THREE YEARS AGO, Stacey left the hospital. Sinundan ito ni Renante ng tingin, malayo sa isip na iyon na ang magiging huli nilang pagkikita. He went home that day, alone in his condominium unit. Umupo siya sa table set na nakaharap sa bukas na pinto ng maliit na balkonahe. He found himself going back to everything that happened in his mind.

Then Stacey appeared in his thoughts.

Binaba niya ang iniinom na tasa ng kape sa maliit at bilugang mesa. He glanced at his cellphone, lying on that same table.

Is she already home safe? Or out clubbing again?

Binalik niya sa labas ang tingin. Bumagsak na ang kadiliman sa buong siyudad ng Maynila.

Since that hour, his mind was fully occupied by what happened before Sondra attacked him here and demanded him to clear her name. May kumalat kasi noon na video na parang pinapalabas na may namamagitan sa kanilang sekswal kahit kasal na ang babae...

Naunang pumunta si Stacey. Pagbukas ng pinto, sampal ang sumalubong sa kanya. Renante just glared at her.

"Tanggap ko namang hindi mo ako mahal, Renante! Pero ito!?" taas nito sa dalang cellphone. "Ang maging ganitong klase ka ng tao?" Tears rimmed her eyes, almost hiding how brown they were. "H-Hindi!" Her lips shuddered. "Unacceptable!"

"Ano ba'ng pinagsasasabi mo?" galit na hablot niya sa cellphone ng babae at nakita ang naka-pause na online video sa screen niyon.

He played and watched it. Habang nanonood, patuloy ang paglitanya ni Stacey.

"Ito ba? Ito ba ang pinag-awayan ninyo ni Maximillian sa Christmas party natin? Iyan ba!?"

The video ended.

"Iyan ba ang tinatawag mong pagmamahal, Renante? 'Yung sa puntong magiging ganyan ka kasama? To the point you're willing to be a third party and ruin someone else's marriage?!" she blurted, her voice heavy and clear despite how shaky she was.

Napatitig siya sa dalaga. He always knew how to react, what to do at any situation. Yet, he was starting to slip out of his wits, losing ideas, going blank. Crushing. His chest felt tight, close to suffocation.

"We're doing it don't we?" kontrol nito sa boses para hindi gumaralgal. "And yet, here's that video, slapping the truth to my face that my body is not enough. That my heart is not enough! That everything I do and will do for you is not enough!"

He watched her frame shake. For the first time in his life, he saw the strongest person he knew crumbling before his very eyes. Hindi siya pwedeng makipagsabayan kay Stacey. Kahit anong gusto niyang magwala, magalit at simulan ang pag-hunting sa may kagagawan ng pagkalat ng video, tinulak siya ng damdamin na unahin ang pag-alo rito.

Kinabig niya ang babae para ikulong sa mga braso, pero patuloy lang ito sa pagpupumiglas. Yet, she was so overwhelmed with her fury and tears she ended up soft and weak, sobbing against his chest. Renante took in a deep breath, but it did not remove this bad feeling. This hard, heart crushing feeling.

He brought her inside the house. Had her seated on the sofa. Prepared a glass of water. Watched her cry and cry. Rubbed her back. Nung mga oras na iyon, hindi siya mapakali sa loob-loob niya. Hindi niya alam kung ano ang gagawin. Stacey was not the type who cries, and it torn him inside out to see what he was doing to her. Napagod na lang din ang babae sa kakaiyak. She ended up with her head on his shoulder, his other arm draped around her. Hawak ng isang kamay niya ang baso ng tubig.

Nang humihinahon na ito, inabutan niya ng tubig si Stacey.

But she didn't budge.

"That video. That wasn't true, Stace," he sighed. "Sinabi ko lang iyon dahil hindi lang kami ni Sondra ang nasa office n'un. I just tested her that way because I know she'll reject that kind of offer. Pinakita ko lang kay Yrina na imposible ang gusto niyang mangyari na paghiwalayin namin si Sonny at Maximillian."

Hindi ito sumagot, ni kumilos. Narinig lang niya ang pagsinghot nito.

"Hindi kumpleto ang video na iyon. Sondra threw her shoes at me."

