Trigger Warnings: Swearing, mentions of depression

Words: 2588

A/N: I don't watch much anime anymore, but I do think that this song somewhat fits with this chapter.

Tweek

November 2nd, 4:15pm. Thursday.

I had been outside, in the park to be exact, and was pacing back and forth.

Calm down, Tweek, Calm down

It had been two days after the party and ever since Craig and I...um...had a moment I haven't been able to get my head straight. I mean, obviously. I was gay, anyway.

Since my parents had left town for...I don't know, some reason relating to our shop, I have been so alone and helpless. I hadn't called any friends because I was simply too embarrassed. Ugh, why did things have to be this way? Why do I have to be so damn anxious!?

I paced back and forth in front of Stark's Pond because this was the one place I would come to gather my thoughts. But this time it wasn't working. A million thoughts raced my mind about the party.

Why did Craig try to kiss me? I mean, it wasn't like he was gay! He made that point pretty clear at school. So what was the point of that!? Was he just so drunk that he completely forgot about his sexuality? No, no that's not accurate at all. Maybe...wait.

Maybe Craig was actually gay and decided to be homophobic so he could stay in the closet.

That was it. It made so much sense!

I didn't know wether to feel sympathetic or upset about this. I should feel sympathetic. After all, if he traveled to the extend of tormenting a kid for months just to stay in the closet, then he must be suffering a lot. But that still doesn't eliminate the fact that this was a really selfish move! He outed me in front of the whole school, continued to bully me every day, and made me feel like complete shit! Do you know how it feels to be bullied!? It fucking sucks!

No, I didn't feel sympathetic. This kid hated me and bullied me every day, completely ignoring my own feelings and focused on his own. I hate him! I hate Craig Tucker! Not only did he bully me everyday, but he also stole my first kiss, which is also very important to me...

I touched my lips, feeling my cheeks burn up.

...despite how much of a good kisser he was.

"Hey, fag."

Speak of the mother fucking devil.

I turned to face Craig, feeling my heart stop in its tracks. I hadn't seen him since the party.

"What do you want!?" I was done with being helpless whenever he decided to torment me.

"Was just walking by," He said simply, "What are you doing here, queer?"

I glared at him, feeling the rage entering my body, "Ugh! Can't you just ever leave me alone! It's really pathetic what you're doing, Craig."

"What, harassing you?" He asked, "Actually, so it's pretty great. Who knew simply bulling a gay kid would lead me into becoming so popular?" He paused, "Why is your face so red? Awww, thinking about your boyfriend, spaz?"

Groaning, I confidently walked up to him, "No, actually, I'm thinking about what you did at the party, idiot!"

He looked as if what I had said was the stupidest thing he had ever heard, "What?"

"The party two days ago! We were playing seven minutes in heaven and got paired together. You were all over me! You told me you loved guys and basically begged to kiss me." I paused, waiting for a reaction from him. I couldn't read his face, "I know you're secret, Craig. You don't have to be a fucking coward anymore! Wake up!"

How was I being so strong right now? How come I wasn't stuttering or shrieking mid-sentence? Was I really not feeling any anxiety from this?

I watched as Craig didn't say anything. I noticed a couple drops of sweat fell down his face as he tried to recall some kind of memory of that night.

"You wanna know what you are, Craig? You're nothing but a selfish, confused asshole who cares nothing about more than his image and popularity! You don't give a shit about anyone or anything besides yourself! You just step on people and use them!" I screamed, "Do you know how it felt to be bullied by you? There was not one moment at school where I felt safe. I was always scared to turn a corner in fear that you may be there, waiting to pick on me. I felt so scared, so helpless. I didn't know what to do about it," By now, I had noticed warm tears falling down my face, "And you know what? You're not the first one to do it. Everywhere I live, people are always selfish assholes like you just LOVE to make people like me feel small. But why? Is it because of the power it gives you? Or Is it because people like you find joy in other people's suffering? Why? Why....why do people hate me!?"

There was a silence between us. I cried into my hands and Craig just stood there, clearly not knowing what to say. He stared at me in utter confusion.

