Christmas Day created a warmth in Michael's heart; one he hadn't experienced in a long, long time. It wasn't the presents or even the break in work that he loved, but instead the kind and uplifted spirit of everyone around him. When the people he loved were happy, that's all he really needed to be content. And the effort that nearly everyone put in to decorate Christmas trees, or setting up lights on and around their houses showed the unity of everyone he knew. It didn't matter if they'd all bickered before, during the festive season, it was all forgotten.

It was nearly seven in the morning, and he sat quietly in a chair on the balcony. He was planning to leave later this week, but the fact that Calum and Luke had practically forced him to stay in the same hotel as them made it hard. He couldn't lie, he missed the company of his best friends. But the pull of his guilt deemed stronger, and it urged him to turn his back away from their pleas.

He thought back to Isla, her only presence in his mind being that she may be only person who might understand his internal feelings. She blamed herself, he blamed himself, and when she spoke about how she felt to him, her words sparked in him in understanding. The way she seemed so resigned, letting the accident weigh her troubles down, he knew it all too well.

He told her that he would be at the park a few streets away if she needed to talk, and while on the surface it seemed like an act of kindness, it really was selfishness. Michael knew that if he could hear what Isla was thinking, then he could use it to his own advantage.

A cool breeze floated past and he realized how foolish of him it was to sit out in the cold without a jacket. Placing his bare hands on the armrests of his chair, he pushed himself up and let the cold metal send shocks through his body. He turned to get a thick overcoat and book, then he took the cheap notepad and pen on the nightstand. He ripped off a piece of paper and scribbled a note to Luke and Calum—whom he knew would barge in and try to talk to him.

cal & luke,

ill be out. don't look for me, will be back by night.

-m

He left the note on the dining table and left the hotel room swiftly.

Michael could admit; it was nice to get out of his room for once and into the fresh air. But he still felt vulnerable and self-conscious about every single move he made in the presence of others. He felt people's stares to be hard and cold; like they were analyzing his motions. It was a stupid thought, but he couldn't help it. Especially after the past years, when he'd be recognized almost anywhere by his fans.

That reminded him—the fans. It had been ages since he made any contact with them at all, both online and in person. He missed the way their smiles and love for their music could bring him so much joy. There were so many things he loved about them, but he could no longer see them in the same way he used to. Now, the thought of their desperate, waving arms made him feel sick.

Michael walked on the sidewalk, trying his best to stay away from the curb. His eyes settled on the park that was approaching, and he smiled when he saw that it wasn't crowded with people. Navigating his way through the stone path, he eyed a bench that was sitting underneath a barren tree.

He sat down, letting the cool air sink into his pores and lungs. It was calming and sent a tranquilizing mood within him. He flipped open the book in his hand and turned to the first page.

Scanning over the words until he was lost inside the world of Odysseus, he didn't realize that time was flying by so quickly. His trance was interrupted when he felt a light tap on his shoulder.

Michael looked up hesitantly from the 500-page-long poem and stared into the brown eyes of Isla. He wasn't exactly surprised, but he wasn't expecting her to come either.

"Hey," she smiled and waved her hand in a small gesture. "I came."

Michael set down his book and scooted over on the bench. "Great," he smiled, genuinely happy that she willingly wanted to talk to him. "What's on your mind?"

She shrugged, staring straight ahead of her and to the stone path in front of them. Her legs were straight and sprawled out in front of her in a stretch and she yawned. "Honestly, I don't really know. I just wanted to get away for a bit," She turned her head to face him, "and I'm really glad you were actually waiting here."

He hummed in response, "Of course I would be. And it's Christmas Day, shouldn't you be off with your family?"

Isla shrugged again, "It's already noon, the Christmas spirit has already kind of washed out for me. Plus, my mom and dad wanted to go on a romantic Christmas brunch so I didn't really want to stay home alone."

"You're an only child?" Michael asked.

She shook her head, "No, I've got a younger brother, Jaxon, but he's off at his friends house."

Michael just nodded and leaned back in the bench. They sat quietly for a few moments, letting the muffled chatter of the few people around them fill their ears. It was an interesting silence; one that was both uncomfortable, yet fulfilling. The two were both relatively quiet people, and it felt natural.

"What about you?" Isla inquired after the quiet moment. "Shouldn't you be spending Christmas with Calum and Luke?"

Michael breathed out and watched his breath become visible. "I'll see them later. And like you said, I also want a bit of time to escape from everything."

