HINDI MAGKANDA-UGAGA SI STACEY HABANG UMAANDAR ANG TRICYCLE. May bitbit siyang maliit na backpack. She stuffed the bag with a thermal tumbler filled with cold water, a face towel and a fan that she borrowed from Mary Jane. Nagmamadaling nagbayad siya sa tricycle driver nang ibaba sa arko ng barangay kung saan matatagpuan ang entrance paakyat sa bundok ng Kalbaryo.

Stacey felt so certain that Renante was still there. Hindi ito basta-basta makakaalis doon kung sineryoso nga nito ang pag-akyat sa bundok para puntahan siya.

At base sa kung gaano kaseryoso at delikado ang sitwasyon nila, talagang aakyatin ni Renante ang bundok na iyon. Kahit malagay pa sa alanganin ang kalusugan nito.

It was way back in college, during that one community sevice. Nag-volunteer kasi sila noon sa isang cleaning drive nang atakehin ng hika si Renante. Nagtulungan sila ni Kylie sa pag-asista sa binata para dalhin sa medic. That's when she discovered that he has this non-allergic asthma.

Ayon sa binata, inaatake ito ng hika kapag nabibilad sa init o naiinitan. Kapag mas mainit daw kaysa sa body temperature nito ang klima, naninikip na raw ang daluyan ng hangin sa katawan nito. Doon na nagsisimulang umubo ang lalaki.

Sa scenario na ito, siguradong matinding init ang sasalubong kay Renante sa kabundukang iyon. Bukod sa dry season, malapit nang mag-alas onse ng umaga.

She hurriedly climbed the stairs. No matter how fit and capable she was, it didn't take long for Stacey to grow weary. Dama niya ang pamimintig ng mga muscle sa sobrang tarik ng sementadong hagdan kaya wala na siyang ibang choice kundi ang dahan-dahanin ang pag-akyat. Tiyak niyang ganito rin ang naramdaman ni Renante. Naniniwala siyang maaabutan pa niya ito kung bumagal ang pacing ng pag-akyat sa bundok tulad niya.

Clutching the straps of her bag, Stacey resumed. Nababakuran siya ng railing ng hagdan na bahagyang nababakbak na ang puting pintura. Sa una lang may lilim dahil habang pataas siya ng pataas, napapalitan ang mga bahay-bahay ng mga puno at kawayan. Sumisilip sa pagitan ng mga ito ang mainit na sikat ng araw.

She halted upon seeing Renante sitting on one of the stairs. Kita niyang nagsusumiksik ang lalaki sa tabi ng railing, kung saan nababagsakan ito ng anino ng isa sa mga puno roon.

Her steps slowed down, knees shaking as her eyes remained on Renante.

This is too much, Renante... Hindi mo man lang ba iniisip ang safety mo? It should be easy for you to choose your safety. You've been doing that all your life, right?

Hindi siya nito tinapunan ng tingin kaya lalo siyang kinabahan. Nanatili itong nakaupo doon ng tuwid. Nang makalapit, doon lang niya narinig ang malalalim nitong paghinga.

"Nasaan ang inhaler mo?" tabi niya rito at hinagod ang likod nito.

His breathing was thinning. "I... I forgot... to bring it."

"Why?" halos nanenermon na ang tinig niya rito.

Renante struggled and swallowed a breath. Nagmamadaling kinandong ni Stacey ang bag para kunin ang pamaypay.

"I am... I am managing my asthma well for years... Stace... why would I... why would I need to always bring... inhaler..." he stopped and released a wheezing cough.

"My God, Renante! Kahit na! And stop talking!" paypay niya rito, umaasang makakatulong iyon para makahinga ito ng maluwag-luwag. He shouldn't be talking if he was having a hard time breathing, for Pete's sake! Pero dahil sa papainit na panahon, parang mas nagbubuga pa ng mainit na hangin ang pamaypay niya. She pulled out a bottle of water.

"Tubig. Tubig, Renante. This is cold water," she placed his hands around the body of the tumbler. "This will cool you down."