"Tweek," He began, "I'm sorry–"

"No! I don't want to hear you out!" I screamed, "An apology isn't going to fix anything. One simple 'I'm sorry' isn't going to fix the permanent damage people like you have caused me! You're probably are wondering 'what permanent damage?'. Well guess what, Craig. I have depression! All my life people have insulted me, hated me, pushed me aside, leading me down into a deep, dark depression that won't ever go away because people like you won't ever stop until you're satisfied! Do you know what that's like? To be unwanted? To be judged by your appearance? To be hated by everyone, everywhere you go? You probably don't because everyone loves Craig Tucker! Everyone loves the self-centered, homophobic, asshole that could care less if people like me were gone. But everyone hates Tweek Tweak! Everyone hates the twitchy, anxious, gay kid that actually cares about people and tries to be a good person in general! But why? Why do people have to love people like you? You don't deserve this love! No one deserves love after doing shitty things to other people! So why does it have to be this way? Why!?"

Without another word, I stormed off, heading towards my house. It was almost impossible not to trip and fall through my blurry, tearful eyes. I ran as fast as I could, all the way home, and opened the door to my house, closing it behind me. I ran up to my room and closed the door, walking over to my bed. I began to sob into my pillow and embraced the feeling of being alone again.

—-

Tap

Tap

Tap

I sat up and looked over to my window which I heard a tapping noice coming from, "What?" I asked, noticing how someone had been throwing pebbles at my window to get my attention. I opened my curtains and looks out into the house across from mine. Craig Tucker's house. I wiped away my tears as I saw him looking out his window with a hang full of small rocks. He appeared to be looking...sympathetic?

I opened up my window, "What do you want?" I asked him.

He sighed, "Look, I just want to make things right." He said. He then looked to the ground in frustration and embracement. "What you said really got to me, okay? I just...think we should talk."

I glared, "Fine! You better not waist my time, Tucker." I said

"Okay. Please be over in a couple of minutes. My parents aren't home so we have some time to talk about all this."

"Fine."

I angrily shut my window and walked out of my room, then down the stairs. As I headed towards the front door, I thought about what Craig could want.

What if it was a trap? What if he was going to lock me in his basement and leave me to starve! AHH!

Oh, there's my anxiety. Boy, did I miss you!

I walked up to Craig's house and knocked on the front door. A few seconds later, he opened it up and allowed me to step inside. As I took in the scenery of his house, Craig took me upstairs and lead me over to his room. It was similar to mine except it had different colors. Everything was mostly blue. Another different feature about it is how much space-related stuff had been on display. I figured he had been a fan of space due to all the plastic glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to his walls and all the astronaut figurines in his desk.

"So," I said, "What do you have to say?"

Craig sighed, sitting back onto his twin-sized bed, "I thought I should tell you why I've been harassing you so much. But you have to promise not to tell anyone."

"Fine."

Craig looked at the ground and sighed once more. I crossed my arms, impatiently awaiting for him to speak, "So...about a two months ago, I had come to terms with me being...well, gay. I thought my first step should be to tell my parents about it. I thought they would support me and all, knowing how much they had cared about me my whole life. But that wasn't the case. After I came out to my parents, they..." he trailed off, not really wanting to continue on with the next part. He clenched his fist at his side and his eyes looked as if he had been really emotional about it. I gave in to my friendly instincts and sat down next to him, taking his hand. As he looked at me, I gave him a look of reassurance. He took a deep breath and squeezed my hand, "My parents beat me after I told them. They kicked me and and shoved me around while telling me things like how I was such a big disappointment and how much they hate me. That moment in my life had severely messed me up. I had never felt that kind of pain...that kind of betrayal before in my life. I started telling myself that I would never come out to anyone else. I was so scared that the same thing would happen again. I was terrified about people hating me for my sexual preference."

I looked at him, giving a kind-hearted smile, "Welcome to the club. That's all part of being gay. You can't really do anything about it except stay strong and ignore their words." I said.

