I’m lying on the couch next to Harry when Zayn calls me in the afternoon on the Friday of the fifth week of holidays. Harry’s nearly asleep, the quiz show on the TV not being actively watched by neither of us anymore.

“Hi”, I say as I pick up my phone, lifting it to my ear as I move into a more comfortable position. Harry opens one eye lazily, looking over at me to check who I’m talking to.

“Hello”, Zayn says, sounding just as lazy as Harry looks like. “Niall’s coming over for some reason. Kinda invited himself. And Liam wanted to be here in an hour or so too. Was wondering if you wanna come? We could hang out a bit. Haven’t seen you in forever, too.”

“Surely do”, I say, “When should we be there?” I turn off the TV because the show is shit anyways and have a look at Harry who probably has fallen asleep completely by now.

“Whenever you want. Now or in a few hours, I don’t mind. Just bring something to eat. My fridge is empty. Bye, see you” He hangs up before I can reply and I smile, rolling my eyes. He’s always been bad at phone calls, really.

Harry blinks a few times, adjusting the mini bun on top of his head as he tries opening his eyes. He apparently slept shit last night and it shows. He’s been sleeping for half the day now. 

“Where are you going?”, he asks, tugging on the hem of his shirt that slipped up his tummy a little bit, then yawns before stretching his arms out.

“Zayn wants to hang out”, I say, getting up, “I have to see if we have some snacks left. He doesn’t have anything to eat.”

“Okay”, he says, reaching for his phone to scroll on it for a bit. I walk to the kitchen and get some chips, one oven pizza and a cucumber because that’s all we have left, really. Mum will probably be a bit mad when she gets home from work today but there’s some left over pasta in the fridge that she can warm up.

“We’ll have to go grocery shopping tomorrow”, I tell Harry as I drop back onto the couch next to him, the cushion sinking below me as I wait for him to put his phone away and reply.

He nods and I roll my eyes. “Harry? Who you texting that busily? Do you wanna leave looking like this? You look like, I don’t know, you look shit, what you do most of the time but maybe at least take out that bun? It’s fucking ridiculous.”

He rolls his eyes but a small smile appears on his lips before he lays his phone down on the couch table. “Why do you want me to change? And I was texting my classmate, just for the record. No need to get jealous, Lou.”

“God, shut up. I just told you why. We’re going to Zayn’s.” I roll my eyes back at him and my tummy flutters because of the dimple in his cheek and the way he rubs his eyes with his thumb softly.

“We?”, he asks, raising his eyebrows, “Oh. I thought you were going. Alright then.” He gets up from the couch, smiling broader now, “I’m gonna take out that ridiculous bun if that’s what you wish for”, he mocks me, proceeds to throw a pillow at me and disappears upstairs before I can even begin to think of a comeback.

Harry gets back downstairs about fifteen minutes later. His hair looks nice and shiny and soft and he’s smiling as he jumps down the last staircase. He’s wearing loose, black jeans and a band-T with something red written on it and he looks fucking good.

“Well”, I say, nodding as I get up from the couch, taking the food from the table, “That looks tolerable, I suppose.”

Harry snorts, rolling his eyes once again before he heads to the door right behind me, sleeping into his sneakers. I bend down to tie the laces, then press the cucumber into Harry’s hand. “There. The only food left in the whole house.”

He laughs, putting the cucumber back down. Before I can react, he’s got both his hands on my shoulders, pulling me into him, my breath hitching as he presses his lips against mine all of the sudden. It’s sweet and soft and he smells like lotion and citrus and I don’t know why he kissed me but it’s good and I don’t want him to ever do anything else again.

“I look more than tolerable, admit it”, he says against my lips before pulling away again, leaving my knees just a little bit wobbly and the stupid, fucking smile on my face.

“You look good,okay. Happy now?” He grins, nodding, picks the cucumber back up and holds the door open for me before heading outside as well.

It’s weird on the way to Zayn’s. It’s weird because we’re walking and we’re talking about this and that and I’m trying, but I can’t focus. I can’t focus on anything but Harry. Can’t think about anything but holding him. I just want to hold him, have him close and it’s so goddamn weird.

