Anya slept poorly through the rest of the night and by the time that the sun broke the horizon Anya could not stay in bed any longer. Every time she shut her eyes she could see her little sister's face looking afraid. She had to get them away from Thorne as soon as she could.

Anya got dressed and took fastened her three vials to her upper arm. She would be ready whenever her moment came. She needed to find out how Lord Wildwood was. Until he was out from under the black cloud of his depression, he would remain well guarded. Afterwards, she would find a way to get him alone. But for now, she needed information.

Anya made her way back down to the kitchen. The chef was already there, baking bread. Ildri was nowhere to be seen.

"Oh, good morning, Anya," said Missus Allendale cheerfully.

"Good morning."

"Hungry? Help yourself to those loaves over on the side," she offered as she moved around.

"Thank you," Anya agreed. "I'm up rather early. Maybe I'll take a walk and think." She could find Sabin and share with him.

"That's nice," said Missus Allendale distractedly. Anya broke off a couple slices of bread and slipped out the door. She walked straight into the forest and wandered around. "Sabin!" she called occasionally at intervals. She heard no answering noises and Sabin did not appear.

Anya continued to look for her crow but found no sign of him. She worried that something had happened to him while he was playing courier. He could be hurt, or dead and that would be Thorne's fault as well. And Anya's, for asking her dear friend to help her. She left the bread out on and tree and hoped that against all odds he might find it.

Anya made her way back to the castle with a terribly feeling of tension in the pit of her stomach. She tried not to imagine all the terrible things that could have happened. There were eagles and hawks in the air, and wild cats and wolves on the ground. People were also a concern, if Sabin had unwittingly ventured into a farmer's field to eat. And there was Thorne, and Anya had no way to predict what he might or might not do.

The jaws of Thorne's trap were closing ever tighter on Anya and she still had nowhere to run.

* * * * *

Lord Wildwood's condition was improving, or so Ildri said while she rushed about making the morning meal. Anya could barely spare a thought for him, even though she knew that she needed to focus.

Yet no matter how many times she scolded herself, her thoughts continually moved back to the twins and to Sabin.

She tried to tell herself that she was overreacting. Sabin did sometimes go off for days at a time in the past and he had always been fine. He was a wild creature and knew how to take care of himself.

Yet she could not help but imagine him laying somewhere with a broken wing, unable to escape from all the predators on the forest floor. Even a raccoon or fox that happened upon him would subdue him in that state.

But Sabin was just fine. There was no reason to assume any differently. He might even have been flying to see if there were any more messages from Thorne. Or perhaps he had decided to leave her. He was free to, although she did not think he would. She half hoped that Sabin had decided to escape Thorne's control without her, and was safe somewhere, perhaps finding some lovely crow and roosting down to make some chicks. If he had, he would be unlikely to return.

It was very unlikely. Sabin was a faithful animal and although she could not directly speak with him in words, she had a connection that was deeper than that. It was the connection of a witch to her familiar and it was a very strong bond. A few stressful weeks apart would hardly touch it.

But that left all the unpleasant possibilities. She desperately wished that she was simply overreacting, but the desperate feeling did not lessen.

It was a terribly long day.

* * * * *

Anya went to bed that evening, but the peace of the night evaded her. Sabin had been her one trusted ally, her one friend, the one stable factor in her life gone desperately wrong. Without him, she felt as if everything would come crashing down, and a deep feeling of hopelessness engulfed her as surely as if she had drank from the same desperation potion that she had fed to Lord Wildwood.

Anya spent her sleepless night agonizing over everything bad that had ever happened in her life. Her mother had died and her father had too. There had been the terrible debt hanging over their children's heads and Gage had lost his life, terrible though his actions had been.

With Gage dead, her last protector was gone and she had never understood it more keenly than in that minute.

Anya knew that she was alone and she had failed Damani and Kallie. They were in the grasp of a terrible man. She had also failed to protect Sabin. It was not the job of a familiar to be leaned on as she had. She needed human allies, but any allies that she might have made she had undermined by her own craft and further by working to get the twins back while entangled in Thorne's plots.

While she undermined any potential allies around her, she was very likely committing treason as well as attempted murder. She doubted that the king would care what her reasons were if she was caught. The typical penalty for treason was death and the same for murder.

If Anya was caught and ended up paying the penalty, who would save the twins?

Could Thorne be trusted to release them? How could she leave them in his hands? How could she do what she had to do to get them back?

She was weak and she was wretched and more desperate with each passing day. There was no one who would or could help her. She was on her own, as ever. She would do what she had to do now and she would regret what she did later, if she was eve granted the time.

* * * * *

Anya gave up attempting to sleep after the sun began to make an appearance. What was the point of lying there not sleeping? Anya dressed quickly and strapped her vials to her arm as was becoming almost an unthinking habit.

Anya took a quick walk around the castle, and was unsurprised not to find Lord Wildwood anywhere. He had gone nowhere alone the day before. She hoped that he would be well enough to go to the library today.

Because there was nothing to do, and because the terrible yawning worry kept nagging her, Anya decided to go and see if she could find Sabin again. She did not expect to, but doing something—anything would make her feel better, she was certain. Anya went to the kitchen and found it empty. She wondered vaguely where the chef was, but she did not pause while she slipped out the small door.

