I'm awoken because I feel the mattress of my bed moving under me annoyingly much. I grumble quietly, turning away so that I can bury my face further into my pillow, trying to pull the blanket fully over my head without it slipping over my feet.

The mattress moves again and I open one eye, eyebrows furrowed together. "Stop moving", I grouse, moving away from Harry who keeps tossing because I just want to sleep.

"Sorry", he whispers, voice soft and quiet, "Do you mind if I open the window?" I shake my head, the blanket moving off of my shoulder what feels annoyingly uncomfortable but I am way too lazy to move my arm and tug the blanket into the right place again.

Harry sits up before walking over to the window to open it fully. He drops down onto the bed way too heavily, waking me up even further. "Sorry", he repeats, pressing his lips against my shoulder softly before tugging the blanket back over it.

"'s okay", I mumble, squeezing my eyes shut as I wait for my body to start feeling tired again. Harry lays down again as well, his arm wrapping around my waist, face burying in the part of the blanket wrapped around my upper body.

We lay there for a while and I wait for his breathing to get quiet and regular but we both don't fall back asleep.

"I can't sleep", I state after some time, not even trying to whisper anymore because I feel more awake than I did the whole day yesterday. I kick of the blanket a little because it suddenly feels way too tight and uncomfortable around me.

"Me neither", he whispers, "Sorry I woke you up." He turns so he's laying on his back, folding his hands on his tummy while he stares up at the ceiling. "I had a bad dream about a bear chasing me through the woods and it woke me up." He snorts, shrugging. "It was really ridiculous, actually."

I chuckle, shaking my head. "No, bears are extremely scary. I heard somewhere you're not supposed to run from them though. Put yourself in a dangerous situation there, Styles."

He nudges his elbow into my side too softly for it to hurt. "My fault. Should've thought about that." He rolls over, now laying on his tummy right next to me, looking down on me. "I'm hungry."

I roll my eyes. "I'm tired. No, not true anymore because a certain someone woke me. Go downstairs and eat something, then. The fridge is full, thanks to your shopping skills."

He sighs heavily as if having to get food was one of the hardest things he ever had to do, then leans down until he's so close that one strand of hair slipping out of his curls touches my forehead. "Are you gonna get some with me, then?"

He expectantly smiles, his right hand moving to cup my cheek. I try not to feel like I'm having a heart attack but my heart is beating unusually fast and something in my stomach is moving and it's as if I had a thousand ants swarming around on my skin.

"No", I protest, dragging my answer out, "You can do it yourself." It's hard, saying no with the way he looks at me, blinking slowly, the delicateness of his movements making it harder not to fall for him instantly. Not that I'm falling for him. Not that Harry Styles would in any way ever have me fall for him. Never.

"Ugh", he makes, pouting. "Alright, then, are you at least gonna watch the stars with me?" He smiles carefully, his thumb moving over my cheek slowly, his skin feeling smooth against mine.

"It's the middle of the night", I state, shaking my head with risen eyebrows, "Why would we do that and not just sleep?"

"Because stars are usually only visible in the middle of the night", he says, provocatively smiling down at me, "If you find a way to watch stars midday though, do tell me. We could do that tomorrow afternoon, maybe?"

"Besides", he whispers, not waiting for an answer of mine, wiggling his eyebrows exaggeratedly, grinning. He leans down to whisper the rest of the sentence into my ear, his lips brushing my skin, "Watching the starts is romantic."

"Shut it", I say, pushing him so slightly that he doesn't even move one bit.

"What? Admit it, you're a romantic. You love all the rom-coms." He grins, letting his lips rest on the spot right next to my ear, pecking it once.

"Let me be", I grumble, sitting up, "We will watch the stars then. If it shuts you up, it's worth it." I get out of bed before he can answer, getting my hoodie from my desk chair, slipping it over the tank top I'm wearing.

"There", I say, tossing another hoodie (I'm not sure who it belongs to) into Harry's direction, "Get dressed then. Don't want you to catch a cold and become even more whiny than you already are."

"Shut up, Louis. You annoy me." Harry gets up, grabbing the hoodie so he can slip it over his head, then doesn't wait for me as he walks down the stairs. I look at the open door of my room for a bit, smiling stupidly until I notice that my behaviour is absolutely ridiculous and quickly follow Harry.

When I'm downstairs, he's already sitting on the grass in the garden, currently destroying a daisy, picking the pedals like some kids in preschool always did to tell if someone had a crush on them.