Luckily, we arrive at Zayn’s sooner than later and he opens the door pretty quickly. Liam and Niall both are already there, apparently, both having a bottle of beer in their hands as they show up in the doorframe behind Zayn.

“Hello guys”, Zayn says, grinning as he drags the words out, “you are already being waited on. Apparently my, and may I say, great, companionship, isn’t really appreciated.” He grins and I roll my eyes slightly, then step inside as soon as he gets out of the doorframe.

We sit down on the couch together, starting to snack on the bag of chips I brought. Niall seriously starts eating the cucumber and we all laugh at him but he doesn’t seem to care much.

Harry sits right next to me for the next two hours that we spend playing some weird game on Zayn’s PlayStation and his thigh is right against mine and sometimes when his car on the screen has to make a turn, he leans sideways a bit so that his shoulder and side are pressed into mine.

It makes everything feel weird. It makes me feel nervous, like the teacher is about to return a test and it makes me feel fuzzy and warm like I just had a shot of vodka and at the same time, it makes me feel more at ease like when I’m around people I’m comfortable with.

I don’t exactly know what is happening to me and I am extremely scared that I’m starting to like him. Like, like him. And that’d be a problem because, I don’t even know, it’d just be. I couldn’t just like Harry fucking Styles.

Zayn looks at me weirdly for a few times and it feels like he knows but I keep ignoring it and focus on the game instead. We play two more rounds before we decide to start making some dinner and head to the kitchen to start making the burgers.

“Gonna head to the bathroom”, I announce but nobody hears me because Niall is telling about how his girlfriend broke up with him loudly while gesturing wildly and everyone is busy laughing at how dramatically he tells it.

I use the toilet and wash my hands, then dry my hands and head back outside. I nearly jump back into the bathroom when Harry is standing right in front of the door.

“Fucking hell you scared me, fucker”, I say, pushing him slightly, trying to get my heartbeat to calm down again.
He laughs, a hand wrapping around my lower waist. “Sorry. You’re cute when you play video games, you know? You get all competitive.” He grins, pulling me in closer by my waist until our chests are nearly pressed against each other completely.

“You annoy me”, I say even though nothing about this situation is annoying besides the fact that he isn’t kissing me right now.

“What?”, I ask when he just keeps grinning, dimples in his cheek, “You came here to grin manically, or what?”

“I actually have to use the toilet but then remembered you were here too so I figured I could use the moment to connect two actions.” He finally leans down, pressing his lips against mine softly and way too short. He pulls away again after what felt like seconds and disappears into the bathroom right after.

I blink twice, staring at the door for a bit. If only he’d hug me again. If only he’d hold me close again because I never felt as comfortable and as good in a hug as in the one with Harry.

I head back to the others a few seconds later and they’ve continued cooking the pasta, Niall still telling a story as he sets the table, Zayn stirring in the tomato sauce while Liam sits on the kitchen counter and sprinkles some salt into the pot whenever Zayn tells him too. They’re all a little drunk by now, giggling when Liam spills half the salt on the floor and I roll my eyes slightly.

We have dinner on the terrace afterwards and Zayn and Liam head inside at some point and I’m pretty sure they’re just going upstairs to do, well, I don’t even want to know, but they come back outside just a few minutes later. I don’t mind it much, continuing to play a stupid game on my phone.

Harry and Niall are talking about some friend of Niall’s who Harry apparently met on one of the last parties we’ve been to, Harry’s throwing pebbles into the grass while listening to Niall, his curls partly covering his eyes as they fall into his forehead.

When I look up from my phone the next time, something about Harry has drastically changed. He’s rolling a pebble between his shaky fingers and I can see the way his jaw clenches and his eyes widen just a little. I don’t understand what is wrong until I look over at Zayn.

“You want some?”, Zayn asks me and reaches the stupid joint, he just lit, out to me, smiling. I shake my head quickly, not daring to look at Harry because I’m scared of that sad look in his face again.

“I’m good”, I say, “Thanks.” Zayn shrugs but takes my no, taking another drag before offering the joint to Harry. I tense up, watching the way Harry chews on his under lip softly, his fist tightening around the hem of his t-shirt.