Pero kahit ano yatang depensa, hindi na tumatalab sa dalaga.

Yumuko siya para tingnan ang mukha nito. Her tears already dried, and yet a bit rimmed at the bottom of her eyes.

"Siguro nga, hindi mo intensyong maging third party nila. O sirain ang marriage nila," deretso nito ng upo. "Pero," nakatitig lang ito sa kawalan, "may katotohanan iyon, 'di ba, Renante? Given the chance that you can still do it, you'll want her in bed over me, right?"

"That's the problem with you, Stace. I am here, wanting to start over and you're the one who kept bringing up the feelings I had for Sondra."

Mabigat ang pagbuntong-hininga nito.

"Paano ako makaka-move on?" Renante continued. "Paano ko siya makakalimutan? Kung puro ka paalala sa akin na siya ang mahal ko?"

He could see the tears clouding her defiant eyes.

"I want to leave the past behind," malumanay niyang saad, pinipilit na ipaunawa sa dalaga ang side niya. "Pero panay ang hila mo sa akin pabalik sa nakaraan ko, Stacey."

"How can you leave the past behind if you still love her?"pagod nitong wika.

"How can I stop loving her if you keep reminding me that no matter what I do, that won't change? That I can't change it?" titig niya rito pagkababa ng baso sa mesa.

"Kasi hindi ganoon ang love. True love doesn't change. Kapag mahal mo ang tao, siya na talaga ang mahal mo at kahit subukan mong magmahal ng iba, maiisip mo pa rin siya, mahal mo pa rin siya—"

"Damn," suko niya, "why are you even thinking of it like that?"

"Because that's what happened to me, Renante! I loved you! I love you! At kahit anong pilit kong baguhin iyon, hindi ko mabago! Kaya paano mo ako mapapapaniwalang mababago mo iyang feelings mo para kay Sondra?"

Napailing na lang siya. His eyes were glossy as he left his seat.

"You know what? Wala itong pupuntahan. I'll just call some people to take care of that video. To delete all the uploaded copies and stop it from being uploaded again."

Nang lingunin si Stacey, nakatitig na lang ito sa baso ng tubig na naiwan niyang nakapatong sa coffee table.

"Inumin mo na iyang tubig mo," he softly reminded before heading to the bedroom.

Pagkatapos asikasuhin ang tungkol sa kumalat na video. Binaba ni Renante sa ibabaw ng night table ang cellphone. His eyes stared at nowhere as he began to contemplate about Stacey.

She must be already hungry. I'll ask kung ano ang gusto niyang lutuin ko.

Pero pagbalik niya sa salas, nakaalis na ang babae.

Kinabukasan, muli itong pumunta sa unit niya. Mas kalmado na ito. Para bang walang nangyari kagabi.

"Saglit lang ako, Renante," bungad nito nang pagbuksan niya ng pinto.

He cocked his head to the side, his hair remained tousled. Kagigising lang niya kasi kaya hindi nakapag-ayos.

"You can overstay," he murmured. "You're always welcome here."

At pumasok na sila sa loob. Nahuli siya sa salas dahil siya ang nagsara ng pinto.

Nang harapin ang dalaga, composed pa rin ito.

"Renante," malumanay na wika ni Stacey, "napag-isip-isip ko na ang mga nangyari kagabi."

Huminto siya ng paglalakad sa harap nito. "And?"

She stared into his eyes, as if measuring him before saying. "And I understand now."

"My side?"

"Yours and mine. I understand the two sides of the story now."

He nodded gently. "Then, we have no more problem."

Siyang tunog ng doorbell. Dumating na noon si Sondra para awayin ang binata tungkol sa kumalat na video.

Matapos alalahanin ang mga nangyari sa araw na iyon, humigop muli ng kape si Renante.

Hindi niya inaasahang maaalala ang mga sinabi ni Sam nung umalis na si Stacey ng ospital.

"You are now given a second chance. That's Stacey."

"Stacey? Why Stacey?"

"There's a connection when you look at each other. It was as if your eyes are talking to each other. I saw that in Maximillian's parents, and that's love."

