A Divulging Risk

reveal: [ri-veel]; verb; to make known; disclose; divulge.

There was something about relationships that had always bothered Sasha.

Sure, they made you happy and gave you someone to talk to and hold and be close to. But they also seemed to get boring. How could you possibly stay with the same person forever? It made no sense in her brain, and seemed like it would simply result in tired tendencies and people getting sick of each other far quicker than they should.

It was this mindset that caused her to be so confused at her relationship with Caleb, which had passed the one-year mark and was quickly approaching a year and a half.

She wasn't bored with him. Nothing he did bored her, and everything he did continued to surprise and amaze her. There were so many things that he did that were sweet and wonderful to her, but also hilarious and fun in every way. She wasn't bored with him, and she couldn't quite figure out why.

They had begun to hang out with Ethan Meek and Scarlet Levings more often, going on double dates with the other couple in an effort to show their support for Caleb's best friend's new relationship. It was clear that they were happy together, and Sasha was happy for them--Scarlet had been her closest friend in junior high, and they hadn't had any major rift to cause them to go their separate ways. High school had come, and with it came new friends.

It was nice for Sasha to become reacquainted with her old friend, and the four always seemed to have fun together. Sasha loved seeing Caleb and Ethan interact, since they were close and didn't always have to put on a macho act for each other as they did with the other members of the basketball team. They were themselves, laughing and talking and poking fun at each other all the time, while Scarlet and Sasha watched and laughed at their antics.

It was the perfect little world, and Sasha could never imagine having her life go any differently.

Every once in a while, when Jessica decided that she was happy with a guy for a week, she would bring him along on date nights and there would be three couples hanging out together, which Sasha tended to both love and hate. She loved having her best friend with her, but there was always something in Scarlet's expression when she saw the two cheer captains together--a jealousy that Sasha didn't want to breach.

Most of the time, she chose not to let it bother her. After all, there was little she could do about who she spent her time with at this point.

<><><>

"Wait...you did?"

Caleb had been expecting a far different reaction upon informing his best friend about his reconciliation with Sasha, and yet they stood in the middle of the hallway during homeroom with Ethan's jaw on the floor.

"Yeah, we did." Caleb nodded. "We're back together, man. Isn't it great?"

Ethan was quiet as they continued to walk down the hallway from their lockers, books weighing down their arms as they did so.

"I guess."

Caleb started to feel himself become angry as he walked.

"You guess? What the hell man, I thought that you'd be stoked for me."

"I am, I swear." Ethan nodded. "Because I know that you want this, like a lot. But I mean, it's Sasha. You guys didn't exactly work out great the first time around."

Caleb took a deep breath to keep himself from getting worked up.

"Yeah, but we're gonna be better now. We fixed things, we're gonna be together. Everything's going to be great."

"I'm sure it will be." Ethan replied, "I'm just trying to figure out why it's happening now. Did you approach her?"

Caleb nodded, recalling his tearful apology to Sasha just two nights earlier.

"Yeah, I approached her. I pretty much be--I mean, I was chill about it. We talked and she said that she was into the idea of getting back together, so we did." He shrugged. "Gotta let stuff go to see if it's right for you."

"I don't think the saying includes the terms of your breakup in it, but alright." Ethan laughed, shaking his head. "If you're happy, I'm happy for you guys. Just don't screw it up again, man."

Caleb rolled his eyes.

"I won't screw it up again. It's Sasha, man. I got lucky that she even gave me this chance in the first place...you know, after everything that happened."

Ethan nodded.

"Yeah, I know. But don't worry, if she forgave you then everything should be in the past. I wouldn't sweat it."

Caleb nodded, taking a few deep breaths as they approached the homeroom that would now be allowed to reconcile and sit together.

"Yeah. I know."

<><><>

"What was that about?"

"I was going to tell you before the guys came in, but you were talking about your pedicure and I didn't want to interrupt." Sasha pouted. Caleb and Ethan had walked into homeroom and immediately gone to sit with the girls, making light conversation as the entire room looked on in confusion--including Jessica Anastos.

"I don't like Ethan Meek knowing things before me, Sasha." Jessica shook her head as she stopped in front of the Psychology classroom, where she would have to go for first period while Sasha headed to Chemistry. "You should know that."

"I do, Jess." Sasha replied. "And so I'm telling you now. Caleb and I got back together two nights ago. I waited a day to test out how I felt about it before telling you, and now I'm telling you. We're back together, and I'm happy."

Jessica took a long look at her best friend before responding, and Sasha was immediately reminded of exactly why Jessica Anastos ran Capital High School: she had the innate ability to make you feel as if you were an ant under her designer boot.

"Do you really think that that's a smart decision, Sasha?"

Sasha nodded without hesitation.

"I absolutely do. We talked for a while and we figured things out. I love him, Jess."

"I know that you think you do." Jessica nodded, "But he hurt you deeply, Sasha. He was the only person who had the ability to hurt you like that, and he did it. I don't know if it's wise to jump back into things with him so quickly."

"Did you become a relationship expert overnight, Jess?" Sasha asked, ignoring the people filing into the classroom around her and giving the two strange looks. "You've never had a serious relationship in your entire life."

"Actually, I--"

"You what? You want to count your hookups with the entire football team serious relationships? Just admit it, you don't know the first thing about what you're talking about."

Jessica swallowed her words and nodded.

"You're right." She finally said, "I've never had a serious relationship before."

"So don't act like you know what you're talking about when it comes to mine." Sasha ordered, feeling powerful over her best friend for the first time in her life. "I love you Jess, I do. But I need to be able to be my own person. Not all of my decisions are going to be run by you first."

"You're right." Jessica nodded, catching Sasha by surprise. "I'm sorry. I'm going to go to class now."

Sasha watched her turn around and walk into the Psychology room. She hated arguing with Jess, but there were some things in life that she had to do for herself--without the permission of the Capital High Queen Bee.

<><><>

From the journal of Sasha Corrian

10/20/16

I feel regret over yelling at Jess today in the hallway. I should have been kinder and more patient. But I think that, in my head, she was voicing my own fears. And I couldn't let her keep talking for fear of agreeing with her.

I didn't want to have to be the one who said those things, and I didn't want to hear them. Because deep down, I'm scared about this. I'm scared that it won't work out or that I'll end up hurt again. But for right now, with everything going well and everyone being happy together...it feels like I'm home. Like I'm back where I belong in life. Back with Caleb.

I just need everyone else to realize and accept that as well.