Renante shoved the tumbler back. "N-No..." tila paos ang boses ng lalaki habang panay ang kalkulado nitong paghinga ng malalim.

Naku, ano ba ang dapat niyang gawin sa sitwasyong ito?

She looked around, her face caught the blazing glare of the sunlight. Saglit siyang napapikit, tinakpan ng kamay ang mukha bago nilingon ang binata.

"Halika, umalis tayo rito," alalay niya rito para makatayo. "May church ruins dito, mas malilim daw doon sabi ni Mary Jane. Iyon ang pinakamalapit daw na pwede nating puntahan."

Renante cooperated, allowing her to assist him as the climbed up. Taas niya ang pamaypay para pandungan niyon ang binata. Upon reaching the church ruins with tall trees and bamboo leaves looming over them to cast a cooling shade, they sat on the remains of its tiled floors. In a few more minutes and Renante was already coping. Nawala na ang paghihirap sa paghinga nito.

He threw a glare at her. "The next time I get an asthma attack, stop panicking, okay?"

Pinanlakihan niya ito ng mga mata. "At parang kasalanan ko pa na in-expose mo ang sarili mo sa sobrang init!"

"I didn't know this place is this hot," he sighed, facing her from where he was sitting. "I thought mountains are supposed to be filled with trees, and shades, and—" he shook his head. "Never mind."

Humalili ang katahimikan sa pagitan nila. Nakatingin siya sa malayo, nakikiramdam sa binata na nakatitig lang sa kanya.

"Thank you," he softly said.

"Yeah. But this doesn't mean," lingon niya rito, "okay na tayo."

"That's why we have to talk," wika nito.

"Nabasa ko ang sulat mo." She gritted. "How dare you not tell me it's not my stalker! How dare you make me feel na lahat ng mga nangyayari kasalanan ko! Na ako ang nagpapahamak sa ating lahat!"

"That's what I thought too," Renante replied, contrasting her outburst with his natural, calm manner. "Kailan ko lang din naman nalaman ang possibility na stalker ko ang involved dito, at hindi 'yung sa'yo."

"Possibility," pagbaba ng tono niya. "So, ibig sabihin, wala pa ring kasiguraduhan."

"Unfortunately, yes," titig pa rin nito sa kanya.

Nasuklay na lang niya ang sariling bangs. "Then why are you here? Why insist to talk to me? Natanggap ko naman ang sulat mo, nabasa ko. Ano pa ang halaga na magkita tayo at mag-usap?"

"If it's your stalker, I want to protect you from him. If it's mine, the more I am sure that you're in danger. And I have to be with you to keep you safe."

She turned to him, her hand still on her bands. "You think I can't handle this?"

"I know you can," his eyes grew intense, "but this stalker has two people working for him or her, Stacey. And we can't let that person ruin our life."

"Ruin our life?" pagak niyang tawa bago tumuwid ng upo. "Ano ba ang dahilan kaya lumayo ako sa inyo? Para tantanan na tayo ng stalker na iyan! Don't you see? Hindi na niya tayo ginagambala simula nung umalis ako sa Manila! Mula nung lumayo ako sa iyo!"

"You're sure that stalker is not ruining your life?" he cocked his head to the side. "Stace, if that stalker is not ruining your life, you shouldn't be here and hiding. You shouldn't be fearing about your safety in Manila. Paano ang trabaho mo? Ang kumpanya mo? Iiwanan mo na naman ba tulad nung jewelry business mo? Or is it just your nature to keep changing interests?"

Parang may pahiwatig si Renante tungkol sapapalit-palit niya ng interes. Humarap siya ng pagkakaupo sa binata.

"I am still monitoring my business, Mr. Villaluz."

"And you think, you won't be required to go back to Manila to check your company?"

He has a point. Nakakainis.

"You can't always do this, Stace. You can't always run away from everything when things went wrong."

Umiwas siya ng tingin sa lalaki. Nanatiling tikom ang bibig. For some reason, the truth was hurting her deep inside.

"Do you know why you've always been single?"

"Bakit nadadamay ang pagiging NBSB ko rito?" angil niya sa lalaki.