"Why'd you tell me that I only had the rest of the week to see you?" Isla asked, changing the topic.

"Because," he began, "I'm going back to Sydney soon."

Isla furrowed her brows and looked at Michael, who kept his gaze pointed forward. "Why?"

"I only came to tie up the loose ends for the legal issues. I'm not staying."

Isla shifted in the bench, not really understanding why she suddenly felt so uncomfortable. She had figured Michael had come to LA to stay; as she figured Calum and Luke were doing. But as she thought about it more, she had no idea why they would want to stay. There was no reason to abide in a place that only held bad memories, so why were they still here? "What about Calum and Luke? Are they staying?"

Michael nodded slowly, "Yeah, they said something about how since they were staying, I should too, but I don't think I can. It's hard."

Isla didn't know what to say at that point. She wanted to tell him, maybe even plead him to stay, but she knew that would be selfish of her. It was also foolish; she'd only known him for less than a day, but he had such a strong presence in her heart.

It was probably the fact that he was just a plain stranger who willingly listened to her problems. He didn't judge, it was only about pure listening.

And she knew that it was hard for Michael to stay—she understood that. It was even difficult for her to stay in LA, but she decided that with the support of Kylie, Zack, and the rest of her family, she would be okay. It would be unrealistic of her to suggest that her entire family should relocate and start anew just for her mistakes.

"I think," she started after a moment of silence, "that you should do whatever you think is right. I know that sounds completely cliche and unhelpful, but it's true. If you feel like you can't handle the force of the memories, then leave. It's your decision. But I also want you to take in account to how Calum and Luke may be feeling. They've gone through as much as you have; and they're staying. Plus, they would do so much better overall with a friend like you beside them, and heck, even I want you to stay. As selfish as it for me to say that."

Isla didn't understand how she was able to get all of that out without stuttering, or retracting her feelings due to the fear of judgement. It was like something in her had changed, and she loved it. Words rolled off her tongue like they mere meant to, and she felt herself slowly releasing her tendency to care about what people thought of her. The decision to move on had helped her more quickly than she anticipated; now, she could only hope that this confidence lasted.

Looking up at Michael's expression, it was something she didn't expect. He was smiling softly, as if some realization caused him to understand the effects of his actions. "Thank you, Isla," he sighed and looked back into her eyes, "I understand where you're coming from, but the thing is, you don't know me. Don't get me wrong; I don't blame you, it's just there's so much more behind what you know. Your experience only barely scratches the surface of the truth, and what happened to Ashton wasn't just some random accident. Everything is so jumbled up and I know that if I stay here, it'll only get worse," he paused and took in her expression, which was filled with confusion, "so what I'm really trying to say is that I can't stay, no matter what."

Isla blinked, letting his broad words sink into her mind. What did he mean when he said that what happened to Ashton wasn't an accident? What was there that she didn't already know about his death? "What..." she shook her head in disbelief, "why does this have to do with you staying or leaving, though? If what happened to Ashton wasn't just a freak accident like you said, then how did it happen, Michael?"

He clasped his hands together and leaned back, watching a few families walking in the park before them. His eyes shut and he took a deep breath, "It's a long story, Isla."

"I have time." And she really did.

Michael licked his lips and sat up straighter; his entire demeanor changing. When she arrived, he was laid back and sat comfortably, but now as he prepared to tell her something, his features were set in stone. It seemed like a hard topic for him to bring up, and Isla noticed that.

"Actually it's okay, Michael. You don't have to tell me if it makes you uncomfortable," she assured him, desperately not wanting to force him to do anything.

He looked at her, his emerald green eyes seemingly piercing through her soul. Different thoughts ran through his head, but mostly that he knew he wanted to get everything out. He had been told before that the reason why he had a tendency to seclude himself was because he didn't trust anyone. But he couldn't help it; the only person who knew everything about him was Ashton, and Ashton only. Not Calum or Luke, not even his own parents knew everything about him.

However, there was something about Isla. Something that screamed she was trustworthy, that she was understanding an empathetic. And that's what he needed right now, he needed someone to listen and understand him. Everything had been bottled up and locked inside for so long, and he knew that if he waited any longer, it would stay that way forever.

He had only known her for a day, but he was good at reading people's true intentions. Isla wasn't taking advantage of him; and she was the only person that he could trust to understand him.

So he shook his head, "No, I'll tell you," and staring into her brown irises he added, "I trust you."

