friends?"
"We'll always be friends. Don't worry about my feelings. Don't let them change how close we are, please. It's the last thing I want right now."
"I won't, but I don't want you to have your hopes up."
"I don't, really. And I actually wanna thank you for caring about me." He allowed a faint smile to stretch over his lips.
"Thanks for being my friend." Jeongguk returned the smile, feeling a drop at ease now that they solved everything.
A while later, Dohyun said he had to return to his house since, after his parents found out about his actions, they didn't let him stay out until late at night.
Jeongguk pulled him into his embrace, something that had Dohyun overflowing with stupefaction since he rarely initiated any kind of skinship. He beamed when his shock dissolved and looped his arms around him briefly.
Jeongguk waved back at the boy as he walked away and slumped onto the bench again. In the thirty minutes he spent on the bus when he was heading there, only two words were engraved in his head.
It's pathetic.
It was like telling him that he was pathetic, and maybe he was right after all. He didn't have anything to be proud of. The only thing he had in this world was his friends. And he was about to lose them when he would end up in jail.
He was about to go home when his phone rang, and he slipped it out of his pocket. "Hey, what's—"
"Where are you?"
"Um, somewhere. What happened?"
"Come to Yoongi's, now," Seokjin demanded, voice frosty and tinged with aggression.
"Is something wro—" Jeongguk stared at his phone in stark bafflement at Seokjin's unusual behavior as he just hung up on him, agitated and unable to understand what just happened.
. . .
Jeongguk was met with a frantic Jimin seconds after he rang the bell, and instead of telling him to come in as Jeongguk expected, he jostled him back and shut the door behind him.
"Whatever happens, don't talk at all, okay? Just let Seokjin hyung say what he wants to say and—"
Seokjin swinging the door open silenced Jimin’s words. "You." He glared at Jeongguk as he grabbed him by his shirt and dragged him inside.
Jeongguk let the older do whatever he wanted without protesting, and he ended up being thrown onto the couch.
"You are the most inconsiderate, selfish, insensitive, rude, and disrespectful person I have ever met!" Seokjin jabbed an accusing finger into his chest, a mask of pure fury veiling his face. "How can you not care even a tiny bit about other people's feelings? Walking around like you can do whatever the hell you want and telling people to fuck off and making them feel like shit. Who do you think you are, huh?
"And when I say people, right now I mean Taehyung! What's wrong with you? Playing with him, being fake as hell to him just so you can get in his pants and then telling him these awful things just because he didn't fall into your trap! I should have tried stopping you before you started anything. You will leave this fine man alone and quit your stupid plan or else I'm leaving this group this instance!"
Jeongguk remained calm and collected as Seokjin lashed out at him. "Are you done?"
"Yes, you ungrateful kid. What do you have to say for yourself?"
"I won't go through with the plan."
"I won't let you—wait, what? You won't? Did I convince you that easily?"
"I already decided today that I won't go through with it."
"You did?" He discerned the younger nodding and frowned. "Then why the hell am I yelling..." he murmured as he flopped down on the couch.
"Thank you for the unnecessary yelling."
"Unnecessary? You hurt Taehyung! You made him cry!"
"Hyung, lower your damn voice now. I can feel my ears bleed," Jimin grumbled, frustrated.
"He cried?" This whisper slipped past Jeongguk's mouth as he gaped at the older, a fiercer surge of guilt coursing through him.
"Taehyung's life isn't as perfect as you think. You're not the only person in this world who's hurting or has been hurt. Your words affected him greatly. You were beyond mean to him just because he didn't give in."
"He told me I'm pathetic," Jeongguk spat out, anger bubbling beside the coil of remorse in his gut.
"Aren't you?"
"Hyung! That's too much. Apologize to him," Yoongi exclaimed.
"No, let him. Tell me why I'm pathetic, hyung. I really want to hear it."
"Kook, you played him, you fake flirted with him just so you can get what you want. I'm sorry I'm so harsh on you, but you have to understand that everything isn't about what you want. Everyone's feelings are just as important as yours."
"Probably our difference is that I don't have any feelings anymore," Jeongguk stated, impassive, and stood up a moment later.
"You know that's not true."
Jeongguk halted in front of the exit, clutching the door handle. "It is from today." He slammed out of the house, his chest feeling heavy with a mixture of awful emotions, and vanished without knowing what to do with his life anymore.
The three boys settled in gloomy silence once he left. Even if they wanted to go after him, they knew he wanted to be alone at that moment.
"You were mean, hyung," Jimin muttered with a sigh.
"You guys know how much I love him. I don't think he's pathetic. I just thought that if someone he cared about scolded him, he would at least rethink the way he treats people or the things he does. I know no matter how much his parents scold him he won't listen to them. They're like dead to him."
"You have scolded him so many times and he never listened, though," said Yoongi.
"One day he will. I'm not losing hope. And I'm not giving up on him or you guys and Dohyun. I love all of you, and I didn't mean it when I said I'll leave this group. I just wanted to shake him up a bit."
"We know. We love you too." Jimin broke into a mild smile as he engulfed him into a hug. "Baby?" He sent a glance at Yoongi, silently asking him to join them.
The boy snorted as he rose to his feet and draped his arms around them. A wistful feeling bloomed inside him as he caught himself thinking that this hug would be perfect if the other two boys were there as well.
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I don't have think🥴🥵☠
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