He paused and sighed, "Tweek...I'm so sorry for ever making you feel that way. You never deserved this kind of hate being thrown your way. You're a good person, I can tell." He said, "I thought that if I started bullying you, then people would think I was straight and all chances of me being gay would be eliminated. But I'm not going to be a coward anymore. I'm gonna come to terms with this. I'm so sorry, Tweek."

I never thought I would hear Craig be so gushy and emotional.

"No, it's okay. I'm just glad you're finally realizing what you were doing to me."

"Yeah, I do."

The two of us hugged, stating that we had officially made up with each other. I was glad that someone I assumed to be so awful turned out to be a good person.

"Hey, Craig? I'm sorry for all the mean things I said about you earlier. I was just so stressed that all my internal thoughts forced their way out. I really didn't mean a lot of it." I said as we pulled away from each other, yet still being pretty close.

"Oh, it's fine. I deserved all that. And besides, if you haven't said any of those things, we wouldn't be making up right now." He said.

There was a small silence. Not knowing how to continue the conversation, I looked around Craig's room. It was quite cozy and as I said very blue. This kid seemed to have been obsessed with the color.

"Uh, Tweek?" Craig asked, looking awkward.

"Yeah?"

"What exactly...what exactly did we do at the party? Um, you said that I, uh, kissed you? Or something?"

I blushed and looked down at my feet. I scratched behind my neck and awkwardly chuckled, "W-Well...GAH! We maybe...kind of...sort of kissed? A lot? Kinda? I mean, as soon as we got in the closet, you were hugging me and telling me how gay you were...haha..."

Surprisingly, Craig blushed, "Oh...wow. Um, sorry. I can be...clingy when I'm drunk."

"Very."

After a few seconds of awkward science, I heard a squeak coming from behind Craig. I looked behind him and saw that he had had a guinea pig which was in a cage on Craig's desk. Craig also turned around to face the small creature.

"Oh, that's my guinea pig, Stripe." He said, standing up to walk over to his cage. Craig knelt down in front of the cage and took out the furry creature. I hesitantly walked over to the two and sat down.

His eyes lit up in a way I had never seen them before as he held the guinea pig in his arms, as if all the dark emptiness from inside his eyes had vanished entirely. The corners of his mouth had curled up into a soft, warm smile. I had found myself staring at him, I was completely unable to look away! Craig Tucker was smiling. Smiling! Since when did the kid that doesn't give a shit about anything smile!? I mean, I had seen him grin when he was drunk but this was a smile out of happinesses!

I felt my stomach fill with butterflies and noticed how my cheeks warmed up, as if my face had been on fire. I felt completely helpless. But why? Why was I feeling this way?

"Hey, Stripe." Said Craig, "This is Tweek. Can you say 'hi?'" I held in my laughter. Never had I thought Craig could be so innocent and child-like. He seemed to have been noticing me turning red and giggling because he frowned, "Shut up!"

I stopped giggling, "No, no. I-I like this side of you." I said. "I've never seen you smile before." I looked down at my hands as I fiddled with my thumbs.

"Oh, yeah. I guess you haven't. I don't smile often, but Stripe usually brings out that side of me." Craig looked back down at his pet and stroked its fur, "Want to pet him?"

"What? N-No, I can't. What if he bites me? GAH! What if I do something wrong and he gets mad and you hate me forever? AHH!" I pulled at my shirt anxiously as Craig sighed.

"It's fine, dude. He's not gonna mind."

"B-But I–"

Fed up with my nonsense, Craig took my hand which had been tugging at my shirt and placed it on top of the soft creature.

As I slowly began to stroke his soft fur, I felt all my anxious thoughts leave me. Who knew that petting a small animal would relieve stress like this? Or maybe it wasn't Stripe. Maybe it had been Craig's hand, which had been resting on top of my own.

Mmmmm yes. Gimme that gay shit. Yeeeeesssssss

😂Hope you all liked the long chapter! I had fun writing it, but the ridiculously long paragraphs started to get really annoying.

Well, things will only get more gay from here so look out for that!

Also, would you guys prefer if this was written in third person? First person is a little cringey when it comes to fanfics and I'd do anything to make this less cringe material. Tell me what you think.