She licked her lips and nodded slowly, wanting to ask if he was sure, but she figured he was. This suddenly seemed like such a delicate topic; at first, she just wanted to know the truth. But it was obvious that what Michael was about to say was bigger than just the truth. "Whenever you're ready."

Michael nodded and stared up to the gray sky, looking like it would collapse into a downpour. "My life as a child wasn't so great," he began softly, "we always say stuff about how we didn't grow up in the best condition, but for me, that was quite an understatement. Certain things happened back then that I don't even want to repeat, and some are things I've never told anyone. Well, no one except for Ashton.

"He was always there for me to rant about useless things, or just there to listen when all I felt like doing was crying. Ashton always knew what to say, he was the best out of all of us with words, and that's exactly why he was so great at writing. Every time we were alone, it was a sanctuary. I knew I was safe to tell him everything, and despite how close I was to Luke and Calum, it felt so wrong to open up to them. Don't get me wrong, I trusted them completely, but I know it would just be selfish of me to push that type of stuff onto them.

"With Ashton it was different. He genuinely knew what to say and how to help me, like he was meant to be a therapist or something like that. But obviously, such a strong bond like ours had to be broken by something, and for us it was a small group of people who had managed to get ahold of some extremely sensitive texts I sent to him. There were secrets in those messages that I never want to have surface, and right away, Ash and I knew that we had to do something about it.

"Sure enough, along with the anonymous note that told us what they knew about me, they wrote that the only way they wouldn't expose everything was if 5 Seconds of Summer disbanded."

Michael paused then, shifting his position. He turned his gaze from the sky to Isla, who stared intently back, and folded his lips inward. "There was nothing else on the note, not a certain deadline or any reason for why they wanted us to disband. And so Ash and I immediately just regarded it as some sick joke, although I know that in the back of both our minds, we knew it wasn't. And the worst decision of my life was in that moment, to ignore it.

"We put it off, trying to tell ourselves that it was just some sick, lucky guess. Just a few weeks later after we received the note, we had a show at The Forum here in LA. The boys and I decided we wanted to surprise some of the fans who were waiting outside and chat with them before the show.

"So we went outside, and did just that, not really paying attention to what harm could come. How would we know anyways? But I was with Ashton for a while before we parted ways, trying to get to as many fans as possible. When I was walking away, that was when we both heard it. Somehow had yelled out from the crowd that they knew what happened to me all those years ago, and everyone and everything went ballistic.

"Crowds of people began pushing, the defensive fans were trying to find who screamed it, and others were probably just curious to know what they were talking about. At that point, I was already back behind the barriers, but Ashton had gotten herded outside the protective barricade."

Isla didn't need to hear any more to know what happened, but Michael continued anyway.

"He yelled and tried to get people to calm down, but everything was so hectic. It looked almost like a mosh pit. And I tried to get to him too; but it was impossible to squeeze through everybody, and hell, it probably wouldn't have made a difference. After that, all it took was just a few more shoves and he was gone. Just like that."

And Michael stopped talking. He looked away from Isla, whose expression couldn't nearly describe the different thoughts scrambling through her head at that exact moment. She didn't know what to expect when Michael launched into the story, but it certainly wasn't this.

The word accident washed away from her mind, and it was replaced swiftly with a mix of strong emotions. Disbelief, sadness, anger, confusion. It was all there.

"I," she began, looking down at her fidgeting hands. "I don't know what to say, Michael. I had no idea."

He nodded once more, a pained expression imprinted in his features. "No one else knows what really happened except for the them, me, and now you. I'm trusting you with this information, and I want you to know that if any of this ever released to the public, that would be the end of everything."

Isla nodded, knowing fully well the conditions of obtaining this new information. She needed more, though. There was still so much more that Michael wasn't telling her. What could've been so impactful in Michael's past that it cost the life of his best friend? She wanted to ask but she knew it would be too much. He'd already told her way more than he had to, and she was practically a complete stranger.

"Have you found out anything about these anonymous people? Have they contacted you at all after what happened?" Isla asked cautiously, not wanting to stoop too far.

Michael shook his head. "Nothing has happened since then. I guess it's because we broke up like they wanted us to," he let out an unhumorous laugh and looked up to the sky.

"They've gotten what they wanted, and there's nothing that I can do to change it."

-

awk ending and unedited bc man it's been like four weeks since I've updated but now you know (partially) what really happened

I was planning on putting so much more in the chapter but Michaels story took up way more than I thought so the next chapter will be super duper exciting!!1

love y'all