“No”, he says quietly and I’m pretty sure the others can’t here but his voice is slightly shaky, “No, thanks.” He blinks rapidly a few times, his chest rising and sinking with way too little pauses in between.

“Do we fucking have to smoke something?”, I ask, probably a little too angry, “It’s not necessary, is it?” I take a deep breath in, not knowing how to help Harry. I can’t just tell them about his mum.

“Calm down, Louis”, Zayn says slowly, eyebrows furrowed, “You wanna be fucking boring now? Maybe you should take a drag if you’re so tense. It’ll loosen you up.”

“Stop that, Zayn”, I say, pushing his hand with the joint in it away again, “I don’t want to fucking smoke. You do realize you’re consuming illegal drugs the whole time, do you not? It could be dangerous.” I can hear Harry breathing in deeply next to me and there’s a tear running down his cheek by now.

"Oh, sorry, didn't know you turned into a fucking spoilsport. Since when are you too boring for some fun, huh?"

"Just stop it, Zayn, let it be", I say, shifting uncomfortably. Harry's breath isn't slowing down and I want to squeeze him against my chest so tightly he stops being sad.

Zayn follows my gaze, apparently finally noticing that something is up, his eyes widening a bit as he pulls the joint away from me.

He hands it back to Liam, starting to fiddle around with the leather bracelet he's wearing as he seemingly tries to understand any of the situation.

“I”, I start, trying to come up with a solution, “Harry, will you help me, um, with, do you wanna help me carry the, um, the bedding upstairs? The pillows, I mean. Will you help me? We have to get them to the guest room, right, Zayn?”

“Yeah”, Zayn says slowly, nodding, “You two should do that before it gets too late. You know where blankets and pillows are, Louis. Maybe us others could just watch a movie?”

I nod, getting up, Harry following me quickly. We head inside, walking up the stairs and I’m not sure what to say. I don’t know how one’s supposed to deal with situations like that. I head to the guest room, closing the door behind us quietly.

“Where’s the bedding?”, he asks quietly, his hand shaking slightly, “I can get the pillows.” He doesn’t seem to have realized why we’re here yet, still blinking to fast, his voice unsteady.

“H, babe, that’s not why I went upstairs.” I sit down on the bed, patting the spot next to me on the mattress and he looks even more confused for a second before he sits down next to me and another tear runs down his cheek slowly.

“Sorry”, he whispers, barely audible, still crying “It was just that, um-“ He stops talking, shrugging and I nod, moving closer, my arms wrapping around him.

“I know. It’s okay. You’re okay, yeah? They’re okay too, they’re just, I don’t know. They’re just irresponsible teenage boys. You’re not worrying about them, are you?”

He shakes his head, then shrugs right afterwards. “No. I don’t know. I don’t think so. It feels like worry, um, like, really bad worries, I suppose. Not about anything specific. It just feels like something very bad is about to happen. I think. Yeah.”

“Okay”, I whisper, nodding, even though I don’t think I can fully understand what he’s feeling yet, “Um, we don’t have to go back downstairs.”

“No, we can go back”, he says, more tears running down his face, “I’m okay.” His voice is breaking a little and he buries his face in my shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’ll stay here alone, I’m good.”

“No”, I say, cupping his face as I push him away a little to properly look at him, “You won’t stay here alone. I’m tired anyways. We can just go to sleep.” I wipe over both his cheeks with my thumbs to catch the tears running down his face.

He nods slightly, moving up in bed until he’s properly lying down. I get up, looking through the small closet in the corner of the room to pull out some blankets and pillows. Harry seems to already have fallen asleep when I get back into bed so I cover him with the warmer blanket.

I quickly text Zayn a “All good, I’ll explain another time if Harry wants me to” because he’s texted about one hundred question marks, then lie down next to Harry, watching his soft expression and his eyelashes shine from being wet.

“Goodnight”, I whisper, pulling the blanket further up over my shoulders, “Sleep well, Harry.” I squeeze my eyes shut further, trying to stop the swirling in my stomach before falling asleep quickly.

~~~

sorry I forgot to post yesterday since I'm on holiday <3

hope you enjoyed! we haven't got many chapters left before the epilogue

what do you still expect to happen?