Anya's skirts and shoes grew damp with the early morning dew, but she did not pay it any mind. As soon as she was out of safe range of the castle, she began to call Sabin loudly. She began to grow desperate.

Then the sound of the flapping of wings hit her ears and she felt claws on her shoulder.

"Sabin! You're safe!" she said, and she found herself crying foolishly. He was safe.

Sabin shot her a look of contempt that clearly told her that she was foolish to worry about him.

"I'm sorry, precious one! I know how dependable you are. But with everything..."

Sabin let out a sympathetic caw, and rubbed his head against her cheek.

"I didn't find you yesterday when I looked," Anya explained, "So I was worried."

Sabin cawed again a couple of times. He looked at her meaningfully. Anya smiled.

Anya sat slowly on the ground, careful not to dislodge the bird on her shoulder. "I've missed you. I'll stay with you for a little while. I'm just so tired. I didn't sleep much last night. I'm tired, but it's not just that."

Sabin hopped down onto her knee, and settled himself comfortably.

"I should not have overreacted when I could not find you. I know that I need to stay calm, and do what needs to be done. Yet I'm just so tired. I'm tired, Sabin. I'm tired of having so many worries. I'm so afraid of everything, and everyone, and I hate the person that Thorne has forced me to become. I don't think that I used to be like this, did I?"

Because Sabin could not tell her, Anya continued. "I'm not like this, but look at how easy it was. I never used to plot and scheme and try to hurt people, and I never used to feel abandoned, but that was all buried inside of me all along, wasn't it? I've always been this terrible person, who let's terrible things happen to people who don't deserve it, who doesn't stand up against evil, I think. And I'm weak, and I'm tired. Oh, Sabin..."

Anya could feel tears at the corner of her eyes and she did not bother to hold them back. She was not strong; she had reached the end of what little strength she had and she was going to break.

But it was always the same irresolvable paradox, because no matter how much Anya felt like defying Thorne, there were the children to consider.

Anya wiped off her eyes. "I'm sorry, Sabin. I have to go back to the castle before I'm missed. I have to manage to do what I have to do very soon, because Thorne is almost out of patience. If I don't come back..."

Anya wiped her eyes again and continued in a stronger voice, "If I don't come back, I want you to find another life. I don't want you to wait for me forever. Find a pretty crow to live with, okay?"

Sabin cawed and Anya did not know if he agreed with her or not. Either way, she had to get back.

"Goodbye, Sabin," she said as he flew off into the air.

Anya felt like crying more, but instead she bit her lip and strode back to the castle. She would find a way to do it today, whether or not Lord Wildwood was alone. She hoped that he was.

* * * * *

Anya made her way back to the castle as quickly as she could. She felt little but a grim sense of purpose. Today would be the day that she would succeed, because there was little other choice. She could not bear it if her halfhearted delaying resulted in something terrible happening to the twins.

The kitchen was still empty when Anya came in through the small door. The castle was still quiet, but its inhabitants were stirring. Soon enough everyone would awake, and Anya would discover where Lord Wildwood was.

Anya recalled her late night meeting with the lord of the castle in the library. If she had not been such a coward, perhaps everything would be already over. She decided to go there, on the off chance Lord Wildwood was feeling up to reading after his ordeal.

Anya passed a maid as she walked and their footsteps echoed loudly in the dim halls. She turned the corner to the library and walked down the hall.

Jim stood there, and he watched as she grew closer. There was a tight expression on his face and no sign of the gentle expression in his warm brown eyes as he had always regarded her before.

It set Anya's nerves on edge. "Good morning," she said, studying his face.

"Anya."

"I'm just going to spend some time in the library," Anya said as brightly as she could manage, hoping that Jim's mood had nothing to do with her.

Jim stood in her way and made no effort to move. "Went out for a walk today?" he asked, still watching her far too closely for her comfort.

Did he know why she was at Wildwood? Was she overreacting? Anya tried to smile. "It makes me feel better," she said lamely. Jim did not return her smile and her heart sunk a bit lower. He knew. There was no other explanation.

"You have a pet crow?" he asked.

"No," she lied even though it was obvious that he knew. How else would he have guessed?

"I saw you," he said slowly.

"You saw me?"

"I was viewing the woods magically and I saw you," he repeated.

Anya wanted to run away, but she could not, not while the twins were still in Thorne's clutches. "You're saying that you magically saw me with a crow? Is that really certain?" Anya forced a laugh but it sounded weak and hollow as it echoed around the hallway.

Jim shook his head slowly, as if disappointed. "I'm very skilled at that sort of magic. It's unlikely that I am wrong."

Anya could not think of anything to say to refute his words.

Jim continued. "A pet crow. Is it your familiar?"

Anya did not answer.

"You're a witch, aren't you?" The words dropped heavily in his voice. There was no doubt that he knew and if he knew that much, it would take him mere moments to put together the rest. They were looking for a witch and Jim had found one.

Anya closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing.

* * * * *

Author's Note:

Oooh. I made a cliffhanger. Sorry! Next one on Wednesday.