"Do you want to know why?" mariin nitong pilit.

"Ano? Bakit?" singhal niya rito.

"Because you're scaring the shit out of a man, Stace. You don't stay in one place. You make a man feel like you will leave him anytime just because things are not going the way you want."

Iniwas niya ang mga mata rito.

"Alam ko, Stacey Vauergard, sanay kang nakukuha lahat ng gusto mo. You work hard for things you want because you can't accept not having it. You're competitive because you can't allow other people to have what you want. Hindi kita masisisi, kahit sinong tao, ganyan. At ganyan ka rin pinalaki ng mga magulang mo, lahat ng gusto mo binibigay nila. Even if it has to be your independence from them and their parenting. But that is also your downfall, not having what you want makes you lose the motivation to give it another try or to fix it or to compromise. Kunwari, suko ka na para lang i-satisfy ang pride mo. Sour graping, Stace. Tulad nito, nakita mo ang nangyari kay Piccollo, you don't like what's happening, so alis ka naman kaagad."

"Dahil buhay na ang nakasalalay," she retorted.

"And you think this will stop when you leave? When you stay away from people? From us?"

She could not look at Renante in the eye. It felt like the right moment to confess something.

"Tama ka nga siguro. I've always been an escapist." Pigil niya ang maluha. "Alam mo ba 'yung pakiramdam na hindi ka pinipili ng mga taong mahalaga sa iyo? Ng mga taong mahal mo? My parents... they never chose me over their work. Lagi nilang sinasabi na para sa akin ang mga ginagawa nila, pero hindi ko ramdam iyon. My only way to cope was to make myself believe that I don't want it anyway... I don't want their attention. I don't want their affection. Also, must be the reason why I am always trying so hard to get whatever I wanted. Dahil alam ko ang sakit sa pakiramdam ng hindi nakukuha ang gusto," lingon niya rito. "And when I care for people, I always make it a point that I choose them. Kasi alam ko ang pakiramdam nung hindi pinipili."

"Stop that," there was a glimpse of understanding in Renante's eyes. "You are not meant to be chosen, Stace. You are meant to be the one who makes the choice. You're not the choice, you're the one who chooses. That makes you above all of us, do you know that?"

Napatitig siya sa mga mata ng binata.

"All this time, you have the power to choose, Stacey. You have all the freedom to do what you want. In fact," his gaze became a bit of a scold and sarcasm, "you are overusing that freedom, Stace."

She managed a weak smile. "I never thought of that... Renante."

"I am pleading you. That this time, choose to face this challenge. We have to solve this stalker thing. Tama na itong pagtakas mo sa mga problema mo. You've been the queen of escapism already. For once, be involved with the present, Stace. Even if it's bad. Quarantine yourself, surrender yourself in the situation. Sometimes, it solves the problem more than just hiding or running away."

She took in a deep breath.

"Kung anuman ang isyu natin, at saka mo na iyon, isipin. Let's solve this case. Together, Stace."

Nagnakaw siya ng sulyap. Mali ang akala niyang mag-aalok ang binata ng pakikikamay para i-seal ang deal. He just stared at her, waiting for her response.

"Bago ako pumayag diyan," seryoso niyang balik ng tingin sa mga puno. "Ano muna ang plano mo?"

"Babalik tayo ng Manila. Tuloy ang plano natin nung simula pa lang. We will lure out this stalker. We are going to work with the detective I hired to help us."

"One question," she gazed deeply into his eyes, "kung stalker mo nga itong pumupuntirya sa akin, bakit ako? Bakit ako ang pinapahirapan niya? Bakit sa akin siya nagpaparamdam? Bakit 'yung mga taong lumalapit sa akin ang pinapahamak niya?"

This time, it was Renante who avoided her eyes. Naningkit tuloy ang mga mata niya rito.

"Renante..." she called in a warning tone.

"Stacey," he sighed.

"I won't cooperate if—"

He let out a groan. "I don't really know," sumulyap ito sa kanya.

"I don't believe you," nagtitimpi niyang wika. "You are expecting me to cooperate, but you're keeping things from me."

