I forgot what your face looked like. 
Despite my efforts to talk to you, 
And my persistent longing, 
When my mind strayed it met fuzz. 

I forgot if I told you my biggest phobia. 
It's too easy to be afraid of the physical, 
But what's harder to bear is the manifestation
After you've been hurt beyond repair. 

I forgot to examine what we had. 
To check if it was one-sided or not,
But I was so afraid of losing you
I couldn't even begin to doubt my love. 

I forgot to look for double standards. 
I didn't realize until it was too late
That only one of us was allowed to
Speak rashly when we were in pain. 

I forgot to build my walls up around you. 
Because I do it with everyone else, 
But I guess I had way too much trust
That you cared as much as I did for you. 

I guess I forgot that you're human too. 
I was so busy being hurt and afraid. 
Because I loved you so much that
I didn't imagine possibly losing you.

There's one more thing though. 
Because I've spent over a month
Feeling hollow, with a longing that
Burned in my throat and made me sick. 

I have spent six weeks short of breath. 
When my thoughts go astray I forget 
How to make this body work for me again
And I can no longer see in a world of blur. 

I was so afraid of losing you. 

There's no need to worry about that anymore. 

I was so concerned with remembering how to breathe. 

And I couldn't see anything but blur anymore. 

I forgot to remind myself what your face looked like. 

So now I have nothing left to do but mourn. 

Because I forgot a part of what I lost. 

And I will never get that back.