"What?", he asks when he notices me standing in the doorframe of the terrace door, tilting his head up.

"You checking if I love you?", I ask, nodding towards the torn flower in his hand. He rolls his eyes, a small smile appearing on his lips that makes his eyes light up.

"Nah, know that already. You're madly in love with me, don't need some plant to prove that to me." He drops the daisy into the grass, not breaking eye contact for a few long seconds.

I feel hot despite the cold breeze suddenly, a warmth spreading through my skin, making it feel like I just sat a bit too close to a campfire. I'm relieved when he drops into the grass, probably crushing a few daisies under him and I finally can stop staring at his face.

I walk down the two steps from the terrace into the garden and lay down next to him with a few inches of distance between us, just because my skin will start tingling again if our arms touch.

"Mum always tells me that I used to be obsessed with star constellations and shit in Kindergarten", Harry says after a few minutes of silence that I use to stare at one particular bright star, wondering if he's just closer to us than the other stars or if the others are about to die, contrary to him.

"I know absolutely nothing about stars", I state, "I also don't randomly get up in the middle of the night to stare at them when I can't sleep."

"You make everything sound horrible", Harry replies, "People say star gazing and not star staring for a reason. It sounds bad."

It's quiet again after that because I don't know what to say and because I feel fuzzy and like I'm about to write a test in school. I am nervous for no specific reason and it makes my hands sweat and an anxious feeling appear in my chest.

"My mum used to star gaze with me", Harry interrupts the silence, "When I was younger. She knew the names for some constellations, even. She doesn't anymore. Watch the stars with me, I mean. Maybe she still knows the constellations. Not sure." He stops himself from continuing to talk, taking a deep breath in.

"I'm sorry", I reply just because I don't know what else to say and because I can't even turn to look at him because he'll have that look in his eyes that he always has when talking about his mum and it sometimes breaks my heart a bit.

"No. Don't be", he says, "I just, I thought, you know. It just reminded me of it. I didn't mean to, I don't know. Didn't mean to kill the mood."

My hand moves in the grass just a little, brushing over the cold blades of grass as it wanders closer to where Harry's hand has to be, somewhere. "No, you didn't. Maybe if, when she returns home you can ask her again. To tell you the constellations."

"I might", Harry whispers in the moment I find his hand, brushing against his pinkie with mine just a little, "She's good. I mean, okay. She's doing okay. I, yeah, she'll return home soon, I suppose. So, yeah."

"Okay", I say, realizing in that moment that summer holidays are ending soon, in less than a week and that Harry will return home before the end of holidays and that nothing will be like it is right now and the feeling in my chest gets even worse.

"I'm happy for you", I add and it's true that I'm happy for him but I'm so not happy at all, in that moment.

My pinkie is still against his and it's so light that he might not even feel it but I don't dare to move my hand any closer to his because I already feel like imploding with all the feelings swirling and tightening in my chest as the minutes pass and I'm scared that they'll form a knot so tight you can only get it open again if you fiddle around with it for ages.

Instead of holding his hand, I roll over, my hand moving to his hair at the same time I lean down to kiss him a little harder than intended.

And it sucks, that nothing makes sense. It hurts so much to kiss him but at the same time it might be better than every other feeling I've ever felt and it confuses me so much that I have to catch my breath a little after having kissed him for only a few seconds.

Harry pulls me back down before I can breathe in deeply enough for the feelings to loosen up, his cold hand in my way too warm neck, fingers pressing into my skin softly, his thumb lightly drawing circles as he continues to kiss me.

I sigh quietly, letting my eyes flutter shut, my fingers tightening in his hair a little. An arm wraps around my waist, holding me up so I don't crush into Harry's chest all of the sudden, tightening around me so that I feel safe and held.

I feel tired after some time, not from it being so late but from feeling to many feelings. I pull away carefully, letting my head drop to his chest, listening to his heartbeat that seems to be way slower than mine, feeling his torso move with every breath he takes and it might feel just as good as kissing him, too.

We don't talk and I don't look at the stars but stare up at Harry looking at the stars instead, watching his eyelashes flutter slightly as he scans over the night sky like he was searching for something specific up there.

I don't know how long we stay in the grass, the cold not minded much because both Harry's arms wrap around me and even though I'm warm, goose bumps stay on my skin for as long as I feel his hand on my hip.

~~~

sorry for the irregular updates, not on my phone as often because of holidays <3

hope you enjoyed! not many chapters left!