"Like what I said, this is not the time to bring our issues with each other to the surface."

"Ano ang kinalaman ng isyu natin dito? I'm just asking that if there's this theory that this is your own stalker's doing, bakit ako? Bakit ako ang ginaganito niya? It can't be because I am her rival. Because I could have been dead. Ako dapat ang nalason sa party. Hindi makakatanggap si Marty ng mga texts na layuan daw ako at si Kylie."

Renante frustratedly ran his hand up to his hair. Napatingala ito.

"Hihikain na naman yata ako, Stace," pikit nito ng mga mata.

"Palusot mo!" pulot niya sa maliit na bato para ibato sa braso nito.

He just threw a glare at her. Kahit kailan, may pagkasuplado talaga ang taong ito.

"I am not cooperating until you answer that question, Mr. Villaluz," tayo niya mula sa kinauupuan at inunahan ito sa pag-alis doon.

Tumayo na rin ito. "You want an answer?"

She looked at him over her shoulder. "Paulit-ulit?" sarkastiko niyang saad.

"Damn," he face palmed, "bakit ba lagi mo akong inaaway?"

Inirapan niya ito at tinuloy ang paglakad.

"The stalker knows I like you."

She stopped on her tracks.

"The stalker said, he or she knows... who I love. At sabi nung detective, palagay niya... target nung stalker na... na saktan ang taong mahalaga sa akin."

Hindi niya makuhang lingunin ang lalaki.

"Wow," may pait sa kanyang tinig, "kung gan'un... buti pa iyang stalker na iyan. Naiisip niya iyan. Ako kasi... parang hindi naman ako mahalaga sa iyo, eh."

Hindi niya alam na palapit na sa kanyang likuran si Renante.

"You really shouldn't know. For your own good. Kaya nga, tiniyaga kong makipag-date saglit kay Aurora. Para malihis ang atensyon niya. Para mailto siya kung sino talaga sa inyong dalawa ang mahalata sa akin. So pretend that you don't know, okay?"

"You've just put her life in danger," tanaw niya sa binata na nalagpasan na siya.

"I don't care," walang lingon nitong saad pagkahinto sa paglalakad. "Mas iisipin ko pa ba ang lagay niya kung kapalit n'un ang kaligtasan mo?

Stacey could feel her eyes watery. "How am I supposed to believe this..."

That you really cared for me.

That I'm this important to you?

"Like what I said," he softly murmured, back still turned on her, "pretend that you don't know this."

At lumakad na ito. Lumukob ang panlalambot sa buo niyang pagkatao habang sinusundan si Renante. Sa pagkakataong ito, ang binata na mismo ang nagpandong ng pamaypay sa sarili nito habang dahan-dahang bumababa ng hagdan.

Nanatili siya sa likuran nito, naglaan ng distansya sa pagitan nila habang palipat-lipat ang tingin sa kanyang inaapakan, sa sumisilip na view ng bayan at pampang ng lawa sa may kalayuan mula sa kabundukang tinatahak nila, at kay Renante. Nanatiling nakatalikod ang lalaki sa kanya, tila hindi siya nililingon para ipagkait kung ano ngayon ang emosyong makikita sa mukha nito.

Yet, she remained bothered by so many questions.

How real was Renante's care for her? How long? Since when? Why?

And yet, like what he firmly instructed her to do— she had to pretend she didn't know these.

Pero may naalala siya.

Hinabol niya agad si Renante at sinabayan sa paglalakad.

"One question."

"Again?" nanatili ang mga mata nito sa nilalakaran.

She could note the softness in his eyes, despite the strong, tensed jaws he was projecting.

"Nung umpisa, pinaniwala natin ang stalker na may namamagitan sa atin, hindi ba? How can I pretend then that I don't know about how you feel for me?"

"Shit," he hissed upon that realization. "I hate this. I can't think straight when it's already involving you, do you know that?" his intense gaze soldered her eyes in that moment.

Kinalma nito ang sarili. "We'll think of a better plan, Stace."

At nanatili silang tahimik habangpababa ng bundok na iyon.