"Bullshit," he muttered, putting down his coffee mug. "At bakit naman ako magpapaniwala sa matandang dahilan ng lahat ng problema namin ngayon? Matapos niya kami lokohin na magiging amin ang Goldex?" tukoy niya sa kumpanyang pinangako ni Sam na mapapasakanila ng kanyang ama noon.

That wasn't true, he thought. There's nothing about the way we look at each other. Because if there is, then it means naka-move on na ako kay Sondra. At sinong hudas ang nakaka-move on ng ganito kabilis? Sheesh.

He thought he already had all the answers. That the case is already closed. He did not expect that those words were only getting started with haunting him.

Isang araw, natagpuan na lang ni Renante ang sarili na pabalik-balik ng lakad sa sariling kwarto. Panay ang check sa cellphone. Tsinek niya ang inbox. Tumambad ang hanay ng mga text na sinend niya. Kahit isa, walang sinagot si Stacey.

Nasabunutan niya ang sariling ulo. What? It's been four days. Akala ko ba, naiintindihan na niya 'yung side ko? What with the cold treatment? Binulsa niya ang cellphone. That's it. I'll check what's going on.

Pinuntahan niya ang condo na tinitirahan noon ni Stacey. Pinuntahan niya ang mansyon ng mga Vauergard. As usual, laging wala ang mga magulang ni Stacey, at walang ideya ang mga katulong kung nasaan ang amo lalo na't hindi naman daw ito laging bumibisita sa mga magulang nitong workaholic.

Sa tinitirahan naman nitong condo, nanatiling sarado ang pinto ng tinitirahan ng dalaga. Nakaka-dalawang linggo na yata siya ng balik nang mapansin ng isa sa mga tenant doon.

"Uy, Brad, wala nang nakatira diyan," nag-aalalang inform nito sa kanya habang nila-lock ang pinto ng sariling tinitirahan. May sukbit itong backpack at tila magha-hiking.

"Wala? Si Stacey ang nakatira rito, 'di ba? Hindi na siya rito nakatira?"

The man shrugged. "Oo. Namigay pa nga siya ng mga cake slices kasi paalis na raw siya."

Nagsalubong ang mga kilay niya.

Okay. Wala si Stacey sa mansyon ng mga Vauergard at umalis na rin ito sa tinitirahang condo. Renante found himself inside the car, staring at Stacey's name on his phone.

What happened to her? Sa sobrang kakaisip, natatakot na siya dahil baka may nangyaring masama na sa babae. Did she get drunk because she's so mad at me? Tapos nadisgrasya or... Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Don't think like that, Renante. At sunod-sunod niyang napalo ang kaharap na manibela ng sasakyan.

Chaos grew in his mind, yet his face remained dark and tensed. Patuloy siya sa pagda-drive ng sasakyan. There are possible places where Stacey could go. Pinuntahan niya lahat ng mga iyon. Mula sa mga bakasyunan hanggang sa bahay-bahay ng mga kaibigan nito.

It was hard to talk to Vernon, Fritzie and Cynthia. Hirap siyang humingi ng tulong sa mga ito dahil sa kumalat na video nila noon ni Sondra. Nag-iba na ang tingin ng mga ito sa kanya. Then there's Kylie.

She warmly welcomed him to her house.

"Kailan ka pa naghahanap kay Stace?" she asked in her usual soft, small voice as she seated on a chair across where he sat.

Kumunot ang noo niya. Kailan pa nga ba siya naghahanap kay Stacey? He checked the date on the wristwatch that he was wearing. He blinked his eyes.

It was already February.

Inangat niya ang mga mata sa kausap. "Mag... Magdadalawang buwan na."

Namilog ang mga mata ni Kylie. Kulay itim pa noon ang buhok ng dalaga, pinong-pino sa suot na long-sleeved turtleneck at jeans.

"Dalawang buwan na?" pinasadahahn siya nito ng tingin. "No wonder you look like that."

Look like what? Sa pagkakatanda ni Renante, dumalang ang oras niya para mag-ahit. Pero naasikaso naman niya iyon last month. By now, he only had stubbles at the sides of his face. Wala rin naman sigurong masama sa suot niyang maroon na v-neck t-shirt at pantalon. Or maybe, he didn't notice how heavy and stressed his face and eyes looked.

"Look," he sighed. "Masama ang loob niya sa akin, Kylie. I just want to know if that's the reason why she's not showing up to me. If that's it or if it's something else. Ang sabi niya naiintindihan na niya ang side ko, so I think it's not really about our... our first problem. Sorry, kung hindi ko pwede idetalye sa iyo ang lahat. It's between me and Stace. But what if she had an accident? What if she needed my help? What if—"

Tila naaawang tumango-tango ang dalaga. "Renante," masuyo nitong pigil sa kanya, "I know, anyone would worry if their friend suddenly disappeared. 'Yung bigla na lang nawala ng walang paalam, pero... two months na. Don't you think, Stacey intentionally left without letting you know because she doesn't want to talk to you?"

Hindi niya alam kung bakit sa tinagal-tagal ng paghahanap niya, ngayon lang niya nakita ang posibilidad na iyon. Ewan. Siguro umasa lang siya na mas maganda pa roon ang dahilan. O hindi basta-bastang mawawala si Stacey nang dahil sa ayaw na siya nitong makausap.

"But she said..." he could not go on, his glossy eyes found Kylie's. Tila may bumabara sa lalamunan niya.

Pinahinahon ni Kylie ang sarili. "Sometimes, people say something just to end the conversation. But that doesn't mean they mean it."

At bumalik sa kanya ang mga sinabi ni Stacey noon.

Yours and mine. I understand the two sides of the story now.

Nakuyom niya ang kamao. "Can I ask you something, Kylie?"

Naihilig ng dalaga ang ulo. "Yes?"

"Kapag ba... kapag ba may una ka nang minahal, and that didn't work out, wala ka na bang kapasidad magmahal ng ibang tao?"

Naguguluhang kumunot ang noo nito. "What?"

He sighed. Damn. What was he saying? Tumayo na siya.

"Never mind. Sorry. Thank you," he seemed to be in a haze, eyes shifting as his mind crammed on what word to say. He returned his eyes on Kylie. "Pasensya na. Akala ko lang kasi... Akala ko lang may idea ka kung saan siya pumunta o saan na siya nakatira."

"Don't worry. I'll do my best para alamin kung nasaan si Stacey. I'll make sure na magkakabati kayo o maaayos anuman ang problem ninyo."

"Thanks," at nagmamadaling umalis na siya.

"Just," harang sa kanya ni Kylie bago makarating sa pinto, "just promise me one thing."

"What is it?" suko niya para tapusin na ni Kylie ang sasabihin at makaalis na siya.

"Promise me na magkakaayos-ayos ulit kayong tatlo ha? You. Sonny. And Stace."

Her round eyes were hopeful. Medyo naawa si Renante dahil sa kanilang magkakaibigan, tila si Kylie ang naiipit sa gulo. Vernon, Fritzie and Cynthia already chose their side, meanwhile, Kylie remained trap in her hopes that all of them would stay friends again.

And to be honest, Renante appreaciated that.

He managed a smile. "It might take time, but I'll see to it."

Pagkaalis sa bahay ni Kylie, nagmaneho siya pabalik sa tinitirahang condo. Nagmamadali siyang sumakay sa elevator at tinahak ang pasilyo. Iyon ay para pigilan ng nakapaskil na notice sa pinto ng kanyang tinitirahan. There was a typewritten announcement that the unit was already unoccupied. Naalala niyang ang kapatid na si Ronnie ang guarantor na nilagay niya sa kontrata ng condo unit na tinitirahan.

Walang anu-anong tinungo niya ang bahay nila. Kasama kasi noon ni Ronnie ang mga magulang niya sa iisang bubong.

Naabutan niya sa veranda ang kapatid at amang si Ronaldo. They seemed to be in the middle of a light conversation when his dark presence made them stiff and cautious. Binaba ni Ronaldo ang hawak na cup ng tsaa. Nakalingon lang sa kanya si Ronnie na nakasuot pa ng corporate suit nito.

"Ronnie," he gritted, "what happened to my unit?"

Tumayo ang dalawang lalaki. Nauna si Ronnie. "Shouldn't I be asking that? What happened to your unit..." pinasadahan siya nito ng tingin. "And to you?"

He groaned. Sarkastikong napailing-iling siya. "Bukod sa akin, ikaw lang naman ang pwedeng maging dahilan kaya unoccupied na ang status ng unit ko, Ronnie," he gritted.

"What?" he shrugged. "December ka pa hindi nagbabayad ng fees mo, Renante. Hindi mo rin nire-receive yung mga invoice na pinapadala raw sa iyo. Wala ka rin sa unit mo kapag pinupuntahan ka ng isa sa mga admin nila. You are either not answering nor rejecting phone calls. So as your guarantor, I have to settle all the mess you left. How about you? Where have you been?"

Hindi niya mahagilap ang sasabihin. Ganoon na ba karami ang nangyari? Ganoon katagal na ba siyang MIA?

"Oh, and Renante," dagdag pa ng magaling niyang ama. "Last month ka pa pala fired sa posisyon mo sa kumpanya."

"I don't care," magaspang niyang saad. "I just came here to confirm about what happened to my unit. Bye."

Tinalikuran niya ang mga ito. Nilihim ni Ronnie ang pag-ahon ng pag-aalala para sa kapatid. Tumanaw na lang ito ng tingin kay Renante. It was Ronaldo would could not let the conversation end this way.

"Saan ka na naman pupunta?"

He stopped, yet did not turn to glance at his father.

"Nasa kwarto mo na ulit dito sa bahay ang mga gamit mo, kaya saan ka pa pupunta?"

Nakuyom niya ang kamao. Nagtitimping hinarap niya ang ama. The devil sprung from the way he glared at his father, face shadowed darkly.

"Maghahanap ng bagong malilipatan," aniya. "Maghahanap ng trabaho. At may hahanapin pa ako. And don't worry, I won't use your money or power to help me. Because if I did, may ipagmamalaki na naman kayo sa akin, 'di ba? May utang na loob na naman ako! Kakaya-kayanin niyo na naman ako!"

"How dare you get mad!" pagtataas nito ng boses sa kanya. "You're the one who had been so irresponsible! No one even knows what you're being so busy about that you stopped reporting to work and paying your rentals for goddamn sake!"

"Actually, I also don't know what happened to me," he hissed.

"Is this about Sondra again?" his father assumed.

Pero hindi na iyon sinagot ni Renante. Nakatalikod na kasi siya sa mga ito at nakalayo na ng paglalakad.

"Renante!" galit na abante ni Ronaldo. Balak nitong habulin ang anak pero maagap na pinigilan ito ni Ronnie. "Let me talk to your brother, Ronnie—"

"Dad, please," mahigpit nitong pakiusap.

Nagdalawang-isip pa ang ginoo bago sinunod ang suhestiyon ni Ronnie na huwag nang sundan si Renante.

.

.

AND NOW THAT RENANTE WAS BACK IN HIS CAR, heading to Stacey's house. He could not brush off this growing feeling that everything he went through in those three years might happen all over again.

His thoughts were interrupted with his cellphone's ringtone.

Hininto niya ang kotse sa gitna ng kalsada ng subdivision.

Halos sumubasob siya sa manibela dahil sa biglaang pagtapak ng preno.

He was hoping its Stacey.

But no. It was a private number.

I know where Stacey is.

Isa lang naman ang private number na nagte-text sa kanya, kaya alam niya kung sino ito.

Stacey's stalker.

Correction, his stalker.

.

.

.

***

AN

Hi, dears! Hanggang two chapters muna tayo today! ;) I usually take my breaks on Tuesdays and Wednesdays but since hindi tayo makakalabas-labas ngayon, I will just lessen the chapters today to have a little time to do house stuff and rest. And I know, you all need plenty of rest too for a stronger immunity! Also remember to disinfect your gadgets and wash your hands after reading my latest chapters hahaha! XD Stay safe sa inyong lahat sa inyong mga bahay-bahay! Pray for all of us and for Philippines and the world heavily affected by Covid 19. <3

And look, nagbabasa ako ng comments pero di ako makasagot kasi baka may masabi akong spoilers! hahaha! But thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feels and for letting me see how the story affects you :* So much love to everyone! Special mention DEMIPROSE and bernaMADNESS <3 <3 <3

With Love,

ANAxoxo